Chapter 10
Vico
I let the engine roar. The jet ski beneath me is as restless as a horse eager to burst out of the starting gate. The anticipation of the adrenaline rush that's about to come puts a wide grin on my face.
Here I come, freedom.
I release the brakes abruptly, and the jet ski lunges forward. Clinging tightly to maintain my balance, I relish the increasing rush of wind that blows my hair away from my face. I twist the throttle, and the vehicle accelerates rapidly, reaching fourty miles per hour. Seventy now.
I want more.
The jumps, thanks to the waves created by the surf, become wilder, and the moments of floating become longer. The motor roars deafeningly, and the salty water splashes up on my sides. When the speedometer hits one hundred, my mind finally empties.
Adrenaline floods my body, washing away everything that doesn't belong in my thoughts.
Hanna's sea-green eyes, her absent-minded smile, and the dreamy way she looked at the dilapidated remnants of our estate fade into the background.
I am free. Carefree.
This is how life should feel, and I savor it with all my senses until the fuel gauge starts blinking. I wish I could stay out here forever, but without gas, that's impossible. So reluctantly, I return to the shore. With each yard that brings me closer to the beach, reality seeps back into me.
I'm still in Tuscany, just ten minutes away from the place that triggers an uncontrollable flight instinct in me. It's responsible for the promise I made to my coach yesterday to return to Southern Italy today. It's the reason I brushed off Hanna with a travel guide when she needed my support.
I shouldn't have done that. And my plan to run away from here as soon as my van is out of the workshop feels simultaneously right and wrong in a grotesque way. It's as if I'm trapped between the suffocating memories of my mother's death, which are so omnipresent here, and the love for my sisters. My life feels like a labyrinth right now, and I can't find the way out.
How can I stay when all this is devouring me? But how can I leave when my family needs me so desperately?
Today, Camilla told me everything. Over the past few years, she's worked tirelessly to keep the estate afloat. It took her a long time to admit that she had failed and that she wasn't the right person to inherit it, especially with two newborns demanding all her attention. What kind of miserable brother would I be if I left her alone in her condition with Hanna and the burden of the sale?
Hanna.
She is another reason not to stay here. Yet she's the one holding me back from leaving. I don't understand it. It should be simple, but it's anything but that.
With a heavy feeling in my chest, I steer the Jet Ski to the shore and push it onto the beach to return it to the rental place. Beside the wooden pier, I spot Alessia sitting on one of the parked pedal boats.
"Hey," she says in a tone that churns nausea inside me. So warm. So considerate. So full of understanding.
I secure the Jet Ski, unzip my wetsuit, and approach her to give her a hug. "Aren't you supposed to be on the train to Rome already?"
She nods against my shoulder, her curls tickling my cheek. "That's true…"
But I hear the unspoken words in her sentence, yet she doesn't continue. Carefully, I pull away to look at her.
"Hanna needs support. I'll stay," she says, trying to appear carefree, but I know what's going on behind her furrowed brow.
She believes I don't know what it would mean for her academic progress, but she's mistaken. "You'll miss your exams," I say, and she looks surprised for a moment.
Then she lowers her gaze and smooths her overly long skirt. "I can make up for them. No problem."
Oh, it is a problem.
The sea breeze catches in her hair as she lifts her head. "Go ahead, Vico. Camilla and I can handle this."
Yes, I should do that.
We lock eyes. Seagulls fly above us, screeching in their paths.
She nods at me. But I shake my head.
"It's okay, I understand." Her words are almost swallowed by the sound of the sea, yet their intensity weakens my muscles.
Before me stands my little sister, ready to sacrifice herself for me. Not because she recognizes what a coward I am but because she loves the coward in me.
This is not right. I can't do this to her.
Agitated, I run my hand through my hair. "That's kind of you," I reply, my voice hoarse, but then I gather all the courage I have left. "But it's not necessary. I'll stay."
Matteo will have to wait, so will my career. I have to deal with this here, and there is a way I can make it work.
I'll build the walls around my heart even higher. That way, I'll survive the time at the estate. And her proximity as well.
Abruptly, she lifts her gaze, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Thank you."
She says no more, and it's not necessary. Because I immediately understand where this gratitude comes from—deep inside her, where both of us carry the same wound. Her muscles give way, and she sinks into my arms. I do what I've always been responsible for as her big brother.
I’m there for her.