Chapter Thirty-Seven
JAKE
I ’d brought this on myself. It was my fault that life seemed so grim. I took the fastest shower ever and didn’t bother shaving. It was a scruff kind of day. If I woke up feeling like this every day, it would probably end up a No-Shave March—not to be mistaken for No-Shave November. I had no great cause behind not shaving. I just felt like crap overall.
The pit of my stomach was churning, knowing Natalia would be coming soon to get the girls for school. I told her I’d handle breakfast and packing lunches, so I knocked on the girls’ doors to get them moving and dragged myself downstairs.
I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but we were out of sandwich bags, so I wrapped them in tin foil because it was all we had left. I dumped some goldfish crackers in small plastic containers and tossed in an apple for each .
“What’s that?” Nora asked as she came into the kitchen still in her pajamas.
“Your lunch.”
“Why is it wrapped like that?” She pointed at one of the sandwiches.
“Because I ran out of sandwich bags.”
“What kind is it?”
“Peanut butter and jelly,” I answered.
“Did you make that for Ava too?”
I looked at her, exasperated. “Yes, why?”
“She can’t take peanut butter to her class. There’s a new kid that’s allergic.”
“She’s not shoving it down the kid’s throat, is she?”
Nora shook her head.
“Then I don’t see the problem.”
“It’s a class rule.”
I took the sandwich from Ava’s lunch box and tossed it across the room toward the trash can, totally missing the mark.
Nora’s eyes were wide.
“Why are you in your pajamas?” I asked.
“I was hungry.”
“Go change!”
Her bottom lip stuck out as she took off for the stairs, and I hung my head low.
I remade Ava’s sandwich using only jelly and then went to get some eggs to scramble, only to find we were out. I searched the cupboard for some cereal or pancake mix. None. I had taken for granted all that Natalia did while she was here—keeping the groceries stocked, making good meals for us, not causing Ava’s classmate to die from a peanut allergy. With her being gone last week, I had moved through my days like a zombie, missing her, feeling miserable, and lacking the focus to take care of any of it. Now, everything was catching up with me.
I found a box of chocolate Pop-Tarts with two packs left, ripped them open, tossed one on each plate, and ate the fourth one. Not exactly healthy, but it would do.
I packed up the bags and noticed the time.
“Come on, girls! You’re gonna be late!” I hollered from the bottom of the stairs.
Ava came down in mismatched clothes with a serious case of bedhead, and Piper was only wearing a shirt and no pants. So, I scooped them up under my arms and carried them back upstairs.
I set Piper in her room. “Put on pants.”
Then I took Ava to the bathroom, wetted my hands, smoothed them over her hair, and tried to comb down the bumps. When that didn’t work, I brushed it back and put it in a rough-looking ponytail.
“Looks good.” I nudged her out of the room. “Go eat.”
“Nora! Let’s go!” I called down the hallway.
“I’m almost ready, Dad. Hold your horses.”
“Hold your horses?” I stopped in her doorway.
“Grandma says it to Grandpa all the time.”
“Well, the horses are ready to go. Move it.”
She frowned as she rushed past me and headed downstairs.
Piper came out of her room in what I believed were pajama bottoms, but I couldn’t have cared less. I carried her downstairs, and when she spotted what was on her plate, she let out a screech.
“Pop-Tart!”
“How come we only get one?” Nora asked. “Two come in a pack. ”
“You don’t need that much sugar before school.”
“Grandma lets us eat both.”
“Grandma’s not here.” My voice came out louder than I meant it to, but I couldn’t seem to contain my frustration.
“I don’t want a dumb Pop-Tart,” Nora snapped. “I want Tally to make me breakfast.”
“Well, Tally’s not here either,” I snapped back.
“Why are you so mean?”
A tap on the back door interrupted us, and Natalia stepped inside.
It felt as if the air was suddenly sucked out of the room in that moment. My heart ached like it was clamped in a vice grip. I missed her. So much. It had only been a week. How would I get through the rest of my life without her?
“Good morning.” Her sweet voice was the most beautiful melody I’d ever heard, and I grieved the fact that it soon wouldn’t fill our home anymore.
“Tally!” The girls abandoned their toaster pastries and rushed to hug her.
I made myself get up and go for my coat and bag. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible to make it less awkward for her.
“Alright, girls. I’m leaving for work.” I returned to the kitchen, where they were chattering with Natalia.
I crouched down and hugged Piper and Ava. Then I stood and opened my arms to Nora, but she turned away from me.
“Hey, I love you, and I’m sorry for snapping,” I said.
She rolled her eyes but gave me a hug anyway.
I stood and faced the woman I loved. She seemed to be dealing with this much better than I was. Or maybe she was better at hiding it .
“Thank you for doing this,” I said. “I’ll start looking for a replacement this week.”
“Okay.”
“Have a good day.” I hesitated, wanting to say so much more, wanting her to talk to me, but she didn’t.
Walking out to my car alone was a struggle. All I could picture was Natalia leaning back against my car door, smiling, pulling me to her by my tie, sending me off with sweet kisses, leaving my mind whirling with thoughts of her. But not today. My mind would still be on her, but it wouldn’t be in the wake of her perfect lips on mine. I would be grasping to relive every moment we’d ever had together.