Chapter 5
Losing My Mind
If I don’t learn how to control my brain, I’m done for.
But how can I learn to control my brain? I have to find a book about that: how to control my brain activity better and how to retain my consciousness when unconscious. This is not going to be easy. Is it even possible?
Zia and I enter the O Zone library. This is the only library we can go into as freshmen, that is, until we complete the tests and receive a zone of study for the next four years.
The O Zone library is an interconnected web of books.
Most of the library’s signs and labels are written in another language, but I am semi-fluent in Greek and Latin so I am able to discern the roots and stems of a lot of words.
The library seems to hold over 200 million books.
Zia and I walk through the library, side by side.
I lock arms with her and try to comfort her and encourage her not to be afraid.
We make small talk and before long, I can see her suppressing a smile.
One joke later and everything has changed.
From a restrained smile to an awkward giggle, and eventually an uncontrollable burst of laughter.
After several fits of laughter, she takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye with that boldness only camaraderie creates. “Shantavia! What were you thinking? Didn’t you know who he was?”
I realize she’s talking about Pesh.
“Of course I did, I just was taken by surprise and wasn’t thinking he was gonna look like that!” I utter. I can’t tell her that he’s doing this because of a personal vendetta. Frankly, I actually don’t know why he’s picking on me for staring at his fingers.
Zia giggles. “That’s how all Patrons look. Extremely attractive, it’s a requirement to be selected as a Patron!”
“That’s weird.”
“I think it’s hot. They’re usually in their twenties and they serve for less than a decade in The Commons. I heard that once they turn thirty, they can no longer be Patrons. They have to retire.”
“Huh! Interesting.” I have no clue what she just said. I’m barely listening—I’m getting nervous.
When I approach the Cognitive section, I see three of my classmates searching through books. I overhear two of them.
“Hey, Jordan, let’s get this book, Thinking Under The Influence, it should help.”
“I’m gonna get this one, Tin, Fast-Forward Your Thoughts When Slowed Down.”
Their conversation makes my heart race. All of them are going to be prepared.
The common sense thing to do would be to follow their lead and read similar books so that I can perform as well as any of them.
But I am scared that I will still be an outlier.
In The Commons, your scores are favorable because they are in the same range as every other person’s score.
But I am starting at a disadvantage: every person but me wants to be here.
I am simply here to find my sister. So, I can’t do the same things as them if I want to measure up to their level. I decide to take a different approach.
I do not go to the Cognitive section. I go to the part of the library that deals with meditative science—I know, completely unrelated. But I hope there’s a method to my madness.
Peeking through the books from the opposite aisle, Zia’s voice interjects, “Anyway, that’s beside the point. This means you’re in trouble, right?”
“No cell phone privileges for the next six months, but I’m fine.
It’s not a big deal. I doubt my parents will even notice if I miss my first allowed phone call to them,” I tell her.
“But speaking of that and my predicament, happened to have heard anything about the Patron who gave me the demerit?” I work my way through the books, trying to find a book related to controlling the feeling of one’s heart.
I know that I love Levon in my mind, but more importantly, in my heart, so I think all I have to do is control my heart from interacting with my brain.
“You’re talking about Patron Pesh?” she interrupts.
“Yeah, him…” My voice fades, trying to find the best book.
“I mean I’ve heard of him, same as you. Some people say he’s the highest paid Patron.”
“Really, how much?” my mouth utters, but my mind is distracted by two books, Mind and Heart Connection, by Lerod Jerkinos World, and The Power of Synthesized Imagination, by Somando Caroway.
She lowers her voice. “Well, I don’t think they get paid in the most conventional way, since they earn a bunch of assets and never disclose these things, but… it’s rumored that his net worth is over five hundred billion dollars!”
“Wow,” I say, in awe of the two books, but she thinks I’m in awe of Pesh.
I don’t really care. It’s not something I can wrap my mind around.
“That’s crazy! Interesting, anything else…
” Oh crap. I remember rule number 24, I can only read one book at a time, so I must complete one before the other.
I can’t risk someone taking one of my books, so I peek to the right to make sure she is not looking, and I hide the second book at the very last corner of the shelf, where I hope no one will think to search.
My voice elevates to distract her. “You know… like about his personality, his tendencies?”
“I don’t know really, oh! Actually, I did hear something yesterday. Supposedly, he is the most forgiving of all Patrons, so maybe you can try to apologize. I’m sure you’ll still have a demerit, though.”
“Yeah, um I did… but have you heard anything about who he actually is, you know? What about his family? Do you know what his major was at The Commons? The Cognitive path, or…?”
She comes around to where I am. I hide the book behind my back immediately.
“How is anyone supposed to know that? I’m sure it’s probably Cognitive. He’s most likely the exception in that zero-point-one percent he was speaking of, especially if he’s the one in charge of that test. Why the sudden interest, are you really that obsessed?”
“I’m not obsessed! Just curious.”
“Uh! Sure! It’s not like he’s filthy rich, super hot, at least 6’4, ripped AF. Did you see how ripped he was?
“Really? I haven’t noticed,” I bluff.
She shoves me with a giggle and walks away.
I overhear the tan-faced librarian speaking with the curly girl from Oblivion.
“This library houses the best books in the world. It also contains the famous book, The Tragedy of The Commons. You may already know, but after Satri DeVeechi released his findings to the upper classes, he made them promise not to share the secrets with any other generation. They each wrote him a letter, and the letters were collected into this one book. That book is only found in this library in the Patron section.”
I look to see a giant tome in the distance. On the side, a blinking note says: 10 books in 10 days to check out one book from the Patron Zone. Trying to be subtle, I join them and ask the librarian, “Ma’am, are there any library challenges The Commons encourages us to participate in?”
The curly girl turns my way, her eyes striking mine in anger as she walks away. She clearly has a personal vendetta against me, and I have no idea what it is.
“Of course.” The librarian gleams with interest, showing me her digital tablet that bounces words in the air.
“Here’s a list of the challenges. The hardest one is not advised for freshmen or sophomores.
It is called the Patron Pace or the 10 by 10 challenge, it is where you read ten books in ten days and take ten extremely difficult tests.
Your scores must fit in with the Commons average of those who have taken the tests before.
” I certainly have to do this. I need what’s inside that book!
“And how many people have taken the tests?” the curly girl asks from the corner, almost as puzzled as I am.
“That’s top secret,” the librarian responds.
“How many people have passed the test?” I ask.
“That’s also top secret. Only Patrons know. But it hasn’t yet reached fifty since The Commons has been in existence.”
The girl scoffs as though assuming that I could never pass such a test. I exchange a soft smile back at her and begin to leave to avoid any unnecessary drama. Levon always taught me to grin and bear it, but my feet are formidable against my restraint.
I stop abruptly and turn to her. “What is your problem with me?”
“No one actually knows how you made it here. Because I’m the one who won The Selection. So, what happened after Patron Pesh took you back there, huh?”
I stare in dread. She thinks… she thinks I really did something dishonorable to be selected. I am the worst flirter in all of life and the history of flirting. I could never… but there’s no point in telling her that. She wouldn’t believe me.
“Nothing happened. I was flung off a plane,” I sneer, remembering it.
She scoffs, chuckling in disbelief. “Sure,” she says, walking away. I realize how hard it must be to believe that someone could actually fling a person off a plane. I don’t blame her.
“Did you also get the middle-class scholarship?” She turns back to me.
“Um… just half off the million per semester.” The other half is getting covered by loans. One of the perks of getting accepted is a pre-approval from any bank for The Commons tuition. Without that, there’s no way I’d be here.
“Interesting. Well, I got a full ride. I guess that’s what happens when you win The Selection.” She shrugs her shoulders with a smile. “Just stay away from me. And by the way, you’re not gonna pass the 10 by 10 test. It’s impossible. Take it from me. Oratory is my strength.” She smiles again.
I smile back and my smile could bite, and she sees it and leaves. Rolling my eyes, my pretend smile turns to disgust when I see Zia arguing with Zavish Lumiere at the side of the library.
“I can come over after your hostel leader leaves,” Zia says.
“No, you can’t. It was fun back in the outside world, that’s all. But not here.”
“Okay, I guess.”
“No problem, Zia Zamafula Solodia,” he says as he eyes my curly nemesis who joins his two friends in the corner, helping them find a book.