Chapter 36 Graham
GRAHAM
I was giving Lori a few days to calm down, some space to think everything through. The conversation in the car had gone to hell, and I didn't want to repeat the experience. I'd said some goddamn stupid things. The more I thought about it, the more stupid they sounded.
Simply put, Saturday had not been a good day.
Years ago, when I'd made that deal with Dad, I thought it was the smart thing.
He'd be set up financially and wouldn't be around to cause trouble.
But trouble seemed to find him anywhere.
Clearly, my way of solving the issue had just swept the problem under a rug.
I saw that now, and I was going to make some changes. I didn't know what they entailed yet, but I was working on it. The phone call with Nana had made me question myself and the way I handled things.
Hearing Lori question me as well didn't help. It wasn't an excuse, but it was the truth. Had I been wrong to give that jerk a check without talking to her first? Sure. I'd known it was a bad idea while I was signing the check.
He might come back for more in the future. Lori was right about that. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint her, or make her unhappy. I'd gone through that with my divorce already. I needed to explain all this to her.
I loved Lori fiercely, but she had to understand one thing about me. When something bothered the people I loved, I took care of it. Simple as that. I'd always done it, and I wasn't going to apologize for it. I hoped Lori would see that. If not…
There was no alternative. I refused to lose her.
If she didn't understand, I'd explain it to her until she did.
Whatever it took. I admitted my technique could use some refining, and so did my communication skills, but I wasn't going to lose her or Milo over this. Just the notion made my chest twist.
In any case, we still had things to work through if her first conclusion had been that this was too much for me. She'd seemed past logical reason at that point, but her words had to be based on an underlying fear.
On Wednesday I headed to the club early.
The team was coming back from their away game later today, and I wanted to prepare a pep talk.
We'd suffered a brutal defeat, which was an especially tough pill to swallow after a string of victories and the celebration on Saturday.
I wanted the guys to know I believed in them despite that.
The mood was grim when I entered the club. The usual chatter coming from the PR and marketing department was a whisper. I poked my head inside to greet them.
"Come on, chin up. It was just a defeat. We'll get back on our feet in no time. Amber, do you have time to go out to the stadium and double-check if everything is ready for tonight?"
The stadium was rented for a concert this evening, and I wanted to verify for myself that everything was running smoothly.
"Sure thing." She rose from her seat, smoothing her palm on her belly.
At the stadium, we started by inspecting the stage.
They'd started transforming the arena on Monday.
Building the stage and the requisite light installations took time.
We checked in with the sound technicians as well.
Everything was running according to plan.
The concert was sold out, so the stadium would be at its full capacity.
Lastly, I went over the emergency evacuation plans with the head of security and floor operators.
"Let's sit down a bit," Amber said once we'd completed our tour. We headed to the chairs in the VIP section that had been arranged on the arena floor itself, in front of the stage.
"I tire so fast it's not even funny. And I'm sleepy all the time." Amber brought a hand to her mouth to cover her yawn.
"If you want to take time off—"
"I don't. I'm not sick, just slower than usual." After a few beats, she folded her arms over her belly. "So… are you going to bring me up to date?"
"On what?"
"How did the talk with Lori go?"
I hadn't intended to tell Amber anything, but on Monday morning, she took one look at me and knew.
"Haven't spoken to her yet."
"I thought you wanted us to come out here as an excuse to gossip."
"God forbid we actually work, huh?"
"Why didn't you talk to her?"
"I'm giving her some time to cool off."
"How much time exactly do you think she needs?"
"I figured a few days would be good. I've got some things to explain, and I want her to be calm when I do that. I saw on your calendar that you have a meeting with her today. I want to go in your place."
Amber punched my arm. "I knew you hadn't really dragged me out here for work. Thank God. How do you know I'm meeting her?"
"You put ‘baby shower planning’ in your work calendar, which is synchronized to mine."
"Any reason you're hijacking my date instead of getting one of your own?"
"I want to take her by surprise." Their lunch date was in ninety minutes. That still gave me time to buy flowers. I wasn't big on flowers, but I wasn't about to show up empty-handed after our fight. "Where are you meeting, anyway? There was no mention of a location in your calendar."
"Griffith Park."
After she told me the exact location in the park, I kissed her cheek and took off. First stop, the nearest flower shop.
I wasn't going to lie; my palms were sweating a little when I entered the park. People were milling around in the alleyways, their chatter forming a constant background noise that was punctuated by horn blares now and again. As I drew nearer to the ice cream truck, I spotted her.
She was sitting on a bench with her legs crossed.
Her dress reached midthigh, displaying her beautiful skin.
She didn't see me approach because she was bent over a large folder that no doubt contained some samples or pictures for Amber.
Her blonde hair was hanging over one shoulder, fluttering in the light breeze.
She straightened up when I sat next to her.
"I was expecting Amber."
"I'm a much better date though," I said with as much cockiness as possible, hoping it would help her relax. A very small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
I held out the flowers. "These are for you."
She closed the folder, pushing it behind her, taking the flowers in her arms. The vendor said she'd mixed tulips with roses and freesias.
"Thank you. They're beautiful."
I shifted closer to her. "I want to tell you many things, Lori, but I'll start with the most important one.
I love you. I'm crazy in love with you. Occasionally, that might make me do crazy things.
I know I'm a bit of a hothead, and that I act on impulse.
But I promise to work on that, to talk things through with you.
On Saturday, I wasn't pushing you away… not exactly.
It's hard to explain what was going on in my head.
I guess I was disappointed in myself, and I didn't want you to see that.
" On a deep breath, I added, "I didn't want to disappoint you. "
"You didn't disappoint me, Graham. Not at all."
Lori buried her nose in the flowers, then lowered the bouquet a little, and seeing those sweet lips parted slightly, I went in for a kiss. Sighing softly, she opened up for me. I wanted to kiss her until she'd climb in my lap, but we were in a park. I had to consider that.
"I'm sorry I overreacted. That wasn’t okay. You deserved better than that. I promise to do better. And I’m sorry I pushed so much," she muttered when I let her go.
"I shouldn't have. I was feeling a little insecure, and I was afraid you were slipping away from me.
I love your crazy love, and your protectiveness. "
Hearing those words from her was all I needed to feel whole.
"But I'm strong. I want you to know that. Even if I look shaken, that doesn't mean I can't handle things."
"I know you're strong. It's one of the things I love about you." I played with a strand of her hair, then pushed it behind her ear. It was time to bring up something else.