41. Eden
FORTY-ONE
EDEN
“Where’s Binx?” I ask softly, searching for anything to say to shatter the deafening silence between Teddy and I. Hand in hand, he leads me around the side of his house to the backyard, the darkness engulfing us as we pass beneath the sweeping bows of an aged evergreen and some overgrown shrubs. He’d held me in my father’s room as I stared numbly at the man on the bed. Teddy had given me space, and time, but leaving his body there still feels so wrong.
I’ll receive his ashes in a few weeks. He never specified what he wanted me to do with them, but I doubt he’d want to be put in some ornate vase and displayed on a mantle. I want him to be free, but I want him to remain close to me. I’m not sure where that place will be, considering how up in the air my life feels at the moment. It’s another reason I asked Teddy if we could come to his house instead of mine; I don’t want to deal with the disappointment that will follow when I walk into our home and not even his ghost greets me.
Right now, I want to be surrounded by warmth and comfort, and the only accessible place that fits my needs is Teddy’s room.
“With his uncle, of course,” Teddy murmurs back, squeezing my hand and reaching over the gate to unhook the latch. It swings forward, giving me a glimpse into an even more pristine backyard and a glowing pool. It’s so odd, Teddy living in such an ostentatious home. A prisoner shrouded in finery I know he loathes.
It calms my heart, knowing our kitten is with Cash. One less thing to worry about, I suppose.
We skirt around the house to an egress window, and Teddy hops lithely down into the hole, reaching back up to knit his long fingers around my hips and gently pull me down. With a smirk, he pecks a kiss to my forehead as we stand body to body in the cramped space, and slides open the window, ushering me in before him. I crawl through the frame, tumbling down and landing on his plush bed, keeping my feet up in the air so I don’t get any dirt on his sheets. He chuckles as he follows, plucking my shoes off and tossing them to the floor with a soft thud.
His shoes follow, and then we’re lying next to one another, staring at the blank ceiling as scant moonlight seeps in through the window. I release a heavy breath, the weight of grief beginning to press in against my chest, snapping my ribs as my lungs implode and carving out a hollow niche where sorrow and melancholy will forever reside.
Teddy cups my cheek, pulling my gaze to his.
“What do you need, little ghost?” he whispers softly, my eyes following the motion of his plump lips. I stare unblinkingly at them, wondrous at how perfect they are, even if his smile is a little crooked. After a moment too long, I shrug, bringing my eyes back to his. A steely glint has entered his gaze, something stoic and austere that I haven’t met yet. There’s something oddly reassuring about the way he’s looking at me, and my shoulders begin to relax for the first time in months.
“I just want to forget, for a little while,” I answer just as quietly, throat clogging with tears I will have to shed at some point. His jaw flexes, and his fingers dance against my scalp lightly.
“Then give me control tonight. Let me take care of you so you don’t have to think.”
My eyes search his, and warmth coils in my gut before seeping through me like fiery poison. My heart thumps just a little bit harder in my chest, and the pulse I feel thudding is between my thighs. What would that be like, to give over something I hold onto so fiercely? The thought is terrifying but somehow exhilarating at the same time. To not have to think? To just exist and be the one cared for? It’s a dream I never imagined would come true in any capacity.
And so, I nod, and he smiles in response, his grin tempered by that teflon glint in his gaze.
“Let’s shower and get high.”
I snort.
“Umm…yeah, okay.”
Now he really does grin, that impish, boyish one that reminds me of a happy dog wagging his tail as he chases stray cats.
“Have you ever smoked before?”
I snicker, nodding. “Yeah, last year with Chastity. She said it helps her perform, so I got high in the alley with her before I went on. Giggled the whole time Vic threw his knives at me, and he chewed my ass out afterwards.”
He chuckles. “Well this should be fun, then. You think you’ll giggle when my hand’s around your throat and I’m balls deep in your perfect little cunt?”
He reaches down, cupping my sex hard enough that the subtle pressure already has me teetering on the edge of an orgasm. Sobering as my cheeks flame, I stare meekly up at him, feeling that inner girl peeking out, wanting to play, desiring to provoke those voices until he snaps.
“Yes,” I murmur, blinking slowly up at him. Black engulfs the teal of his eyes as his pupils expand in a heartbeat. He presses his long middle finger harder into my jeans, and my cunt pulses. I need him in me. Need him to make me forget, just for a little while. Just for a little while . It’s not selfish, right?
His smile fades slowly, a seriousness there that tempers his playful side for a moment.
“You sure?”
I know where his mind has gone, and the tears rush forth up my throat as fast as a tsunami. Barely containing a sob, I jut my chin out, grit my teeth, and nod. “Please. Just make me forget.”
He releases me, rolling over and reaching to his desk. When he comes back, a tightly rolled joint is pinched in his deft fingers, that mischievous smile growing once more on his perfect lips. “Hope you don’t wanna forget everything.”
I roll my eyes, snatching the joint from him. Before I can bring the paper to my lips, both of my wrists are clasped tightly in his inhumanly strong hands, his body atop mine, pinning me to the mattress. Tendrils of dark hair brush against his moon-kissed forehead, and his eyes are as dark as night. Head cocked to the side in a predatory manner, he studies me, and I wonder with a strike of fear if this is what his victims see before they meet their ends at his hands.
At least he’s objectively beautiful to stare at. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go, having those teal eyes watch you cross from this life into the next.
He releases a soft snort and shakes his head, smirking.
“You’re not afraid of me, not at all, are you?”
“No?” I mumble, brows scrunched. Am I meant to be afraid of him? Even in his darkest moments, I’ve never been truly terrified of him. He wouldn’t allow the voices to hurt me, not irreparably. He’s too obsessed with me to ever take it too far.
Maybe that’s why I like pushing him to the edge so much; I know he’d end himself before he ever risked me.
“Maybe I need to work on being more frightening, then,” he teases.
“I did watch you slit someone’s throat, you know.”
His smirk grows, as does something else. My cheeks flame as he presses his dick harder into me.
“You did so well, too,” he whispers huskily. “Now be a good girl and go get in the shower.”
I hate that his cheeky demand has me soaked for him already, but I did ask for this. I’ve never willingly surrendered my control to someone before, but of all people to give it to, I know Teddy will cherish it. So with a deep breath, I close my eyes and release everything from the past twelve hours, and nod.