Chapter 11 #3
“It was. I kept feeling like it was happening to someone else, but it was me. I never thought I’d be a party to something like that.
” And then he laughed. The wine had relaxed him, and Sabrina’s attentive listening, her quiet presence near him.
He always derived comfort from Sabrina and realized that now.
She was the one person he needed that night to help make sense of it and decide what to do now.
“Philippe looked like an idiot. When he was dressed, his shirt was buttoned wrong, his glasses were crooked, his hair was sticking up, and he had put his socks in his pocket. I don’t suppose he’s serious about her.
She always said he’s slept with half the hospital, and he’s not an attractive guy, but he’s the boss.
That has tremendous sex appeal,” he said.
“Women used to hit on me all the time. I didn’t take them up on it, but it was nice knowing I could have.
It’s flattering.” She smiled at how honest he was.
It was a quality she loved about him. “So what do I do now?” he asked her seriously.
“Do I use it as an excuse for a divorce? But then I’ll owe her half the chateau.
Do I threaten her, or use it as some kind of leverage?
Do I do it the French way, and sweep it under the rug, pretend it never happened, and go on as before, knowing she cheats on me, and maybe has for years, and surely will again.
I don’t really care. It didn’t hurt my heart today.
Oddly, I didn’t feel anything except embarrassment for them. ”
“You should probably call your lawyer,” she said sensibly, but she felt profoundly sorry for him. It was a hideous situation to be in. He was in the winner’s seat because he’d always been honest and honorable with her and she hadn’t and it was out in the open now, but it was humiliating anyway.
“I think the poor bastard fully expected me to beat him up and was shocked that I didn’t.
I was a perfect gentleman.” He smiled sheepishly at Sabrina, and she smiled back.
“I had the advantage because I’m not in love with her.
If I were, I would have killed him. She handed me proof of who she is with that whole scene.
I just don’t know how to use it, or on whom.
Or do I just put it in a drawer and save it for another day? ”
She couldn’t give him the answers. They had to come from him, and he knew that too. But he needed to talk to her to help him decide.
“I think you should let it all cool down, not make any decisions now, see how you feel about it in a few weeks, and make a cool-headed decision. It’s too fresh right now.” It was wise advice and he agreed with her. They walked into the library and sat down, and he looked at her warmly.
“Thank you for listening to me tonight. It went around and around in my head all day and I was starting to feel crazy.”
“You’re not crazy, you just have to figure out what you want. She definitely handed you a wild card, and a get out of jail free card, if you want it.”
“I already feel freer,” he admitted. “How was your day?”
“We have a new guest,” she answered cautiously, and he looked puzzled. In a soft voice so no one could hear if she was wandering around, she told him about the call from Sister Anne and what she had told her, and Geraldine’s subsequent arrival.
“My God, the world is a sick place sometimes. At least that whole disgusting mess today was all created by grown-ups, it didn’t involve a child. How badly damaged is she?”
“It’s hard to say. I think it’s all very recent.
She barely speaks, but she followed Luc and Elodie around eventually.
I think they will be her road back to normalcy of some kind, more than I will.
I’m not sure that she speaks English, I’ve kept communication simple and mostly nonverbal.
She seems to understand me. She’s very compliant and not oppositional at all. ”
“I’m sure you’ll be good for her too. You’re good for me,” he said, looking at her gratefully.
“I had a strange experience today. When they called me about Geraldine, I felt like I was channeling your grandmother. I felt as though I finally understood how things like that happen. They build one by one. Nine hundred children don’t arrive on your doorstep one afternoon.
They come one at a time, like Geraldine and Elodie and Luc, and each time you have to make a decision.
And all of a sudden it becomes your life and you’re on a path, like she was. ”
“Please don’t tell me you’re entering religious orders, or opening an orphanage,” he pleaded with her, and she laughed.
“No, but when you hear of acts of heroism like your grandmother’s, it’s so enormous, it’s impossible to understand.
But it made sense to me today. It happens one by one, drop by drop, child by child, you don’t make a decision to be a hero.
I’m not a hero for letting three children stay with me, and this isn’t a war.
But I suddenly could relate to how she got there.
” He nodded, agreeing with her. He had always idolized his grandmother and been proud of her.
And he was proud of Sabrina too, for what she was doing with the children. She was such a good person.
“I think that’s how bad things happen too.
You let something bad happen once, you let it go by, you don’t say anything.
And then it keeps happening. And one day you are faced with a mountain of evil, and you must finally make a choice that you’ve been avoiding.
I think that’s what happened with me and Brigitte.
And now I have to climb that mountain and deal with it.
I should have gotten out years ago, or never gotten in. ”
“That’s not always easy to see. You tell yourself it will get better, or that it’s not as bad as you think. And you had reasons to stay, for your daughter,” Sabrina said gently. Her words were balm on his wounds.
“I think it was laziness and cowardice,” he said honestly.
“I hid in my work. And now there is nowhere to hide. Just like that bedroom today, there was nowhere to hide from each other. Now I have to face it. Brigitte sent me text messages all day today. I didn’t answer her. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to answer her on her terms or her timing.
You can respond when you’re ready. You’ll know when it’s the right time.
” Sabrina was so reassuring and comforting.
She built him up in all the places where Brigitte had torn him down.
It was as though she had healing hands, and a single touch repaired him and made him stronger than before.
It was why he had been so desperate to talk to her at the end of the day.
He needed that healing touch now. He almost envied the children she had taken into her home.
They were so lucky to be with her. He wondered if her children appreciated that about her.
But he was healing her too, and his advice had stopped her from creating a bigger problem with her son.
He left at nearly midnight, thanking her with a warm hug. He would have liked to kiss her but didn’t dare. And too much had happened that day. He still needed to process it before he moved on.
She checked on the children after he left.
All three of them were sleeping soundly in their beds.
Elodie and Luc hadn’t had an accident in their beds since the first night.
They were sleeping like angels, angels who knew that they were finally safe.
It was what she brought to Xavier too. He felt safe for the first time in his life.