Chapter 43
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO SEE THIS
Stefan
I feel like a caged lion today.
Ironic since I’m out and about, the city at my feet, free to go anywhere. I wander past the Painted Ladies, snapping photos of the famous Victorian houses on my phone.
This time it is raining, like I’d wanted that night at the start of the season. It’s just not raining hard enough to stop me from pacing the city alone.
I stab the focus button, taking picture after picture, capturing the city in its waterlogged mood. As drops fall on my head, I stare hard at the glass, scrolling past the images I took. The screen is wet, though, and I can’t slide past them anymore.
I mutter a curse, stalking down the street, huffing out a breath, finally turning into the park across from me. The city is quiet today. The park mostly empty. That’s rare for a Sunday, but so is rain in California these days.
This suits my mood for Kana’s game night. When Ivy asked me to go I told her I had dinner with a sponsor. That was a lie. I made up an excuse to evade the invite.
I wish we had hockey today. Something to keep me busy tonight.
Somewhere to go. Ivy and I walked her dog together this morning, then grabbed smoothies, but that wasn’t enough to satiate me.
I need to make plans with someone for tonight when the two of them are out.
As I weave through the park, aimless again, I take more photos, snapping shots of the tree branches, the tennis courts, the empty playground, hoping that fills the void inside me that’s come out of nowhere.
But it doesn’t.
And I can’t stand being this up in my head, this twisted in dark thoughts about tonight when they go.
I head to my home, avoiding the bedroom as best I can. Yesterday with Ivy already lives rent-free in my head. Don’t need it in my face.
I strip out of my wet clothes, dry off, and head to the gym.
I could work out at home. I have equipment there.
But I need noise, people, voices. I find it on Fillmore Street at the gym where many of my teammates and other professional athletes from around the city work out.
Once inside, I nod a hello to Carter Hendrix, the wide receiver for the Renegades who’s curling barbells.
I don’t usually see him here on Sundays, but I bet he has a Monday night game.
“How’s it going?” I ask.
“I can’t complain,” says the amiable guy. Of course he can’t. He’s locked up his woman.
Nope.
Not going to indulge in petty jealousies over men who are settled happily in their romances.
I grab some weights, park my ass on a bench, and work on preacher curls. I’ve done a half-dozen reps when Ledger swings by.
“Aww. Bet you missed me,” he remarks as he grabs some free weights too. It’s triceps time for the Sea Dog.
“Yes, I came here for you,” I say dryly, but then a wave of self-loathing coils in me.
I did come here for company. I did come here to talk. I did come here to find someone to hang with tonight while Ivy and Hayes go to the game night.
Without me.
It’s so stupid that I feel this way. I’ll just keep playing it cool. Wait for the opportunity to talk about this situation with Hayes and Ivy. Be the patient man I am.
Today’s not the right moment. Hayes and Ivy are busy, and I’m…not.
I meet Ledger’s dark eyes. “McBride, let’s grab a bite tonight. You free?”
He sets down his weights, brings a hand to his chest. “Are you asking me out, Viking? I’m so touched.”
I roll my eyes.
“Seriously. And I thought you hated me after the way you ditched me the other week. Now, I’m just a lucky guy,” he says, fastening on an over-the-top smile.
“I want in,” Carter says from his spot nearby. “I know a great new ramen place. Let’s do it, men.”
I make plans with the two of them, and that’ll keep my mind off my heart, which is too many steps ahead of everything else.
And everyone else.
I shoot the shit with them as I work out for an hour, feeling less like a lion when I leave. But on the way out, an email notification blinks up at me.
From Xander.
Before I even open it, dread whooshes through my veins. The subject line is: Thought you might want to see this.