Chapter 13 #2
“You’re human, Becca. And you need to stop letting your mom get inside your head.
Your mom picked a profession where she gets to be a hero every day.
Good for her. But that doesn’t make what you do mean any less.
You work hard. You make these players sound human.
You report news that people want to hear, and you’re pretty fucking good at it, too.
I think your mom has impossible standards for everything she does.
She doesn’t know how to tell you how proud she is, so she does what she does best. She compares, she judges, and critiques. ”
“You’re right,” I said quietly. “The thing is that my dad used to balance her out. He made her softer somehow. After he died, things just got harder.”
My dad loved my mom. She could be uptight and drove him crazy, but he accepted her for who she was. He was like that with everyone he met. Always looking for the good in everyone.
Now, my mom and I don’t even know how to talk to each other. It was as if the grief had changed us, and neither one of us knew where we belonged anymore.
“Your mom is better at fixing people than she is with feelings.”
“Maybe this guy will be what she needs,” I said, even though I doubted that would happen.
Ember took a slow sip of her wine, studying me over the rim of her glass. “How about we talk about something more fun, like a six-foot-two hot football player? How’s the one-on-one going?”
I took a sip of my drink and set it down. “It’s fine.”
“Fine?” she asked, tilting her head. I hated that she could read my face so easily.
I leaned back on my stool, letting my shoulders drop a little. “He’s not what I was expecting.”
Her eyes slammed shut. “Oh, Jesus. I knew it.”
“Don’t get too far ahead here. All I’m saying is the more time I spend with him, the less arrogant I find him.” I groaned. I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud. “It feels like things are getting blurry. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s work, but it doesn’t feel that simple anymore.”
She leaned forward. “Then slow it down. Keep your boundaries clear, unless you don’t want to.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what I want. As complicated as this is, there is chemistry there that I can’t ignore.”
“It sounds like he’s getting your attention.”
I laughed. “Oh, trust me, he is.”
He also got under my skin in ways I didn’t fully understand. Every time he would glance in my direction. My brain would forget how to function.
I never signed up for these feelings.
“Do you know what your problem is? You’re used to being in control, and he’s disrupting that.”
My phone buzzed in my purse. I was afraid it would be work, so I grabbed it out of my bag just as the screen lit up with a notification. I frowned when I saw my ex-boyfriend Aaron’s name.
I clicked on it because he wouldn’t text me for no good reason.
Aaron: I didn’t want you to hear this from anywhere else.
I swallowed as my eyes pored over the engagement announcement.
He was smiling, with his arm around a pretty brunette who was holding out a ring, with a caption that read, She said yes!
Something weird fluttered in my chest as I stared at the photo. It wasn’t sadness or heartbreak. It felt more like relief or closure.
I smiled at how happy he looked. Maybe I should have been hurt or devastated. He had been my person once. He was good. He was safe. He had been just what I needed after my dad passed away.
But it was too soon. The grief was still too strong at the time for me to figure out how to manage it. I buried myself in my work because it was the only way I could escape the sadness. Everyone expected me to move on and be okay, but I was still trying to find my footing.
Aaron was lonely. I was drowning. Letting him go so that he could find his person was the right decision.
“What is it?” Ember asked, leaning forward to look at my screen.
I turned the phone so that she could see it.
“Oh,” she said softly.
I set the phone down. “I’m happy for him.”
She tilted her head, her face softening with understanding. “Are you sure you’re okay? This is a lot hitting you at once.”
She knew why I was feeling sad. It seemed like everyone was moving on. Meanwhile, I was thirty, single, and too attached to my career.
“I’m okay. The news just took me by surprise, that’s all.”
Ember hummed, like she didn’t fully believe me. She set her drink down and scanned the room. “Okay, do you know what you need? A distraction. One that doesn’t involve your mom, your ex, or a sexy football quarterback.” She tilted her head to the guy who had just walked up and ordered a drink.
I turned on my stool. The guy was cute, in a dark gray button-down with rolled-up sleeves. He seemed relaxed and quiet, unlike Nate, who screamed attention. I shouldn’t have been comparing him to Nate, but I found myself doing it anyway.
“Uh… hi,” he said with a nice smile, even though he seemed slightly nervous.
“Hello.” I smiled back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, even though it was already in place. I didn’t know how to handle myself with the way he was looking at me. It felt awkward.
Ember nudged my foot, silently telling me to stop acting weird.
“I’m Rowen.” He held his hand out for me to shake.
He glanced at Ember and then back at me. “I hope you don’t find this too random, but can I buy you a drink?”
Ember’s eyebrows shot up.
I hesitated for a minute, trying not to overthink such a simple question. He seemed nice and simple, and maybe after the shit day I had, that was exactly what I needed.
“Sure.”