40. Brock Jones
Chapter forty
Brock Jones
I open my mouth and close it as I try to process what’s happening. Sutton steps back after giving me a hug. Shaw grins and pulls me in for one next, slapping me on the back.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask once the shock begins to subside.
“We were coming for an intervention,” Miles says as he gives me a half-handshake, half-hug. “But then Sutton said you might have taken a turn for the better.”
“We all moved our schedules around to be here, so figured we might as well make the most of it,” Jason says as he gives me a tight enough hug to crack my back.
Emmett stays back, nodding toward me in greeting. I guess marrying the love of his life hasn’t turned him into a total softie yet.
“You’re at Ariel’s house,” I point out and glance over my shoulder. She’s likely still in the shower, but won’t be for long. Not sure how she’s going to feel that a huge group of people have shown up on a day she’s not feeling well.
“We had just landed when you called Shaw,” Sutton explains. “Figured we could save some time waiting by coming straight here.” She peers over my shoulder. “Where’s my bestie? I need to interrogate you both since no one told me the news.”
“I tried,” I say in defense. “You didn’t answer my calls or texts.”
“I was afraid of spoiling the surprise. We didn’t want you to hop on a plane to get away from us.”
I frown. “I just got done booking a flight to come to you.”
“You can’t blame us for thinking otherwise,” Shaw says with a pointed look. “You haven’t been open to communicating.”
I sigh. “I know. I’m going to change that. Starting now, I guess.” I glance over my shoulder again. I can’t tell if the shower water is still running or not. “Listen, Ariel wasn’t feeling well earlier. I’m not sure if she’s going to want company.”
“Is she okay?” Sutton pushes past me. “Where is she?”
All the guys take this as their cue to come inside.
“She was taking a shower. I said that to get you to stay out, not come in,” I emphasize.
“Brock, can we order…” Ariel’s voice trails off as she walks into her living room. Her hair is up in a towel, and she’s wearing a Duke sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. The sight of her makes me consider treason against my school. No one in those colors should look that good.
“Surprise!” Sutton yells and hugs Ariel the same way she did me.
Ariel immediately hugs her back with her eyes squeezed shut.
“What are you doing here?” Ariel asks, and I can hear the emotion in her voice. It makes me smile to see how much she loves Sutton.
“We came to throw things at Brock until he stopped being an idiot, but you fixed him before we could get here,” Sutton says, and the guys laugh.
“Hey, I resent that,” I say flatly. “I tried to get them to wait outside until I could talk to you.” I hold my arms wide. “Obviously, that didn’t work.”
Ariel laughs. “It’s okay. I know your sister well enough to know she can’t be stopped.”
Sutton smiles. “No. No, I cannot.”
Silence envelops the room. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. Ariel gives me an encouraging smile and a nod.
“I guess I should explain,” I say–it’s a start.
“Everyone can sit in the living room,” Ariel says with an unsure smile. “I don’t know if you’ll all fit though.”
Since all of the guys but me are professional athletes, it’s not a small group of people.
“We’ll figure it out,” Miles says with a shrug.
“I can sit on the floor,” Jason adds.
“I’m good wherever,” Shaw chimes in.
“Are you sure you’re okay if we stay?” Emmett asks. “We can go if you aren’t up to company.”
Emmett may not say much, but he’s thoughtful. I give him a nod of thanks.
“It’s okay. I’m happy that everyone is here, it was just unexpected,” Ariel says as she takes a seat on the couch.
I expect Sutton to sit next to her, but she leaves a gap in the middle. I glance at my sister and she tips her head to the side.
“Thanks,” I say and take the empty seat. Ariel grabs my hand and squeezes it. I muster up a smile for her.
Once everyone is settled in their respective spots, the spotlight is back on me.
I’m not ever nervous in meetings or even speaking on stage at events, but this conversation with my best friends is enough to make my heart race.
Over the past few days, I’ve thought about what I would say to them.
Namely, to Sutton and Shaw, but they all deserve an apology.
I look around the room at each of their faces. No one looks angry with me. Even though they have every right to be. Ariel brings our hands up to her lips and places a kiss on the back of mine. It gives me the strength I need to push forward.
“I feel like I’ve gone through what to say in my head a hundred times,” I confess. “But now all of it sounds wrong.”
“Just start,” Miles says with a shrug. “I’ve found that’s the hardest part. The rest will come.”
“Okay, I’ll try.” I draw in a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I know those are just words, but they’re true.
I’ve been a terrible friend so that I could be a good agent.
Then when you tried to help me, I got frustrated and pushed you away more.
I’ve been taking on too much, and it all came to a head a few months ago. I ended up in the hospital.”
Emmett’s gaze lights up with recognition. He called me about something he was dealing with at the time, and I lied to him about where I was. The look he’s wearing now shows me he didn’t buy it.
Everyone stays quiet, so I continue.
“The doctor put me on high blood pressure medication and told me to lower my stress and maybe see a therapist.” I hang my head. “I didn’t listen. I pushed harder, thinking the medicine would make up for it. Until recently, I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in about a year.”
“Why didn’t you talk to us?” Shaw asks from where he’s sitting on the ground in front of Sutton’s feet. My sister doesn’t look at me. I grip Ariel’s hand a little tighter.
“I know that I didn’t really tell you, but at the time, it felt like I tried. I told all of you I was working hard, and you made jokes about it or told me to quit my job. It made me feel like no one could understand me, so why bother?”
“But we’re family,” Sutton whispers. “I was worried about you for months, and you didn’t tell me anything. I felt like I lost my brother and you were replaced by this robotic businessman who didn’t care about anyone.”
I hang my head. Ariel rubs my back with her other hand. The weight of all my mistakes sits on my shoulders like cinder blocks.
“I should have said more, but I don’t think any of you could fully understand my situation.
That’s not an excuse for me holding back,” I clarify.
“But it was one of the things that stayed on a loop in my mind.” I lift my gaze.
“All of you have markers of your success. Trophies and rings and awards. I felt like, in comparison, I had nothing. For months after I graduated–and even before that–all I heard was he could have gone pro if he didn’t give up .
That hung over my head while I was building this business.
I wanted to prove to everyone–and myself–that I made the right decision by not going to the NHL. And I knew that would come at a cost.”
“And that cost was what? Your health?” Sutton questions in a broken voice. “Your relationships?”
I swallow down the emotion building in my throat.
“I didn’t see it that way. I thought it would all be a season, and then I’d have made it.
I pictured that day countless times, but whenever I thought I was close, suddenly the definition changed and I had more work to do.
It wasn’t until I saw a glimpse of what my future would look like if I stayed on this path that I truly realized for the first time that I was chasing vapors. ”
“I wish you would have said something,” Jason says from where he’s leaning against Ariel’s entertainment center.
“Then we could have told you the truth. Those trophies you think define our success?” He shakes his head.
“They mean nothing. I worked so hard for my first Super Bowl ring, and sure, it was a fun celebration, and there was a sense of accomplishment there. But deep down, there was a void that no award or ring or trophy could fill.”
“I was chasing the same kind of high,” Miles admits. “Shaw told me life was more than a game, and I didn’t believe him. Thankfully, Ellie showed me I was wrong.”
“I’d give up hockey right now if keeping it meant I’d lose Sutton,” Shaw says.
Sutton smiles and kisses the crown of his head.
“There’s merit in pushing hard and working to achieve your goals.
But the greatest successes in life are ones that involve loving those around us with all that we’ve got.
That’s what’s going to matter fifty years from now. ”
My gaze shifts to Ariel. She’s watching me with a mixture of affection and pride in her gaze. I could see how loving her would feel like success. She’d make it easy to achieve, too.
“I’m starting to see that,” I say, my eyes still locked on Ariel’s.
“I wish you would have talked to me,” Sutton says, and I turn my attention to her. “But I understand feeling like you have to do things on your own. I may have been guilty of that a time or two.”
I chuckle, knowing that she’s been stubbornly independent pretty much our entire lives.
“I’m going to do better,” I promise. “To be better for all of you and myself. I’ve already got plans in motion. I’m hiring a junior agent to take over the college athletes I manage.”
“That’s great!” Sutton says with a smile. “We’re here to listen and help however we can.”
The guys nod in agreement. I look to Jason.
“Do you think Shepherd is going to be upset with the change?” I ask. “That’s one thing I’m worried about is making my college clients think they’re less important to me.”
Jason’s brother Shepherd is quarterback for the Georgia Thrashers. He’s as talented as Jason was at that age, maybe more because he’s got a chip on his shoulder from competing in the shadow of his brother’s legacy.
“I don’t think so. Anyone who’s worked with you for a while knows you’re committed to the best for your clients. I can’t say for sure, but I imagine he’ll trust whoever you do since he trusts you.”
I nod. “That’s good. That makes me feel better.”
Now it’s time for another step that scares me. Asking for help.
Ariel runs her hand up and down my back as if she can sense what I’m about to do.
“There’s one more thing. With this new agent, I want to make sure they’re the right fit. Would y’all mind helping me go through applications, maybe call in for an interview too?”
“Like Sutton said, anything to help,” Miles says. The other guys nod.
I let out a relieved sigh. “That would help a lot. It’s been hard finding the right person to trust.”
“I can imagine. We’ll help you find them, though,” Jason says with a smile.
There’s a brief pause, as though no one knows what to say. The last thing I want right now is more emotional talk, but I don’t know how to transition to another topic when they came all this way for this very one.
“Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I want to hear how you two ended up together,” Sutton says with a conspiratorial smile. “And don’t leave anything out. Except maybe the kissing. I don’t want to hear about that.” She scrunches her nose, and we all laugh.
I wrap an arm around Ariel and kiss her temple. “I’ll let Ariel tell that part of the story.”