20. Eden
TWENTY
EDEN
My fingers are wrapped tightly around the steaming mug of chamomile tea, my feet tucked up under me as I sit in my nest of pillows on my bed. I’d pushed the small twin sized mattress into the corner of my room, right beneath the window, so I could watch the wind play in the trees, and so during Christmas, I could see the lights my father used to string up around the outside of the house. In the dimness of night, my eyes sweep across my quaint, clean room, to my open door and the hallway beyond. Light seeps out beneath the bathroom door, the sink running.
I don’t know how it makes me feel, having another man here besides my dad. I’ve never had friends to bring over, let alone a boyfriend. It feels a little taboo, wrong. My dad would be furious if he knew I had one here now. But considering how Teddy comforted me after everything?
He had reached behind me and plucked my chipped mug from the cupboard and set about making me my favorite night time tea. I’d pestered him, demanding him to admit he’s been watching me, but he’d only smirked and told me to go shower.
Hair still damp, I curl further in on myself, nestled in the corner of my bed, my back against plush pillows held up by the joining of my familiar walls.
The light in the bathroom shuts off. Through the impending darkness, Teddy appears in my doorway, still wearing his hoodie and black jeans, his sleeves pushed up to reveal the sinuous muscles of his forearms. When our eyes clash, he smirks and strides into my room, pulling out the chair from my desk, spinning it around, and plopping down onto it, resting his arms along the curved back. His eyes dance and shine as they hold mine; if he were a dog, his tail would be wagging, his tongue lolling.
He’s far too happy after what he just witnessed, but I think it has to do with the fact that he’s here in my room and I’m not throwing shit at him and screaming for him to leave.
“Sleep, Eden.”
My brows furrow in consternation at being told what to do, and resistance claws its way up my throat.
“No.”
“We have school tomorrow. I’ll stay up.”
“What? Why?”
He cocks his head, smile fading. “To keep you safe.”
“From what?” I growl. He rolls his eyes, tearing his gaze from mine and searching my room. Cautiously, I sip my tea when he isn’t paying attention, disgruntled that he made it just right. It had been sinfully sexy, watching those deft fingers rip open a tea bag, coil the string around the handle of my mug, pour the steaming water from the kettle into it. He makes everything physical look so easy and graceful.
“From monsters,” he quips, eyes returning to mine, smile snaking onto his lips. I’m exhausted, but I’m too keyed up, having a boy in my room for the first time. He seems so out of place, but also…not. Maybe he appreciates the My Chemical Romance posters, or the Nightmare Before Christmas snow globe on my desk that dad bought for me.
“Admit you’ve been stalking me,” I grumble with much less ire than I was hoping to infuse into my tone. Two can play his little game. But he flashes me a grin, unperturbed in the slightest.
“I have been, yes. Promise I haven’t seen you naked. Scout’s Honor,” he says, holding up his three middle fingers to his forehead. My cheeks positively flame, and my oversized band tee becomes a tent, trapping in my body heat. He shrugs. “I’ll see you naked on Saturday anyways, though.”
My teeth grind.
“Says who? Maybe I want to keep my…my shirt on…” I say, trying and failing to be as obstinate as him.
I know, deep in my soul, there could never be another Teddy Poe.
He laughs, those lines around his perfect lips forming, throat bobbing. In my exhausted state, I can’t help but smile with him, albeit timidly.
“You’re more than welcome to. I hope you know I’m not going to force anything…” he trails off, eyes searching mine. A drop of adrenaline sinks into my belly, moving lower and lower until I’m subconsciously rubbing my thighs together beneath the stifling blankets.
“I know,” I mutter hotly.
“You’re still nervous, though.”
“Of course I’m nervous,” I snap. His eyes continue to hold mine, and my hands begin to tremble. I grip the mug tighter, attempting to hide my anxiety and arousal. It’s so confusing, to feel so many things in the presence of one person. The fact that Teddy can make me feel anything besides fear or loathing is a testament to who he is as a person, and of all the people I could’ve chosen to lose my innocence to, I’m thankful it was him.
“What are you most nervous about?”
Dropping my eyes to the murky tea water, I shrug, fiddling with the papery tab at the end of the string.
“Pain?” he suggests. I peek up at him, gnaw my lip, and shrug. I’m not about to admit that to him. Not about to journey along the road of my upbringing in a fucking cult and the sick man who hurt me. I know there are ways to pleasure myself…but every time I’ve tried, I get too nervous and wrapped up in my own head and I stop. When you’re constantly told that sins of the flesh are especially immoral, you begin to think yourself dirty. For years, I knew I was destined for Hell because of those five hour long sermons we attended.
Now, I know I’m heading straight there…but Teddy will be right beside me.
“I won’t ever hurt you, Eden. Not like that.”
His voice is soft, his eyes swimming with desire and lust and a protectiveness I don’t understand, but one that makes me feel warm all the same.
“I know,” I whisper back.
“Will you tell me the truth?”
A lump settles in my throat, and I shake my head. I don’t want to think about that right now. I’ll face it after prom, after we have sex. But right now, I just want to be a teenager for once. He doesn’t push for more, and I’m thankful.
“Will you tell me about your dad?”
That lump grows, and I say, “Like you don’t know. Cash’s mom is his nurse. One of them.”
He smiles blandly.
“I’d rather hear it from you. I want to meet him.”
My brows rise in shock. “Wh-what? You what?”
He smirks. “I want to meet him. Preferably on Saturday. You’ll meet my mom.”
Curiosity piqued, I nod slowly. “Isn’t she married to…to…”
His frown is filled with barely contained rage. “She is, but not by choice.”
So Dick has his claws in everyone, it seems.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I can’t imagine how…hard life must be for him, having his mom be married to that piece of shit, now having to be at the circus with me. I can only wonder when Dick will force Teddy into a situation like mine, selling his body to greedy patrons. It strikes me, then, like lightning. No wonder Teddy never really stepped in when I was being bullied. He had a lot going on behind the scenes, and a lot he couldn’t do because his filthy step dad teaches at our school. I don’t forgive him, not yet, but it makes the last four years of his absence a little more understandable.
He stands lithely, gently pushing my chair back under the desk, eyes lingering on my books and trinkets there. A tattered copy of Dracula , a weathered piece of driftwood from Seaside, Oregon, and another book close to falling apart. It’s that one his fingers brush over, the black cover with a single swirl of white cigarette smoke comforting and familiar to me.
“You read this a lot before bed.”
I should be annoyed—disgusted, even—but being seen by someone for the first time— really seen—is addictive, and warmth pools in my lower belly. His eyes skirt to mine, and he grins softly. “What’s it about?”
I shrug, taking a gulp of cooling tea.
“ Looking for Alaska . The girl’s name is Alaska. She’s…kind of a misfit, but she’s friends with other misfits, and they go to a boarding school.”
He grins, plucking it from my desk and flipping it over. As soon as I was free from the hell my mother put me in, my dad took me to the bookstore and let me buy anything I wanted. I’d never read anything like it, and the emotions it unearthed within me are nostalgic now.
Gently, he sets it down and glances at me. “Are you Alaska?”
I smile, shaking my head. “Why don’t you read it and tell me?”
He nods. I don’t have the heart to tell him how it ends, but there’s something so beautiful about that level of tragedy. How one moment, life is flowing through your veins…
And the next, you’re one of the ghosts that haunt me. I’m thankful he hasn’t pushed that topic any further tonight, but I know it’s coming, a conversation I can’t avoid.
Distracted by my thoughts, I don’t notice that he’s standing at the edge of my bed, that he’s reached behind his head to grip his sweatshirt and pull it over his frame. My mouth runs dry, eyes zeroing in on his abs, his shoulders much more broad than I initially thought. In a few years, I can see how those muscles will grow and fill out, a young man fully entering and embracing his masculinity.
“Scoot over.”
“What? N-no!” I hiss, glancing behind him to my open door, worried for my father to walk through, something that I know is impossible. He snorts.
“God, Eden, I’m tired, too.”
He plucks the mug from my hand and sets it on my desk, returning to me, fists pressing into the mattress as he cages me in. With our faces mere inches apart, I have a striking view of those eyes. They’re even more devastating up close. My heart is hammering, pulsing in my ears and…down lower. A ball of fire is centered in my chest, burning straight through me, his teal eyes dancing and playful.
“We’re sharing a bed on Saturday. Practice makes perfect and all that shit, right?” he teases.
“But…but…” I flounder. He chuckles, climbing in and enveloping me in his sturdy embrace, pulling me down until we’re facing one another, my head resting on his bicep, one of his legs thrown over both of mine. His back is to the door, his body shielding me, and I sink into this moment, suddenly exhausted because I feel safe for the first time in so long.
For once, I’m not alone.
“See? Not so bad, right?”
I stare at his chest, inhaling his scent straight from the source, my head woozy, my skin sweltering. Ever since he agreed to sleep with me, it’s like my body knows what’s coming, and I’ve had to change my underwear multiple times a day just from thinking about him, or being near him. If his presence alone makes me wet…then what the fuck is Saturday going to be like?
Gently, he brings his hand up and cups my head, pulling me closer until I’m tucked under his chin, my fingers splayed over the warm, smooth skin of his chest. My eyes flutter closed as those deft fingers play in my hair, and I beam, thankful he can’t see how much I am enjoying this, how much I’ve missed physical contact.
Goosebumps litter my body, the devastation of his touch a beautiful storm I am willingly trapped in. Slowly, our measured breaths sync up, and I begin to fall asleep, nuzzling closer to his protection in my dreamy state. The last thing I remember before I slip into peace is the soft rumbling of his deep voice, lulling me into slumber.
“Sleep, Eden. I’ve got ya.”