Chapter 31
Aubergine.
Richie Gallo. And now Pierce.
When would Nicola realize that protecting me and deciding for me weren’t the same thing?
Vision blurry, I stomped down the stairwell with my purse and…
I looked down.
My feet were bare.
Oh, fuck. I’d forgotten shoes.
I stopped. Well, what did I do now? I couldn't walk out there barefoot.
Slowly, my body slumped against the wall until I was seated on the cold, polished marble step. I drew my knees to my chest.
It’s about repeating a cycle. It’s about following through on your word.
Sure, Nicola didn’t put Pierce in a coma like he did with Richie. But was that really where I was placing the bar?
“You didn’t shoot him in the face, so it’s all good, Nicky! Tee-hee!”
I grimaced. No, it wasn’t all good.
My heart ached. My body felt so heavy.
I wanted to go back in time ten minutes. Back to when he’d slid into bed behind me. When his lips brushed my neck and I could breathe in cedar and tobacco.
I wanted that moment back. I hadn’t even let myself enjoy it.
My gaze drifted to my purse.
I could go home to my apartment. Sit in bed alone. Eat stale cake alone. Lament over my sad life.
No Nicola there, holding me against him like he thought we’d somehow get separated in our sleep.
I pressed my palm to my forehead.
“...Fuck.”
With a weary sigh, I pushed myself to my feet and trudged back upstairs.
I cracked open the bedroom door.
The bedside lamp was still on, bathing the room in warm light, but the room was empty.
Puzzled, I stepped inside and began scanning. Then I spotted him.
Nicola sat alone on the balcony with his back to me, one arm draped lazily over the chair while he stared into the darkness. A cigarette glowed faintly between his fingers.
My necklace was coiled on the side table beside the ashtray.
The sight alone made something heavy press against my chest.
Without thinking, I crossed the room and eased open the balcony door.
Nicola straightened immediately at the sound. His head turned over his shoulder and tracked me as I stepped out then quietly closed the door behind me.
I settled into the chair beside him and looked out into the darkness. I gestured to the marble railing. “Remember when you bought that grappling hook and tried scaling down the wall from here?”
Nicola paused. Gauging by the way he blinked at me, he probably thought I was coming in for a second brawl.
He exhaled through his nose, amusement flickering across his face. "Mission: Impossible really fucked with my head and what I thought I was physically capable of.”
A soft laugh escaped me. Nicola took another drag before squinting over at me.
“Abs, why’d you come back?” His voice was achingly soft and I furiously fought every instinct in my body to hold him and tell him it was all okay.
I shifted in my chair, crossing one leg over the other. “I’m going to get sniped by security if I try leaving.”
“What is this, a maximum-security prison?” He guffawed. “If you want to leave, that's... fine. But I can’t let you go alone.”
In my seat, I twisted towards him. “Why not?”
He rubbed his thumb against the cigarette filter. “I think Ferraro’s looking for a way to fuck us over from the inside. So I need you to stay put—with the inner circle I trust—until I can clear the rest of my guys.”
Alarmed, my spine stiffened. “From the inside? Like... a mole?”
He nodded. The shadows beneath his eyes seemed darker than usual. I hated seeing them, even when I was angry with him.
Though my anger had mellowed to embers at the moment.
“I’m sorry for what I said about Lorenzo,” I said quietly. “I didn’t mean it. I just...” I rubbed at my forehead. “I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle with you, Nicola.”
“What do you mean?”
“You feel justified in what you did to Pierce, but...” My throat tightened. “He was my problem to deal with. I asked you to respect that, and you ignored me. It was like Richie Gallo all over again.”
“Not exactly. I mean, maybe I planned on beating the shit out of him when I first walked into that warehouse.” He let out a humorless laugh, his gaze turned away. "But then I thought about you, and I couldn't do it."
Before I could answer, he lifted a finger. “And if you’re implying I don’t respect you—”
“That’s what it feels like! Like you think I’m too stupid or too weak to deal with things on my own.”
“If you were either of those things, you wouldn’t be sitting here beside me, Abby.”
He started to lift the cigarette again, then stopped halfway. “And I’m not trying to run your life. I’m trying to fix problems so your life is more...”
Nicola's voice trailed off. A small, strained sound caught in his throat. “More peaceful. You know. The way you make my life peaceful.”
Straight through the fucking armor. Every single time.
I understood Nicola was just trying to help. And I knew I was stubborn-- it was so fucking hard to break the habit and let someone else take the wheel.
But with him... I could make amendments. I could loosen up.
And the words were coming. I exhaled shakily, felt my eyes burning. I wouldn't stop them this time.
“I’m in love with you.” I said it with crystal clarity. Like a coward, I focused on a tree in the distance instead of looking at him.
Silence settled between us and dragged on for seconds but what felt like hours.
He says one nice thing and I’m practically begging him to marry me.
I was half tempted to make a break for it over the balcony ledge and just cut my losses.
The chair creaked softly beside me.
“Oh.” His cigarette tapped against the ash tray. "I know.”
My head snapped toward him. The fuck?
“What do you mean, you know? I just barely said it!”
A crease formed between his brows as he stared at me. “No, you technically said it earlier.” He pointed at me with the two fingers holding his cigarette.
"You said, ‘I thought I could love both sides of you equally.’” A corner of his mouth twitched. “I have a good memory, remember?”
I was appalled.
Massively.
Fucking.
Appalled.
He scooted his chair closer until our knees were nearly touching. His free hand settled over my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.
I stared down at the contact for a moment, then lifted my head.
“And you... aren’t freaked out?” He had a clear path to the door and wasn't taking it.
“No.” He exhaled another stream of smoke, angling it away from me. “Why would I be?”
My eyes darted around the balcony.
For one bewildering moment, I wondered if I’d somehow stepped into an alternate universe.
“Before, when I asked you what we were, you looked like you were about to hurl. Then you panicked and ran off.”
A faint smile tugged at his mouth. “But I never actually left.”
I really said it out loud. And he was acting like I told him we were having chicken for dinner.
I didn't know if that was more hurtful than being rejected outright or not.
“About before...” he said quietly. “I didn’t feel like I was betraying you. Because your problems are my problems, Aubergine.”
His thumb brushed slowly over my thigh and I watched while in a strange daze.
No, he didn’t say it back.
And that hurt. I mean, he barely even acknowledged what I’d confessed.
But then again...
Your problems are my problems.
You make my life peaceful.
In Nicola's own bizarre language, he was saying it.
He stubbed out his cigarette and rose. I stared up at him as he swiped my necklace from the table.
Without a word, he slipped the chain over my head and carefully turned the ring until it rested flat against my chest.
I’d grown so used to the weight of it that my fingers found the smooth metal automatically. I studied it for a moment, waiting for the loud thumping of my heartbeat to quiet in my ears.
“Nicky?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you come to bed the same way you did earlier?”
Instead of answering, he reached for the balcony door, held it open, and gestured for me to go inside.
I smiled as I passed through the door and came to an important conclusion.
I didn’t need to hear it. I saw it. I felt it.
There wasn’t another woman he’d have barreled into enemy territory to rescue.
Another woman he’d text for updates about her father’s condition.
Another woman he’d hold in a parking lot while she cried and cried and cried.
I finally told him the whole truth... And he hadn’t faked a stroke or said he needed to leave.
Jesus, maybe I really had stepped into an alternate universe.
I climbed back into bed, pulling a gray silky sheet over myself.
Just like he promised, Nicola slid in behind me. His arm settled around my waist, and his nose nuzzled into my hair.
“Like this?” he murmured against the shell of my ear. He squeezed my middle just gently.
A shiver raced down my spine. The strong scent of tobacco lingered, but it was just so distinctly... him, I didn't mind.
When his lips brushed just over my pulse, I melted against him. I shut my eyes and smiled. committing the entire thing to memory. Every smell, every touch, every sound.
“Exactly like this.”