Chapter 5
FIVE
ETHAN
I knew something was wrong as soon as Gabby practically tore the front door off its hinges and threw herself at me before I was inside.
I held her tight as I tried to look behind her into the interior to see if Belle was there.
I thought probably not, what with the way Gabby was clinging to me as she rubbed her tear-stained face back and forth across my shirt.
When she realized that she was wetting the fabric with her tears and probably snot, she pulled away. “Sorry. Fuck, I haven’t even let you inside yet.” She stepped aside for me to enter, then closed the door behind us.
Their home was a small bungalow so after only a few steps, Gabby was at a settee in the intimate living room. She plopped down and plucked a tissue from the cardboard box. She must’ve been crying for a while because the coffee table was strewn with wet wads of discarded tissues.
I sat next to her and waited until she was ready to talk.
After she wiped her eyes and blew her nose, she said, “Belle’s not here. We had a huge fight and she left.”
I rubbed her arm and asked gently, “Left to where, Gabby?”
Gabby shrugged amid another onslaught of crying. “She went to her sister’s place.”
I got up and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water and then settled close to her. Twisting the cap off, I held the bottle out. “Drink, Gabby. You’ll be dehydrated.”
After she gulped down half, I asked, “Do you want a shot of something to ease your nerves?”
“Yes, please, and get one for your yourself, too.” Alcohol must’ve made her remember the scene we were supposed to have, since drinking was off-limits before and after. “Sorry again, Ethan. I could never do a scene now.”
“I wouldn’t let you, Gabby,” I said, rising up and heading into the kitchen again.
I found tequila, poured three shots, and carried them to the table, setting one down on a beach-themed tile square used for coasters.
“Two for you and one for me.” Handing her a glass, we tossed back the amber liquid.
I handed her a second, then said, “After this, do you want to talk about it?”
She nodded shakily and then polished off the second. “Will you hold me? I’m a mess.”
I smiled and opened my arms. “Of course.”
We were quiet only for a beat when Gabby blurted, “It was my fault. I wanted to talk to her about our appointment tomorrow with the sperm donor.” Swiping the wetness on her face, she said, “And because it had been on my mind practically all week since she’d been away, I hit her with it on our way back from the airport. Who does that, Ethan?”
I was lost. “I’m not following.”
“She’s been away for five days, working. She was tired and just wanted to get home and relax. But she asked me how my week was and my feelings just tumbled out.”
“Ah,” I said, understanding. “Yeah, waiting might’ve been better. But more importantly, what kind of feelings?”
“I told her…” Her voice trembled and she paused. She inhaled and then her words came out fast, one word on the tail of another. “I told her that I wanted to take our name off the donor list. I wasn’t going to like anyone because I didn’t know them.”
I didn’t mean to but my gasp stopped her. “Sorry, go on. I’m just imagining Belle’s reaction.”
“Not good. And when she pushed me for more information, I told her that having a baby was going to be hard enough without knowing the sperm donor’s real personality.
Everyone fakes their real personality in an interview.
And then the baby’s here and he’s a fucking moron.
And the baby inherited the fucking moron’s genes.
Then we’re stuck.” When she finished, she dragged in a lungful of air, as if she hadn’t breathed the whole time she’d been talking.
I was speechless by Gabby’s admission. I’d been neglected as a child because my parents had been disappointed in my decision to pursue a profession in automotive engineering and work with my hands rather than devote myself to something in academia.
The thought made me angry at Gabby. “You realize that your logic is faulty, right? How could you not love your child unconditionally? No matter what kind of traits or intelligence they have. No matter if you like them or not. You love all their qualities no matter what they are. Unconditionally,” I repeated emphatically.
Then it was Gabby’s turn to be stunned. “Ethan,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking… I totally forgot about your history with your parents.”
I got up and walked to the bay window overlooking the quaint side street.
Flowering trees on each side were tall enough to meet halfway, creating a canopy.
The homes were painted in pastel colors and most of their front yards were embellished with stone fairy figurines or metal sculptures in the shape of animals or birds.
Turning to her, I asked, “What happened next?”
“She accused me of leading her along the last two years.”
“Which you have been,” I confirmed, my arms crossed over my chest.
Gabby waved her hand in defense. “I know… I know. All right? I confess.”
I softened seeing Gabby’s tortured expression and her red swollen eyes. “And then?”
“And then she left with her backpack and suitcase in tow. She dumped everything in her car and took off. A short time later, she sent a text not to contact her.”
“But I’m assuming that you tried to get in touch anyway,” I said, affectionately. “Am I right?”
“Of course I did. After a dozen times, she blocked me. And then I tried her sister, who asked me not to call again until Belle gave her permission.” Gabby looked up at me with pleading eyes.
“Please don’t be mad at me, too. And I am sorry about not having a scene.
Ugh, fuck! I’ve made a mess of everything today. ”
“You kinda did.” I sat next to her on the sofa and pulled her into my side. “May I make a suggestion?”
Gabby whimpered. “Yes.”
“Give her the rest of today to calm down. And think about what you want, Gabby. Be really clear to yourself because you need to be honest with her. She might leave you if you decide you don’t want a baby, but she’ll wind up leaving you anyway if you try to fake it again.”
“I get it,” Gabby moaned. “It’s just that I love her.”
“Yeah, I know. Hopefully, she’ll agree to see you tomorrow. But you have to keep your cool.”
Gabby groaned. “I’ll try my best.”
I looked around, then asked, “Are you okay if I go? I want to get to the gym and work off all the calories I ate last night. Mamma made braciole e polenta. And cannoli for dessert.”
Gabby chuckled, which I was glad to see. “She loves feeding you because you swoon over her food as if you’re starry-eyed over a person instead of a plate of pasta.”
“That’s because I appreciate your mother’s cooking so much.
She cooks with love, like the mothers and grandmothers do in Italy.
And it makes a difference in the taste of the food.
That might sound weird but it’s the truth.
You and Teddy never lived there so you think her ways in the kitchen aren’t normal for everyone.
In Italy—for those like your mother who were brought up there—women learned at a young age to pour their souls into their cooking.
” I tapped two fingers over my heart. “I can’t explain why because it’s in here… ”
“Would you want to live in Italy again?”
“Not permanently. But I’d love the opportunity to work at the Maserati headquarters on a one- or two-year contract.
I apprenticed there for a year and being located in the north, the landscape and culture in Modena were radically different than what I was familiar with in Sicily.
” I sighed on a half-smile. “I’ve already told your dad that if an opportunity becomes available, I’d like the chance to interview.
” I leaned over and kissed Gabby’s cheek.
“If you need anything, reach out. I’ll hit the gym, take a dip in the ocean if it’s not freezing, then head back to my apartment. ”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine,” she assured me. “I’ll mope and write my eat crow speech.”
I gave her leg a pat and let myself out, turning the lock on the door before I closed it behind me.
I didn’t dwell on my disappointment about not having a scene.
How could I considering her circumstances?
But that didn’t take away my need to find emotional release that I would’ve gotten from the pain she’s have inflicted.
Thus, I told her a half-truth. I wasn’t heading to The Ring only to burn calories.
More importantly, I’d put in a solid two-hour workout and then shoot the shit with whoever might be around.
Hopefully, one or two bouncers who sparred there.
They always had the funniest stories to share from their experiences at whatever bar they worked for.
Then I’d go home tired, and try not reach for the flogger.
I had no intention of parking anywhere near the church or rectory.
However, after circling the blocks behind The Ring, I found nothing.
At five thirty on an early Sunday evening, people were having pre-dinner drinks or bustling to slip into their favorite shops before they closed, most of them at six.
I considered abandoning my plan. But I knew if I did, I’d go home and beat himself.
So, I started looking as soon as I turned off the main drag.
I drove at a crawl, not wanting to miss a space.
Nothing on the first block. Nor the second.
On the third block, I slowed to a stop and my gaze locked on Father Jude sitting on the stoop of the rectory, his head in his hands.
He raked them through his hair, shook his head, and returned to the position hiding his face.