Chapter 24 #2
Thomas waved a hand. He advanced a few steps, but hovered behind Sarah’s shoulder and peered down.
A softening occurred through his stiff facial muscles, but he didn’t reach for Lily.
Not that Sarah would have given him the space.
She exclaimed and shuffled Lily around. Lily bore it with very little change of expression, which helped me relax.
Cade stood out of sight in the kitchen, the lights off, his outline backlit because of the window over the sink.
He had his hands in his pockets, his head upright, as he waited.
He promised to stay in the kitchen, but not leave the house.
His reassuring presence was a boon. Knowing he’d be there, though I wanted to handle this myself, made me feel not so alone.
“How was your flight?” I asked.
“Fine,” Sarah said, her voice a little clipped.
It wobbled as she nattered to Lily, saying we wub you wittle pwincess and gammy is here now while poking at Lily’s cheeks.
She was gentle, yet annoying, so I looked away.
If Lily began to cry, I’d step in. For now, I wanted to provide whatever space they desired.
Thomas waited patiently, keeping his thoughtful gaze on Lily.
I lowered to the edge of the couch, set my hands on my knees, and blew out a long breath. The longer Sarah chattered at Lily, the more stable I felt. Ground beneath my feet, Cade at my back.
We’re fine, I thought.
And we were.
After several minutes, Sarah lifted her attention to me. Lily rested in the crook of her elbow, hands moving as usual. Her blanket dripped over the side of Sarah’s arms.
“And how has our little princess been?”
The moniker irritated me, but I swept it aside.
“Very good. She’s eating well, sleeps four to five hours at a time at night, about every other night.
The other nights, she wakes up a little more often.
She’s very calm in temperament, too. We have an appointment next week for her six-week wellness check-up in Pineville.
Her last appointment went as expected; nothing was noteworthy. ”
“Are you vaccinating?”
“I am, but we’re spreading them out so there aren’t as many at one time.”
After a pause, she gave a punctuated nod of reluctant approval.
It had been Cade’s idea to make an appointment with the doctor.
Though I didn’t owe the Millers anything, I could show how Lily and I had set down roots here, and that I kept up with all aspects of her care.
I hated playing this game to prove my parenting skills, mostly because the Noelle from my past wouldn’t have cared what they thought.
She stood firm in her moral ground, her decisions, and everything else.
This Noelle had no idea what was going on. She wanted her twin sister back and her life to make sense.
Yes, you do know what’s going on, and you’re doing great, my internal coach stated, and I realized with a start how long it had been since I relied on her.
Another perk of life with Cade, I supposed.
“Lily seems good,” Sarah said, and only a hint of reticence lined her comment. As if she had hoped for and expected a different outcome. Thomas set his hand on the back of the recliner and gazed around.
“You said this was your grandfather’s place?” he asked, eyeing the very obnoxious water stain on the ceiling.
“Yes. He passed away a few months ago.”
Sarah didn’t hide her disdain for the room very well. All our attempts to make the room sparkle and shine had been in vain. We could only dress up a chicken and call it a pig so much before the lie was obvious.
“It’s . . . very . . .” Sarah’s attempt to say something kind, but true, failed dramatically. She ended with an exasperated, “Well, it’s very old, isn’t it? I’m a little concerned about lead in the paint, if I’m being honest. Have you had that checked? Or asbestos?”
Of course I hadn’t. Nor did I have plans to let Lily chew on the wall.
“Lead-based paint and asbestos shouldn’t be a concern here,” I said easily.
“We are currently renovating, so everything you see will undergo a dramatic change. Cade has already measured the window to replace it. We’re bringing the insulation up to date, and once we donate the furniture, we’ll re-floor.
At that point, I have an idea for different paint colors. ”
All of that was a very professional and sterile way of saying, This house is weird, made out of doors and hope, and we have to rip the whole thing down and put it back together slowly.
Sarah’s lips pressed. “I see.”
She didn’t. If I had anything to say about it, she wouldn’t. Her blatant disapproval might have made me nervous on any other day, but I didn’t have the energy to deal with it anymore. I’d spent the morning fretting over her, and for what?
Nothing.
Parenting took enough from me. I didn’t need to give the rest of my energy to Sarah. Lily deserved the best part of me. I drove up a wall between my worries over Sarah’s approval, and focused on getting through this in an adult and compassionate way.
Thomas cleared his throat while inspecting the ceiling corners, like he’d find something devastating there. Maybe he worried the roof might collapse in on him. Thomas, I would save.
Sarah, on the other hand . . .
Normal, I reminded myself. Cade had coached me through this, saying, Act like you’re friends. You’re not against each other, remember? Just be loose and confident and they’ll back down.
What would a normal person do? The only normal person I could think of was my grandmother, and though I hadn’t seen her in over a decade, I latched onto her as a mental model.
Grandma would ask surface-level questions to buy time and play the game.
Her sharp mind knew how to play these kinds of games.
I asked, “How is Robbie?”
Mention of their son, Lily’s father, brought an instant change sweeping over Sarah. She beamed.
“Robbie is at home again and doing well. He’s progressing as expected. It’s really remarkable what one can do when one applies oneself.”
The tangle of words came out forced, with a titter of laughter at the end that made her sound strangled, instead of sincere. I flicked a quick look at Thomas, but he betrayed nothing through his expression.
At home again meant Robbie had finished rehab.
“I’m happy to hear that.”
“Yes, we all are. Our family is really rallying together in a way that makes us all happy, under one roof, ready to support each other and Lily. Thomas’s business is booming, and Robbie is doing well at home, where he plans to stay. We’re a . . . happy family!”
I didn’t miss the hidden implication with the phrase and Lily.
Whatever picture she attempted to paint, it didn’t come together very beautifully.
With Thomas standing stiff as a board, head on a swivel, taking in the room, not muttering a word, I didn’t believe any of it.
Robbie was probably home, strung out on cocaine, with his mother pleading for him to return to rehab and get his life together. I’d seen it before.
Suddenly, Sarah’s desperation made sense. She wasn’t fighting for Lily. She was fighting for everything. Sarah had been a stay-at-home mom for all of Robbie’s life, shoveling all her time, love, and attention onto him. Practices, events, parties. When he spiraled out of control, so did she.
She grasped for straws that weren’t there.
It brought a wave of compassion and determination over me.
Lily would not grow up around Sarah, Robbie, or Thomas.
She would be in my arms, at the ranch, where grandma and grandpa watched over us, where Cody and Wyatt traipsed around like protective older brothers, and Cade cared with his quiet ferocity.
Gathering my courage, I said, “I’m glad to hear Robbie is doing well, Sarah, and home with you. Naomi would have been pleased to hear that.”
At Naomi’s name, Sarah stiffened. The tension disappeared almost as quickly as it came as she returned her attention to Lily. I couldn’t help noticing that Thomas didn’t try to hold her, and Sarah didn’t offer.
I stood.
“It’s almost time for her to eat. Would you like to feed her?”
Sarah illuminated. “Yes, please!”
As I stood, Thomas asked, “You said, we. Is there someone helping you do all this work?” His finger twirled in a circle, motioning to the room around us. His attention had darted to the hallway and back. I couldn’t see into the kitchen anymore to know if Cade lurked in sight, but I doubted it.
“Yes. The ranch foreman and two ranch hands are helping.”
“Ranch hands and a foreman! Do they live here, too?” Sarah asked. She retracted Lily away, as if shielding her. The move appeared unconscious because all her energy shifted into glaring at me. “You live alone, unwed, with three men?”
A biting retort rose to my tongue. Yes, and I thoroughly kissed one of them last night. This isn’t the 1800s, so stop clutching your pearls. But I swallowed that retort down with all the others.
“They live on the ranch, yes. Cody and Wyatt live out in the barn. I’m in Grandpa’s old bedroom, Lily has her own bedroom beside mine, and Cade sleeps downstairs.”
A partial truth. He could sleep downstairs now that I’d cleared one bedroom out, but he’d only slept down there once.
Mostly, he slept on the couch in case I needed help with Lily, though he’d never stated that outright.
They didn’t need to know how slipshod and ramshackle this whole process had been.
“Do they have contact with Lily?”
“Of course.”
“And do they hold her?”
She sounded affronted, and I took instant offense. Instead of rising with the rage I held, I said, “Yes, they do. They’re wonderful with her, and she’s very calm with them.”
“Well, she’s not old enough to know better!” she cried, patting Lily on the bottom as she began to fuss. “She’s a baby, and you are the one protecting her. Not passing her from one worker to the next, and in a house that feels old, and isolated, I might add.”
Thomas had nothing to say to this, but the edges of his lips thinned. Lily let out a cry. Sarah stood up to bounce her.