Chapter 46
FAIL AGAIN
Aubrey
I push up in bed, tugging the covers tighter around my chest.
Dev prowls in silence, listening, then finally stops in the doorway, his back to me as he says to the caller, “Don’t apologize. I get it.”
Another pause.
Who’s apologizing? For what?
“That soon?” He drags his free hand through his messy morning hair.
Leaving the bedroom, he pads into the living room. Maybe I should wait here. Maybe I should be patient. But my pulse surges painfully at the prospect.
Screw that. I need to know what’s going on.
I toss the covers aside and swing my legs out of bed. I’m naked and I feel exceedingly vulnerable, so I take a quick detour to the palatial bathroom, grab a robe, and tie it as I head to the living room.
Dev stands by the window, his palm pressed against the glass, and stares at the sparkling Canadian city as the sun rises.
He’s so serious as he listens to the call. Is someone hurt? His parents? My worries spiral into full-blown fears.
“Yeah, just send me the info,” he says, his voice even but resigned. “Of course I’ll go.”
Okay. No one’s hurt. That’s a huge relief.
“No problem. And hey, it’s all good.” His tone brightens like he’s trying to convince the person on the other end of the line that he’s truly cool with this change.
He ends the call, then lets out a long sigh, kind of mournful and kind of frustrated. He scrubs a hand across the back of his neck, shaking his head before he chucks the phone at the nearby couch like he’s annoyed with the device for bringing bad news.
Dev startles when he turns and sees me, then, seeming chagrined, says, “Didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“What’s going on?” I tug the belt tighter as I join him in the living room, swallowing down my worries.
He comes around to the couch, pats the cushion. I join him, my stomach churning.
“That was Garrett,” he says.
My heart twists and then jackhammers. I’m not worried my brother’s figured us out. That’s easy enough to handle. But if my brother’s calling Dev, and Dev has to handle something right away, and it’s nearly training camp…
“Were you traded?” I ask, my heart pounding with fear. “Is that why you have to go back early? Are they trading you before the season? Where are they trading you?”
I picture Dev leaving town. Playing somewhere else. I cycle through teams that might need a world-class goalie. “New York? Miami? St. Louis?”
My voice hits the sky. I’m freezing, horror-struck, and he knows it.
I don’t want him to go. I need him to stay.
He chuckles softly, then drags his thumb down my jawline. “No, baby. I’m not being traded. But it didn’t go unnoticed how you sounded just now.” Like he’s just discovered a wooden chest with hidden treasure, he tilts his head my way. “You don’t want me to go.”
Said with wonder. Said with total delight too.
The way he looks at me is disarming. It warms my heart. Fills it up. Completely terrifies me. “Of course I don’t want you to go,” I say, like it’s no big deal.
When it is a big deal.
And he knows it.
He lifts a brow, then taps his temple. “I’m filing that away in the good things drawer.”
I grab his arm, frustrated. “Dev! Just tell me what’s going on? I’m dying to know.”
“Sanchez posted some pics of the game yesterday. Which is fine. We knew he was doing that. Apparently, with the ‘Dev Save’ thing going viral…” He shrugs, looking embarrassed to be at the center of a trend.
“The pics took off, too, and became the next thing in the whole ‘Dev Save’ saga. And this local camp in San Francisco that Jessie’s husband runs wants me to stop by. ”
“Oh,” I say, processing this news. “The owner’s husband.”
“Cade’s a sports agent too. A buddy of Garrett’s. He gave him a call. And…”
I fill in the dots. “The owner and the owner’s husband asked your agent. Of course you need to do it,” I say before reality hits me. My shoulders sag. “It’s today, right?”
He winces, then nods. “This afternoon.” He sighs heavily. “I can say no though. I can say I can’t cut the trip short.” But then he hesitates. “It’s just I feel like it’d be really shitty to G-man then, you know?”
I get it. “I understand completely. It’s important that you do this stuff for you.”
“It is,” Dev says. That’s the bigger issue. Not so much that my brother asked for his help, but that Dev wants to do it. That’s who he is—a man who shows up. “But I told him I’d check with you.”
I love that Dev’s asking. He’s including me. “You should go,” I say, meaning it, so he feels free to get on that plane.
Dev looks unconvinced. “But it’s our last day.”
“Go,” I add, more brightly. “And have fun.”
The longer I hold onto these guys, the harder it’ll be to say goodbye tomorrow. There’s just one little problem. Ledger and me—do we stay behind?
I hadn’t thought about that till just now.
Footsteps pad across the carpet, then Ledger’s standing in the doorway, dressed in black boxer briefs and a scowl. “What kind of animals are you? Up at this hour?”
“I need to take off,” Dev says, explaining the details quickly.
Ledger’s sleepy morning grimace vanishes, replaced by a more thoughtful expression. “That sounds cool, man,” he says as he sits next to me on the couch.
“It really does,” I say since I want Ledger to know that I support this choice.
I want both guys to know I’d stand behind their careers rather than in front of them. But why am I trying to impress this upon them? I’m not their girlfriend. I am their friend, though, and I know what it’s like when someone doesn’t support you. I know the anxiety that produces.
Everyone goes quiet. This is where things get awkward. Do we part ways now, with Ledger and me staying behind to traipse around the city, shopping and eating fancy food? That feels all wrong.
But the guys won’t ask me to leave early. They’ll want to spoil me, even with one here and the other remote. Here is where my make-everything-better skills come in handy.
“I think we should leave, too,” I say before they can try to convince me to stay.
“What?” Dev asks, his brow pinching. “You guys don’t have to.”
But honestly, we do.
The more I stay with one of them, or both of them, the harder I’ll fall for these men. I set one hand on Ledger’s strong chest and the other on Dev’s.
“I came here with both of you. This isn’t how it should end, with one person leaving.”
Ledger’s expression is stoic, but his eyes flicker with sadness. There’s resignation and understanding too. “I agree,” he says, tone heavy.
Dev scoffs, tossing up his hands. “That’s ridiculous. Stay and have a good time.”
“It wouldn’t be the same.”
He rolls his eyes and then breathes out hard, like a horse at the track, insistent and ready to race. “There’s no reason you two shouldn’t have fun.”
“Dev,” I say, gentle but firm. “We did this trip together. The three of us work well together.”
Before he can protest again, his phone beeps for his attention. “My flight details,” he says after a glance.
Yes. Planes. Agendas. Like on the day we arrived, I need to focus on practicalities and book our flights back home instead.
* * *
A half hour later, we’re packed and getting ready to leave, the three of us now booked on the same flight back.
We won’t shop for a dress today.
We won’t go to a three-star restaurant tonight.
We won’t sleep together one more time.
We’ll leave and go our separate ways. I’ll return to my simple life of blowouts and balayage, and they’ll return to their star-studded lives filled with team jets, long workouts, tense games, and all the hardships and joys of professional sports.
As I head to the door, I replay the last six days on a loop. It’s not only about the sex we had. I learned a lot of things unintentionally: Saying what’s on my mind. Speaking up even if it means rocking the boat.
No time like the present to put that into action.
At the door, I stop, hand on the knob, then I turn to my travel companions. “I want to tell you something,” I say, my pulse racing.
Dev’s eyes flicker with excitement and maybe some hope. “Yeah?”
“What is it?” Ledger’s tone is more measured, but there’s a touch of excitement there too.
My throat tightens with rising emotions.
I look into Ledger’s soulful blue eyes, which have seen years of change, then into Dev’s eager, bright green gaze.
“This was a fun trip, but I learned a lot too. More than I expected. I learned to say what I’m feeling.
Not to hide it,” I say, and it’s hard to speak the truth, but I have to do this.
“What is it?” Dev asks, as if he’s hanging onto my words.
Go for it, I pep-talk myself. “I’m tempted to ask you to meet up after training camp,” I begin, speaking from the heart.
Dev’s eyes spark with hope. “Yeah?”
Ledger’s flicker with possibility. “Yeah?”
I soldier on. “I want to keep doing this more than anything,” I say, and holy shit, I’m breaking all the rules of our tryst, the ones we set in the hot tub. “I know we said we had a start and end date. But part of me wants to say screw that.”
Dev lets out a big breath, then smiles. “Screw it.”
“Really fucking screw it,” Ledger echoes.
My heart rockets, wanting to fly into their hands. I want to dance with them, laugh with them, have fun with them. “I don’t want to hurt you,” I say.
Dev scoffs. “I get hurt every day.”
Ledger glances down at his knee like, C’mon.
“But I can’t risk that,” I say. “I have a lot to figure out, and I care about you guys too much to keep going while knowing I’m not ready. I won’t ask you to wait for me. I just want you to know.” I dig down deep and I do what I should have last week. I speak up. “This week has been…”
I take a second to gather my thoughts, but Dev’s faster. “It’s been everything,” he says.
Ledger’s quiet at first, but then he nods. “You’re everything.”
My heart thumps harder and heavier. “I wish this had happened at another time,” I say, resigned to our fate—right guys, wrong time.
At the door, Dev leans in to press a poignant kiss to my lips. It tastes like salt and goodbye.
He lets go, and Ledger brushes his mouth against mine. I taste all the what-ifs, chased with regret.
Then, we go, ending the trip far too soon.
Maybe that’s better—one less day to fall harder.
Because I’m just not ready to fail again at love.