Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
ETHAN
When I arrived at Frank’s house for dinner, Mamma swung the door open and grabbed my wrist. Dragging me behind her, her graying hair pushed back off her face with a bandana, she called in a sing-song tone, “He’s here. The new papa’s here.”
I stopped short in the doorway to the family room, inadvertently yanking Mamma almost off her feet when her words registered. With my heart thumping uncontrollably and my eyes wild, I looked from Gabby to Belle and back again. “Is it true?”
Gabby jumped up and started bouncing on her feet. “Yes, the sperm took. I’m pregnant!” And then she was running at me. Mamma dropped my hand and I rushed to meet Gabby halfway.
I grabbed her by the waist, lifting her off her feet.
But then the news sank in and I set her down.
I attempted to speak and offer congratulations but couldn’t make my mouth work.
Was it really happening? I’d thought about the moment when Gabby would find out, the expected failure.
At the sperm clinic, I’d been advised that there was only a five to twenty percent success rate per cycle.
So, was it really true that we were the exception?
Gabby felt my arms drop to my sides and looked to her dad for help. Frank took Gabby’s place and I let myself be guided. “Son,” Frank said to me as he lowered me onto the sofa beside him.
I looked at him, still feeling dazed and tried to focus on the man’s kind face. “When Mamma told me Gabby was pregnant, I fainted.” Frank’s expression became wistful. “True story, I went down like a ton of bricks and Mamma had to revive me with cold cloths.”
“But you were happy, right?”
Frank laughed. “Very happy. But like you, I had a hard time taking it all in.”
I looked to Gabby and Belle, “It’s not even my baby,” I said in a hushed voice. “I get that you’re the main event and I’m the sideshow.”
Gabby began to protest and I hushed her.
“I’m not speaking poorly of myself. I’m just saying that even though you’re the moms, it’s part of me that made the baby, and the truth of that thought is…
it’s mind blowing.” And then tears fell and I stood up and clasped both women in a tight embrace. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” Belle said. “If it wasn’t for you…” She patted Gabby’s belly. “This wouldn’t be happening.”
“She’s right,” Mamma said.
Spinning to face her, I kissed Mamma on both cheeks, addressing her as grandmother. “Congratulazioni, Nonna.”
I turned and offered Frank the same respect, calling him grandfather. “Congratulazioni, Nonno.”
I seemed to see their love for their grandchild grow right before me. “The baby is so fortunate to come into this family.”
Mamma shook her finger at me. “No, we’re the lucky ones. And forever grateful that you were willing to give us this priceless gift.”
I took a long time to settle down from the news, my stomach too jittery to eat much food, much to Mamma’s dismay.
I’d learned that she was chill about a lot of things in life, but someone leaving her home hungry was not one of them.
So, when I kissed everyone goodbye and left, I did so with a covered dish of lasagna and Italian sausage with peppers.
I smiled because during the week she cooked other ethnic foods other than Italian, including hot dogs, fried chicken, and apple pie.
Sundays were reserved for her Sicilian specialties, accompanied by stories of her growing up.
Once home, I stored the food, grabbed a bottle of water, and settled on my recliner. With my feet up, I balanced the laptop on my lap and sent a text to Jude.
Me: Can you talk?
Jude’s answer was immediate.
Jude: Yes, I’ve been waiting
Me: Hang up and I’ll call back
I had his video going and as soon as the signal went through, Jude accepted the call and we spent a long minute just staring at each other.
Finally, I said, “You look different out of your clerical clothes.”
“Better I hope?” Jude said and raised his laptop to give me a view of his jeans.
“Definitely,” I said appreciatively. Jude’s light-blue polo shirt was a complement to his earthy brown eyes and dark lashes. “You look younger… almost carefree. How are you doing?”
“I had an attack of nerves when Inés phoned this morning. I didn’t pick up because I feared that she’d already notified the bishop and she might’ve added him to the call.
” Jude smiled at me but it didn’t reach his eyes.
The slight smirk was genuine, which pleased me.
“Listening to the phone continue to ring until it went to voicemail, I realized that I wasn’t beholden to anyone.
And if I chose not to speak to a person, all I had to do was not pick up. ”
“I’m proud of you, Jude. I can’t imagine what it must’ve felt like when the bishop suspended you.”
Jude’s voice dropped. “It confirmed that I was useless. Not me exactly, but my clerical duties meant nothing if I could be so easily replaced. I know everyone is expendable even at the highest levels of authority, and the hierarchy within the Roman Catholic Church is no different, right up to the Vatican and the Pope. But there has to be something to make my life meaningful, like being a master mechanic is for you.”
I decided that Jude was more beautiful than ever. And I believed his appearance had much to do with his newfound liberation. “So, I have news,” I declared, my face beaming.
Jude was in an armchair in what appeared to be the living area, his laptop balancing on his lap, much like mine. “Oh my God, I think I know. Last night, I couldn’t stop wondering if you donated the sperm.”
“I did and found out at dinner that it took and she’s pregnant,” I said, the words coming out in excited bursts. “She’s due around Valentine’s Day, and tomorrow she’s making her first appointment with the midwife.”
“Wow, she’s giving birth at home?” Jude asked.
“No, in the hospital. Being in her late thirties, the midwife suggested the safety of the hospital, where she’d have immediate medical help if she needed it.”
“You look enthralled, Ethan. I’m beyond happy for you.”
“Thank you. Frank and his wife kept thanking me, like I’d given them the stars.
Which in a way, I guess I had.” My shoulders rose, proud of myself.
“They’ve given up on her brother Teddy ever settling down and having children.
He wanted a permanent relationship with a woman but would rather travel the world than be confined behind a picket fence. ”
Jude and I were quiet for a bit and then I roamed my fingers over the laptop screen, outlining Jude’s face. “I believed that after the debacle at Mass, you’d given up on me. I’m still embarrassed when I think how erotic I felt being on my knees,” I said sadly, retracting my hand.
“I was the same, Ethan. Don’t beat yourself up.
Seeing you sink down in front of me, all sense of morality and ethics gave way to desire.
And for a flash, I was neither a priest nor in a church as my cock hardened.
” Jude locked gazes with me. “As sorry as I am for losing control of my body, I’m not sorry about what I felt for you, Ethan. What I still feel.”
“I hadn’t thought I’d ever touch a man again,” I said, my fingers itching to be on Jude in person. “But I think I want to try with you.”
Jude’s face looked hopeful when he sucked in a breath and asked, “Are you saying that you want to meet?”
“Yes,” I said. “Don’t you think we’re beyond the confines of the confessional?”
“We have been for a while now,” Jude said thoughtfully. “I just had to make a move.”
“And now you have. Come to my apartment.”
“No, Ethan. Not for the first time after I…”
Jude didn’t have to finish the sentence. I understood that he was embarrassed about his previous behavior. “Where are you staying?”
“La Quinta Inn at Long Beach Airport. I’m on the top floor, room 428.”
“Got it,” I said as I put the hotel in the GPS on my phone.
“When?” Jude asked, the one word catching in his throat.
There was a beat as I caught Jude’s gaze, “Are you sure there’s no going back for you?”
“Ethan, I wouldn’t agree to see you if I wasn’t sure.” Jude sat forward on his chair and raised the laptop so he was eye to eye with me. “Please have faith in me.”
I stared into his soft brown orbs. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Jude smiled and yet, his eyes misted. “I’ll be waiting.”
We disconnected at the same time and I closed my laptop.
Adjusting the recliner to a sitting position, I paused to check in with myself.
Was I ready to be with Jude? Actual fucking was out of the question.
But was I ready to kiss? Make out? The one thing I was grateful for was that in my previous sexual life with Thorne and the Dom before him, cuddling, kissing, fondling…
those intimacies were off-limits. I’d get on all fours and Thorne fucked me hard.
The only time we faced each other during sex was when Thorne fucked my mouth.
I never had anyone treat me like I was a worthwhile person.
Except for anything having to do with automobiles.
I’d received praise from the dean at the graduating ceremonies when I’d earned my college degree in automotive engineering with high honors.
And again, in Italy, when I’d completed my certificate as a master mechanic at Maserati headquarters.
Currently, praise for my accomplishments came from Frank and Artemis.
Other than work, until Frank took me home to meet his family I’d been starved for attention. And they’d been generous in making me feel wanted and loved. As for Jude, I was going to take him at his word regarding never returning to the Church.