Chapter 11
11
S he tried. She really did try. She wanted to get to know the town folks, but the mingling and light chatter did her in. Like a person with post-traumatic stress, she had felt the headache come on and had emotionally retreated in an effort to ward it off.
Clearly, Jace was angry with her. He might say she was safe, but with his hands on his hips and the way he leaned toward her, the message didn’t jive with the words.
Being bossed around was getting tiresome.
So she’d told him so. Before she had thought about what she was doing, the words had tumbled out with the same force she had used to shove him back.
Jace stepped away, his arms going slack from his hips. He ducked his head, giving it a slight shake. “You’re right.”
She barely heard the words, too afraid of what was to come next. Her father had raged at her the times she stood up to him, so much she’d stopped until that last night when he’d shoved her.
“I beg your pardon?”
Jace looked up and met her gaze. “I said you’re right. I won’t deny that I’m angry, but I can see why you might think I was angry with you. I’m not, and I’m sorry for getting in your face.” He gave a gruff, bitter-sounding laugh. “This married thing is hard.”
“I beg your pardon?” She was stuck on the apology, having not expected it.
Confusion crossed Jace’s face. “What?”
Meredith shook her head to clear her thoughts. “What?”
Jace smiled. “Did I say something that I need to clarify? I’m not sure I can remember all that I did say.” He rubbed his chin.
“You apologized.” She returned his smile.
“And I meant it.” He took off his hat, rubbed his hand over his short hair. A dark brown lock fell across his forehead, giving him a charming look that could only be classified as rogue.
“No one has ever apologized to me. I mean, in a situation like this.” She smiled, big enough to show some teeth. Apologies were nice.
Jace held his hat with both hands and ran one along the rim. “Can I ask a personal question?”
Meredith shrugged. “We’re married. I think you’re entitled to a few.”
They shared a laugh. Hard to believe this morning she'd judged Jace to be more than she was ready for, but so far he’d been nothing but nice. Granted, people who wanted something from another person were always nice.
Jace shifted, glanced at her, then looked away. “Ah…”
“Wow, this must be one humdinger of a question.” The anxiety she’d fought back earlier began to spread upward from the pit of her belly. She pressed a hand to her side. Soon it would reach her head and bring on the migraine.
“I’m just gonna put it out there, okay?”
She nodded and clenched her teeth .
“Has someone hit you, Meredith?”
Instantly, the anxiety dissipated. “What? No.” She thought about the last fight she had with her father. “Not in the way you must be thinking.”
“But someone laid their hands on you in anger?” Jace straightened, his knuckles going white.
Meredith sighed and leaned back against the truck. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her coat and pulled it from the bed, slipped it on. For a moment, during their brief heated words, she hadn’t felt the chill of the spring day, but now the crisp, cool air was sinking into her bones.
“It was one time, and it was my father. He grabbed me by my arms and shoved me.”
“Jesus.” The muscle in his jaw popped. “Is that why you’re here?”
“That’s what helped me decide to be here.”
Jace nodded.
“It wasn’t just that. There's more to it, of course. It was a bad situation all around, and my health was starting to deteriorate. Headaches.” She pointed to her temple. She didn’t want him to think she was flighty, had one scuffle with her father, and did something as extreme as marry a stranger. His good opinion was important to her. The people of Bison Prairie had greeted her with kindness because of Jace and his family. That had not escaped her attention.
Jace rested one arm on the side of the truck. “Tell me about these headaches. You were getting one in the diner, right?”
“Best I can figure is that they come on with stress. They're migraines. Debilitating ones. I was getting them all the time. Almost daily. The life I left wasn't good or happy.”
“I figured it wasn't or Sabrina wouldn’t have introduced us had it been otherwise,” he said.
Sabrina. It was her word that gave Meredith credit. Not Meredith’s. She shivered and wondered what it would be like to have the trust and faith of this man.
“Hey, you’re cold. Let’s get into the truck, and I’ll take you home.” He gestured for her to walk around the car, then followed behind her. He opened the passenger door and helped her inside, making sure her coat was not hanging out before closing the door with a soft but solid click.
Meredith tucked her trembling hands into her coat pockets. What was next?
Her mind went to the one topic everyone thought of after their wedding.
Honeymoon.
Sex.
Did he expect to have sex with her tonight? She tried to picture it, and though she had no difficulty picturing Jace without a shirt, she couldn’t begin to see herself as the other participant in the event.
They drove down a long stretch of road, a highway, before turning down another long two-lane road. She didn’t know if they were close to his house but with each mile, she felt as if time was running out. She’d soon have the answer to her sex question. She needed to decide if she was going to do it or not. She didn’t want to freak out on him. Wanted even less to make a fool of herself. She knew she needed to bring up the topic. Waiting to see how it played out might be an option, but that gave her heartburn.
Meredith wasn’t sure she had the courage to have the much needed conversation with him. She’d used up whatever courage she had earlier with her one retort about his anger. Like a new runner with aspirations of a marathon, Meredith was going to have to build up her nerve bit by bit. She nibbled at her lip and tried to work out what to say, then moved to chewing her thumbnail .
“We should get to know each other better. Why don’t you tell me something about yourself,” Jace said.
She paused her nail chewing. “I’m really boring.”
The open road was before them. To each side of the car were trees that fell away to clearings with the occasional house set way back from the road. Some were surrounded by fences, and cattle spotted the landscape in the distance.
“I doubt you’re boring. Give me something.” He dropped one hand to his lap, resting it on his upper thigh.
Was that a sign? A clue as to what he wanted?
She accidentally bit the pad of her thumb, not knowing what he meant about giving him something. She’d seen enough movies to know guys liked to get frisky in cars, let the girl do the work, but she wasn’t the person to do that. Or at least she didn’t think she was. She’d never even had a finger near her nether regions; a blowjob was way far out of her repertoire.
“Let me see your hand?” He held out his, waiting.
Meredith wiped her damp palm on her coat before slowly putting her hand in his.
He wrapped his fingers with hers, brought them to his lap to rest on his thigh. “Relax, take a deep breath.”
A deep breath? She couldn’t even take in a shallow one as all her air was stuck in her upper chest, panic about to take over. They turned onto a driveway that looked to run miles before them. The entrance was grand. Large beams supported by beautifully crafted, dusty red bricks pointed the way. An automated wood gate swung open to allow them entry. Fencing ran the length of the road for miles beyond what she could see. There was no house in the distance, but she knew they were at his ranch by the large twisted-iron sign that hung from the top beam touting they’d arrived at Three Peaks Ranch.
He squeezed her hand, and a tremor ran through her. He adjusted in his seat, their hands moving closer to his crotch and Meredith knew—she just knew—he wanted something. A hand job at the very least. She’d read plenty of books that talked about the insatiable libido that consumed men.
“I can’t sleep with you,” she blurted out and then jerked her hand from his and buried her face in them. She was a hot mess of a woman with her social anxiety and all-consuming uncertainty. He should have the marriage annulled and find someone else who was less a dumpster fire.
“You can’t today or ever?” His voice was even, as though he’d asked a simple question. “Is this sandwich turkey or ham?”
Meredith looked at him through her fingers. “I’m sorry. I have no tact. I meant to say that we just met and…” She impersonated a fish as she searched for words, lips moving but nothing coming out.
Jace smiled and slowed the truck to a crawl. “I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do. I’m not that kind of man.” He bent forward so their eyes could meet. “All right?”
She closed her eyes and nodded.
“Look,” he said.
She opened her eyes and peered at him through her fingers. He ticked his head toward the window. Dropping her hands, she looked through the windshield at the most breathtaking view she’d ever seen. Variegated shades of green covered the land with spots of happy yellow wildflowers. The mountains, three distinct peaks that lay just beyond, were giant slate gray forces looming over them. She leaned toward the window to get a closer look.
“I hope you like the view. Maybe it’s better than the one in town?” he said softly.
Without looking away, she reached out her hand and touched his upper arm. “It’s stunning. Please tell me it never gets old.” She glanced at him and found him staring at her and not the view .
He shook his head. “I’ve been here my entire life, with the exception of being away for college, and I’m not sick of seeing them yet.”
She smiled, looking between the mountains and him. “I can’t wait to see the changes the seasons bring,” she said more to herself. The land was untamed, but solid. Its story new, she guessed, with each season. She wanted to be like the landscape. She wanted her story to be fresh but solid. She wanted to have a story beyond what was written so far.
She sucked in a strong, relaxing breath and smiled. Here was a version of freedom. Not the one she pictured, but definitely the chance to be the person she thought she could be, the person her father had no interest in but her mother had helped create before she died. Starting today, she wasn’t going to be the sum of her past but the whole of her future. Each day would be a new version of Meredith, created from her own desires and dreams. No more Meredith Hanover, doormat. This is her time to really figure out a new true Meredith.
“Meredith?”
When she looked at Jace, something shifted. He was smiling at her, and a dimple peeked out from his cheek. The energy pulsing through her increased, sending shock waves of something foreign but exciting right to her core. It pulled her to him with such a force, there was no denying it. She caressed his cheek, her thumb stroking the dimple. Their eyes held as he turned his mouth to her palm and delivered a gentle kiss.
Heat shot into her palm, up her arm, and surged through her body. He laid his hand to hers, pressing it into his face, and kissed her palm again.
“Jace,” she whispered.
These feelings, this headiness of want were so overwhelming, Meredith wasn’t sure how to handle them. She’d never been in this situation before. She knew what she wanted to do, more, wanted him to do to her, only she wasn’t sure how to make that happen.
Meredith let her eyelids drift down until they were closed and hoped he would read the sign correctly.
A low rumble of laughter penetrated her haze of need, and she snapped her eyes open. Jace was staring at her, a full grin across his face. He bit the inside of her palm with a small nip then entwined his fingers with hers and pulled her hand from his face to his chest.
“Let’s lay some ground rules, Meredith. Anytime you want me to kiss you, you just come up and take a kiss. I’ll never turn that away.” He jerked her forward, and she came to a stop against his chest. He cupped the back of her neck.
“Now you can close your eyes,” he whispered before putting his lips to hers.
He didn’t kiss her roughly, but not gentle either. His kiss was weighted with need, or perhaps that was what she felt.
Need.
An insatiable desire to explore and learn. Though nervous, she had nothing to lose.
She removed her hand from his and wrapped her arms around his neck, situating herself closer. He snaked an arm around her back and pressed her against him.
Meredith was sure the heat would consume her, and she’d expire in a ball of flames.
When his tongue swept through her mouth, she was a goner. Moaning, she adjusted to face him head-on and felt his hands on her rear as he lifted her up to straddle him, the steering wheel at her back, her wedding dress and coat pooling to the sides.
“If we had met out or through mutual friends, I have no doubt we’d be doing this exact same thing right now,” he mumbled against her lips .
What a great fantasy. She was like any normal twenty-four year old, making out in a truck with a hot guy.
It felt so right and so wrong. It was glorious.
He trailed a path of kisses across her jaw and down her neck. Wanting him to touch more of her, she arched to give him greater access. His hands came from around her waist to run up her sides, coming to rest level with her breasts. His lips hovered over the pucker of skin at her throat, then he brushed them softly against it. “One day I want to know why you have this.” He kissed the scar again.
She never wanted to talk about the scar. With it came too many bad memories. “If we’d met out, there would be no chance we’d be doing this. My father wouldn’t let me out of his sight.” She sighed when he did a suck-kiss on her collarbone. “Thank God, my father isn’t here.” She dragged her hands through his hair as he moved lower and kissed the swell of her breast. His thumbs stroked over the top of her dress, teasing the nipples underneath.
“Sounds like you didn’t get a lot of opportunity to make out in a car,” Jace said as he moved a sleeve off her shoulder, lowering the neckline. His lips followed the path down.
“I’ve never made out in a car before,” she said, trying to not pant.
A loud blasting horn made her jump away to the other side of the truck.