Chapter 1 #2
Immy gave her a look. The truth was there had been many times when Alex had questioned whether Quinn saw her as more than a friend: the way he looked at her or touched her felt like something more than just platonic.
But she had kissed him once, a few years ago, and he’d stopped her.
If he’d changed his mind about how he felt, surely it was up to him to make his move.
She couldn’t keep putting herself forward and getting rejected.
Upstairs, she could hear Zara singing in the shower.
Her daughter loved having a shower and always used way too much soap so the shower cubicle looked like she’d had a bubble bath, but Alex figured too much soap was better than not enough.
According to Zara, some of the boys in her class were really stinky.
‘I can’t date Quinn,’ she said, returning her attention to Immy.
‘Why the hell not?’
She bit her lip. Dating Quinn, if he even felt that way about her, would be huge and significant and life-changing.
There was no way it could be anything casual and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for something like that, not after what happened with Liam before he died. But there was another reason.
‘You know why,’ Alex said, quietly.
Immy sighed. ‘Because you have stupid misplaced guilt over Liam’s death.’
‘He would still be here if it wasn’t for me. It’s my fault he died.’
‘He died because he drank a bottle of whisky and then got in his car and drove into a tree. You have nothing to feel guilty about.’
Alex winced at the blunt summing up of Liam’s death but then Immy had never liked Liam and she liked him a hell of a lot less once she found out how bad it had been in the eighteen months before he died.
‘It’s still my fault and if Quinn ever found out, he would never speak to me again.
I couldn’t cope with losing him too. I could never have a relationship with him and not tell him the truth about his brother’s death.
I should have told him years ago but I was always too scared to.
But if we were together I’d have to do it, I couldn’t live with the lie. ’
‘You’re making it into a much bigger deal than it is. You need to let go of this guilt. Liam was an adult, he made his own choices. And Quinn will understand that.’
Alex shook her head, knowing he would hate her. If it wasn’t for her, his brother would still be here.
She heard Zara come out the shower and knew she had to divert the conversation. She didn’t want Zara to hear about her dad drink driving or Alex’s inappropriate crush on Zara’s uncle.
‘Look, I’m going on dates like you wanted, let’s just leave Quinn out of it. I highly doubt he is even an option. So let’s focus on today instead. I wore a dress.’ Alex did a little twirl, trying to change the subject. ‘Is it OK?’
‘You look lovely,’ Immy said.
‘Is it too much for a coffee?’
‘No, it’s pretty.’
‘I didn’t know what to do with my hair.’ Alex ran one of her red curls through her fingers. ‘I thought I might put it up but I’m useless at stuff like that.’
‘Come on, sit down, I’ll do it.’
Immy took off her coat, revealing a brightly coloured dress that had polar bears ice skating all over it.
Ever since her brain injury Immy had decided that life was too short to live her life for other people.
She didn’t wear dark sensible clothes anymore, she wore every colour of the rainbow, she wore dresses with frogs or cows or narwhals playing on them.
She dyed her hair a multitude of colours, she quit her job as an accountant and opened up a very successful sweet shop in the town.
She’d taken up scuba diving, painting, pottery and learned how to play the saxophone.
She was the very definition of reinventing yourself.
Immy was a firework and Alex only hoped that one day she would find a man worthy of her.
Immy had been at this dating malarkey for a while now but had yet to find anyone she wanted something serious with, which didn’t give Alex any hope that she’d find her happy ever after either.
Not that she was really looking for that.
Immy started work on Alex’s hair, reminding Alex of how they’d spend hours playing with each other’s hair when they were kids. Immy had always had a talent for creating beautiful braids or twists when the best that Alex could manage was a messy bun.
‘What are you nervous about?’ Immy said, expertly sweeping, twisting and scraping Alex’s hair.
‘I don’t know, conversation running smoothly, awkward silences, making a good impression.’
‘Of course there’ll be awkward silences, you don’t know each other, but just keep asking him questions.
In my experience, men like nothing more than talking about themselves.
And you don’t need to worry about making a good impression.
You are a wonderful, brilliant, kind, funny person and any man would be lucky to go on a date with you.
If they can’t see that, then there’s something wrong with them. ’
Alex smiled. ‘OK, then what if the conversation flows really well, what if we just click and the chemistry is off the charts, what if we end up…’ She paused in case little ears were listening. ‘Doing the horizontal tango?’
Alex couldn’t even begin to imagine going to bed with someone she’d just met. She wasn’t judging anyone who did that, but for her, intimacy went hand in hand with an emotional connection. There was no way she could have that with a man she barely knew.
‘What’s the problem with that?’ Immy said, her hands moving swiftly across Alex’s head.
‘It’s been a really long time since I’ve done… the tango.’
‘All the more reason for you to get back on the horse.’
‘But what if I’ve forgotten which bits go where? What if I’m completely useless at it?’
‘It’s like riding a bike, you never forget.’
‘Which is it, a horse or a bike?’
Immy laughed. ‘Look, don’t be scared off by it. You deserve to have some fun. Having a one-night stand is hugely liberating.’
‘How many one-night stands have you had?’
‘One and it was amazing.’
‘Why don’t I know about this?’
Alex knew about all of Immy’s exes – they talked about everything.
‘I was always dating men looking for Mr Right, someone I could one day fall in love with and marry, just as I imagine you will be looking for that when you date,’ said Immy.
‘I was never looking for something casual. I’m still not.
But Quinn had taken you and Zara to London for the weekend so Zara could see the dinosaurs in the Natural History Museum and it just sort of happened.
It was one of those incredible, unexpected, brilliant nights and I don’t regret it for one second. ’
‘Wait, that was three weeks ago, the weekend when you were supposed to have a date with that loser Ethan. You said he never turned up?’
‘No, he didn’t.’
‘So who was it?’
There was a pause before Immy spoke. ‘Xander.’
Alex swivelled to look at her sister in shock. ‘Xander Wild? As in Max’s brother? Quinn’s cousin?’
Immy turned her head around so she could continue working on the up-do. ‘Yes, the very same.’
‘But… you hate him.’
‘Hate is probably too strong a word. I’m… frustrated by him.’
‘So how did it happen?’
‘He was there when Ethan stood me up and, instead of being a jerk about it, he was really nice and one thing led to another and he came back here. He was insatiable. We must have had sex six or seven times throughout the night. It was like he couldn’t get enough of me.
I have never felt so adored, so revered in my life before.
It was utterly wonderful. And then I woke up the next morning and he was gone.
I texted him to say thanks for the best night of my life and he never replied. ’
‘What a dick.’
‘Ah, that’s Xander all over. He only ever does one-night stands.
He hasn’t had a relationship with any woman since his wife died.
And he has his daughter Etta to think about.
I knew very well what I was getting myself into.
But the point is, maybe it was so good because we both knew there were no strings attached, no commitments, no broken promises, just one night of fun and we both walk away unscathed.
After what Liam did to you, I can understand you being scared of commitment or a long-term relationship again, but it doesn’t have to be that.
I think you’d enjoy the dates a lot more if there are no expectations of something more or something meaningful. Then there can be no disappointments.’
Maybe Immy had a point. It didn’t need to be something serious. Alex still couldn’t imagine sleeping with a stranger but she would love a kiss, a wonderful, passionate, stomach-clenching kiss, with someone who wasn’t Liam.
Her thoughts turned to Quinn again and what it would be like to kiss him. She blushed as she tried to push those inappropriate thoughts away.
‘OK, all done,’ Immy said.
Alex stood up and looked in the mirror, admiring the plaited halo of hair around her head. It looked lovely.
Alex gave her sister a kiss on the cheek and then rested her head on her shoulder. ‘You’re a star, thank you.’
‘You’re very welcome. But you don’t need pretty hair to impress the right man. Any man worth his salt will instantly be bowled over by how wonderful you are, regardless of what you’re wearing or what your hair is doing.’
Alex smiled and moved back over to Zara’s packed lunch, shoving in a couple of clementines and closing the lid. She went to the kitchen door and shouted up the stairs. ‘Zara Seren Campbell, you better get your butt downstairs right now or I’ll gouge your eyes out and feed them to the rats.’
Zara loved the threats, every morning there was a new one and the gorier they were the better. Alex heard her daughter laugh upstairs. Alex swore Zara had been waiting until the threat was dealt before coming downstairs.