Chapter Twenty-Three
TALLY
S nowmobiling with Dylan and his friends yesterday had been a lot of fun. He was easy to talk to. His friends and their girlfriends were a lot of fun, and they all made me feel included. It was the first time I had gone somewhere with complete strangers and felt fairly comfortable the whole time. Not completely, but I made it through the day without a panic attack, so that was definitely something.
Obviously, I got past my self-loathing mental rant from the other night and made myself go, and I was proud of myself for that. When Dylan called in the morning, I was flattered, and if not for what had happened with Jake the night before, I might have said no. But the more I thought about it, especially Jake telling me I didn’t have a say, the more irritated I became with him .
Snowmobiling was far outside my comfort zone, but I said yes anyway. If for no other reason than to show Jake that I had moved on from the other night. If he wanted me to go out with someone my own age, that was exactly what I planned to do.
Dylan was a few years older than me and knew my older brother Nolan. A couple of his friends were fellow Abbottsville High graduates too, which didn’t surprise me. We were from a small town. We were bound to know the same people.
I enjoyed hanging out with Dylan and his friends, but as the day went on, I felt bad for going for the wrong reasons, especially when he turned out to be a very sweet guy. He even drove me home at the end of the day when my car wouldn’t start and offered to take me to get a new battery and install it for me. And when it came time to say good night at my door, he was a gentleman and simply gave me a hug. What a relief, because I didn’t want to kiss him after kissing Jake only twenty-four hours before.
Dylan and I made plans to have lunch and take care of my car battery issue today, and I was hoping we’d be able to leave before Jake and the girls were back from church, but no such luck. Dylan pulled up to the curb right before they drove in, and when I headed out to meet him, Jake passed by on the sidewalk.
“Going out again so soon?” he asked.
“Yep.” I kept walking.
“We’re going sledding today,” Ava announced as I walked past her.
“That’s awesome, Ava. Have fun,” I replied .
“Come with us.” She turned and started following me, and I stopped and crouched down to her level.
“That sounds like so much fun. But I have to go get my car fixed today so I can drive it home.”
“What happened to your car?” Jake asked.
I looked up at him. “The battery.”
“Do you need help?”
I shook my head as I stood. “We’ve got it covered.” I turned and walked toward Dylan, who was standing beside his car now. “Have fun, girls,” I said over my shoulder.
The girls called out loud goodbyes to me, and Dylan ran around and opened my door.
I noticed Jake watching for a moment before he led the girls toward the house.
“What are you in the mood for?” Dylan asked.
“I don’t know. Whatever you want.”
“I’ve been craving Mexican.”
My stomach wasn’t fond of Mexican food. I’d never been able to stand too much spice in what I ate. But as per usual, I agreed anyway.
Dylan was sweet and funny and so handsome, with his blond hair and blue eyes. I thought dating would feel different. More nerve-racking. More scary. But he made it easy, which I was grateful for.
I ordered a simple salad and a chicken soft taco, which I didn’t eat much of. I preferred not to spend the remainder of our date in the bathroom.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked when he’d devoured his enchiladas.
“I’m okay.”
“You barely touched your taco. ”
“I’m not a huge Mexican food eater.”
He got a sympathetic look on his face. “Oh no. Why didn’t you say something? We could’ve gone somewhere else.”
“It’s okay, Dylan. I could tell you really wanted to eat here.”
“Next time, you pick the restaurant.”
I eyed him. “Next time, huh?”
“If you want. You’re probably getting tired of seeing my mug every day this weekend.”
“Not possible.” It was the flirtiest thing I’d ever said to a guy I barely knew, and I blushed as soon as the words were out of my mouth.
He reached across the table and pushed a hair behind my ear. “Ditto.”
I thought I’d get butterflies or something, anything, but I didn’t. It was strange. I was sitting across from this perfectly wonderful guy who seemed interested in me. So, why did I have no reaction to him touching me like that?
After lunch, Dylan took me to buy a new battery and installed it for me, and before I left, he asked me out for next Friday night to take a Christmas lights tour around town on the horse-drawn carriage. It was a fun tradition in Abbottsville, but I’d never been on the carriage with a guy before. Only with friends or my parents or siblings. I pictured what it would be like to take that ride with Jake, snuggled up under a blanket, with the stars twinkling above as the lights sparkled on the street around us.
“What do you say?” Dylan took me out of my daydream.
“Sure. Sounds fun.” Guilt came over me for where my thoughts had been .
He hugged me goodbye again, but this time, he leaned back and looked me in the eyes.
“I can’t believe we never met before now,” he said. “We’ve lived here our whole lives. We know the same people. How have I missed you all this time?”
I gave him a shy grin. “Maybe we weren’t meant to meet until now.”
He nodded. “Maybe so.”
I knew what was coming. He leaned in, his lips on a route for mine, and I was fully prepared for impact, but at the last minute, I turned my head and kissed his cheek.
“Thanks for lunch and for helping with my car.”
He gave me a slight smile. “No problem. I was happy to help. I’ll see you Friday.”
“Friday,” I repeated as I climbed into my car and started the engine. I gave him a wave and drove away, more confused than ever.
I headed to my parents’ house instead of the guest house. I wasn’t ready to go back to Jake’s and sit in my little house and obsess over all I’d done to ruin the end of a perfectly nice date.
Mom was in the kitchen when I arrived, and her face lit up when she saw me.
“I didn’t know you were stopping by today.”
“I didn’t either,” I said as I hugged her.
“Is everything okay?”
I shrugged my shoulders, and she dried her hands from the dishes she’d been doing and went about making us both a cup of tea. We took a seat at the table with our mugs and tea bags and waited for the water to boil.
“How’s the job going? ”
“It’s good. The girls have really warmed up to me. Even Nora, who wasn’t my biggest fan in the beginning. I helped get her signed up for a dance class she’d been wanting to do, so I think that helped with my popularity.”
Mom chuckled. “That’ll do it.”
“I went on a date today.”
“You did? Who’s the lucky guy?”
“His name’s Dylan. He knows Nolan, actually. He’s a really nice guy.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed a smidge. “So, what’s the problem?” She always seemed to know something was wrong without a hint from us kids. A mother’s intuition, perhaps.
“There’s no problem. At least there shouldn’t be. He’s sweet and funny, and he likes me. He’s pretty easy for me to talk to. I don’t feel too awkward around him.”
“That all sounds good, sweetie.”
“It is.”
“But?”
“But I have feelings for someone else,” I admitted, “and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Does this other man know you have feelings for him?”
“Well, I kissed him, so I’m thinking yes.”
Her eyes widened. “Okay then. That was not what I expected you of all my daughters to say.”
“I know. It’s not like me. But when I’m with him, I’m not the least bit bashful anymore.”
“Does he not feel the same?”
“I know he does. But there are some obstacles in our way.”
“What kind of obstacles? ”
I knew the second I told her what they were, she would know exactly who I was talking about. I hesitated, so afraid she’d be disappointed in me. But I needed advice from my mom since my friends couldn’t be relied upon lately.
“He’s a lot older than me.”
Her eyebrow raised.
“And he has three daughters.”
Understanding crossed her face. “Oh, Tally.”
“I know, Mom, but I can’t help it. There’s something there between us. Dylan tried to kiss me today, and I turned away. With him, I don’t get the butterflies I get when I’m around Jake. I want to. If I did, things would be so much easier. I want to feel more for him, Mom. I really do.”
“You can’t force these things, sweetie.”
“We’re going out again on Friday. Maybe my feelings will change the more time we spend together.”
“If you aren’t feeling more for him, you need to be honest. You don’t want to lead him on and hurt him.”
“I know.”
The water began to boil, and Mom got up and poured some into each of our mugs.
“So, what about Jake?” she asked as she settled in at the table again.
Noelle chose that moment to come bounding down the stairs. “Who’s Jake?” She went to the fridge, grabbed a pop, and sat down beside Mom.
I ignored her and answered, “He told me I need to find someone my own age.”
“Why?” Noelle asked. “Is he old? Are you trying to find a sugar daddy? ”
“Yeah, Noelle. You know me. I’m all about finding a rich guy to take care of me.”
She laughed. “I’d do it.”
“Noelle,” Mom scolded.
“What? I’d rather marry someone with money so I don’t have to worry about it like you and Daddy have our whole lives.”
“That’s rude, Noelle,” I snapped. “They’ve worked hard to provide for us. You should be more grateful.”
“I’m not ungrateful. I’d just rather marry rich.” She shrugged her shoulders and slurped her pop.
“Oh, to be sixteen again,” I said, “with no real worries except schoolwork and what outfit to wear.”
“Hey, I have a lot more worries than that.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Do tell.”
“I still have to finish all my driving practice miles so I can get my driver’s license. I’m the only one of my friends who doesn’t have it yet.”
“If you’d go out with me or your dad more often, then you’d have the miles logged by now,” Mom said.
“Whatever. I can’t help that I’m so busy all the time. I have a social life.”
Mom and I exchanged glances.
“And I’m also trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Next year, I’ll have to start applying to colleges and filling out scholarship applications. I have to know what I’m going to do before then.”
Mom squeezed her hand. “You don’t need to rush to decide your future career. Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. ”
“I’m not like Tally, Mom. I have goals and dreams. I’m not going to stay in Abbottsville and take care of other people’s kids for the rest of my life.”
Her comments hit me hard for some reason, and my chin began to quiver as tears stung my eyes and nose.
“Noelle, you need to apologize to your sister,” Mom reprimanded.
Noelle’s eyes turned to me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it as an insult.”
“I have dreams,” I told her. “Maybe my path to achieving them isn’t the same as the one you’ll take, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“I know what you meant.”
The table was quiet for several beats, and I sipped my tea.
Noelle stood, circled the table, and wrapped her arms around me from behind. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Noey.”
She squeezed me. “You haven’t called me that in a while.”
“I haven’t seen you much.”
“I miss you sometimes. You should come around here more.”
“I’ll take you out practice driving,” I said.
“Okay!” She perked up again. “I’d rather drive with you than Mom and Dad. They yell at me the whole time about how fast I’m going or how close I am to the other cars or how I cut too close to the curb when I turn.”
We laughed, and the tension in the room broke.
“How about right now? ”
“I’m going over to Brenna’s. Can we do it next week?”
“Sure. I get done with work between five and seven, depending on the day.”
“That works. I need more night driving hours.” She finished off her pop and dropped the can in the recycle bin. “I’ll text you soon.”
“Sounds good.”
And just like that, Noelle was out of there. Teenagers. Always coming and going.
“Now, where were we? Ah, yes … Jake,” Mom said.
“He says he’s too old for me. He has daughters and baggage. He wants me to find someone and have a family of my own. But I don’t care about our age difference, and I love his daughters. And I don’t care what happened with him and his ex-wife. She’s not even in the same state as them anymore. She’s having a baby with her new boyfriend. And she didn’t even show up for Christmas with the girls this weekend. They were devastated.”
“That’s awful.”
“I know. It was very sad.”
“He makes some good points, though.”
I sighed. “I know he does. But if two people care about each other, they should be able to overcome the obstacles, right?”
“Sometimes. But both have to be willing to do that. And it doesn’t sound like he is.”
“Maybe I should quit.”
“Is that what you want?”
“No.” I rested my elbows on the table and held my face in my hands. “But how can I live there and see him all the time, feeling the way I do about him? ”
“Because it’s your job. Because those girls are depending on you.”
“I know they are. I can’t desert them right now. Especially after what just happened with their mom.”
Mom reached across the table and squeezed my hand.
“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, Mom.”
“I know, sweetie. Just focus on the girls. And if something more is meant to be, it will be.”