Chapter 22
twenty-two
HARPER
T he awkwardness that was left behind after our kiss has abated in the week that’s followed.
Finn and I didn’t end up doing anything last weekend.
I was so tired, and my stomach was bothering me again, so I just laid around the house taking it easy.
Unfortunately, my stomach is still bothering me.
I miss those blessed couple of weeks when I was able to eat normally and feel good.
But we have plans tonight to do something, though I don’t know what. Finn insisted it be a surprise. All I know is that he told me to be ready to leave by five.
He walks through the door at 4:50 on the dot with a couple of grocery bags in his hands.
“Hey.” He gives me one of his charming smiles and heads straight to the kitchen.
I follow him. “What do you have there?”
“I know you said your stomach has been bothering you lately, and you’re finding it hard to eat, so I stopped and picked up a few things.” He pulls items out of the bags. There are saltine crackers, pickles, potato chips, chocolate, ice cream, and cheese.
“Interesting combo.” My head tilts to the side.
Honestly, looking at the arrangement of foods on the counter makes my stomach turn. I swear I can smell the vinegary tang of the pickles, and the thought of eating ice cream makes bile race up my throat.
“I googled what pregnant women crave. Figured if you can’t eat full meals, maybe you can have snacks throughout the day.” He shrugs then holds up the ice cream with a smile.
All I can picture is it curdling in my stomach.
I slap a hand over my throat and race for the bathroom, managing to get down on my knees moments before I vomit. I’m not aware of anything except purging my stomach until a large set of hands gathers my hair and holds it at the nape of my neck.
Oh god, how embarrassing.
I continue vomiting until my stomach is empty, then I reach up blindly and flush the toilet, sitting back on my heels. Finn lets go of my hair.
“I’m sorry.” I wipe under my eyes with a finger, sure that my mascara now looks like shit from my watering eyes.
“Why are you apologizing?” Finn slides to the floor beside me, somehow not looking repulsed.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I chuckle and use the toilet for leverage to stand.
Finn stands up too, and I suddenly realize how small this bathroom actually is. His presence presses in on me from all sides.
“I should be the one apologizing. Obviously, I didn’t buy the right stuff.”
I shake my head. “No, it was very thoughtful of you. This is the first time I’ve thrown up. There’s no way you could have known. I hope this isn’t a sign of the next pregnancy stage.”
He looks at me with concern. Something in his expression feels wholly intimate, so I turn away.
“Just let me go upstairs to brush my teeth, and then we can head out.”
I wait for him to step out of the bathroom so that I can get past him, but he shakes his head. “We aren’t going anywhere.”
My forehead wrinkles. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll rebook it. Let’s just stay in tonight in case your stomach wants to go another round.”
I do a mental check of how I’m feeling. Though my stomach definitely feels more settled now, I still have that queasy feeling at the back of my throat. Though I was looking forward to getting out of the house and doing something, Finn is probably right.
“Okay, maybe that’s best. Thanks.” I cringe.
“Why don’t you go change into something comfortable, and then we can chill?” He turns and steps out of the small bathroom to let me pass.
I head upstairs and change into leggings and an oversized thin sweater, pulling my hair up into a messy bun.
When I get back downstairs, I find Finn with the TV on the home page of a streaming service.
He’s taken a blanket out of the blanket box and has it on one end of the couch, and he’s lit the candle on the coffee table.
The vibe is chill and cozy and exactly what I need. If I didn’t know better, I might even think it’s romantic.
My mind drifts back to the kiss we shared, but I quickly push the thought away.
“What do you want to watch?” I sit near the blanket on the couch and pull it over my lap.
“You choose.” He motions toward the TV.
“Do you like reality TV?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Never really watched it.”
I pick up the controller from the cushion beside me. “Well, you’re in for a treat then.”
By the end of the second episode, my stomach seems to have come around, and I decide to try to eat something. I settle on crackers with peanut butter and head into the kitchen to make some. Finn follows to make himself something to eat since he hasn’t had dinner yet.
Ten minutes later, I’m seated at the breakfast bar, slowly eating my snacks and watching Finn make an omelet on the stove.
“Have you heard back from the fire station?” I ask.
My uncle put in a good word for Finn, and though the Anchorage station doesn’t need anyone at the moment, the local Lake Starlight one does. My uncle has worked out of Anchorage all his life, but around here, everyone knows everyone, so he was still able to put Finn’s resume at the top of the pile.
“I did. Meant to tell you that I have an interview on Monday.” He lifts the corner of his omelet to check it, then turns down the burner.
“That’s great news.” I reach for the glass of water Finn set in front of me a couple of minutes ago.
“Yeah, I’ll have to call your uncle back to thank him.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t mind. It’s one of the perks of having such a large family.” I take a sip of my water then set down the drink.
Finn looks at me over his shoulder. “Is it ever overwhelming to have such a big family?”
I seesaw my head back and forth for a moment. “It can be at times. Mostly when there’s a big event, and everyone is going to be there. Or if something big is going on and everyone is talking about it, and you find yourself somehow involved.” I point at my stomach and chuckle.
“I’m sure the news about our baby must have made your phone ring.”
Hearing the words “our baby” from Finn’s mouth does something to me. Something it should not. I brush off the feeling.
“You have no idea how many calls and texts I had to field.” I shake my head. “It took a few days to get through them all.”
“But do you like it?” He turns off the burner and plates his omelet.
I nod. “I do. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
I mean, in a family this size, it’s almost like there are little subsections of family units.
I’m closest with my cousins who are around my own age.
But I know that if anything ever happened, and I needed someone in my family to step up, they’d all do so in a heartbeat.
There’s something comforting about that. ” I shrug.
He grabs a fork and a knife from the cutlery drawer and stands opposite from where I sit, cutting into his dinner.
“Do you come from a big family?”
Finn shakes his head and frowns. “No, it’s just me and my parents. Neither of them had any siblings and both sets of grandparents have passed so…”
My chest squeezes. Jeez, I’d hate that. I’d feel so alone. My family can be overbearing and intrusive at times, but I can’t imagine not having them in my life.
“How do you feel about…” I was going to say being a part of a large family, but that’s not exactly true, is it? Despite being my child’s father, we’re not together, and he’ll always have one foot on the outside. “…our child being part of such a big family?”
He finishes chewing and smiles at me. “I love it. For all the reasons you said. I like knowing that he or she will be surrounded by so many people who love them.”
The tension in my chest eases.
“Have you told your parents about the baby?” I’ve been curious but haven’t wanted to ask.
“Kind of had to since I relocated here.” He brings his fork to his mouth.
“How did they take the news?” I brace myself.
“They were surprised… obviously. They thought I was getting married for love.”
“Did you tell them the truth?”
He shakes his head. “Didn’t see the point. I might in the future.” He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“They must hate me for taking their only son away.” I frown.
His forehead wrinkles. “Not at all. Honestly, I think they were proud of me in a weird way. For taking responsibility.”
“Most guys wouldn’t have, you know.” Our eyes lock and hold as I say, “Or at least to the extent that you are.”
He breaks eye contact and looks at his plate, cutting into his omelet again. “I’ve always wanted kids. Granted, this isn’t how I thought it would happen. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I want that with my own child. I can’t build that from thousands of miles away.”
“Well, I guess as far as baby daddies go, I picked a good one.”
Finn’s mouth drops open, then he tilts his head back and laughs. When he looks back at me, there’s a sparkle of appreciation in his eyes. I recognize it from the night of the wedding when we ended up in bed together.
I clear my throat and push my plate away, sliding off the stool. “I think that’s enough for me. Ready to watch another episode?” Leaving the kitchen, I don’t wait for him to answer.
Whether it’s pregnancy hormones, proximity, or just him , I can’t afford to be attracted to him. I’ve always let my emotions run my life, but not anymore. Not when I have a little one who is depending on me.