Chapter 20 #3
An hour later after a session of frotting and five hickeys on various body parts, I swallowed Jude’s cock until he released down my throat.
Afterward, I spooned him, his head tucked underneath my chin.
Minutes later he was asleep while my mind drifted back to my conversation with Gabby.
Jude and I were expected to have dinner at Mamma’s house, but I wasn’t ready to run into Gabby, which was a shame.
She was—or at least had been—my person to talk to about anything having to do with BDSM.
Being a well-trained Dominatrix who had played with vers Doms and submissives, she would’ve had answers for me.
Like why was I being dominant with Jude?
I was honest with the explanation that I’d given him, but inside I felt in complete turmoil, as if my world had upended in so many ways.
My submissive tendencies ran so deep. At least I thought they had.
Or had I been programmed from the start?
My then boyfriend had been a Dom, and he’d initiated me into the local BDSM club as a submissive.
I’d taken to his domination and the kinks he was into, which was where I’d become addicted to pain.
Could I be a Dom and still submit to pain?
Marco had proven that but under the lash of another Dom.
The way Jude spoke earlier, he might be closer to being submissive than dominant.
When he administered to my lacerations after I’d been with Master Liam…
his sense of compassion was overly intense, an indication that he wouldn’t be able to inflict the marks.
Had he been sympathetic he would’ve elicited a completely different vibe from me, one from a detached third-person perspective, someone who could look at the marks without emotion. Jude had been upset by them.
Maybe I was crazy, but I wondered if the potential of being a father awakened dormant authoritative tendencies in me?
But would they translate to an adult? My other issue was that I was losing faith in Jude being dominant at his core.
He was definitely a caretaker. However, he never dueled for dominance in any situation I’d been part of, with the exception of his mother.
But that had been solely out of preservation.
And in the bedroom? Not only did he ask me to take the lead, but fuck if he didn’t listen without question.
I had to admit that his reaction had been a turn-on.
I combed my fingers lightly through his blond waves as a repressed chuckle rolled over me.
I’d never bring up Gabby’s baby to Jude until we had to have another discussion about it, but I imagined insanely that I’d morphed into a Daddy Dom.
So, I’d be his Daddy and I’d be papa to my newly adopted infant.
My own family. The fantasy excited me as much as it terrified me.
And with that last tableau in my imagination, I held Jude tighter and succumbed to sleep.
The next day when Jude and I were on the patio with our coffee and some bagel sandwiches, Mamma sent a text message.
Mamma: Bring Jude to dinner. Gabby won’t be here. Frank and I would like to talk to you
Me: Of course, Mamma. Grazie. See you at the usual time?
Mamma: Si, and don’t bring anything. Frank bought a case of wine
I would’ve asked what she was cooking, however, my heart wasn’t in it given the topic of discussion. Baby talk.
“You’re frowning,” Jude said.
“Mamma wants us for dinner. Gabby won’t be there. So, I’m fairly certain she must’ve told them about yesterday morning. My question is, do you want to be involved in conversation about the baby?”
I held my breath for Jude’s answer. I knew that I was in for major heartbreak eventually. Nevertheless, I hoped to stave it off for a little longer.
Relief flooded me when he said, “I do, Ethan. Since they invited me, there’s no sense in you coming home and having to reiterate what I imagine is going to be an intense conversation.”
I reached over and pinched his earlobe hard enough that he batted my hand away. “What was that for?”
“Would you have any interest in discovering if you like pain?” I asked. “In a scene, that is, with safewords and a plan of execution in place.”
“Do you mean at Hard Limit?”
I nodded my confirmation, then clarified. “But in a private room if you prefer. Which is what I’d suggest, since you don’t know how your body is going to react.”
Jude stroked his thumb across my stubble. I hadn’t shaved since Friday so it looked more like a beard. “As an aside, I like this length. I like the burn when you kiss me.”
“That’s all I need to hear and it stays,” I said. “And as for my question?”
“I do because I want to experience the appeal to pain… what you get out of it when someone flogs you.” He peeked at me from under his long eyelashes.
“I’m curious to understand the notion between pain and pleasure.
Is it the same as the burn of when the tip of your cock entered felt like?
And then, the more you pumped in and out of me, the pressure turned to bliss by the end. ”
Interesting, I thought. Oftentimes during a Dom’s training, they expose themselves to the same kinks that they plan to put their submissives through.
I didn’t think Jude meant that. I got the impression that he wanted to know for himself.
Another hint that if he continued to explore BDSM, he might learn that he’s submissive.
I’d never played with anyone who hadn’t already engaged in kink.
Consequently, I wasn’t able to read the signs he was throwing off, as would Beckett or Liam.
“Very much the same,” I finally said, almost forgetting that he’d asked me a question.
“Let’s plan on Friday. If you like it, we can get Liam involved.
I know how to throw a whip, but I’m limited and not very good at it.
I’ve always been the one under the whip. ”
“I feel energized to be entering this new world I never knew existed. I mean, in theory I did, just not in person.” Jude’s face lit up. “All because of you.”
Jude’s excitement and the lightness of his words stayed with me until later that day when we drove to Frank’s house.
With Teddy still in London, Belle gone, and Gabby staying away, the atmosphere might get strained considering the topic.
I was used to being with only Frank and Mamma as before Jude I didn’t keep my visits solely to Sunday dinners.
But Jude had only been with them a couple of times.
Although, when I’d taken off and Jude called them asking for help, I think that went a long way in making Jude feel that they were there for him, too.
I’d just turned onto Frank’s street and pulled over a few houses away. Putting my truck in park, I twisted myself to face Jude. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good, Ethan,” he said. “We’re going to be talking about their grandchild and the little I’ve seen of them, they’re going to choose the best for the baby. You already have their support and probably don’t need me here. But I chose to come for me as well.”
Pressing our foreheads together, I said, “I do need you here, baby. So much—” It wasn’t until a beat later that I became aware of calling him baby. But not now. I cannot dwell on the slip now. If our roles were getting reversed, I had enough to deal with at the moment.
Jude’s eyes cast downward and when he raised them to look at me, a pink color stained his cheeks. “It’s okay,” he said. “It was unexpected.”
Fuck! Get yourself together. And I did. “What I was going to say is, if at any time you get distressed and need to leave, use your safeword. You can whisper it in my ear. I’ll make our excuses and we get out. Do you promise to safeguard yourself?”
“I promise,” he said. “They’re good people and if Mamma saw that I was getting upset, she would be the first one to escort us out.” After a beat, he stated flatly, “Armed with a container of food.”
I laughed at the truth of his comment, then got the truck into gear and drove the short distance to Frank’s house. I pulled into the driveway, cut the engine, and by the time that I’d walked to the passenger side, Jude was already out.
As always, someone had their front door open before we’d even climbed the stairway. This time, Frank stood stiffly, leaning heavily on the cane.
“Bad day?” I asked as I accepted Frank’s one-arm hug.
“Yeah, damn leg’s not cooperating.” Awkwardly shifting to Jude, he gave him the same welcome. “Glad you came.”
“Where’s Mamma?” Jude asked.
“In the kitchen. We figured since it’s only the four of us, we’d eat in there.”
I loved their farmhouse kitchen with the handcrafted oak table and three pairs of mismatched chairs. Pots of fresh herbs—rosemary, basil, and thyme lined the bay window and created a wonderful blend of fragrances along with the aromatic smells of garlic coming from the food on the stove.
“My boys,” Mamma called out as we entered, a wide smile making her eyes crinkle. “Hugs and kisses later,” she said, a chef’s knife in one hand and a bunch of half-chopped parsley in the other.
“Anything we can do?” I asked, seeing the table was already set.
Frank dropped into the chair with a wince. “Ethan, do me a favor and get the drinks out. The Chianti is already open. Jude, we also have water, beer or diet cola.”
“I’ll have wine, please,” he said, looking at me.
“Jude, I forgot to find out if there are any foods you don’t eat. I made chicken parmesan with roasted potatoes and broccoli but I have leftovers you might enjoy more.”
“No,” he said, lightheartedly. “That’s perfect.”
Mamma looked over her shoulder at me and winked when Jude wasn’t looking. I shook my head at her desire to be a matchmaker. Not that she introduced me to Jude, but she felt her job was for me to keep him.