Chapter 27
Several days after Ronnie left amid much hugging and tears, Tilly felt she had rested and regained her strength enough, and began to feel restless. The best way to cope with such feelings was to get back to the fight. Dot was feeling stronger too.
‘I’m ready for this baby now,’ Dot said.
‘I feel confident that being here with Kate and Sarah will make me feel much more comfortable. After all, they have birthed four children between them and Mary Suss is a very experienced midwife. Once I’m a new and inexperienced mother, I’m going to need all the help I can get.
I think motherhood is going to be much harder than a class full of children.
At least when the bell goes, they all go home. ’
‘I think you’re right there,’ Tilly agreed with a smile.
‘I’m so pleased that you are back to your old self, Dot.
I feel happier about leaving you here, in safe hands.
I need to prepare myself for my next posting.
I’m going to see my colleagues at the Royal before I get recalled. There are a few people I want to see.’
By a few, she really meant Jonathan. She felt as if she needed to find out whether she still had feelings for him and he for her before she left the country again. She wasn’t sure.
‘You’re not going back, are you?’ Dot asked, a look of deep concern on her face. ‘Haven’t you done your bit?’
‘Who knows when this war will end?’ Tilly replied. ‘Our boys need all the help they can get out there.’
‘Might your wish to return have anything to do with a certain surgeon who went out of his way to deliver a letter to us?’ asked Dot.
‘What’s this?’ Kate asked.
‘An American, very good-looking. Came to tell us that Tilly was safe and well when he left Dunkirk. That she missed the boat, but he was sure she’d find a way to get home somehow. No doubt he will be returning to France too?’
‘I don’t know that. None of us know if we’ll ever meet again,’ Tilly said, a misty look in her eyes.
Tilly left for the Isle the following morning.
‘When I get home,’ Tilly said, ‘I want to find Fliss. I have her home address. I do hope we get posted together again.’
* * *
Fliss and Tilly decided to meet in Ryde at a tea shop that they had frequented as trainees.
When Fliss walked into the tea shop, Tilly thought she looked exactly the same as before they had gone to France.
She’d had her hair styled in the latest fashion of the Victory Roll.
Her voluminous head of hair swept up and away from her face in gentle curls.
Her padded shoulders and a nipped-in waist accentuated her figure.
Only Fliss could make the utility clothing available while the country was at war look as glamorous as a Hollywood film star.
Tilly stood and greeted her. ‘So good to see you. How are you, Fliss?’ she said.
‘I’m absolutely fine, apart from being bored out of my mind,’ Fliss replied. ‘I’ve got to get out from under my mother’s eagle eye. She’s driving me mad. How about you?’
‘Amelia has been looking after me, of course. Fattening me up and treating me to anything she can scrounge or barter with other villagers. How Amelia finds enough eggs to make a cake, I’ll never know. Dot is staying in Micklewell for the birth of her child now, though, so it’s just me and Amelia.’
They ordered themselves some tea and fruit buns, and then spent the rest of the afternoon exchanging news with one another.
‘I want to go back to the Royal,’ Tilly said. ‘Will you come with me?’
‘Would this be to meet a certain young doctor?’ Fliss asked.
‘What if it is?’ Tilly asked.
‘Haven’t you started something with Jed?’
‘What’s that got to do with it?’ Tilly replied. ‘We’re at war. Anything could happen to any of us at any time.’
‘Says the country girl who didn’t even know how to begin a love affair a few years ago,’ Fliss teased. ‘My, how you’ve changed!’
‘War changes everything,’ Tilly replied. ‘It changes all of us. How are your parents?’
‘No use trying to change the subject but now you ask, things are better at home. My father has joined the Home Guard and that has given him some purpose in life. Even my mother has decided to do her bit and she’s knitting socks and balaclavas for the troops.
She drew the line at taking in refugee children from London, though.
You could never accuse my mum of being maternal. ’
Fliss did agree to accompany Tilly to the Royal and together they reacquainted themselves with old colleagues and answered a barrage of questions about ambulance work at the front.
‘Rather you than me,’ Deirdre Miles said, after listening to the two of them.
‘She wouldn’t have the guts to serve,’ Fliss whispered to Tilly. They both grinned.
They went to the canteen for lunch with Nurse Barnes who wanted to know more about volunteering with the Queen Alex’s as they called it.
Tilly was hoping that Jonathan Burrows might be there.
They’d just got their food and sat down when, there he was, coming into the canteen with a tall, blonde-haired nurse who Tilly didn’t recognise.
They seemed to be deeply engaged in conversation.
‘Who’s that?’ Tilly asked Nurse Barnes. ‘I don’t recognise her.’
‘That’s Madeleine Walker. She’s managed to get all the young doctors fighting over her. Looks like she’s caught Dr Burrows’ eye now.’
Tilly felt her face colour up with a tinge of jealousy. She watched them surreptitiously out of the corner of her eye throughout the meal. Nurse Barnes excused herself saying she had to be off for her next duty, leaving Tilly free to talk to Fliss about what she had just witnessed.
‘No need to say anything. I can see it written all over your face. You’re jealous of Miss Walker. You haven’t taken your eyes off them.’
‘What should I do?’ Tilly asked.
‘Well, don’t just sit here and take it on the chin,’ Fliss replied. ‘Get in there and stake your claim.’
‘But I don’t have any claim. We didn’t promise each other anything when I left. He’s perfectly entitled to . . .’
‘Yes, and so are you. If I recall, you had a good thing going with our American surgeon before we left. You have to make up your mind, Tilly. He’s not going to wait for you if you don’t tell him how you feel.’
‘That’s just it. I don’t know how I feel,’ Tilly said.
‘Well, now’s the time to find out. Get over there and see how he reacts.’
Tilly stood up and walked over to his table. She stood there until they both looked up. His face showed how surprised he was to see her.
‘Tilly, you’re back. Good to see you fit and well. How was it?’ Jonathan asked. ‘Madeleine, this is Tilly Truscott — she’s serving with the Queen Alexandra’s Nursing Corps.’
‘How do you do?’ Madeleine enquired, displaying her irritation that Tilly had spoiled their twosome.
‘I’m well, thank you,’ Tilly replied, trying to remain unflustered.
Madeleine, possibly feeling awkward about the situation, explained that she was due back on the ward and left them.
Jonathan invited Tilly to sit down and beamed a huge smile, which told Tilly that he was pleased to see her.
She certainly was pleased to see him. She felt that flutter of excitement that reminded her of how they had become attracted to one another in the first place.
‘Are you back for long?’ Jonathan asked.
‘Perhaps a week or so more. I’m waiting to hear from the Corps.’
‘That’s great. Can we meet up for a drink before you go?’ Jonathan asked.
So, she had been jumping to conclusions, she thought. It might be that Madeleine was more interested in him than he was in her.
‘That would be wonderful,’ she replied. ‘Where and when?’
‘Let’s make it tomorrow. The White Hart? I’m off duty at six p.m. Meet you there at seven?’
‘I’m not sure of the buses at that time of night, with the black out,’ Tilly replied.
‘Of course,’ Jonathan said. ‘Let’s think again. It’s the weekend coming up. I’m off on Saturday. Let’s meet up then. I’ll take you for a ride in the countryside. We’ll have lunch in a country pub somewhere.’
‘That sounds good,’ Tilly said.
‘I’ll pick you up at eleven a.m., then,’ Jonathan said. ‘Where shall I find you?’
Tilly thought quickly. She didn’t want Amelia to start cautioning her about wartime romances and thought it best if they didn’t know about Jonathan. Would Fliss help her out?
‘I’ll be in Ryde at the weekend. I’ll meet you on the pier at eleven,’ she replied.
She returned to Fliss and began telling her about her arrangement with Jonathan.
‘The only problem is, if Jonathan wants to spend the rest of the day with me, I don’t want to have to get him to take me home and to explain it all to Amelia.
Could I stay with you, Fliss? Do you think your parents would mind?
Then I could tell Amelia not to expect me home and stay with him as long as we both wanted. ’
‘Be very careful, Tilly. Don’t get yourself into something that might not last the duration of the war. You intend to go back, don’t you?’
‘Yes, but that’s precisely why I want to make the most of the fun that I can have now,’ Tilly replied.
‘That all sounds very dangerous to me. Be very careful. Don’t get yourself into a situation you might regret,’ Fliss cautioned.
‘I won’t. Thank you, Fliss. I’ll repay you someday,’ Tilly said.
* * *
Fliss met Jonathan as arranged and he took her on a tour of the east side of the island.
They drove to Shanklin Chine and walked down the ravine.
The trees, burgeoning with their spring foliage, arched over them, and the light flickering between the branches cast shadows beneath their feet.
The river gushed and gurgled over waterfalls, and dippers darted over the stones that forced the fast-flowing river to circuit around them, creating eddies and pools and carving away the banking along the edge.
Jonathan held Tilly’s arm to steady her on the slippery footpath and they came very close to each other when she lost her footing at one point. He held on to her round her waist.
‘Steady there. We can’t send you back to France with a broken ankle,’ he said.
Their lips brushed against each other’s and Jonathan pulled her closer to him, pressing his body against hers. Her heart missed a beat and she felt as if she was going to melt in his arms. All the warnings Fliss had given her dissolved into the moisture-filled air.
‘I’ve missed you, Tilly,’ he said.
‘It looked to me like you have plenty of other admirers,’ Tilly said. ‘Like Madeleine, for instance.’
‘Well, what’s a man to do?’ Jonathan asked. ‘You disappear off to France and don’t even write to me. Just give me a chance and I’ll show you how much you mean to me. I want you so badly.’
Jonathan kissed her again, passionately.
Tilly couldn’t hold herself back. This was not sensible.
This couldn’t last. She was going back and she might not return.
Her future was uncertain; their future was uncertain.
She had to stop this, now. But Tilly’s body had other ideas and so did Jonathan’s.
They walked on until they came to a quiet path that led slightly uphill to their right, away from the river. Jonathan pulled her in that direction.
‘Come on. Let’s climb up here, away from the main path, where it’s quiet. There are too many people walking the main route to the bottom. We might get a good view of the valley from up there.’
He pointed to a rocky outcrop. They made their way slowly up the slope and climbed onto the rock.
All they could hear was the rush of the water and the rustling of branches in the wind over their heads.
Jonathan took off his jacket and lay it down on the rock.
They lay back together. He leaned over her and began caressing her neck and shoulders.
She relaxed into him. She looked above her head and the light patterns played across her field of vision.
She breathed in deeply as he moved between her legs, his hands exploring her breasts.
Her nipples stood erect, responding to his touch, and she could do nothing to resist him.
They moved together in unison. Then she felt him change; he began to grab and claw at her.
He turned her over forcefully and rasped into her ear, ‘Don’t move. I like it this way.’
It was as if his body had taken over and it was almost as if she wasn’t there.
She winced. As he entered her, she felt a stab of pain.
She moved to try to wriggle away from him, but he clamped his hand over her mouth.
He kept holding on to her until he reached climax.
He cried out and withdrew quickly. When it was over, he lay back, his body sweating.
She had wanted this so much, almost too much.
Now, instead of feeling fulfilled and satisfied, instead of feeling warm and happy and complete, she felt empty.
He wasn’t the same as Jed. Jed was caring and gentle; he wanted to please her.
Jonathan had only wanted to satisfy himself. He left her feeling cold and abandoned.
She sat up and pulled her clothes back together. She felt used. This wasn’t what she’d expected. He wasn’t what she’d imagined. She’d created some sort of image of the man of her dreams and not seen the reality, that he was selfish. On the drive back to Ryde, she hardly spoke a word.
When Jonathan dropped Tilly at Fliss’s family home, she got out of the car and said no more than, ‘Goodbye, Jonathan.’
‘Is that it, then?’ Jonathan asked, clearly immune to the fact that Tilly was upset.
‘What more do you want me to say?’ Tilly said. ‘I will be going back to France soon.’
‘All right, if that’s the way you want it,’ Jonathan remarked.
‘That’s the way I want it,’ Tilly said, closing the car door.
From the way Tilly entered the house and went straight up to her room, Fliss knew something was wrong.
‘I’m catching the bus back to Whippingham,’ Tilly said. ‘Please thank your parents very much and apologise for my leaving without seeing them myself. Make some excuse that I wasn’t feeling well.’
‘So, I gather things didn’t go so well,’ Fliss said.
‘You could say that,’ Tilly replied. ‘I’ve been such a fool, Fliss. Whatever made me go looking for him?’
Tears started gathering in Tilly’s eyes. Fliss put her arms around her friend.
‘Oh, Tilly. Whatever happened? What did he do to upset you that much?’ Fliss asked.
‘He was a complete brute,’ Tilly said. ‘Jonathan Burrows is not what he seems. I’ve made an awful mistake. He’s no gentleman. He forced himself upon me, Fliss.’
‘The bastard,’ Fliss said. ‘Don’t waste your tears on him, Tilly. You’re better off without him.’
Tilly caught the next bus home and tried to put the whole sordid experience behind her. She would concentrate on doing the job she’d signed up to do. She wouldn’t let this get in the way of her nursing career.