5. Parker Cain
5
PARKER CAIN
If I hadn’t been so aware of Joy in my arms, my knees might have buckled when he said my name. I couldn’t remember Declan ever saying my given name while we were in the office. It was always Mr. Cain, unless we were in bed together. Then it was a growl between calling me annoying or bastard.
Since I’d found him in my office with that flabbergasted expression on his hard face, I’d been expecting him to fire me and kick me out of the building. My assumption felt even more sound as he led me to his office for added privacy.
But he was talking about buying soft things for Joy so she could be more comfortable and letting me use his office. My brain locked up. I didn’t have it in me to fight it any longer. It was easier to go with the flow.
So, now I was sitting in my boss’s office with my daughter in my arms, and it felt like all the balls I’d been trying so hard to juggle had just come crashing down around me, and I wanted to cry.
Two days…
I’d been on my own with Joy for two days, and it was already a mess. How was I supposed to do this ?
The tears fell before I could catch them, and I gasped on a lump that had formed in my throat as I’d almost cursed Molly for getting herself killed. Thinking about her was like touching a raw nerve that would send a fresh shock wave of pain through my body.
“Oh. No. Don’t. I?—”
My head popped up to find Declan coming closer with a pained expression. He pulled his handkerchief from his breast pocket and thrust it toward me.
“I don’t think you should do that. Isn’t it bad for them? Crying on them, I mean.”
A fractured laugh escaped amidst my crying, and I blindly took his handkerchief to wipe away the tears. At least there was someone on the planet more helplessly lost than me.
Declan sat in the chair beside mine and awkwardly patted me on the shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m not angry. Just…worried.” He’d paused as though he were trying to find the right word, and even after it came out, it sounded awkward.
Another bark of laughter escaped me. “Worried? You don’t even like me.”
Declan pulled his hand away and dropped it into his lap. “I don’t…hate you.” He paused and made a face. It was as if he didn’t like any of the words that were coming to him and yet he still had to spit something out. “The last time I saw you, you were so upset…from that call. And now you’re here with a daughter, but I didn’t think…” He stopped again and shook his head. “You mentioned a woman. Molly. Was she your wife?”
“I thought I’d made it very clear that I’m gay. Do I need to be more obvious?” It was easier to fall back on sarcasm. It was like moving a protective shield into place after being so vulnerable and broken for so fucking long.
“No, you’ve been quite obvious, but there could have been circumstances. ”
Now, wasn’t that a great word? Circumstances. That covered all types of sins and disasters.
Declan’s manner was so forthright and his attention unwavering that I found my protective shield slipping from my grasp even as I tried to secure it. I couldn’t remain sarcastic, no matter how hard I tried.
“Molly was my best friend. We’d known each other since elementary school. She wanted a baby, but she didn’t want to do the marriage route. She asked me to donate the sperm to help make Joy. So, biologically, I am her father. But there was no plan for me to step into Joy’s life as her day-to-day father. But…”
“There was an accident,” Declan supplied as the words became stuck in my throat.
I nodded. “Last week was about getting the funeral arranged and moving all of Joy’s things into my apartment. Figuring out how to even care for a baby. My parents flew in after it happened and they were helping me for a while, but they returned home after the funeral.” I sighed, balling the monogrammed linen handkerchief in my fist. “Why does this have to be so hard? Yesterday wasn’t a total disaster, but this morning, Joy had a low fever. I squeezed in for the first pediatrician appointment of the day and they said it wasn’t anything serious. They gave me some medicine and sent us on our way, but because she has a fever, I couldn’t take her to daycare. And I-I-I don’t have any other daycare lined up for her. I didn’t want to bring her to the office, but there was no other option. Plus, I’m out of PTO days, and the money is really going to be needed now that I’m raising a kid.”
“Did Molly have any other family who could help you?”
“No. She was an only child, and her parents are older. I think they’re in town for a little while longer, and then they’re flying home to Arizona. Any other friends we had are working stiffs like me. No one can babysit during the day. Not that I’m even sure I’d trust any of them with a baby if they could,” I muttered at the end. The few friends I had outside of Molly were wild and crazy twentysomethings who had no interest in kids and marriage. I doubted any of them had ever held a baby, let alone changed a diaper.
Declan grunted and frowned at the floor as if he were deep in thought. “I will speak to HR for you. See if we can pull together more time. Bereavement or paternal leave for a new baby.”
“I appreciate it, but I doubt you’re going to make much more progress than I did. Bereavement only covers close family such as a spouse or parent. And paternal leave only covers when a new baby is first born. Joy is six months old. Not to mention, if I took it, it’s not paid leave. I can’t afford any unpaid time right now.”
“That can’t be right. Courtland Enterprises has an excellent benefits package for its employees.”
I couldn’t quite stop the snort that escaped me. “First, I’m not technically an employee, so I don’t have access to all your benefits. I’m lucky to get what I get. And second, Courtland has excellent benefits by American standards . If we were in western Europe, I’m sure I would get all the paid time I needed to get Joy settled and a proper support system established.”
Shit . I bit the inside of my mouth. That was not something I should have said if I wanted to become a full-time employee with Courtland. You shouldn’t bite the hand you wanted to feed you on a long-term basis.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
But Declan’s expression grew darker. “I will speak with HR.”
He stood and walked around his desk to sit behind his computer. He typed a few things and then gathered up some random stacks of paper and his calendar. After using his phone to forward his calls to my phone, he stood. “I will move to your office for the day. Be sure to have your calls forwarded to this phone. Mrs. Turner will return with some items to help the baby be more comfortable. If you need to bring Joy into the office tomorrow, please message me in the morning and we will swap offices again.”
I jumped to my feet. “Declan…sir, this is unnecessary. We can be comfortable in my office.”
“No. Your office is too small. You will remain here.”
Declan had a way of stating things that had a very final air to them. As if his words formed a giant stone wall you couldn’t hope to push through, so you gave up and went along with him.
“Thank you. I am sorry for this inconvenience. I know this isn’t a great time, but I hope you’ll remember my strong work performance during the past three months, and still consider me for this position if it becomes a more permanent opening.”
He paused for a moment and made a soft noise of agreement before heading to the door.
“Oh! Wait!” I called out as he was about to leave. “I forgot to ask. What did you come to see me about?”
For the first time since I’d met him, Declan appeared uncomfortable and reluctant to answer me. After a couple of seconds, he spit out in his usual brusque tone, “The report you handed in is incomplete and riddled with errors. Fix it.” He licked his lips and continued in a somewhat softer tone. “I think…you might have given me an early draft rather than the completed one. When you find the right one, you can email it to me. I’ll print it out later.”
He left without another word, which was good because I was too busy watching the shattered remains of my hopes and self-confidence fall to the floor. I dropped into the seat I’d just left and whispered curses at my own stupidity.
Perfect timing. I’d bragged about my so-called strong work performance right after I’d made the most thoughtless blunder. How could I have not double-checked the report after I’d printed it out? I was never so careless with my work.
I could see my chances of getting hired on at Courtland circling the toilet bowl as I flushed them away.
Idiot.
A soft groan escaped, and I glanced at Joy to find that she’d fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder. At least she didn’t have to witness her father being an absolute moron. There was still plenty of time for that, though.
However, there was no point in wasting more time wallowing in my misery. I placed her in her carrier chair that doubled as a car seat and settled behind Declan’s desk.
Okay, so maybe I took a couple of seconds to wiggle my butt in his plush, leather executive swivel chair. I didn’t want to know how many thousands of dollars this thing cost, but the way it felt left me sure that it was worth every freaking penny. It was going to be hard to go back to my average drone chair after this.
Would he notice if I sneaked this chair out of his office and into mine?
Yeah, he would.
Pre-baby Me might have done it. But then Pre-baby Me didn’t want to be hired on permanently.
Post-baby Me desperately needed the permanent, full-time gig.
Whatever. No more wasting time. I needed to get as much done as possible before Joy woke from her nap and needed a diaper change and food.
After logging into the computer, I found the correct report and double-checked every damn page prior to emailing it to Declan with yet another apology. Mrs. Turner returned to the office as I finished working through my overflowing inbox, and she had two more men in tow, carrying a ridiculous amount of baby supplies. There was a new Pack ’n Play, a bouncy chair with an activity center, another activity mat where Joy could lie on her back and play with toys that dangled above her. There were also blankets, soft stuffed toys, and other random things I’d never seen.
But what boggled my mind the most was that everything appeared high end. Was there such a thing as Baby Neiman Marcus? Because if there was, Mrs. Turner had gone shopping there.
“Mrs. Turner, I…I don’t know what to say. This is too much. Mr. Foster couldn’t have meant for you to get so much.”
“He did,” she replied with absolute confidence prior to ordering her unknown porters to open boxes and put things together.
I jumped to the two strangers as they started attacking the boxes, waving my hands around like an idiot while trying to command them in a whisper. “Wait. Don’t open things. We need to return them.”
They paused and looked at the older woman, who shook her head. “Get to work.”
And that was the end of listening to me. They were on the fast track to turning one-third of Declan’s spacious office into a high-end Babies “R” Us showroom. How the hell was I supposed to get this all home? Where would I even store it? No, I had to return it all.
Except for maybe the bouncy chair.
Joy woke up during the construction, and Mrs. Turner put her in the chair. Within seconds, my little one not only figured out how to bounce herself, but she went to town on the toys in front of her, squealing and making the most delightful noises.
I also liked the pink elephant plush toy.
And that gray cloth wrap carrier could be handy. It would snuggle her against my chest and allow me to hold her, hands free. I could get some typing done while holding her.
“Before I forget,” Mrs. Turner said as her helpers carried the empty, collapsed boxes and other packing materials out of the office. “Mr. Foster told me to order lunch for the entire department from that deli down the block. It should be here in about thirty minutes. After the food is set out, I’ll come in and watch Joy for you while you fix your plate.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Turner. For everything. Really.”
“You’re welcome.” She smiled at me and patted my left arm. “You’ve got that same lost look my sons had when their first borns arrived. You’ll figure it out.”
God, I hoped she was right.
Mrs. Turner left me alone with Joy, and I sank into a chair near her. Her wide blue eyes were locked on the colorful toys as they spun and rattled under her pudgy fingers. The panic that had plagued me almost from the moment my eyes opened this morning released me from its grip.
Of course, now that Joy was settled comfortably and happy, my brain went in search of something new to worry about, because why the fuck not?
Declan Foster had become a complete mystery to me in a matter of minutes. I had expected to be fired on the spot for bringing Joy into the office. If not fired, at least sent home without pay because this was a place of business and not a daycare.
Instead, he’d given up his office and bought all these things for Joy to make her more comfortable while she was here. No one could have expected him to do these things.
No. One.
The world’s grumpiest, most socially awkward, reticent man had helped some hopeless loser he didn’t fucking like? Yeah, I still didn’t believe it, and I was looking at the proof as it filled the room. Not to mention, this was the same man who’d seemed terrified at the mere mention of children when we’d lightly discussed them one week ago.
Of course, he didn’t appear comfortable around Joy. He watched her as though he expected her to explode or start flying about the room .
And then there was the lunch. Yes, he was treating the entire department to lunch, but there was this voice whispering that he’d only done that to cover up the fact that he wanted to buy me lunch. By treating the entire department, he’d made sure I couldn’t argue with him.
I didn’t understand him at all.
But right now, the things I needed to worry about were Joy and finding a permanent job with excellent health care. My contract with Courtland Enterprises was going to be up in less than a week. If I didn’t find a way to wow Declan, this place was going to join the ranks of the dozen other companies I’d completed contract work for and left in my rearview mirror.
Of course, getting a full-time job at Courtland Enterprises meant becoming another data donkey. A numbers drudge. The idea made my soul shrivel up. This was not the life I’d wanted for myself.
Joy squealed and blew bubbles, drawing my gaze to her and her adorable smile.
I’d do it for her, though. If it meant giving her a safe, happy, healthy life, I’d do it for her.