Chapter 21 #2
The only upside to this backwoods village is the lack of religion.
In the weeks I’ve been here, I haven’t heard a single conservative, lowercase-C-christian talking point from any of them.
No mentions of Leviticus or fire and brimstone.
No discussion of sin and redemption. I don’t know if they even know if the concept of God exists to them.
The girl, Maybelline, apparently, stares up at me looking like Raggedy Ann with her disheveled hair and patch-covered dress.
The little girl’s head is covered in ginger hair that looks like it hasn’t seen a hairbrush in months.
It’s a pretty shade, though, and she kind of reminds me of Emma Stone, if Emma Stone was abandoned in the woods as a child and raised by wolves.
Hell, maybe she is a wolf. Maybe they all are.
I’ve read Wolfsong, I know how these creepy introverted families operate.
The last thing I want is to be targeted by an age-old witch, hellbent on world domination.
If I catch one whiff of trouble, I’m pack-pack-packing my shit and trying my luck with the wooded land to the north, on the other side of the clearing. Fuck that.
“Like I told you yesterday,” she says, though not unkindly. “I don’t have a way to make that happen. I’m sure they’ll be here in a day or two.”
“Yes, well, you’ve said that the last thirteen days, and you’ve been wrong each time.” I stomp my foot. “I want to speak with him. Now.”
Ladonna’s eyes drop down to the boots. “Are those my go-go boots? I haven’t seen them since the eighties. Where did you find them?”
“At the back of your closet.” I sneer at her. “I hope you won’t miss them. They’re mine now. Too bad, so sad, cry about it, Cheryl Ladd.”
“My name is Ladonna.”
“Mother of fuck,” I groan, to which Satan’s Minion’s eyes bulge, and an evil smile spreads across her face.
“Mother of fuck,” she sing-songs. “Mother of Fuck, Mother of fuck, Ezra’s mouth makes him look like a duck.”
“It most certainly does not,” I scoff, waving her away with the flick of my wrist. “But that was a good rhyme. You could give Bubba a run for his—” I don’t know what the hell just happened, but it feels like my throat is closing in on itself.
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe, and tears slowly trickle down my cheeks.
Is this what the process of death feels like?
Bubba.
Oh, God. I’m not dying, I’m just a needy twink. How fucking pathetic am I?
“Is he okay, Mamaw?”
Ladonna drops the peas she’s shucking into the bowl, pods and all, then hands the bowl to the minion. She stands from the swing and takes a few slow steps in my direction. We’re both the same height, so we’re eye to eye when she wipes my cheek.
“I don’t know when they’ll finally get here, but I know they’ll be here soon,” Ladonna says before looking back at Maybelline. “Honey, go inside and give those to your momma. Tell her to start peeling potatoes, and I’ll be in shortly.”
The little girl shakes her head, unwilling to look away from whatever the fuck is happening to me right now, but Ladonna gives her another stern glare and mouths something I can’t decipher, as I’m not trained in the art of lip reading.
Whatever the words are, they’re enough to ignite a fire in Satan’s Minion to the point she’s bolting up and rushing down the small dirt road connecting all four homes, toward Pete’s place at the end of the property.
When it’s only her and I, and an adorable bluebird perched on the hanging feeder, Ladonna looks around like she’s seeking out eavesdroppers.
I guess she’s happy with the result, because she gives herself a proud nod, then beams widely at me.
“I’m not supposed to say anything. God knows Barbara will have my hide if she finds out, but I can’t stand to see you so miserable.
The reason I can’t take you into town is because Barbara asked me to send Barrett on a trip.
He’s on a mission that’s supposed to make your healing journey—”
I shake my head. “I’m not talking about healing journeys with you again. Not after last time. You had me sobbing into a pillow.”
She nods. “I didn’t know you would be so sensitive to the subject of astral projection. I’m sorry to have mentioned it.”
“I feel stupid when I try, and it never works. I thought you said you wouldn’t mention it again. Especially after last time.”
“Sugar, it’s not your fault you were launched into a women’s changing room.”
“They all stared at me like I was a monster. I kept telling them it was okay, because I’m gay, but they called me a wolf in queer’s clothing, and then that lady with the curly hair pepper sprayed me. It hurt. I felt it through the dream. How dare you even suggest it in the first place?”
“All I’m saying is, Barbara wouldn’t shut up about it until I agreed.
She ain’t talking to you, because I think she’s worried you know her so well, you’d be able to tell she’s up to something, so she’s been working through me.
I’ll be honest with you, sugar, I didn’t ask for this gift, and I really don’t appreciate having it thrust upon me.
Barbara’s nice and all, but sometimes she can be a real piece of work. ”
“And that’s being generous,” I agree. “She’s the absolute worst, but I miss her terribly. What about Johnny and Bubba? Why won’t she tell me if they’re okay? I just want to know they’re safe.”
“They are,” she assures me. “Barbara says it’s all going according to plan, and I’m choosing to believe in her.” She cups my cheek. “She led me to you and Johnny. I know she can lead them back to us.” She chews her cheek, staring but not speaking.
“What?”
She swallows. “Sugar, I know it’s a sore subject, but can I ask about your parents?
” It feels like my chest is caving in, and Ladonna must notice, because she takes my hand in hers and squeezes.
“It’s okay if you can’t. I was just curious.
You’re probably the most fascinating person I’ve ever met, and I just wanted to get to know you a little better.
Barrett’s supposed to be finding them. I don’t know what happens after, but I know there’s a chance I’ll have to meet them, and I want the facts before I chew their heads off. ”
I look at her, stupefied. “You would do that for me?”
She nods. “You’re family. Family sticks together, even if yours didn’t. Are you okay, baby? You don’t look real well. If you don’t want to talk about them, you don’t have to.”
I close my eyes and nod. “I’m fine. I just need a second.”
She squeezes my hand. “I lost my mother when I was just a little girl. We lived about five miles away, just over yonder.” She motions noncommittally to her left.
“She died of a broken heart. My father, he wasn’t a well man, you see.
My little brother, Jonathan, wasn’t like the rest of the boys around these parts.
He was softer. More delicate. You remind me of him. ”
“I do?”
She tweaks my nose. “You’ve both got that same sassy smile, like you’re better than the rest of us, and you know it.”
I shrug. “I just have a very high sense of self.”
“Well, one day, Jonathan was acting a little sassier than usual, and it got my daddy’s goat.”
“He did what to the family goat?”
Ladonna rolls her eyes. “It’s an expression.
It means he pissed our father off like nothing else.
They were out in the field, talking about something or another, and Daddy just lost it.
He started swinging on him, punching and slapping and kicking on him.
I ran over to try and stop it, but I wasn’t fast enough. ”
“Jesus,” I whisper. “He killed him?”
She stares at me like I’m stupid. “Well, hell no, he didn’t kill him.
Good grief, we may be hill folk, but we’re not savages.
No, he kicked my brother out. Packed up all his belongings, tossed them in the truck, and drove off with Jonathan and didn’t come back for two whole days.
He went to his death refusing to tell us what happened out there.
Granted, Momma didn’t give him much of a choice. ”
“What do you mean?”
“When she asked Daddy to go get him and bring him home, he refused. She asked where he was, and he just laughed. She looked my daddy square in the eyes and told him if he didn’t tell her where Jonathan was, she’d smack him upside the head with a frying pan.”
My eyes widened. “What happened?”
Ladonna taps the tip of my nose. “She smacked him upside the head with a frying pan. I guess she smacked him a little too hard. After that, Me and my other brother buried Daddy out back. I was already engaged to my Neil, stars rest his soul, so I moved out shortly after it all happened. A little while later, Momma put a gun inside her mouth.”
“Jesus. Your story makes mine look like a Hallmark movie.”
“I don’t know what that is, sugar, but we all have struggles. That’s my whole point. I’ve been through something you don’t understand, just like I’m sure you’ve been through something I wouldn’t understand. I want to get to know you, Ezra. You make my boy happy, and that makes you family to me.”
I whimper. I can’t stop it from happening, and I don’t really want to. “I haven’t had a family in so long.”
Using the hand not holding mine, she wipes a tear from my cheek. “Well, now you do. With the way you, Bubba, and Johnny looked at each other, I’m pretty sure you’re going to have one for a very long time.”
“I want that. I want it a lot. My family sucks. My dad was super religious, and in his religion, gay people are on the same level as pedophiles and murderers. They caught me kissing another boy, and my father lost his fucking mind. He hit the other kid a few times, but he saved his wrath for me. My stepmom just sat there, letting it happen. I think that hurt worse than when he hit me. They barely let me keep anything, so I was on the streets without a penny to my name. It was awful. The only reason I survived is because of my best friend, Austin. You’d love him.
He’s sweet. Not as sweet as me, but sweet nonetheless. ”
“I met them at the house, sweetie,” she says, patting my thigh.
“As I recall, you were a little too busy looking at my Johnny to notice.” My cheeks are probably a disgraceful hue of crimson, but who cares?
Johnny and Bubba aren’t here to see it, so there’s no reason to be mortified. “And your momma?”
My jaw trembles. “She died when I was five.”
“Oh, sweetie.”
“Is it weird to miss someone you barely know?” I ask, my voice small and unsure. “Because I do.” I press my hand over my heart where Barbara’s warmth usually spreads when I think of Mom. “There’s a hole right here, and I don’t know how to fill it back up.”
She continues stroking my cheek, wiping away a tear as it falls. “What was her name, sugar? I can sew you a pillow and stitch it across, that way you’ll have something to hold when you can’t hold on to her.”
The sentiment brings more tears to my eyes, but my cheeks flood with heat, because the question is probably the worst question she could’ve asked.
I’m already lost and afraid, and I don’t know how to tell her.
“He wouldn’t say. He would never say, and I knew not to ask.
He wanted me to think of my stepmother as my mom, but I didn’t.
I couldn’t. She wasn’t my mom, she was an asshole. ”
“Oh,” she says. “Oh, baby, he wouldn’t even tell you her name?”
I look up at her, and as soon as our eyes lock, she pulls me in for an unbreakable hug, and I weep into her shoulder, getting her pretty dress all wet.
She holds me for a while, until I’m all tuckered out, and then she slowly pulls away and pinches my cheek.
“She loved you, you know. I may not have known her, but I know a momma’s heart, and I know every beat it beats is for her boy.
” She presses a kiss to my forehead. “I may not be your momma, but you can think of me as another momma, if you want.” She strokes my cheek again before pulling away and using her hands to straighten the wrinkles in her shirt.
“Alright. Peas are taken care of. That just leaves the pie. Do you want to help me peel the apples?” She points at a large bowl of apples next to the old coffee can she’s been using to dispose of empty pea pods.
I wipe my wet cheeks. “If I slice my finger off in the process, I’m holding you responsible.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”