Chapter 16
16
‘A receptionist? Anyone can answer a phone. And you can look after a diary too, so take bookings. Anyway, darling, don’t say you have no skills. You used to run your family calendar, it’s the same thing.’
‘True.’ Mum always believed in me. It was a good idea to call her.
Maybe there was a hotel around that might need some help.
‘You could work in a café. Cooking, clearing up and the like. You’ve been skivvying after that family of yours for years without any help. Lazy buggers.’
‘Mum. They’re not lazy, they just liked things done a certain way.’
‘Darling, there’s no way that any other children I knew could put their dirty washing in the laundry and have it hanging back in the wardrobe by the time they got up the next day. Maybe you should run a launderette.’
‘Ha. Yes, I did teach them that, didn’t I?’
‘You did. I don’t know why, darling. I never taught you to do it.’
‘I just liked that they needed me, Mum.’
‘You’re a pushover, more like. Anyway, why do you want a job?’
I knew that if I rang Mum and asked her, she’d be full of bright ideas, but then I forgot that I’d have to tell her the reason why.
‘Ah, now there’s a story!’
Guilt was weighing heavy on my heart when I explained that despite the money I’d managed to save, I still needed more.
‘I’m sorry, darling, but I’m not even able to get access to anything more that’s not tied up for years. Can’t that tosser of an ex-husband loan you anything from his new business?’
Deciding that I wouldn’t ask Michael if he were the last person on earth did make me wonder whether I was cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I wanted to show him that I could do this without him. He’d laughed when I told him my plans and said that it would never work out. To go cap in hand, begging for help, wasn’t going to do anything for my self-esteem.
‘Actually, I take that back. Don’t ask him for anything. Let me have a think, darling, about what you’d be best at. Although I’m sure there’s nothing you can’t turn your hand to.’
‘Sadly, I don’t think putting that on a CV would stand for much. Maybe I could go and do some cleaning for people?’
‘Would you really want to do that though, darling? Cleaning up after your own family is one thing. Cleaning up after someone else you don’t know is a whole different matter. Just imagine the things that you might have to deal with if you did that?’
‘To be honest, Mum, I don’t think I can afford to be choosy. And judging on the cleaners I’ve had in the past, I’m sure I could do a far better job than some of them. I used to spend my time after they’d gone redoing the things that they hadn’t done to my liking. The last one I had clattered and banged around a lot, but I’m not sure what she did because the house wasn’t ever any cleaner after she’d gone and she used to sneak off half an hour early if I wasn’t in. I came home unexpectedly one day when she was just leaving.’
Mum laughed. ‘Your house was always spotless anyway. Not sure why you even had a cleaner.’
‘It was Michael. He liked to tell people he was spoiling his wife by giving her a cleaner. A status thing, I suppose.’
‘Idiot. Never did like him.’
‘Yes, I think you did mention that once or twice.’ We both laughed.
‘Will you be OK, darling? I hate to think of you stuck there not knowing anyone in a house that isn’t quite what you thought it would be. If you wanted me to, I could see if I could move some of the investments I have around.’
‘Mum, you’ve been amazing and generous enough. I’ll be fine once I find a way. Just keep thinking and if you know of anything I can do, let me know.’
‘Will do. I need to fly now anyway as Barry has just shouted down that he needs some help in the bedroom and, without wishing to be vulgar, the last time he did that, he’d…’
‘That’s enough already, Mum, thanks. Speak soon. Love you.’
It was the utter silence in my old house that bothered me, but since I’d lived here, I’d tune into a local radio station which played a selection of music from across the years. Now that I could listen entirely to the music of my choice, I found that I was singing and dancing along to the songs and it lifted my mood tremendously. I’d started to put the music on when I woke in the mornings and left it on most of the day. I even left it on when I went out because it was nicer to come back to something other than sheer silence. This tiny little thing made such a difference to my day and put a spring in my step.
‘Fancy a little walk, Theo?’ His ears pricked up at the sound of the W word, so I grabbed his lead and we headed out of the French doors, through the dunes to the beach. I walked past a couple who appeared to be a similar age to me, who were walking along, each holding the hand of a little girl. I know these days you shouldn’t really presume anything but at a guess, I’d say they were her grandparents. It made me sad to think that the future I’d thought I was going to have one day was going to be very different. Where I thought that Michael and I would be like that couple. If ever one of our daughters got round to blessing us with grandchildren, I would now be doing that alone. And whilst I knew it was fine to be alone, that no one should really need another person to make them happy, I did like the idea of having someone to do it all with me. It gave me purpose and that’s what I felt to be lacking in life. Taking a walk would maybe give me some perspective, I decided, and give me time to think away from the mess of the house.