Chapter 42
42
Most of the photos were of what we presumed were Tessa and June from their younger days. I’d never known Aunty June with her husband. He apparently died many years ago, but I didn’t know much about him or how he died. Apparently, she never discussed it. But it was clear from these photos that if this were him, then they were very much in love.
At the bottom of the case was a baby blanket, which meant we’d got to the end of the photos. However, there was a slight bulge underneath. When I delved further, I found a padded envelope at the bottom of the case. I looked at the girls and shrugged, before taking it out and opening the flap. Very carefully I looked inside.
In a small see-through packet, there was a lock of hair. I shuddered. I’d always thought it was a bit of a strange thing for people to keep. Michael commented once that he’d read a book where a serial killer kept a lock of hair from each of his victims so it always gave me the creeps. I was a bit apprehensive to go further but when I looked at Michelle and Emma for approval, they both nodded.
Inside there was a pair of the tiniest baby booties I’d ever seen, along with a tiny medical wrist tag, the name hardly visible. I gasped when I saw that the larger medical wrist tag was marked with the name Tessa Wylie. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the looks of astonishment from the other two when I passed it over.
‘Someone’s a dark horse!’ Michelle exclaimed.
I got a really strange feeling low down in my belly and I felt uncomfortable as I took a smaller envelope with Aunty June’s name on the front. This was a total invasion of privacy and while I knew that it was wrong and incredibly personal, I was compelled to look further. I unfolded the letter and out fell another photograph. This time it was a picture of one of the women, holding a baby within her arms. But instead of looking joyful, she looked haunted. Sadder than I’ve ever seen anyone look. This was someone who was in an enormous amount of pain. And when those staring eyes bored into my soul, there was no doubt in my mind that this was Tessa Wylie.
With trembling hands, I smoothed the letter onto my lap and began to read out loud.
My darling Juney.
I’m sending this to you for safe-keeping. Please guard it with your life. Not being able to share my biggest secret with you has brought me such great sadness. My best friend, since we met as four-year-olds. My closest and dearest friend in the whole world. I’m sorry I’ve been unable to tell you this until now but I was sworn to secrecy.
This is my darling daughter.
Whatever had happened to her daughter? Aunty June had never said anything about her having a goddaughter, which I would have thought, if they’d been such good friends, she would have mentioned. Maybe she died. It must be that. How terribly sad. It might have explained why she was a bit of a recluse. Something like that would affect you for years. Then I reread the words I’d read first, ‘when I joined the services’.
What the hell, Tessa? A dark horse indeed.
Enthralled to continue, I read on.
By the time you read this, my beautiful little girl with the most perfect button nose, and the tiniest little fingers that are constantly gripping mine, will have been taken from me. They tried to do it yesterday, but I screamed the place down and told them that they owed me just one day with my baby. My beautiful little girl was prised from my arms this afternoon. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this, Juney. My heart is breaking so much I’m not sure I can breathe. I’m not sure I have the strength to go on without her.
After an already emotional day, tears were streaming down my cheeks and sadness swept through my whole body at the thought of Tessa, just a girl herself, being put in this position. I could focus my eyes on the letter to continue. I took a huge swig of brandy and had to have a moment or two before I could go on.
Juney, when they originally said that I would have to give up my daughter, I never thought it would be this painful. When my parents died, I thought I’d never recover. Then when I met William, he mended my broken heart and as you know, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. When he was killed in action, I thought that his dying would be the worst thing I’d ever have to face and that’s why I wanted to sign up to help.
But that was before I met my little girl. I never thought that it would hurt this much or that I would love her this much. But as my captain says, if I truly love her, the right thing to do is to give her up. I’m sure he’s right but at this moment in time, it does not feel good and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from this. Please say you don’t hate me for what I’ve done. I truly think that I have to do as they say and give her the best chance in life I can and this seems to be the only way. My captain says that I will make her proud by serving my country, so I have to trust that he has my best interests at heart.
I feel so very lonely now, Juney, and you are now the only person I have left in the world and I hope you don’t hate me for asking you to keep this a secret. I’ll write again as soon as I can, but I have to rush this off now as one of the nurses has said she’ll take this and post it on her way home. I only hope that I can trust her to do that.
Love always
Tessa x
When I looked up, all three of us were crying. Poor Tessa and poor June having to keep this a secret. I wondered whether anyone else ever did find out over the years or whether Aunty June took it with her to the grave. It made me so sad to think of the deep friendship that these women had over the years. The trouble now that we had this information was what we did with it. We could never unread what we’d read. How could I ever look Tessa in the eye again?
I realised now why this felt so deeply personal to me and that was because it made me think of my birth mother. I had always known that I was adopted. It had never been kept from me but I loved my mum dearly and vowed never to try to find out more about my birth parents. I felt like there was nothing that they could give me that my own mum couldn’t and I just never felt the need to look any further. But reading this letter now brought it all to the surface and I wondered how my birth mother felt when she gave me up.
The tears that I hadn’t realised I’d been holding inside me for years and years racked my body and my friends wrapped me in their arms and let the sobs come. They hadn’t a clue why I was crying. They knew nothing about my past but they let me cry it out and in the short time I’d known them, I realised that the one thing that connected all the women in my Sandpiper Shore life was loneliness. And if it brought us together, so that we could all help and heal each other, then what a wonderful thing it was.