Chapter 25
Hanna
That I am alone in Cinque Terre today, testing a short section of the famous coastal hike, doesn't bother me. On the contrary, I enjoy being alone like never before. My breath flows calmly, and with each step I take on the rocky terrain, I feel more at ease. Now the only thing missing is that the stern breeze and the view of the endless expanse of the sea clear my mind. Perhaps this will help me focus on what has been pushed to the background over the past two weeks.
My mission. Florian. And my goals for the future.
Marriage, children, connection, security.
I have dreamed of all these things my whole life. And now, here in Tuscany, I meet a man who captivates me more and more even though he could never give me any of it.
Once again, in my thoughts, I am sitting next to him on the sofa bed in Camilla's bungalow. I see the despair in his features and feel his upper body trembling. But there's something else too. My own heart, so filled with the desire to help him that it has forgotten everything else.
Since I said goodbye to him last night with an intimate hug, I've been wondering what these feelings mean. But I can't find an answer.
Even on the way back to the estate, it doesn't reveal itself. As I turn into the long driveway and the property appears before me in its morbid beauty, I only know one thing. In Vico's presence, I am a different person. And maybe, just maybe, it's the person I have always been deep inside.
Letting out a heavy sigh, I park in the front courtyard and get out of the car. The sun is already low on the horizon, and the evening is pleasantly mild. My gaze falls on the wrought-iron seating area with the mosaic table. There, I could enjoy life with a glass of wine. Just do nothing for a while.
"Welcome back." Vico appears out of nowhere behind my car. He looks at me hesitantly. "How was your hike?"
"The colorful villages are even more picturesque in reality than in the pictures." As soon as the words leave my lips, I realize that I forgot to take photos. Oh well, I can't change it now. I smile at him. "How's your stomach?"
"Back to normal." He pats his belly. Then his gaze turns melancholic. "Will you walk with me for a while?"
His expression tells me that he wants to talk to me. Perhaps he has been thinking about our conversation from yesterday. I nod in agreement. "I wanted to take another closer look at the estate's lands," because I really want to see the olive trees that make up the Olivettas’ family tradition. Somewhere on the overgrown property they are hiding.
"Of course, boss, we'll take care of it right away." He winks at me and signals with a sweeping gesture to follow him behind the house.
Once we arrive there, he stops. "On the right side, you can see open meadows," he says, completely disregarding the beautiful sight of the poppy flowers. The green is interspersed with bright red blooms, their delicate stems gently swaying in the wind.
I let the scene sink in. "It's magnificent." A picnic spot amid the floral splendor, perhaps even near a pond that invites relaxation, would be enchanting. It should be designed and built in the venerable Tuscan style of the main house to seamlessly blend in. Instantly, my imagination shows me what it could look like. The scent of freshly cut grass fills my nostrils, and the light changes its color. Guitar melodies play in my mind.
"You see something, don't you?" Vico asks. "Tell me, I want to see it too."
I shake my head. "It's nothing special." Can't I just look at something and stay reasonable for once? Instinctively, I grab my forearm.
He stops me before I can pinch myself. Suddenly, his face appears before me. He looks at me significantly. "I can't imagine that for the life of me."
I turn away, but I feel that he's still looking at me. "I…" As liberating as it would be to share my inner thoughts with him, I can't. He would just mock me. Because my daydreams are, after all, laughable. They always have been.
"What are you so afraid of?" he asks in a tone that makes it even harder for me.
"It's not fear. It's reason," I reply, putting my hands in my pockets and pressing my fingernails into my thighs.
A snort is his first reaction. "And what do you gain from being reasonable all the time?"
Though he stands at a safe distance from me, I can practically feel him cornering me. "Well, I… I mean…" People accept me. No one can stand Hanna Daydreamer, not even myself. That's the right answer, but I dare not speak it out loud.
"Sometimes you have to leave old paths to grow into new ones." He grins at me crookedly. "At least, that's what I've heard."
He's trying to beat me at my own game. Inevitably, I smile, but just a second later, I realize what his behavior means.
This man believes that what's inside me is valuable. And he thinks that withholding it wouldn't do me any good. He cares about helping me just as much as I cared about him yesterday.
I mean something to him.
Just like he means something to me.
Normally, panic should be spreading inside me right now. Because what's happening between us is wrong. But all I feel is warmth. My fingers loosen, and suddenly, there's only one delicate wish, like a streak of light on the horizon. Doesn't he deserve the same chance he gave me yesterday when he spoke so openly about his pain? Did he laugh at me when I told him about the cello music in my head at the vineyard?
No!
On the contrary. You are the most fascinating person I've ever met , he said.
What if I open up and show him all the things I've been hiding so steadfastly? What if he isn't repelled by my daydreams but wants to dream with me?
What if he's the one person who would accept me for who I truly am? I have to find out.
"There's a winding path," I say softly, looking at him questioningly.
He nods encouragingly.
"On both sides, there are herb beds. It smells of rosemary and lavender. Behind them, the sea of poppies opens up." Yes, that's how it could be. I point at the spot near the house. "Up here, there are old, cushioned furniture pieces, mismatched and cozy. Beside them, large terracotta pots with bougainvillea climbing up a wooden trellis. The pots have curved lines on the front, and because they've weathered a bit, they bring the right atmosphere to the area."
I step into the place where the path begins in my mind and reach out my hand to Vico. He takes it, his fingers interlocking with mine.
"Do you hear the crunch of pebbles under our shoes? Over there is a pavilion. Do you see how the cream-colored curtains dance in the wind between the dark-painted metal struts? And how the cornflowers stretch their blue heads toward the sky?"
"I see it," he whispers in awe.
It's just three small words, yet they have enough power to bring down all the walls within me. Suddenly, so much more appears before my eyes. A whole new world.
"Over here are dozens of orange trees. The wind rustles through the leaves, creating a unique melody. The sun peeks through the branches, and the blossoms exude a tempting fragrance." I take a deep breath, savoring the aroma. "We harvest them to make orange blossom water," I add with a contented smile.
He clears his throat. "There's no guesthouse?" he says, his voice hoarse.
No, there's no guesthouse.
Instead, a completely different vision appears before my eyes. So vivid that it takes my breath away.
With Vico by my side, I turn toward the estate, which now lies at some distance from us. I lean against his shoulder and point at the kitchen windows. "There's a floor-to-ceiling glass door. It's open. Can you hear the bustling from the kitchen? Pots clattering, knives tinkling. The smell of ripe tomatoes and roasted onions wafts toward us, accompanied by joyful laughter and friendly words." Yes, that's it, and I'm as certain as ever about the purpose of this place. I see it in dazzling colors before me. "Everyone is there. The whole family," I add reverently.
And there I am. Dancing in a flowy summer dress with flowers in my hair. I’m happy. Because I allow myself to be who I am. Because I've stopped constantly trying to be what others want me to be.
I live for myself.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Never before have I felt the truth in this sentence so strongly.
This is exactly how it should feel.
And what I see before me must be the future of the estate. I feel it in every fiber of my being. And I’m just as sure I want to be a part of this future.