Chapter 10 #4
“In a nutshell, Arabella is pregnant. He’s still in school, with no job when he graduates.
She just started in a good job. They’re thrilled about the baby, and intend to have it, and they’ll get married ‘sometime’ in the future, maybe before the baby or after, and ‘marriage really isn’t important’ to them.
And they clearly expect her father and me to support them.
It’s all very vague and completely irresponsible to expect everyone to shoulder their responsibilities, while they stumble along with a baby.
My feeling is you don’t get married or have children until you’re ready to take on the responsibilities yourself.
” He could hear how upset she was and he didn’t blame her.
But he also knew that things were different today.
Almost all of his daughter’s friends who had had children had had them without the benefit of marriage, and given his own experience, he wasn’t sure that they were wrong.
“You want them to get married?” he asked her.
“Malcolm and I were very traditional, and I still am. I like things in the proper order. School, job, marriage, children. Not baby before you graduate, no job, and maybe marriage if you feel like it, when you have time. That’s a little too modern for me.”
“I think that’s how it’s done these days.
I can’t think of a single one of Victoire’s friends who was married when they got pregnant.
They just don’t think marriage is as important as we did, or our parents did, and maybe they’re not wrong.
Look at my life. Brigitte and I barely knew each other when she got pregnant.
Our parents put tremendous pressure on us to get married and have the baby.
We thought we were doing the right thing for the child.
Brigitte should never have married me. I’m not sure she even liked me, or I her, we just had a great time in bed, and she got pregnant.
She should have married a doctor like her brother or her father.
Those are the only men she respects. She liked the perks and the money of my big job, but I don’t think she ever loved me or even liked me.
And what benefit is that to a child? Or to anyone?
She hates me today, and I don’t like her either.
She’s a bitter, nasty woman. She can’t even bring herself to be civil to me.
Don’t force them to get married, Sabrina.
I think that’s the worst advice you can give them.
They’re better off having a child out of wedlock than getting married to someone they don’t love. ”
“That isn’t really the problem. They want to get married, they just don’t care when.
They love each other but they’re doing it all out of order.
It’s so messy, that’s not the way I brought up my kids.
” He smiled. She was a woman with definite ideas, but kids did what they wanted, no matter what their parents thought best, and maybe they were right.
“If they love each other, they’ll get it right eventually.
Most people figure it out if they’re in love.
If you think Arabella is the right woman for him, and they love each other, let him do what he wants.
You don’t want a war with him. You two have a great relationship, don’t spoil that for principles.
Tell him he has to get a job and support his wife and child.
There’s no reason why you should have to do that, or her father.
But whether they marry or not should be up to them.
That’s what I think anyway, but you can tell how wise I am by how successful my marriage is.
” He laughed at himself and she thought about what he’d said.
He was right. She and Justin loved each other and she didn’t want to risk that.
She thought he was making poor decisions, but he had to learn that lesson himself.
She couldn’t make him live by her values instead of his own.
She thought about it all night, and tossed and turned.
She woke up several times during the night.
Xavier’s words were echoing in her head.
She had to be true to herself, but fair to her son as well.
She called Justin at seven in the morning in London and he answered his cell.
He was braced for another lecture and some harsh words from his mother.
He and Arabella had talked about it all the way home, and he realized that she had some good points.
His mother was a reasonable woman, she just saw things differently, and was afraid he was making important mistakes.
Her criticism came from a good place. He braced himself for more of the same.
“Is something wrong, Mom?” he asked her, worried. It was early for her to call.
“I’m sorry I was hard on you yesterday. I just wish you had done things differently, more in order.
But it’s your life, and these are your decisions.
And even if you make mistakes, you’ll figure it out and make corrections along the way.
You and Arabella should get married because it’s what you want to do, not because I think it’s the right thing.
You have to support your family, but whether or not you have a baby, when you have the baby, or if you get married is entirely up to you, and I love you whatever you do.
You’re my baby. And I want the best for you, and for you to be happy.
Don’t do any of it for me. This is your life, Justin.
Try to make the best decisions you can, for you and your child.
And whether or not you get married is none of my business.
” She had come around, faster than Justin had hoped. He was surprised.
“Thanks, Mom. And Arabella and I do want to get married. It’s not a big deal to us. But I want her to be my wife. The baby is just more important to us than marriage.”
“That’s entirely up to you. Do what you both want.
I love you either way, and the baby. I’m not sure I’m ready to be a grandmother, but I’m proud to be your mother and I always will be.
You can have ten children out of wedlock if you want.
That’s entirely up to you.” It was a big concession for Sabrina, and he knew it.
He didn’t think his father would have said the same. She was being very fair.
“Thank you, Mom. We’ll let you know what we decide. And we love the chateau, by the way. It’s perfect for you. I hope Xavier sells it to you,” he said.
“So do I, but he won’t. The chateau is his first love, and he thinks his role is to preserve it for his family, and maybe he’s right. He feels very strongly about it.”
“He’s a great guy, I’m glad you two are friends. I worry about you,” Justin said in a tender voice that touched her deeply.
“I worry about you too, that’s all I was trying to say to you yesterday. But you’re in charge of your own life. You’re old enough to do that now, whether I like your choices or not. I love you. You will always have my blessing.”
“I love you too, Mom.” They both hung up feeling better, and Sabrina was grateful to Xavier for his good advice about letting Justin make his own decisions and, when necessary, clean up his own mess. He was right. It was a more fatherly point of view.
She texted Xavier after they hung up, and thanked him for his advice. “You’re right. I gave him my blessing whatever he does. He has a right to that as my son.” Xavier’s response came back quickly.
“You’re a good woman, Sabrina. And a good mother. He’ll be fine.”
She responded with, “Thank you. Do you want to come to dinner tonight?”
He sent his regrets. “I’d love to but I have to go to Paris to get some papers I forgot the other day.
Quick trip. Rain check please.” And she sent back, “Any time.” She liked the relationship they had of total honesty with each other.
It kept everything so simple and strengthened their mutual respect.
She put the dishes in the dishwasher then, drove Elodie and Luc to school at the convent, and came back to work on the sketches for the mural.
She wanted to get started on it soon. And she was glad Justin had come for the weekend to see her life there.
And now that she had given him her blessing, she felt lighter and at peace.
Xavier was a very wise man. She had preserved her relationship with her son, and accepted that what he did about the baby and marrying Arabella was up to him.