Chapter Nineteen
Kate nearly dropped the milk pan she was warming, when the knocking started.
She went to the bolted door and stood, listening.
There were voices and sniggers from the other side.
Whoever was out there was making a lot of noise and threatened to wake the whole household.
When the banging got louder and the voices more insistent, she waited for a pause in the din.
‘Who’s there? Stop your banging, you’re making enough noise to wake the dead,’ Kate said, a note of stern irritation in her voice.
‘Open the door, Kate,’ came the reply.
Kate’s heart missed a beat as she recognized Philip’s voice.
‘Is that you, Master Philip?’ she asked.
‘Indeed, it is,’ came the reply. ‘Open up, Kate, I’m locked out.’
Kate drew back the bolt and stepped back as Philip tumbled through the door. She could see that he was intoxicated. If she’d been in any doubt, the strong smell of whisky confirmed it.
Kate was caught off balance by his presence in the kitchen and didn’t know quite what to say to him.
She realized that his present state meant he couldn’t possibly have shown himself at the front door and she couldn’t help but smile to herself that this had given her the opportunity to see him at last.
‘You need a cup of tea and I will make one in just a moment,’ Kate said. ‘I need to take this to Miss Sophie. Now please keep quiet, everyone’s asleep.’
By the time Kate got back to the kitchen, Philip was slumped across the table with his head on his arms.
Kate bolted the door. ‘My goodness, Master Philip, where have you been? Whatever can you be thinking of, coming home in this state?’
‘In answer to your first question,’ Philip said, pronouncing each word carefully.
‘I’ve been drinking with Carnforth. He holds his drink better than me.
He gave me a leg up so I could climb over the wall.
And as to what I’m thinking, well, if a man’s going to go to war, then he’s entitled to a little drink, I believe.
’ Philip pushed his chair back and tried to stand.
‘He needs to see a little of life, don’t you agree? ’
Kate caught hold of his shoulders and tried to stop him from falling. Philip turned towards her and whispered, ‘Thank you, Kate. You’ve always been understanding . . . special . . . different. If things had been different for us, then I . . .’
‘You’re not making any sense, Master Philip,’ Kate said trying to hold him up.
‘Then actions must speak louder than words,’ Philip replied, pulling her to him.
The kiss was long and deep, not like the kiss with Archie. Kate’s reaction should’ve been to pull away, this was her employer’s son after all! But she liked it too much. She kissed him back. He kissed her neck and held her gently.
‘You’re so lovely, Kate,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, to touch you, to hold you.’
Kate’s eyes shifted to the door. Would someone see them?
‘Don’t worry, Kate. We won’t be found. Please stay with me for a while. I don’t know when I’ll see you again.’
He took hold of her hand and led her quietly into the study, making sure that his shoes didn’t scrape across the floor.
He pulled her down beside him on the chaise and placed his hands gently on her shoulders, leaning her back.
She couldn’t stop the feeling that her body was in control and her body wanted him.
His mouth was on her mouth and his hands were on her breasts.
No one had told her about the tingling, the rush, the sensation of heat and longing.
She was overwhelmed and didn’t want it to stop.
He whispered tenderly to her. She was sinking under waves of pleasure and wanted what he wanted, felt what he felt.
He fumbled with her underclothes and she helped him. The darkness of the room closed in around them and she cried out, partly in pleasure and partly in pain.
‘I’m hurting you,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, I just want . . .’
She put her finger over his lips and guided him inside her again.
‘I’ll be careful, Kate,’ he reassured her.
When it was over, they lay in each other’s arms. His head was on her chest and she kissed his forehead and ran her fingers through his hair.
He was breathing deeply. She shifted a little under his weight and he stirred.
He pulled himself away from her and stood up, buttoning his trousers.
She straightened her clothes and, although she couldn’t see his face clearly, she sensed that he was looking at her.
‘We should go to bed,’ he finally said.
He didn’t reach for her hand or touch her again. He started towards the door and she followed.
‘No, it’s best we don’t go up the stairs together,’ he said. ‘Wait until I’ve had time to get to my room. There are more reasons for you to be about the house at night than me, Kate. We must be careful. You agree?’
‘Yes,’ she said, hoping that this would not be the only time they lay together.
* * *
Kate woke early from a deep sleep. She ached between her legs and lay for a moment or two reliving what had happened the night before.
Part of her was elated that Philip had finally declared what she had hoped was true and the other part was an irritating voice of caution that told her this just could not be.
How many servant girls ended up being married to the men who employed them? None.
She thought of Eliza and Mr Winton’s treatment of her.
At least he’d not taken advantage of Kate in the same way.
She suspected that the master’s time alone in London, before the family had arrived, was her saviour there.
He’d had plenty of time to arrange such secret encounters outside the family home.
She believed Philip to be as unlike his father as a dove was to an eagle.
She turned to face the wall, with her hands between her knees.
What now? How would Philip be with her when they met face to face once more?
What of Archie? She should be honest with him but she also needed to be honest with herself.
She liked Archie a lot but not in the same way as Philip.
Going over and over it all wasn’t helping her to decide between them.
Must she decide? She could end up losing both of them.
It was making her head spin. The world was turning upside down and she was helping shake its foundations even further.
There was no one she could talk to about her fears for the future.
What had happened between her and Philip could lose her this job if Mr and Mrs Winton found out.
She might fall pregnant. Philip might abandon her.
These questions had no answers and continuing to dwell on them was not helping.
She would just have to keep her worries to herself and get on with her work.
The daily tasks kept her busy enough. Philip did not appear during the morning or, if he did, she didn’t see him. When the evening came around again, she met Miss Clara in the hallway and enquired as to how her fundraising was progressing.
‘So much to do!’ Clara sighed. ‘Didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to Philip.
He left it rather late to catch his train.
He should be in Kingston-upon-Thames by now, officer training for the Sussex Regiment.
I never thought it of him. My brother an officer!
Proud of him though. We all are, aren’t we? ’ Clara said.
Kate nodded but could not smile or agree with Clara. She was hurting too much inside. He was gone and he might never want to be with her again. She could be carrying his child. Could she trust him to stick by her whatever happened? She didn’t know.