Chapter 34 Why Is He Looking At Me Like That
Amelia POV
I can't look at him.
I physically cannot.
Because every time I do, I remember it.
The fall.
The kiss.
The fact that it wasn't just an accident.
And the worst part?
He said it.
Out loud.
"I didn't pull away."
WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT.
Who says that.
Why is he like this.
Why am I like this.
I walked into the kitchen and immediately stopped.
He was already there.
Of course he was.
Leaning against the counter like he always does.
Looking completely calm.
Like he didn't just ruin my emotional stability.
I turned around.
Nope.
Not doing this.
"Amelia."
I froze.
Keep walking.
Keep walking.
"Amelia."
Why does he say my name like that.
I turned slowly.
"Yes."
Act normal.
Be calm.
You are fine.
You are not fine.
"What are you doing," he asked.
"Leaving."
"You just got here."
"I changed my mind."
A small pause.
Then,
"Stay."
My heart betrayed me immediately.
I stayed.
Of course I stayed.
Why do I always listen to him.
I walked further into the kitchen and pretended to be very interested in absolutely nothing.
I opened a cabinet.
Closed it.
Opened the fridge.
Closed it.
What am I even doing.
"You're avoiding me."
"I am not avoiding you."
"You are."
"I am busy."
"With what."
"...Thinking."
"That's not convincing."
I turned to him.
"You're not convincing."
"That doesn't make sense."
"It makes sense to me."
Silence.
Then...
"Look at me."
Oh.
No.
No no no.
"I am looking at you."
"You're not."
"I am."
"You're looking at the wall."
I glanced at him quickly.
"See."
"Not long enough."
My heart was beating way too fast.
"Why are you doing this."
"Doing what."
"This."
A pause.
Then he stepped closer.
Not too close.
But enough.
"Because you're avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you."
"You are."
"I'm thinking."
"About what."
Silence.
I didn't answer.
Because I knew exactly what I was thinking about.
And so did he.
Another step closer.
Now he was definitely too close.
"Amelia."
Why does he keep saying my name like that.
"What."
"That wasn't just an accident."
I swallowed.
"I know."
My voice came out quieter than I expected.
"And you're pretending it was."
"I'm not pretending."
"You are."
"I'm trying to survive."
That made him pause.
"Survive."
"Yes."
"This is not a dangerous situation."
"It is for me."
"How."
"Because I don't know what's happening anymore."
There.
I said it.
And now I couldn't take it back.
Silence filled the space between us.
But this time it wasn't awkward.
It was real.
Heavy.
Honest.
He didn't move.
Didn't step back.
Didn't look away.
"What do you think is happening," he asked.
I laughed softly.
Nervously.
"I think this fake relationship stopped being fake a while ago."
That was it.
That was the truth.
Out in the open.
Between us.
His expression shifted slightly.
Not much.
But enough.
"And that bothers you."
"Yes."
"Why."
"Because it's supposed to end."
There it is.
The real problem.
The one I've been trying not to think about.
The one I've been avoiding.
"This is temporary," I continued.
"This was always temporary."
"And I..."
I stopped.
Because I couldn't say it.
Not fully.
Not yet.
"You what."
I shook my head.
"Nothing."
A pause.
Then...
"No."
His voice was calm.
But firm.
"Say it."
My heart was racing.
"I can't."
"Yes, you can."
I looked at him.
And that was my mistake.
Because now I couldn't look away.
Because now he was right there.
Close.
Focused.
Waiting.
"I don't want it to end," I said quietly.
There.
It's out.
Everything is out.
And now there's no going back.
Silence.
A long one.
Then he stepped closer.
This time there was no space left.
My breath caught.
My heart stopped.
Everything stopped.
"Then don't act like it has to."
My brain completely shut down.
"What."
"It doesn't have to end."
My chest tightened.
"That's not how this works."
"It is if we decide it is."
"You're not being realistic."
"I am."
"No, you're not."
"I am."
I shook my head.
"You don't just change something like this."
"Why not."
"Because..."
I stopped.
Because I didn't have a good answer.
Because the real answer was fear.
And I didn't want to admit that.
He watched me carefully.
Then, quieter,
"Amelia."
My name again.
Soft.
Different.
"Look at me."
I already was.
But this time...
I didn't pretend I wasn't.
And something shifted.
Something final.
Something irreversible.
Because now...
There was no space left between us.
And this time...
Neither of us moved away