Chapter 21 #3
“Yup, I don’t want our conversation to turn depressing.
I’m tired of not being the boss of my own life, per Mamma’s advice.
As for the bishop, he was decent. He was disturbed when I told him about Father Matthew coming here and agreed to submit my complaint.
And before I left, he said something strange.
That he trusted I’d put God’s love to use in whatever means that may come my way. ”
“Sounds almost prophetic,” Ethan said as he finished the last of his food.
“I know. But he said it kindly and now that I’m thinking about the whole closure thing with respect to Mamma’s perspective, maybe closing out with the bishop on good terms is enough.”
Ethan stood and opened his arms for me. “You’re amazing, tesoro, and stronger than you realize.”
I let him enfold me in his arms as I took in his scent of sandalwood and musk with only a hint of having worked on engines all day. But I didn’t mind because it was who my amazing man was.
The doorbell rang and we looked at each other. Dread tumbled in my belly. “Ethan, don’t let anyone in that came for me.”
“Believe me Jude, no one is getting past me,” he growled.
I trailed behind him as he looked through the peephole. Glancing over his shoulder he said, “It’s Gabby. Did Frank or Mamma say anything about her coming here?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Let her in. You have to talk to her.”
“Yeah,” he said glumly.
Ethan opened the door and stepped aside. “Come on in, Gabby.”
She stepped in cautiously, peering at me and then at Ethan. “Is this a bad time?”
He didn’t answer for the longest time and I thought she might turn and run. But then Ethan closed the door behind her and said, “I just finished eating. Let’s sit in the kitchen.”
“Do you want any coffee, Gabby?” I asked. “I was just going to make a cup for Ethan.”
“No,” she said so softly I almost didn’t hear her. “Morning sickness that lasts all day.”
“How about chamomile tea?” I asked, noting how gaunt she was and the pasty appearance of her skin.
“Thank you,” she said and sat where Ethan gestured.
“Don’t bother with coffee for me, Jude,” he said, taking out another beer.
I cleared his dishes and the empty bottle and then put the kettle on. I purposely didn’t sit down while I waited for the water to boil, allowing them a one-on-one.
“I’m sorry, Ethan,” she said, her brown eyes clouded with unshed tears. “I-I don’t know what to say. I can’t undo the wrong. My only defense…” She dropped her gaze to her lap. “… is that I wasn’t aware that I was using you. I was so caught up in trying to save my marriage.”
I made Gabby’s tea and put a couple packets of sweetener next to the mug with a spoon. Then I took my regular seat at the table. I wanted to take Ethan’s hand but I had no hint of what he was thinking or feeling, and I didn’t want to appear as if he was vulnerable in front of Gabby.
He took a long pull of his beer and then another until over half the bottle was empty.
When he set it on the table with a thud, I saw his brows pull downward and when he spoke it was between clenched teeth.
“You fucked with my life, Gabby. The baby’s life.
And your own. You never wanted to carry a baby.
And the despair and hate you’re carrying inside is going to eat you both up. ”
“I know,” she cried, snapping her head in his direction.
“I fucking know.” Her tears flowed freely and I truly felt for her as much as for Ethan.
“That’s why I have to know that you’ll forgive me.
You mean s-so much and I’m t-trying hard to do right,” she pleaded, sniffling and choking as her words tumbled out of her mouth. “P-please, Ethan.”
I tried to get Ethan’s attention but he didn’t waver from his steely focus on her, which was making her cry more.
Finally, he got up and tore off a sheet of paper towel and slid it to her.
He waited for her to blow her nose and wipe at her eyes and then said, “Gabby, look at me.” When she met his gaze, he said, “I’d never not forgive you. Sei come una sorella, si?”
She jerked her head up and down like a bobblehead. “Si.”
“I wouldn’t talk to you when my anger and frustration were too new. I also had to process the what ifs with Jude. And you’re trying to put things to right. Frank said your first therapy session went well. Has Belle been in touch?”
Gabby blew her nose again and wrapping her hands around the mug, took a sip of tea. “No, I’m having my lawyer speak for me.”
“So, there’s no chance of reconciliation.”
The sadness and defeat in her eyes and tone were almost palpable. “I’d never trust her again.” Then she turned to me. “I’m sorry, Jude. My actions were widespread.”
“Like Ethan said, the important thing is you’re getting help,” I said, trying to sound encouraging.
Ethan looked guarded again when he asked, “Have you thought more about what you’ll do when the baby’s here?”
“Every minute of every day,” she said on a shuddering sigh. “And the therapist said she’ll help me find some clarity in why I don’t want to be a mother. Even if I decide I want to keep the baby, how could I with the hours I keep as a bartender.”
“Have you ever worked other jobs?” I asked.
“Nah, I’ve been bartending since I was old enough to be inside a bar legally. It’s all I know. I’m not trained for anything else and the thought of working in an office makes me want to vomit more than I have in the last week.”
Gabby turned her phone around and when she looked at the screen, she said to Ethan, “I’ll get out of here.
You have to get up early.” She rose to her feet and stood behind the chair as if she was waiting for Ethan’s next move.
But then she walked around my chair and put the mug in the sink, slipping her phone into her pocket.
Ethan got up too and when he came around to hug her, she sobbed all over again. “Everything will work out, Gabby. Me, the family… we’ll make sure of it.”
“Why?” she asked confused. “Why are you being so nice now?”
“Would you rather I still be angry with you?”
“No, it’s just I feel I don’t deserve your kindness after what I did. Even though I begged you for it.”
“To be honest, after work I went to therapy and Andrew reminded me of something that someone told me once. And that was that everyone deserves a second chance.”
She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “Grazie, fratello.”
When Gabby left, Ethan tugged me to the sofa. He sat catty-cornered with one leg on the ottoman, and I snuggled against his chest, my hand around his waist.
“You were brilliant, Daddy,” I said, staring up at him and getting lost in his closeness.
“Andrew was crystal clear that what Gabby did was wrong no matter how much she was trying to save her marriage. However, he asked if I was ready to walk away from her and her parents. When I barked at him of course I wasn’t, he just smiled and asked me to consider the health of the baby.
If Gabby can stop stressing about the strain she’s put on our relationship, the fetus will be less stressed as well. ”
I was shaken by Ethan’s explanation. He’d put aside his pride and anger not for the sake of Gabby or anyone else for that matter.
He did it solely to give the fetus a better start in life.
I said as much to him because I was curious what his answer would be.
“So, you actually forgave Gabby for the well-being of the fetus?”
“I forgave her faster. Like I told Gabby, she’s like a sister to me. Sei come una sorella. I wouldn’t not forgive her. But yeah, why should the baby be predisposed to major psychological problems because her mother was a mess for her whole pregnancy.”
“That was noble of you,” I said but my brain was alerting me to how much Ethan already loved the baby.
Eventually, the infant would be everything to him.
In addition to taking second place in his life, I wanted no part of all the drama the pregnancy caused.
Ethan noticed that my heart wasn’t in my words.
“What’s wrong?”
I had two choices. End things now or stay and live the perfect life I currently had with a man who loved me.
I braced myself on the sofa and swung my leg around Ethan so I was straddling him.
Avoiding eye contact, I pushed his T-shirt above his pecs and lowering my mouth, I suckled on his nipple.
“I was just thinking…” I nipped and circled the taut bud with my wet tongue while I twisted the other nipple between two fingers.
“Oh, shit, baby,” he said on a moan as he raised his pec to meet my mouth.
“I’m going to take advantage of the next seven months before your life changes forever.”
He returned my ardor and planted wet, sucking kisses down my throat. “You mean our lives will be changed.”
“No, Daddy, I promised to stay until the baby was born.” I ignored the fact that he tensed and stopped biting me halfway through marking me with another hickey. I continued my assault on his nipples until he was groaning, and his cock hardened under my pulsing groin.
Nibbling at his ear, I paused and whispered, “Do you want me to walk away now? I will if it will be easier for you.” The words came out but felt both raw and wrong on my tongue.
I didn’t want to leave him. Ever. Not really.
It was the baby that he hadn’t even fathered in the traditional way.
It wouldn’t make the infant any less his.
He gripped my nape, the firmness of his hand holding in all the angst I knew roiled inside him. He growled, “No, goddamn it.”
I unbuckled his belt as he just watched me.
Dragging his zipper down, I slipped my hand inside and cupped his hot cock, precum spotting the cotton briefs.
“Then stay in the present with me, Daddy. Anything can happen between now and then. And in the meantime, we’ll just keep loving each other like it’s forever. ”