Zander
Apart
The light had leached from the sky, and the boys had eaten their body weight in s’mores. Izzy held Kingston on her lap, his head leaning back against her shoulder. She’d been quiet today, but I’d been quiet too. I knew that I just needed to be honest with her, but I didn’t want things to fall apart.
There was no real reason for them to fall apart. Nothing had changed. I loved her. She loved me. But this job, this job would be really great. We could make it work without Izzy feeling like I was going back on my word.
I was making everything worse by not talking to her. Kingston yawned as Christian licked his fingers. “I think it’s shower time for you.” Luke pointed to Christian. “And bedtime for you,” he said to Kingston.
“Let’s go get settled,” Izzy whispered to her boy, wrapping her arms around him as she got out of the soft camping chair.
I didn’t follow her. Even though my eyes did. Luke came over and kicked the leg of my chair. “Dude, what’s your deal?”
“Straight to the point,” I mumbled and leaned backward. Christian grabbed another marshmallow out of the bag, giving me a smile as he did. “I’m just in my head.”
Luke scoffed. “Get out of your head. Go talk to her before she has the entire conversation in her head and decides that you’re wrong.” He turned, grabbing the marshmallow bag just as Christian was about to get another one. “Let’s go, buddy. Go get your shower bag.”
I sat there for a moment, my eyes on the fire. I wasn’t sure why this was hitting me so hard. I loved Izzy. I loved Christian and Kingston. I loved football, and this job wasn’t going to change any of those things. It all just felt like a lot.
My knees cracked as I stood, cleaning up the last bit of flames with the sand so the fire was out. I slipped inside the cabin, hearing Izzy’s calm voice from up in the loft. She was reading the story about the truck that Kingston loved. I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes, listening to his little voice interject every so often.
I heard the wooden stairs creak as Izzy came down and opened my eyes to watch her. She didn’t meet my gaze until she reached the bottom one. I got up and walked to her, wrapping my arms around her. Her hands touched my back lightly, her fingers running over the fabric of my jacket. I leaned my cheek on the top of her head and tightened my grip.
“Let’s go for a walk when Luke gets back?” she said into my chest, her words a whisper.
“Sure.” I followed her into our room, grabbed my warmer coat, and plugged my phone into the mismatched outlet in the middle of the wall.
We didn’t talk as she got ready, pulling on a sweatshirt. The front door squeaked as they opened it, and the two of us went back out into the main room. “We’re gonna go for a quick walk,” she told Luke.
He nodded at me and clapped me on the shoulder. Christian shushed him as they walked up the steps to the loft.
The sounds of others around us echoed through the air. Someone was playing music. I could hear the chatter of voices and the pop of the fire from the next space over. I looked down, hoping to grab Izzy’s hand, but it was stuffed in the pocket of her sweatshirt.
The gravel crackled under our footsteps. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so reserved today,” I started, clearing my throat. “I do think that job would be really cool to do, but I also don’t want you to think that I will be going back on what I said. If I were to do it, you know.”
“What do you mean, what you said?” She glanced over at me, her face blank as she headed to the path that led to the special beach access.
“I mean, I said I wasn’t going anywhere. And I’m not.”
Izzy kept her eyes forward, the path ahead of us lit by tiny lights every few feet on the ground. “I think you should do it. Take the job.”
My chest lurched and I stopped walking, watching her. “What?”
She stopped, turning toward me. “Take the job, . It’s what you want to do, I can tell.”
“I don’t want to take the job, Izzy. I want to be here with you.” Rain began to pitter-patter the leaves around us.
Izzy shook her head and pushed her hair behind her ears. “No, . I mean, I know you say that now, but this job is perfect for you. You deserve it.”
I took a step toward her, and she took a step backward. I let out a breath and took in her face. She was panicking. And I’d let it happen all day, all last night when I should have just manned up and had the conversation.
Dammit.