Chapter 26
If I thought Josie was into playing mood music the other night, she’s got nothing on Ivory.
The teacher of the sensual cooking class pipes in a constant stream of Sade at the cooking school in Soho on a Friday night.
Oh, and she’s also arranged scented candles around the room. I suspect she hopes we’re all going to get it on right here on the kitchen counter after we prep the chocolate-covered strawberries.
Josie and I aren’t the only ones taking the Enticing Appetizers and Alluring Desserts class, but I think we might be the only couple that’s barely a couple. Or the only pair not quite taking this class as seriously as all the others.
There’s an older couple here, in their sixties maybe.
The man has his paws all over his woman.
I’m not opposed to PDA in theory, but I’m not all that interested in seeing him grope her ass incessantly.
But it’s nice that they dig each other. A younger couple is here, and the woman is pregnant.
They might be trying to get pregnant while pregnant tonight, if such a thing were possible, judging from how many times he kisses her as they chop vegetables.
Two men are here, too, and they’re quite touchy-feely as well.
Fine, it’s a sensual cooking class, but it’s a bit like we’re on an episode of Couples Retreat—Watch The Modern Man and Woman Mate. Or Man and Man. Or Woman and Woman.
And look, I’m all for getting it on with Josie as much as possible. Just not in a class. Tonight, she wears a summery dress along with her cherry-patterned apron, and surprise, surprise, it makes me think of the first time we made—
Screwed, I mean.
That’s all it was, and she looks completely screwable in her apron, as she mixes melted chocolate in a glass bowl at the wooden counter.
We’ve already cooked a pepper dish, while Ivory, in her slinky red dress, opined on how the heat in peppers stimulates blood, endorphins, and, you got it, erections.
Considering I’m hard nearly all the time around Josie, I don’t need peppers to serve as my Viagra.
But peppers are tasty, so we nibbled on that enticing appetizer.
Oysters came next, and Ivory watched over us, encouraging Josie to feed them to me. I declined. “You should try them. They make you virile,” Ivory said.
“Already there,” I told her.
She moved on to another couple, and I whispered to Josie, “Can’t stand oysters.”
She crinkled her nose. “I can’t either, so that was the right answer on the Roommate Compatibility test.”
Next, our teacher waxed on about asparagus and bananas, citing both the stimulants contained in them, but also how their shapes served as foreplay.
Everyone nodded sagely, like Ivory was sharing some newfound wisdom. But no one seemed able to utter the reason why their shape might be a turn-on.
“You mean because they’re phallic?” Josie asked, as if she were just learning this fact.
“Yes,” Ivory said, stroking a banana. “See?”
“Oh, I get it now,” Josie said.
When the teacher turned around, Josie opened her mouth wide like she was about to fellate the fruit. That made my night.
Yeah, maybe we’re goofballs. Maybe we’re irreverent. Maybe this class isn’t exactly for us. It’s a bit too serious, but we’re having fun in our own way.
Especially now that it’s dessert time.
“Chocolate is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” Ivory says, wandering around the room like a dance instructor.
Her dark hair is braided down her back. She stops at a hipster couple—a guy with black glasses and a goatee, who slices strawberries next to a woman with a pixie cut.
Ivory places one hand on his shoulder, the other on hers.
“Chocolate is delicious, but that’s not the only reason it’s an aphrodisiac. Do you know why it is?”
The woman clears her throat. “They say it makes you feel like you’re falling in love?”
Ivory nods and holds up a finger. “They do say that. But why? Why does chocolate make you feel like you’re in love?”
Josie steals a glance at me, and for a second I think it’s because of the topic.
That she can read it in my eyes, or that she’s checking to see if I might feel that way.
Nerves crawl up my throat, but when Josie nudges me, it’s clear she’s just having fun.
“I know the scientist in you is dying to answer,” she says under her breath.
She’s not wrong. I rocked at school. Hell, I didn’t skip two grades for nothing. I loved taking tests, loved answering questions, and loved getting the answers right. Part of me wants to shout, “It’s chemistry.”
But Ivory keeps going. “Chocolate is an aphrodisiac because it melts on the tongue, and because it improves circulation. But most importantly, it strengthens the heart.” She stops in the middle of the room and surveys her cooking students at each station. “And do you know what a strong heart does?”
I. Can’t. Resist.
I speak up. “A strong heart beats one hundred thousand times a day and pumps about two thousand gallons of blood through the circulatory system to sustain life. When the heart is strong, you can do everything better, faster, and longer.” Ivory watches me with wide eyes.
“That also means a strong heart improves endurance.” I square my shoulders. “Including between the sheets.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Josie’s lips twitching. Her hand covers her mouth. Then a small laugh slips past her fingers.
“Very good,” Ivory says with a nod. “And you see, class, chocolate is good for the heart because it helps ensure you can last all night long.”
Josie grabs my arm and digs her nails in, no doubt so she doesn’t crack up.
“And now let us enjoy the stimulant,” Ivory says, holding her arms out wide, as if she’s guiding us up the mountain of sexual exploration. “Let us dip the strawberries in the chocolate and feed them to our partners.”
Josie turns to me, a naughty little grin on her face as she holds a strawberry and whispers, “Open wide.”
I do, flicking my tongue out, letting her know what I want to be eating.
My date brings a chocolate-covered strawberry to my tongue. It’s tasty, and I finish it quickly. Then I notice everyone else is moving in slow motion, taking their time with the berries, rolling them around on their tongues, dusting kisses on their partners’ mouth.
Make no mistake—I would love to be kissing Josie right now. But in private. Not on display. I lower my voice. “I feel like we’re in a Lamaze class, and we’re the only ones not totally into it.”
She laughs. “Same here. Also, I already knew all this stuff about the food. Sort of like you and the heart,” she says, tapping mine.
Her hand on me feels good. It reminds me where I want to be.
Not here.
Evidently, she feels the same because she mouths, “Want to make a run for it?”
I lunge as if I’m about to take off in a race. Josie shakes her head, then dips her hand in her purse, fiddles around with something, and soon my phone bleeps loudly from my pocket.
Josie turns her expression to one of worry. “Oh my God, is that the hospital?” she says in a stage whisper.
I slide into my role. “It must be,” I say heavily. “I’m on call tonight.”
I grab my phone, swipe my thumb across the screen, and bring it to my ear, answering it professionally. I pretend to listen to instructions. When the imaginary answering service is through, I say, “I’ll be right there. Make sure to stabilize the patient and start an IV drip.”
All eyes in the room snap to me. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” For Josie’s amusement, I add in a deeply ominous tone, “And whatever you do, Bob, don’t lose the patient.”
Dun. Dun. Dun.
I end the call, and Ivory points to the door. “Go! Godspeed.”
We take off into the Soho night, laughing as we make our great escape from the too touchy-feely cooking lesson.
“What a strange class,” Josie says as we head to the subway. “Funny, because I heard so many raves about it.”
“I get why it’s fun, but maybe it’s not for us. To each his or her own, I suppose. The guy who recommended it liked to hang on chandeliers.”
We stop at the crosswalk, waiting for the light.
She looks up at the faint stars in the sky, as if she’s thinking.
“The whole idea of aphrodisiacs or sensual food is cool, but maybe it’s not the food that’s sensual.
” She meets my eyes. “Maybe it’s the person.
Maybe it’s just who you’re with, and it’s not about the candlelight, or the music, or the way you feed someone. ”
I drop my hand to her shoulder and serve up the full truth. “Josie, you could eat tuna fish and I’d still be turned on.”
She brings a hand to her chest and bats her eyes. “I think that’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Then we go underground.