Chapter 39 #4
“Yes,” Jane interjected, “both Lizzy and I have seen Sir Frederick Gillingham. He confirmed our states and said that from what he can see all is normal.”
“As I have a slight swell already, I asked him if that was normal so early on,” Lizzy reported, “and he said it is when there is possibly more than one babe. I may be carrying twins. It is not sure; he will not know until he can use his listening cone and hear heartbeats months from now. Until then it is but conjecture.”
“I shall be driven to distraction with so many grandchildren born so close together,” the Countess of Longbourn almost fidgeted in her seat, “I hope that my girls bear their husband heirs and not only daughters as I did.”
“It is in God’s hands Mama. Whatever He grants us, as long as the babes are healthy, we will be well,” Lizzy said as she smiled at her mother. “Remember Mama, none of our estates are entailed so even if we are blessed with only girls, all will be well.”
Once the men joined the ladies in the music room, the young ladies there exhibited culminating in a song by all of the Bennet and formerly named Bennet daughters playing and singing together.
Darcy walked over to his beloved wife and asked her if all was well. She informed him that the not so ‘secret news’ was known to all the women present and it would not be long before their husbands would be informed, as like the Darcys, none of them kept confidences from their spouses.
After the guests left, the three Darcys retired for the night. Carstens had his master changed into a nightshirt in short order and was dismissed, taking Darcy’s hessians with him to polish and buff. When he walked into his wife’s chambers he saw her Abigail brushing her mistress’s hair.
“Unless you have something else for Arseneault to do, I can finish brushing your hair, my love,” he offered, looking at the dark chestnut curls he so loved.
“Goodnight, Jacqui. I will ring for you in the morning,” Elizabeth smiled up at him. As her husband brushed her hair in long, strong strokes, Elizabeth let out a groan of pleasure. She heard him clear his throat, which always indicated that he was thinking about something he wanted to say.
“My dearest Elizabeth, I have a question for you,” he paused and cleared his throat again. “One I have wanted to ask you for some time now. When did you fall in love with me?”
“I must date it back to seeing your wonderful grounds at Pemberley,” she teased him and he playfully flicked her shoulder.
“Be serious, my love. I did not ask this sooner, I was remiss, but I would like to know. It will not change my love and affection for you, it is just for my edification.” He kissed her soundly to make his point and felt her respond in kind.
“How do you expect me to answer when you kiss me so, Husband?” She took some deep breaths to get her rapidly beating heart under regulation. “I will answer your question seriously. However, after I answer your question, I ask that you recount how you fell in love with me, William.”
“You know I can deny you nothing that you ask of me my Elizabeth,” her husband nodded his ascent.
“I cannot fix a date or time and I would not admit it to myself, but I started to fall in love with you after you humbled yourself with your apology to me and my family at Gardiner House, not caring about your humiliation in front of us.
It was the action that told me that you were not the proud and arrogant man that I had believed you to be, so I could perhaps fix it to seeing your willingness to change and better yourself.
“Your letter made me look at myself almost as much as I analysed the wrongs I saw in you. For the first time I saw pride and prejudice that I accused others of, in myself. I had allowed the slight that I heard at the assembly to cloud my judgment! My normal discernment was absent as I overlooked the glaring inconsistencies in that man’s tale of woe that I now know was all lies, but for a kernel of truth.
The truth is that I was never indifferent to you.
If I was, I would have laughed the comment off and never given it a thought.
You are the most handsome man I had ever seen; I believe that there was an instant attraction which made your comment hurt that much more and led to my wanting to find out anything about you that painted you in a negative light.
“You have heard me say only think of the past as it gives you pleasure?” He nodded.
“I was holding myself back from allowing myself to admit I loved you because of the past.” She saw that her husband was about to defend her actions so she continued before he had a chance to object.
“You had already proved over and over again that you were no longer that man I had met in Hertfordshire but I ignored the facts and used that as an excuse to prolong our courtship. I realised I too was a hypocrite.
“After I admitted to my own hypocrisy, the love of you was almost overwhelming. My Papa spoke to me before Charlotte and I left with Aunt Maddie and Uncle Edward and I admitted that I was in love with you and all I needed was to see you in your natural environment, at Pemberley. I allowed that once I had, I intended to give you the sign that I was ready for you to renew your addresses. The rest you know, so in a way my tease has some truth to it. It was seeing how relaxed and at ease you were at Pemberley that allowed the last small shred of doubt to flee my mind.” She blinked away the last of her tears.
“I will forever be grateful that you agreed to visit Pemberley and that you brought Charlotte with you. My friend, Elliot, is forever in your debt, as their happiness now attests,” he smiled back at her.
“You asked me to answer when I fell in love with you?” He swallowed dryly and she nodded, wanting to hear his accounting of how it happened.
“After that insult that you overheard, which truly was never intended for you, I scanned the nameless faces and found myself lost in your flashing, angry eyes.
When I truly looked at them and the rest of you, I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever come across and that those eyes belonged to her.
I was rooted to the spot as I had never been attracted to any woman before.
“I was in the middle before I acknowledged that I was in love with you, but my feelings cemented at Lucas Lodge when you were teasing Colonel Forster about holding a ball and then asked me what I thought of your conversation. I was already entranced; then you did something no other had ever done, you refused a dance with me. When Charlotte importuned you to play and sing, I was irrevocably yours. I could tell that you were holding back, but even still, I had never heard anyone play with as much feeling as you did. Then you began to sing, and I thought that I was listing to one of the choirs of herald angels in heaven. It was then that I forgot myself and admitted to Miss Bingley that I was attracted to your fine eyes and very pretty face.”
“Now I understand why she went from cold dismissal to abject hatred the next time that she saw me,” Elizabeth exhaled slowly as the ramifications of his statement started to become clear to her.
“I am so sorry…” He swallowed hard as he tried to again come to terms with the fact that his love of her had almost brought her to harm.
“I had already regretted that I said anything to that harridan, as it was after that admission that she took to abusing you at every turn.
I finally admitted to myself that I had lost my heart to you as you walked into the breakfast parlour at Netherfield when you arrived to take care of Jane.
Your eyes were shining, your cheeks rosy from the exercise and if I could have, I would have enfolded you in my arms right then.
“I, who knew that I loved you, stayed silent during those vile attacks on you and your family during your sojourn at Netherfield Park. My pride was warring with my heart. As much as I loved you, I repeatedly told myself that it could never be. You know why from my Hunsford proposal which still mortifies me when I think on it.” Darcy flushed in shame and Lizzy kissed her husband to ease his anger at his own person.
“It all worked out in the end.” She reminded him.
“We are married as we should be, and we will be parents, evidently of more than one babe. No more apologies, William, there have been more than enough between us. We have canvased the past far too much, do not forget the pledge we made,” she challenged him.
“We did make that pledge my love,” he agreed as he kissed her and deftly changed the subject. “Are you sad that you are restricted from riding Mercury?” He watched her expressions to determine how sad.
“Of course, but when we are at Pemberley, I will make sure to visit him often and spoil him with treats. My displeasure is at the restriction to my private walks that I love to take at our estate,” she frowned as she thought about the loss of independence.
“I know you like your solitude sometime, but Sir Frederick was clear and I am sure that you do not want to risk yourself or the babes. I do not want to think about going on without you if something were to happen to you, my beloved wife.” He kissed her hand.
“I will be well, and at least it is Biggs who escorts me when you are not available. I will be forever grateful that Papa allowed him and his brother to stay with me after we married.” She kissed her husband with a much deeper kiss indicating that the time to talk was over Soon, their natural passion became a roaring inferno.