Chapter Twenty-One
Seth dragged a hand down his face and stared out the Uber window, watching the city blur past. The ride back to their Manhattan hotel gave him time to process.
He’d sworn he was braced for touring the house he’d shared with Autumn, where Tristan had spent his few precious months on earth.
He’d been dead fucking wrong.
Walking through that house had been haunting. Wrenching. It had taken every ounce of his control not to break down.
By some miracle, he’d kept his shit together.
And when he’d finally closed the door behind him for the last time, he had exhaled. Let out his pent-up grief.
The most tragic chapter of his life was almost closed. Yeah, he had to call Carl, who had kindly offered a construction crew from his company to handle the house repairs. After that, other than signing the escrow papers, he’d never have to deal with that house again.
But Seth wasn’t bullshitting himself. Despite the years, the counseling, the praying, and him doggedly doing everything he could to move on?
He still wasn’t healed.
There. He’d admitted it. No matter how much he fucking hated it, he was still paralyzed by his past.
Maybe admitting it was the first step to healing?
He doubted it would be that simple.
When they reached the hotel, Beck suggested they clean up and head to dinner. The last goddamn thing Seth felt like doing was pretending to be jovial, but this was their last night in the city together. And hiding in the suite wouldn’t fix anything.
So Seth strapped on his fake-as-fuck smile and went through the motions.
Dinner at a steakhouse. A Broadway revival. Cannoli and espresso at a late-night bakery Heavenly declared the best thing she’d ever tasted. Then a long walk back to the hotel, city lights blurring around them, Heavenly tucked safely between him and Beck.
Being with the people he loved helped. It distracted the grieving beast inside him. His smile came easier. His jokes felt more natural.
But he recognized now that he was limping along. Surviving.
He had no idea how to actually heal.
Seth was exhausted—mentally and physically—by the time they made it back to their room. After all the danger and upheaval today, his body gave out. He fell asleep almost immediately, Heavenly sandwiched between him and Beck.
The following morning, he woke feeling…if not lighter, at least bolstered so he could handle everything on the agenda today.
As Heavenly stirred, he began kissing her awake.
Beck roused in more ways than one and joined in.
Their lovemaking was slow and unhurried in the early dawn light, waking as the city did.
Seth lost himself in Heavenly’s silken mouth, his cock muffling her cries as he watched her shatter between them while Beck spilled inside their girl unprotected.
Afterward, they showered, dressed, and grabbed coffee in the hotel restaurant before heading to the house to have breakfast with Mom, Carl, and Hudson.
As usual, she went all out, even making her world-famous waffles before they all climbed into Carl’s Mercedes SUV to start their afternoon of errands.
Seth and Beck sat in back with Heavenly between them, Hudson in the third-row seat, and his mom rode shotgun next to Carl, with her color-coded wedding binder in her lap.
Carl headed into the city, driving with the patience of a man who’d figured out that wedding planning required surrender to forces beyond his control.
Mom flipped through her notes frenetically. “On our way back home, we’ll pick up the tuxes. Then I’ll gather up everything that needs to be packed for tomorrow—the guest book, the cake knife, the card box—”
“Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll get it all done,” Seth promised from the back seat in a reassuring voice.
“I know. I’m just nervous. What if I forget something?”
“With all the lists you’ve made?” In the rearview mirror, Carl looked like he was suppressing a grin. “I don’t think that’s possible. If I had known getting married was going to put you in a tizzy, I’m not sure I would have asked.”
She sent a saucy grin his way. “Too late. I just can’t believe the wedding is tomorrow!”
Carl reached over and squeezed her hand. “Stop stressing. This is supposed to be a happy occasion. You got this.”
“I know. You’re right,” she whispered, gripping his hand in return. “And you’ve been such a rock. Thank you.”
The depth and certainty of their love was palpable.
It seemed almost surreal yet somehow natural that tomorrow, his mom would clutch his elbow and fight back happy tears as he walked her down the aisle to pledge herself—before God, their combined families, and close friends—to this man she loved.
Openly.
Freely.
Without a whisper of fear, judgment, or condemnation.
Jealousy pricked Seth. But when he glanced at Heavenly and Beck, his envy cooled. Regardless of what anyone else thought, their love was equally deep and certain. And in time, they’d show the world.
That day couldn’t come soon enough.
It took roughly an hour to finish the final tux fitting and leave with their penguin suits in tow.
As they strolled to the parking lot, Seth caught Heavenly gazing at Beck.
It was just a glance, long enough for something soft and warm to pass between them before Heavenly lowered her chin and darted back inside the SUV.
Seth’s breath caught.
They were doing their best. But those looks—those small, stolen moments—were both hard to resist and impossible to misinterpret. A combination of anxiety and tenderness rushed him. Thankfully, his mother was too absorbed to notice.
But he was beyond ready to be honest about their feelings.
The end of this weekend couldn’t come fast enough.
“Oh, the traffic is horrible. The girls and I have mani-pedis at two, and we’re going to be late.” His mom scowled.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get there in time,” Carl vowed.
As promised, he pulled into the driveway as Danny, Maggie, and baby Anna arrived.
Inside the house, his mom raced around, quickly placing the items needed for tonight’s rehearsal dinner on the dining room table before she, Heavenly, and Maggie rushed out for the salon, leaving baby Anna behind with the guys.
After they’d gone, Seth and Beck packed the items into a large duffel bag for tomorrow’s wedding and reception, with some help from Hudson. Carl supervised, checking each item off her list with methodical precision.
“Grace is incredibly organized.” Beck blinked as he tucked decorative sachets filled with bird seed into a smaller box.
“She’s always been like a female drill sergeant. Raising five boys, you have to be.” Seth chuckled as he wrapped the cake knife in bubble wrap. “Besides, she’s been planning this wedding for months. So yeah…she’s organized.”
While they finished securing the last few items, Carl excused himself, stepped into the kitchen, and pulled out his phone. As he confirmed delivery times with the caterer and florist, his voice carried a note of quiet pride.
Another pang of envy pierced Seth. This man got to express his love for the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with in the way he yearned to.
Right now…Seth couldn’t. And he knew all the reasons why, but keeping their love on the down-low like his dirty little secret was really beginning to chafe.
Beck eased in beside Seth, his face full of concern. “You’re frowning. Everything all right?”
Seth paused with a shrug. “I just wish…”
“Me, too. It’s not easy.”
That gouged Seth with even more guilt. He could imagine the shoe being on the other foot—and having to act like the third wheel would hurt like hell. “Not much longer. I promise.”
“I know.” Beck nodded.
“How are you going to tell Grandma?” Hudson whispered.
Seth shot him a look. His son asked a valid question…he just didn’t have an answer. “Carefully.”
“Way to dodge the question.” Beck sent him a sober stare. “I know it won’t be easy. And you’ll be risking a lot.”
“Pretty much everything.” Seth let out a sigh. “But I have to. It’s…past time.”
Beck clapped him on the back. “We’re in this together.”
“Thanks.”
They fell silent when Carl entered the room again. It wasn’t long before they had everything packed up and ready to be loaded into the car for tomorrow.
The women returned from the salon not long after that, freshly manicured and glowing, not to mention slightly tipsy, their laughter carrying through the house.
“Thank you,” his mom said, inspecting the guys’ work. “Everything looks great.”
“You’re welcome,” Seth murmured as she hugged each of them, even Beck. He held his mother a moment longer than necessary, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume, trying to memorize this moment.
Next time he saw her, everything would change.
“Well…that’s all I’ve got on my list. I guess we just need to get ready.” She smiled before pressing a kiss to Seth’s cheek and easing from his hug. “The rehearsal begins at five-thirty.”
Seth nodded and held out his hand to Heavenly, who came running and put her hand in his. “We’ll meet you at the church.”
They said a quick goodbye to Hudson and dashed back to the city, scrambled into their clothes, and Ubered to the venue. They arrived in the softly candlelit sanctuary as Carl, Mom, and Hudson did.
Father Heasley greeted them at the entrance, his weathered face creasing into a warm smile as he shook Carl’s hand, then bowed respectfully his mother’s way. Seth introduced Hudson, Beck, and Heavenly, then he shook the priest’s hand himself, finding solace in the man’s familiar, reassuring grip.
“The rest of the family should be here shortly,” Mom assured.
As if on cue, the church doors opened and Seth’s brothers filed in. First, Danny and Maggie, who carried Anna in a frilly dress on her hip. Matt followed, with Connor and Jack bringing up the rear.
As greetings ensued, Carl’s children entered the church.