37. Eden
THIRTY-SEVEN
EDEN
The glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball I bought for ten cents in a vending machine down in Hangman Hollow rolls back to me across the littered floor. The day is foggy and cold, a constant mist that has a chill settling into my bones. Hands dangling off the mattress I lost my virginity on, a wan smile paints my lips as the ball comes to a stop right in front of my pointer finger. Eyes flicking upward from my stomach-down position, I glance into the void hallway beyond the empty door.
Nothing greets me but scant, rainy light for a moment. The longer I wait to flick the ball away from me, the more her energy buzzes and grows, as does my smile. She finally peeks around the door frame, her round blue eyes glassy, her cheeks pink, and her blonde hair long and tangled. She died before she even breathed her first breath, but she’s stuck as a toddler.
I don’t know how I know, but I do. It doesn’t make sense, and maybe it never will, but I’m content with that. Lily is perceptive, and whenever she comes around, so too does Eve. Almost as though they’re siblings, Eve keeping an eye on the wild little spirit that roams these dark and sometimes sinister halls.
I roll the ball back to Lily, my smile soft as her eyes shimmer. She wavers like all the ghosts I see, transparent but with touches of soft watercolor here and there. It’s like watching a TV tuned to the wrong frequency; you get the static, but you can sometimes make out the words and see the shapes just enough to get the jist of what is happening. That’s how it’s always been for me, and I’ve never met anyone else with this ability, so I have nothing to compare it to.
Lily smiles and reaches for the ball, but at the last moment her eyes flick upward, her gaze directed down the hallway. She flickers and vanishes with a girlish giggle, unafraid but wanting to play hide and seek. My muscles tense and I frown, pushing myself up and swinging my legs around so I’m sitting. There’s only two people aside from myself who know my secret spot, only two who would know this is the room I now find peace in.
And I know for damn sure Cash would never come out here alone.
So when Teddy appears around the corner, neither of us are surprised to see the other. He gives a firm but somewhat timid smile, his dark hair still damp and slicked back, his scent wafting to me on a breeze that moans through the empty hallways. Clad in jeans and a hoodie with some indie band plastered on the front, he still manages to void my mind of all the things that could go wrong and makes me focus instead on how sinfully sexy he is.
I still hate him for that.
He pulls something forward from behind his back, and a little ball of black fluff with two very pointy ears mewls at me, sharp white teeth and pink tongue splintering the darkness of his tiny face. Two bright green eyes stare unblinkingly back at me, and I fight my smile, my gaze flicking to Teddy’s. He waits patiently, not saying anything for once.
All week, I’ve been a mess. Stressed about my dad, graduation, the fucking murder the man I love committed right in front of me, and Vic cleaning it up. Dick and Daniel haven’t said a thing, and neither has the news, and so I’ve sat on pins and needles for nearly a week, miserable in my anxiety. Teddy has tried to help, but I’ve pushed him away, and he’s given me far more space than I deserve. I can see the hurt that swirls in his eyes growing each day.
But I’m still scared, and I bristle at him.
“You can’t bribe me with a kitten, Teddy.”
“He’s pretty fuckin’ cute though.”
I roll my eyes, falling back onto the mattress, staring at the ceiling; paint and plaster peel from above and dangle over me, brown stains the shape of puddles blotting out what was once a pristine white.
Teddy sits next to me, his gait silent and unnerving. The weight of the kitten settles on my chest, and I can’t help my grin as the tiny thing meows again and hunkers down in the valley of my small breasts, timid but trusting. Reaching up, I stroke my finger through the plush fur atop his little head, and he meows again.
“Where did you find him?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer right away, and so I glance at him, struck into silence at the view before me. Teddy sits with his knees pulled up and his arms resting on them, one hand clasping his other wrist, staring down at me with those electric teal eyes and a thousand emotions clamoring in his gaze. In the shadows, his jaw is even more chiseled, his full lips set in a firm line, as though there’s a lot he wants to say but isn’t. And suddenly, I feel like a little girl, afraid of reprimand because I know I’ve been unfair to him.
“I was checking out the cemetery. Found him hunkered down in the old mausoleum. Didn’t see his mom, so…”
Gently, I cup the warm kitten and cuddle him close, my heart relaxing another fraction.
“So you’ve been following me,” I say, keeping my eyes away from Teddy’s. I can’t be mad at him when he looks at me the way he is, hurt and scared but also disappointed. Guilt threatens to chew me up and spit me back out.
“I told you, Eden. I’d follow you all over this goddamned universe, across every lifetime.”
He’s angry, his words delivered to my gut like a sucker punch, and my eyes begin to water. Feeling pushed into a corner, I bite back, “So the space you’ve been giving me is just an illusion?”
“No,” he says in exasperation, and that guilt morphs into a beast from which there is no escape. I don’t know how to function around people that actually want to be near me, and so pushing them away feels the safer option.
If I hurt them first, then they can’t hurt me.
“I’d never force you to talk before you’re ready, but I’d never leave you alone, either. You’re… safe , with me, Eden. I know you have a lot to process.”
My eyes flick to his, and I want to break down and sob, want him to hold me together while I fall apart. I’ve kept myself going through every trial I’ve faced, but now I’m just exhausted. Is it so wrong to want to share the burden of life with someone? Someone who understands me in ways no one else ever will? I swallow hard around the lump in my throat, about to speak, but he parts his beautiful lips and beats me to it.
“I refuse to lose you, Eden, especially like this. So talk to me.”
His gaze is potent and unwavering, and I tear my eyes away, rubbing under the kitten’s little chin. His eyes close in contentment, and a soft purr rumbles through his itty bitty chest.
“I’m scared,” I finally whisper. Admitting it tastes bitter coming out, and only serves to stir up more of the emotions I’ve tried so hard to bury. But Teddy waits with a level of patience I never knew someone was capable of, and I search for the right words amongst the jumbled mess in my brain. “I’m terrified to lose you, to lose my dad. I…I’m frozen, but I know these things are coming, and I know I can’t stop them.”
He shifts until he’s on his side next to me, head propped in his hand, small smile wavering on his lips. “You’re never going to lose me. Even if I die, I promise to haunt your ass. Think I can still make you come as a ghost?”
“Teddy,” I laugh, rolling my eyes. He chuckles, reaching out to run his long fingers over the kitten. His purrs double at all the attention he’s receiving. I bite my bottom lip, returning my eyes to the boy I’ve fallen for, and the one thing in life I know I can’t lose. I’ve come to terms with my father’s impending death, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult. But if Teddy died?
I’d happily jump off the cliffs I took him to the other day and join him in the afterlife.
“I’m just worried about what Dick and Daniel will do once they find out about…you know…” I trail off, peeking up at him. His jaw is set, his eyes ablaze with the protectiveness I’ve come to recognize and cherish.
“ If they find out, then I’ll take care of it, Eden. I…I’ve done this for a while. I know what I’m doing.”
“Is it because of the voices?” I whisper, holding my breath and praying he shares a truth with me. It’s something I’ve pondered since last Tuesday. How many deaths are those nimble hands responsible for? And why? And why doesn’t it frighten me like I know it should?
“Yes,” he whispers, eyes holding mine. His hand comes to rest on my lower stomach, a heavy, reassuring pressure. “They can’t live without you, either. They’ve been a little pissed this week.”
“Why?”
His grin flashes like lightning.
“They miss your pussy.”
“Oh my god, Teddy,” I hiss and he laughs. He can never be serious for long, but I love it, how he sees life for all it is and still chooses happiness, even if he finds it in twisted, dark ways.
A lot like me.
His laughter dies down, and my smile fades, and he reaches up to cup my cheek, the little paw of the kitten batting out at a string dangling from his sleeve.
“I’ve murdered nineteen people, including that douchebag this week…and…and including my father.”
Coldness creeps through my veins, and a frigid hand grips the back of my neck as his words sink in. There’s a disconnect, a short circuit somewhere in my brain, because the words register, but they don’t really mean anything to me. Yet my body knows, and the confirmation he’s just shared has my spine stiffening.
“Why?” I whisper, needing to understand in some capacity.
His brows raise briefly, and he looks out the door as he ponders his answer. Clouds move in from the inlet nearby, dark and foreboding ones, and the asylum darkens another few shades. It’s peaceful, and quiet, and I wish for the millionth time we could just stay here forever.
“My father…used to beat my mom, amongst…other things. Badly. One night I just snapped. I knew the voices long before then, and they always told me how to do it, egged me on. But ever since that night…I couldn’t stop myself anymore. It’s a need, just like being with you has become a need.”
My blood runs cold at his words. Not because he’s a killer, but because I can’t imagine anyone hurting his mother like that. She’s so kind and soft, and she adores her son. Ever since meeting her, I’ve wondered what my life would be like if I’d had a mom like her, and it fills my heart with heavy sorrow to know she was mistreated in such a way.
His eyes find mine again, and I offer him a small, sad smile.
“If Dick and Daniel find out, Eden, I’ll take care of it. Please…I know I’m asking a lot of you, but please trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Our eyes search one another’s, and I finally relent with a timid nod. I’m in no way letting go of my anxiety, but at least I understand him better. So with a heavy sigh through puffed cheeks, I turn my face back to the ceiling and speak, searching the stains there for patterns.
“My mom was always super religious. Her and dad were high school sweethearts, from a pretty small farming town. I grew up on a farm, but it was also a vineyard my grandparents owned. When they died…she…she had all of the grape vines burned. I don’t remember that, but that’s when dad left her. She became way too involved in church, and he was always deployed. I was homeschooled, and had to wear these ugly fucking skirts and dresses.”
He snickers, and I glance at him with a coy smile, still running my fingers over the purring kitten on my chest, his warmth seeping into my heart.
“We went to church every day of the week, and things just became more and more zealous. All of my friends started…disappearing. And…umm…” I mutter, fighting for the right words. I know Teddy will understand, but what I fear is his anger on my behalf, because I have a feeling the voices will want to sink their teeth into my mother for what she did to me. So I hold his gaze and find my strength there to speak.
“She would beat me. Lock me up, sometimes for days. If I needed to bathe, or shower, she’d watch me to make sure I didn’t…touch myself. I eventually had to sleep in her room with her, because she was so paranoid about sins of the flesh ,” I say, shivering at the phrase and all the abhorrent memories it brings forth.
“I didn’t know it, but she was keeping me pure for my husband. When I…when I started my period, she became weirdly happy and nice to me, bought me new dresses, trimmed my hair,” I say, blushing.
His stare is unwavering, but the way the edges of his jaw become sharper tells me he’s grinding his teeth so hard they may shatter. My heart pumps hard against my ribs, disturbing the peaceful slumber of the kitten. Tearing my gaze from Teddy’s, I continue.
“She told me it was time to meet the man God had chosen for me, my husband. I was so confused, kept asking her if dad knew, if this was normal.”
I swallow hard, fighting against the need to flee. The emotions these memories dredge up are difficult to bear, seeing as I’ve spent so long burying them as deeply as possible.
“And then I met him. I was thirteen, and he was forty-something, and she left me alone with him. He…asked me such odd questions. I should’ve still been playing with dolls…not being…molested by some pedophile,” I hiss, my vision swimming with furious tears. I’ve never even told my father the extent, because he rescued me just in time. But at night, when I’m alone in our house, I still feel those vile hands snaking up my thighs, groping my prepubescent breasts, and those fingers pushing aside my underwear to explore me while I stood there, numb with grief as my childhood crashed and burned around me.
“Eden.”
His voice is calm, so deep and gentle and reassuring. My tears spill over and race down my temples, but I look at him. Devastation mars his perfect features, but the fury is simmering there, just beneath the surface and barely contained. Heaving a shaky breath, I continue, lightening my tone for his benefit.
“I sent a letter to my dad, and he came home and took custody of me, but…I still feel guilty, because I never told him the full story. He was already sick. I didn’t want to make it worse.”
He’s deathly quiet, and the entire asylum seems to hold its breath with him. The air around us is charged and tinged with something sinister, and I turn my gaze to Teddy; the emotions that are emanating from his eyes match the storm he’s creating with his energy.
I’ve learned that spirits feed off whatever you put out, so right as I open my lips to issue a warning, something downstairs slams— hard , making me jump as my eyes widen. The sound reverberates through the massive, empty space, echoing menacingly. It darkens more, almost to the point where I’m unable to make out Teddy’s livid, seething features, and rain pelts the stone facade.
The basement, I’ve learned, is where the root of the evil of this place resides. The leftover equipment down there is covered in a layer of dust and mold, and rats have eaten away at the fabric and stuffing of chairs and beds. I know it’s where doctors with morbid and vile intentions performed lobotomies and shock therapy.
I think it’s how Eve died.
“You’re giving them energy,” I whisper. Slowly, he quirks his brow, and even more slowly, his lip rises into a smirk.
“To whom am I giving my energy?” he asks coyly, that wicked smile cemented in place. I give him a chastising tilt of my head and frown.
“Evil,” I say back.
His grin is anything but inviting, and his eyes almost glow through the darkness all around us.
“Don’t worry, love,” he says, voice rough with sudden desire. “They know their master.”