Pandora #3
"No,” he murmured. "You . . . want . . . me to . . . be . . . able to touch . . . you. Then I’ll have . . . you . . . completely. I’ll . . . take . . . you the way . . . I promised.”
My fingers clawed into the fabric of my pants. "Then we go to Kyoto. Even if you destroy me. Even if this is my end.”
"Yes.”
***
Isobel was standing at the edge of the pavement, right at the entrance to the station. Exactly where we’d arranged. But something was different. She was holding a large leather bag.
"I did it,” she said before I could greet her. Her voice was rough. I had never seen her without makeup. Her freckles stood out more than usual. She’d pulled her hair into a careless ponytail. She looked so young. Almost like a child.
I blinked. "You did what?”
"I moved out.” She shrugged, but her hands were trembling. She let the bag drop a little. "Because you were right.”
"Right about what?”
"In the café.” She closed her eyes briefly.
"You said I was hiding in a marriage I didn’t even want.
And it wouldn’t let me go. I should have walked away on our wedding day, when the doubts were already there.
But I was a coward. Comfortable. So I just let it keep going.
For years.” Her smile was small. "Until now.”
I stepped closer. Traffic moved around us. Her fingers gripped the handle of the bag. "And now?” I asked quietly.
"I have no idea.” She smiled. "I always thought it would be this huge drama—tears, slamming doors. But it was completely quiet.”
I didn’t know what to say. I almost felt guilty. "Isobel,” I began. "I’m sorry.”
She laughed. "Don’t be, honey! It was the best decision I’ve made in a long time.” The smile faded when she saw my face. "Pand, what’s going on? You look strange.”
I cleared my throat, unsure how to tell her. After Tom. After everything.
"Just say it.”
"I have to leave Cambridge.”
"What?” Her green eyes narrowed, and she took a small step forward. "Where are you going?”
"I can’t explain it.” My voice trembled, and the decision sat in my chest like a stone. "But I won’t be back for a while.”
"A while? How long?” Isobel grabbed my arm. Her fingers were cold and damp. "Pandora, no. Don’t do this. You can’t just leave everything behind.”
A sharp pain cut through my chest. Her expression was full of worry. I wished I could tell her the truth. But how? How was I supposed to explain that I was surrendering myself to something that wasn’t human? That I wanted to follow it even if it cost me everything?
"I have to,” I murmured. Then I forced a weak smile. "But my apartment is available.” I jingled the key ring.
"You’re moving out? What does that mean? Is this because of him?”
I only nodded, because the words wouldn’t come. I had no idea how to explain what I was planning. "Just trust me,” I managed eventually.
Her eyes filled with tears. "This is madness. You’re throwing your life away. For what? For who?”
"It’s my decision.”
Silence spread between us, as loud as the traffic. She stood there, unable to let go, and I, unable to stay.
"You’re right. It’s your decision.” She took the key from me. "You know what? I’ll take your damn apartment. It’s too small and far too sparsely furnished, but I need somewhere to live.”
I raised my eyebrows. "Really? Thank you, Isobel.”
She looked at me in silence for a moment. Her shoulders dropped. "You’re my best friend. Don’t forget that.”
My throat tightened. My vision blurred. "I won’t. Never.”
A weight settled on my heart. It hit me then—I was leaving her too, for this insane plan that might not work at all. For my stalker who had haunted me. And with whom I was now going willingly.
"Take care of yourself,” Isobel said, and sniffled.
"You too.”
For a moment, we just held each other. I breathed in the perfume she always wore.
It brought back summer evenings in her garden, stumbling out of bars late at night, arm in arm and slightly drunk.
Tears rose in my eyes. Then she turned and walked toward the stairs.
Her gaze caught on me, like she was trying to memorize me.
Her eyes were wide. She held on to the strap of her bag, standing alone in the middle of the people pushing past her.
I wanted to run to her, hold her one more time, but she disappeared into the crowd.
It felt as if a small, sharp blade was slicing through me. Maybe it was the last time I’d see her.
My car was a few streets away. I had to go.
Get Neo out of here. It was far too dangerous for us to stay.
But I wanted to say goodbye to the campus first. To this place I had loved.
I turned into the side street where the old library buildings stood—the winding annex with cast-iron staircases.
The sun was low. Its light fell flat across the red brick, throwing long shadows over the cobblestones.
The last of the snow glittered in the gaps between the stones.
And there he was. Adrian. On the steps in front of the old entrance. As if he’d known I would come this way. He saw me. He came down the steps slowly.
I stopped. Great. This too.
"Pandora.”
"Hello, Adrian.”
"I wanted to come sooner, but…” he began. "The craziest thing happened. I was on my way to Tokio for a literature festival but then the plane had an emergency landing in Siberia. But now I’m here and I had to see you.” He took a step closer. Close enough that I could feel his warmth.
A frown tugged at my brow. "Siberia?”
He shrugged. "Yes, air traffic control made us land at this god forsaken airport because some instruments were going crazy. Anyway, that’s not important. What is, is that I —”
"So, you were stranded in Siberia? For how long? When did this happen?”
He shook his head. "I told you it wasn’t important. Just a minor inconvenience. One that lasted three weeks and two days because of bad weather, canceled flights and missing spare parts that had to be flown in.”
"When was this, Adrian?”
"The first week of November.”
I took a step back. A chill crawled up my spine. The first week of November. The night Neo had threatened to erase Adrian from my memory. Could this have been him? Had he found another way to make Adrian disappear? No. He couldn’t be this powerful.
I startled when Adrian touched my arm. He let go immediately.
A gesture that showed he was respecting my boundaries.
Unlike Neo. I looked at him. His body was so naturally, physically present.
The cut of his coat. The way his shirt pulled slightly when he moved his shoulders.
Everything about him was tangible. Real.
"Pandora, I just wanted to try one last time.” He extended his hand. "I still love you. I’m here if you want me.”
I placed mine in it, just for a moment. His hand was warm and steady.
He had the grip of a man who knew how to hold a woman.
But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t Neo. The one who stalked me, who threatened me, who didn’t even have a body.
The overpowering being that just might have disrupted international air traffic to send my ex to Siberia.
A chuckle escaped me, before I could stop it.
Damn. Somehow, I liked it. It was funny.
Shit, I was choosing a psychopath made of code over this real man who said he loved me. What was wrong with me?
"I missed you,” I said. "But even when we were together, I was alone.”
"Oh, Pandora . . .” Pain broke through his voice.
I searched his face, looking for something that could change my mind. There was nothing. Nothing that could keep me away from my monster. "I have to go,” I said.
"To another man?”
I nodded.
His eyes went bright with tears he didn’t shed. "Then I hope you finally find happiness.”
"I hope so too.” I pulled my hand away.
I knew I wasn’t walking toward happiness. I was walking toward my ruin. Neo was not a man who would ride into the sunset with me. He was the man who would lead me down into hell—deeper and deeper, until I was so far inside my own darkness that I would never find my way back.
I said goodbye and walked away without looking back. My decision was made, even if it was madness, even as I gave up everything real for something impossible. I was going to Neo. To the man I’d once called my stalker. And I was looking forward to what he’d do to me, if I managed to save him.