26. Parker Cain
26
PARKER CAIN
When I picked Declan up for our date, I wasn’t sure which of us was more nervous. Yeah, we’d fucked countless times and we’d lived together, but something in my head shouted that this was my last chance to put us on the right foot. We’d done everything out of order and backward from the very beginning. If we were going to make this work, I needed us to do things properly just one time. After today, we could return to our usual chaos.
Declan answered the door instead of Franks. God, the man looked so fucking good. I’d texted him that he should dress casually. I was still a little stunned as he stepped outside in a pair of dark jeans and a white button-down shirt. The air had taken on a chill in the evenings, with more rain showers popping up. Summer was over, and fall was crawling into Cincinnati.
“Damn,” I whispered.
“What?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to say that out loud. But really, baby, I think you got sexier, and that’s not fair.”
One corner of Declan’s mou th lifted in a near smirk. “Same for you. Did you lose some of the baby weight?”
A loud bark of laughter escaped me, and I stumbled a couple of steps. I hadn’t expected him to make such a great quip. “Yes! I had to fend for myself for a while. No more delicious Donovan food and endless snacks. I lost some of my dad bod.” I patted my mostly flat stomach, relieved that my clothes were fitting less snugly again.
It hadn’t occurred to me how much snacking I’d been doing until I didn’t have someone bringing me goodies every day. Dinners also became a lot more basic once I had to cook them. Unfortunately, I was also putting Joy on store-bought food. The spoiled little princess was not a fan, but she’d adjust.
“You’ve always been sexy to me,” Declan continued.
“Come on, flirt. There’s someone I want you to meet before dinner.” I waved him toward my car, waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “I’ve got a pot roast in the oven. You’re getting my home cooking tonight.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see Declan’s eyes light up. “With the potatoes?”
The man was addicted to those potatoes, and I was happy to make them for him for the rest of our lives if it meant I got to see that look of joy in his eyes.
“We’ll see.”
As I reached the car, I opened the passenger side door for him, but he froze when he peered into the back seat to find the car seat missing.
“Where’s Joy?”
“Sebastian and Byron volunteered to babysit tonight.”
Declan’s head snapped around, and I swore he stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “You’re joking?”
“Nope.”
“Sebastian and Byron?”
“Yeah, Byron offered.” I leaned in and added in a whisper. “I think Byron is testing out the idea of them having kids.”
“Well, tell him to borrow Sebastian’s niece next time. They’re not allowed to test anything with our—your—I mean Joy. Sebastian has never even watched his niece on his own. They have no idea what they’re doing.” Declan’s face was turning red with every stammered and flustered word he said. It made me want to kiss him so badly, but I held back. There were things that needed to be done and said first.
Instead, I patted him on the shoulder. “It’ll be fine. I gave them detailed instructions about what to do and feeding. I also taught them to change the diaper.”
“But—”
“They have Franks on speed dial,” I added before he could argue further. Declan’s eyes widened as if he were surprised that I’d reached out to Franks about helping with Joy. But his body relaxed an instant later. “Franks and Donovan are on standby and ready to jump in if necessary.” It also didn’t hurt that Declan lived less than twenty minutes from Sebastian. They could be over to help in a flash.
“Okay,” Declan murmured and climbed into the passenger seat of my sedan.
Still holding on to the door, I leaned down so I could look him in the eye as I said, “You’ll see Joy soon. I thought it was important that we be able to talk, just the two of us tonight.”
Declan nodded, his expression clearing. “You’re right. Thank you.”
Feeling lighter, I hurried to the driver’s side and jumped in. We zipped away from Declan’s house and across town. I glanced at the clock on the dash and did some quick cooking math. Right now, I had about an hour to get this visit done and get us to my apartment so I could check on the roast and finish prepping the rest of dinner. Unless I hit some crazy traffic, everything would be fine.
The drive was quiet, but Declan wasn’t much for small talk, and that was fine with me. I broke the silence here and there with some stories about Joy or other weirdness I’d encountered in the last week without him. Actually, I did fa r more talking than I expected, but after seeing him every day for two months, I’d gotten used to telling him every tiny thing that crossed my mind.
“Tell me, honestly, do you think I talk too much?”
“No.” Declan’s answer was sharp and immediate. “Does it bother you that I don’t talk?”
“Nope. Never has. I know if you’ve got something important on your mind, you’ll tell me.” I glanced over at Declan out of the corner of my eye to see his frown deepen and heavy lines dart across his forehead. “What?”
“I think maybe I didn’t tell you enough of the important things.”
As I hit the turn signal, I bit my tongue to hold in my words and suppress my smile. I could guess at some things he probably wished he’d told me, but that could wait a little longer.
We turned into Spring Grove Cemetery on the west side of town, and Declan’s head snapped up. Tall oaks crowded the narrow road, their leaves changing from green to orange, yellow, and red. The car crawled along, passing endless rows of graves with a mix of simple headstones to elaborate edifices to the dead. In the distance, there was a white marble building with columns that looked as though it had been lifted out of Ancient Greece, while another spot held a mausoleum that reminded me of an old gothic cathedral straight out of Germany.
“Oh…Molly,” Declan murmured, sounding as if he were talking to himself as he relaxed in his chair.
“Good guess.” It took us five minutes of winding through the enormous graveyard to reach a stretch of ground that had been cleared in the past few years. Fewer trees marked this area, and those that were here stretched only five or six feet into the air, saplings still learning their lifelong sentry duty for the dead.
I pulled to the side of the road and turned off the engine. When I looked at Declan and smiled, I could feel that my grin had become a little crooked and frail. “I just heard from Molly’s parents that her headstone was installed a few days ago. I promised them I would visit and send them a picture.”
“Of course. I’m surprised they didn’t want her to be buried closer to them.”
“They did, but they also knew it was my plan to stay here to raise Joy. I think they wanted Molly to be close to her daughter.”
We got out of the car, and I waited for Declan to walk around to me so I could thread his fingers with mine. With him at my side, my heart didn’t feel so heavy as I strolled across the grass that was turning green again after the hot, dry summer. This was the first time I’d been to Molly’s grave since the funeral. I’d meant to come back, but it had slipped my mind as more things had happened.
Molly’s headstone was a simple pale-gray granite stone with deeply carved black lettering. There was no additional adornment like a picture, but I liked that her parents had put on there “Beloved daughter, mother, and friend,” because she really was.
“I know, I know. I should have come sooner,” I said by way of greeting. My fingers tightened on Declan’s hand, while my eyes remained locked on her new headstone. “But I knew I was going to talk to you, and it’s easier to talk to your headstone than it is to talk to the dirt. Call me crazy. And I’m sorry I didn’t bring Joy. I promise I’ll bring her in a couple of weeks. You’re going to love seeing her. She’s gotten so big and sassy. Just like her mom. Oh! I’ll put her in her Halloween costume. You’ll love it.” My voice caught on those last two words and the lump that seemed to form in my throat whenever I thought about her returned.
Declan lifted our joined hands and pressed a sweet kiss to my fingers, silently reassuring me.
After a deep breath and clea ring my throat, I could continue. “Today, I’m here because there’s someone I need to introduce you to. This…is Declan Foster.” I threw up a hand, as if trying to halt traffic. “Stop. I can imagine what you’re going to say about his hotness and if you continue, they’ll kick you out of heaven.”
“Really?” Declan murmured, and I smiled at him as I dropped my hand to my side.
“Yeah, she had a filthy mouth. It terrified me to think what Joy’s first words were going to be with her as a mom.”
“I worry about that with you sometimes,” he teased.
I clicked my tongue at him but couldn’t argue. He was right. I wasn’t great about watching what I said around Joy, and that was going to get me in trouble one day.
Turning my attention to Molly, I resumed what I was trying to say. “Declan is amazing. He’s brilliant, kind, and so fucking patient. But most importantly, he loves our daughter. He’s done such wonderful things to make sure she’s happy, healthy, and safe. And I’m so sorry that you never got the chance to meet him. You were right. I should have grown a set and asked him out months ago. Then maybe I would have been better prepared…or…hell…” My voice broke, and the first tear slipped down my cheek.
Declan pulled his hand free, but before I could register what was happening, Declan was pulling me tightly into his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder, my tears soaking into his shirt while my body trembled. It felt like I would never stop crying over Molly, but the pain almost felt manageable with Declan holding me. It was as if all the pieces weren’t going to fall off me and be lost because he was there to catch them.
After a few minutes, I drew in another ragged breath and stepped out of Declan’s embrace to wipe my face.
“Sorry about that,” I murmured, not sure who I was talking to that time. Smiling at her gravestone, I felt a little better, as if some of the weight on my heart was lifted. “I wanted to bring him by, because it’s important to me that you meet. I would like for him to be a big part of my life and Joy’s life.” Still smiling, I gazed up at Declan, who was looking teary as well. “And that means understanding that Molly is still a big part of my and Joy’s life.”
“Of course. I understand.”
Pressing my fingers to my lips, I blew Molly a kiss. “Stay out of trouble, girlfriend. We’ll all be back soon for a longer visit. I need to get home before the roast in the oven burns.”
Declan wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked to the car. He paused as we reached the driver’s door, his hand tightening on my hip. “Would you like me to drive?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m good now. Helped to clear the cobwebs.”
He didn’t ask anything else as he moved to the passenger side and climbed into the car.
The drive to my temporary apartment took only fifteen minutes, thanks to the lighter weekend traffic. I bit my lip as I covertly watched Declan as we walked up to my building. He was looking everything over with a very critical eye. The building wasn’t bad at all. It was in a nice, quiet neighborhood, and the complex was gated, which helped create a feeling of security. He said nothing until I approached a door on the first floor.
“I thought it was safer to be up on the third floor,” he stated.
“It is, but have you ever tried to carry a baby, stroller, and groceries up to the third floor? Ain’t happening. Besides, after the fire at my old place, I’d rather be on the first floor.”
Declan grunted and nodded. It was on the tip of my tongue to point out that it wasn’t my plan to stay here for long, but I thought that would muddy the waters. There were a lot of things we needed to discuss tonight.
As I opened the door, the rich, heavy scent of cooked meat wafted out and my stomach growled. At least I thought it was my stomach. The happy hum that came from Declan behind me le ft me thinking it could have been his stomach, too.
“That smells wonderful. Could you?—”
“Don’t you dare ask me to give the recipe to Chef Donovan! He would never forgive you.”
A tug drew my gaze around to find that Declan had pinched a tiny piece of my polo shirt and tugged like a child trying to get my attention. “Could you maybe make dinner again for me sometime?”
Be strong. Don’t melt. Be strong. I’ve got to be strong.
I repeated the mantra in my head, but it was getting fucking hard to stay strong. Everything inside me screamed to turn, shove him against the wall, and kiss the ever-loving shit out of him because he wasn’t just tugging on my shirt. That perfect man was tugging on my heart.
The words “I’ll cook dinner for you anytime you want” nearly tumbled from my lips as I opened my mouth, but I caught myself at the last second and changed it to “We’ll see.”
I led Declan in and directed him to the living room, which I’d cleared of unfolded laundry, baby toys, and other random chaos, making it looking like nice and clean for once.
“Just wait here. I need to check on the roast. Dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes,” I called out as I hurried into the kitchen.
As Declan sat, I ran off to look at the roast, which I knew was perfectly fine. I’d needed a moment to calm the butterflies in my stomach before I moved forward with the next part of my devious plan. Dinner was my last-ditch effort to win Declan. Yes, I was relying on that old chestnut about quickest ways and stomachs. Sue me!
With my fluttering nerves as settled as they were going to be, I darted into my bedroom and grabbed three canvases that had finished drying today. “Would you like to see some new art that I’ve been working on?” I called out as I wove my way to the living room.
“Of course. ”
I sent him a nervous smile. “It’s different from the mural, but kind of like the paintings I’ve done for you and your friends.” I leaned two of them against my leg and turned the first one toward Declan. “This one is of when we first got together.”
Declan rose to his feet, his eyes wide as he took in the colorful depiction of him pinning me to the wall. We were naked, and there was a look of ecstasy on my face while he pressed a tender kiss to my shoulder. While our bodies hid it, the implication was clear that he was driving deep inside me.
“Oh…wow…” Declan breathed.
“You like it?”
“Yes. Very much. It’s…stunning. Beautiful.”
“I call it ‘My Lover.’ It’s about where we started.”
Declan nodded. Still unable to tear his gaze away. But as he was staring, his expression suddenly darkened, and he stepped forward to take the painting gently from my hands. “No one else is allowed to see this. I want to buy it.”
I threw my head back and laughed, but I couldn’t chase after him because my leg was supporting the other paintings. “Hey! Who said it was for sale?”
A growl escaped Declan, and he lifted his eyes to glare at me. “I still want it. I’ll put it somewhere no one else is allowed to see it.”
Still laughing, I waved at Declan to return to me. “Come here. Let me have that. I need to show you the others. We’ll talk later about who’s allowed to see it.”
Declan’s glare shifted into a pout as he walked close and handed me the painting, but he remained close as I picked up the second painting and held it up. This one was very similar to the first, but it had a different vibe. In the second painting, I was almost draped over Declan as I cried. My lover held me tight, his finger gripping a bunch of my clothes. Lines of pain were etched in his face while tears ran down my cheeks.
“I call this one ‘My Roc k.’ It’s about how our relationship changed.”
“Parker…” Declan breathed.
“Not as sexy as the last, but I love this one. You were there for me in a hundred little ways when my life was falling apart. I don’t know what I would have done without you there. Everything was such a mess, but you didn’t run away. You dove right into the thick of things.”
Declan’s lips twitched, almost forming a smile, while his eyes twinkled with unshed tears. “The only thing that has ever scared me about you is the idea that I might not keep up with you. That I might not be interesting enough, and you would leave me behind.”
“You have always been exactly what I wanted. Prior to moving in, I wanted to ask you out, to take a chance of us having a real relationship. But my life grew complicated with the arrival of Joy. Then add in that I was suddenly homeless, with no brilliant plan to fix my life. Not making me the most desirable package.”
The beautiful man in front of me stepped forward and cupped my face with both hands. “The only reason I didn’t want kids in the beginning was because I was afraid of how badly I would fail them. I don’t want to be my father, but he was my one role model for how a father was supposed to act toward his children. Being with you has taught me I can be warm and affectionate. That I can be silly and playful. All that matters is Joy’s safety and happiness. How the rest of the world perceives me isn’t important.”
My heart swelled, and I turned my face in his hands to kiss his palm. When I turned back to look at him, I murmured, “The only thing the world sees is how good of a father you are being to Joy.”
“I learned it from you.”
For a man who didn’t like to talk, he always seemed to know the very best things to say.
I swallowed against the lump of happiness in my throat. “As you can see, I’ve done a lot of thinking while we’ve been apart. I had been afraid that I was staying with you because I was scared of my life falling to pieces. Yet, since moving out, all I’ve thought about was how much I missed you. Yeah, maybe cooking dinner every night and picking up after Joy and me sucks, but I don’t mind it. It wasn’t hard to find a new place, and it took me two seconds to start sending out my résumé to search for a new job. Getting on my feet went a hell of a lot faster when I realized it meant using it to find my way to you.”
I dragged in a deep breath and released it in a rush. Bending down, I put aside the “My Rock” painting and picked up the third. However, I didn’t show him right away. I kept it turned and facing me.
“Now that I’ve realized what a fucking idiot I am and figured out what I want, I thought I’d show you in a painting.”
Closing my eyes, I slowly spun the last piece of art to face Declan. The painting was warm and bright, depicting Declan and me sitting in what appeared to be a grassy field. Joy was sitting in my lap while Declan had an arm wrapped around my shoulders. Joy was grinning and clapping her hands while I had my head tipped up in a frozen laugh. Declan was smiling at Joy with such a look of love on his face. It was the first time I’d ever attempted to paint a family portrait.
“This,” I started but had to stop to clear the roughness from my voice. I forced my eyes open to stare at this beautiful man. “This is what I want. For us to be a family. Two daddies taking care of a spunky, silly little girl. I want you to love us both, but I swear, Declan, I already love you so fucking much I can’t stand it. And Joy loves you, too. If you think you could love?—”
I didn’t get the chance to finish what I was saying. Declan gripped the nape of my neck and jerked me forward to crush his mouth against mine in a hard, demanding kiss that nearly knocked a sob of relief from my chest.
He jumped away a second later to check that the painting hadn’t been hurt in the kiss and then smirked at me. “Yes. To all of that. Yes. I love you. I love Joy. We must be a family.”
Carefully, he took the painting from my trembling fingers and picked up the other two. He set them aside and turned to my side. Pulling me in close with his amazing arms, he kissed up my throat and down my jaw, whispering again and again that he loved me and that he loved Joy. I hugged him back, feeling like I’d found where I belonged.
I was home.