Chapter 15
15
D esire was a new thing for Meredith. Well, sexual desire. She’d long thought that emotion wasn’t in her since she’d never been remotely attracted to any of the people in her father’s circle, but Jace, he’d woken those urges that had been dormant for so long.
And all he had to do was take a shower.
She was worse than a sixteen year old after her first kiss. She was crushing on Jace Shepard something fierce. Maybe it was because she liked the way he made her feel when he drew out those desires, or maybe it was simply the way the water from his shower clung in beads to his hair and how the scruff of his chin made him look softer, yet rougher, and she liked the idea of both.
His dimple deepened when he’d laughed earlier, something she found knee-wobbling sexy, and between that and the bit of peanut butter that had clung to his upper lip, she’d had to fight the urge to lick him.
She’d never had a sexual fantasy, but standing in the kitchen with him, she’d pictured sex on the countertop. If it was anything like what they’d started in the car, they could repeat it any and every location, and she’d be satisfied.
Wait. Hold up. Thoughts of that nature weren't smart, and Meredith wanted to play this smart.
Needing a distraction, she decided to do as he’d suggested and made herself at home. She took a shower, exploring her body in ways she’d never done before. Seeing herself as a woman for the first time. A woman with needs and urges.
A woman who could ask to be satisfied.
That one simple fact terrified her. She knew it could bring her so much pleasure, but so much pain as well. Undoubtedly, everything that encompassed sex was out of her wheelhouse and though she was beyond curious to learn more about Jace, his man parts, and how she felt pressed against them, she wasn't so naive to believe sex wouldn't muddy the water.
After the shower, Meredith, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, set out to make something for them to eat. In the small pantry off the kitchen, she found a freezer full of beef, no surprise there, and a cookbook in an old sideboard on the far wall. Flipping through the pages until she saw a recipe she liked she settled on a savory dish that had few ingredients and, therefore, less opportunity of error. She explored the kitchen, trying to get familiar with where things were located. She was laying out the required cooking and baking accouterments when she noticed a pickup driving toward the house. It wasn’t Jace or Tuck’s truck since they’d left on horses hours earlier.
Was this one of those times where she might need to know how to use a gun? She did feel a bit vulnerable. She followed the truck’s path, having moved across the house to watch it park by the garage, and when Jace’s mom got out from the cab, Meredith sank back against the wall with relief.
The tall woman reached for the door, then paused, her hand raised to knock. Not wanting his mother to think they were inside doing naughty things, Meredith flung open the door and smiled widely. “Boy, am I glad to see you.” And it was true. Having someone else around was nice.
“You are?” Marjory stepped into the house and smiled.
“Absolutely. Jace has been gone all morning, and it’s just me with my thoughts.” Meredith tucked her hands in her back pockets, something she’d always done when she was nervous, and it drove her father nuts. Said it wasn’t ladylike.
“Do you mean to tell me my son is out working, and you all haven’t even been married twenty-four hours?” The older woman shook her head. “Where did I go wrong with that boy? He was never dropped on his head that I can recall, but he sure acts like it. Do you know he was seven before he learned to tie his shoes, and I still can’t get him to cook. I have failed as a mother, and you are paying the price.”
“That can’t be true. He’s very nice and considerate. That’s more important to me than cooking.” She wanted to share this morning's incident but remembered Jace's request not to tell his mom.
“Any coffee still in the pot?” Marjory asked while hanging her coat on the hook by the door.
Meredith shook her head. She'd spent some time staring at the coffee pot, wishing it would magically produce the dark nectar of life but hadn't worked up the courage to give it a try. With the Internet not coming up, she decided to err on the side of less risk. Ergo, no coffee.
“We'll have to fix that right away.” Marjory bustled to the kitchen. “What's all this?” She pointed to the items Meredith had put out on the counter in prep for dinner then stopped at the cookbook. “You want to make Hamburger Pie?”
Meredith nodded and slid into a seat at the island.
Marjory's attention was on Meredith who tried not to squirm in her seat as the older woman appeared to be studying her. Marjory smiled kindly and said, “Well, honey. I know it’s called a pie but it's actually more like a casserole and this––she held up the small pie tin–– is too small. You'll need a deep dish pie plate if you want to make it round and cut it in triangles.”
“Oh, okay.” Meredith went to the cabinet that held the pie plate and pulled out a bigger one. When she set it on the table Marjory held up an egg.
“You washed this, right?”
Meredith swallowed and nodded.
“Once you wash off the bloom––that's the protective coating–– you need to store them in the fridge. They're okay to sit out with the bloom on.”
“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.” Talk about feeling inept. Not that Meredith thought she should know these things, but she really wanted to make a good impression.
"Of course you didn't. Life on a ranch is different than life in the city. Ranch cooking with fresh product can differ as well. Go into the freezer and pull out the beef to let it defrost. It'll make cooking this meal easier.” She tapped the cookbook.
Meredith hurried off to the deep freezer wondering if there might be a blog or something about learning how to function on a ranch. All the shows she watched on the cooking channels never mentioned fresh eggs versus store bought. Or even defrosting for that matter. She grabbed a package wrapped in white paper with beef scrawled across the top, then took it to the kitchen and handed it to Marjory.
She was given another kind smile from Jace's mom. “This is stew beef. That's what this word is.” She pointed to the illegible scrawl. “Not that you can make it out. You'll need ground beef. See if you can find me what looks like it might have a G in the word.” She handed back the package, and Meredith felt heat creep up her neck. She searched the freezer and settled on one she thought started with a G .
“I have a confession to make,” Meredith said as she handed Marjory the other pack of meat. She was breaking Jace's trust but felt she needed to. She wasn't going to master the kitchen on her wits alone and loved the idea of help so she shared the story about her lack of kitchen skills and the conversation she and Jace had earlier in the morning. He was right. His mother did find great pleasure in their situation.
“Not that I want you to go hungry, dear, but it serves him right. That explains the empty coffee pot. Come on, I’ll show you how to get that going, and then we can go over some basics if you’d like.”
“I would love that, and coffee sounds amazing. Let me find some paper first so I can take notes.” She hurried to Jace’s office and took a notepad from the drawer, a pencil from the desk. A crinkled slip of paper under a geode caught her eye.
It was a list.
1. Fix west fence near stream
2. Weed out unhealthy herd
3. Parse out stock for the exchange
4. Prep for spring breeding
5. Ranch vehicles need service
6. Find a wife and be happy
Obviously the last one wasn’t in Jace’s handwriting as it was too girly and loopy, probably his mother or maybe Sabrina. Meredith wasn't going to read into it. Life on the ranch as Jace's wife was a fantasy she could get lost in. The safety of the ranch, a loving and doting husband, and a family that embraced her. Most everyone would want that. The picture of it was crystal clear in her mind, as if it were a memory. But it was nothing more than an overactive imagination.
He was not loving and doting to her. This number 6 on his list was not his wish, but someone else’s and she was no sooner keen on building a second life of pretense than she was to return to her father.
Nodding in determination, Meredith tucked the list under a pile of loose papers and picked up the notepad. She hurried to the kitchen, but stopped short when she saw a new picture hanging on the wall of family pictures she’d admired yesterday. It was of her and Jace after they’d been pronounced man and wife. They’d turned to face the crowd, and if Meredith hadn’t known the circumstances of their union, she’d say the couple in the image looked happy.
“All right, Meredith,” Marjory said when Meredith joined her in the kitchen, feeling warm and fuzzy from the picture in the hall. “You ready to get down to business?”
“Thanks for hanging the photo up. I didn’t know anyone was taking pictures.” She stared at the older woman, wondering what she thought of her son’s unexpected marriage.
“Thank God Sabrina had the wherewithal to ask the newspaper’s photographer to attend. I didn’t even have the presence of mind to use my phone’s camera. I’m so glad we have a few pictures.”
“There’s more?” Meredith was anxious to see them.
“Yes, I’ll email them to you. Give me your address before I leave.”
Meredith didn’t have an address. How ridiculous was that? She was so poorly prepared for the world.
“Did you mention coffee?” The last thing she wanted was for his mom to know that.
“I did. You want to start there?”
Meredith nodded.
“Coffee is easy enough. Finding the preferred taste will take some finagling. Since our men work long hours, they need strong coffee.” She pushed the maker toward Meredith. “The water and grind should be proportionate.”
“So equal amounts.”
Marjory laughed. “Hell no, child. Though I’d like to see that pot of coffee go down some rancher’s gullets. Some of these folks around here are lazy, and they might actually do some work.” She pointed to the north. “Old man Beasley is a prime example. Does the bare minimum. Lets his cattle come onto our land and pushes ours out. Neighbors here call each other when they see bears or coyotes on the land, but not Beasley.”
“Maybe he’s too old?” Meredith took a guess.
“Nope. Graduated the year behind me. Was as lazy in school as he is now. Grouchy back then, too. That’s how he got the nickname ‘old man.’ ’Cause he acts like one.”
“Jace said there was a bear that broke down some of the east fence. Fixed it last night.”
Marjory was silent, nodding that she heard. She dumped two scoops of grounds in the filter. “That bear has been around a long time, coming onto the property. I think he’s old or sick or both, and that worries me. Bears like that don’t behave like they’re supposed to.” She handed Meredith the scooper. “No weak-ass coffee for us, honey. Two tablespoons for six cups of water, but if the guys are working close, then double that and make a large pot. They’ll be in and out all day drinking it.”
Meredith liked the sound of that. Seeing Jace as he worked. Watching those large shoulders doing whatever he did around the house. She felt her face get hot so she ducked her head and made notes about the coffee.
“Hey, would you mind showing me how to get eggs? Jace said he would, but he’s swamped.”
Marjory patted her on the back. “You’re gonna do well here, girl. I can feel it in my bones. Come on, I’ll show you some of the chores while I ask my own favor of you. ”
Marjory showed her the chicken coop. Not only how to get the eggs but when and what to feed them. She talked about the coyotes and the foxes and making sure the gate to the coop was always closed. They fed the horses and the barn cats as well, all chores Marjory had handled before going into town with Pops.
“Jace has been doing all this in addition to the other stuff?” Meredith asked, because she wanted to pull her weight. Not tool around the house aimlessly.
“Yes, and that brings me to my favor. I know the timing stinks, but Wes is being discharged in two weeks, and he wants to come home. I want to come home. Would you mind if we did?” Marjory threw out seed for the hens.
“Why would I mind? This is your home.” Meredith couldn’t imagine saying anything else.
“No, hon. It’s now yours. That’s what Wes’s mother said to me when we were married, and now I pass it down to you.”
What a crazy tradition, one that left Meredith feeling itchy in her skin. What would Marjory say when Meredith left? And if she, Meredith, took the house, where would Pops and Marjory live? The room at the back of the house with the hospital bed?
Meredith shook her head. “No. This is all our homes. Wes’s bed is here. Your bed is here. I have no claim. Just tell me what I can do to make the transition easier.” It was hard going from such a stingy, demanding father to a giving and caring mother-in-law. Meredith didn’t know how to resign the emotions of it all.
“It’s going to be awkward with our room now downstairs. I need to warn you. It will make Jace feel like he has to do more. I’m expecting you to help him see that he doesn’t have to carry the entire burden.”
Meredith nodded. “I can do my best.”
Marjory laughed. “Yes, with my stubborn son, that’s all I can ask for. ”
Finished with the outside chores and carrying a basket full of eggs, they made their way back to the big house.
“What’s that?” Meredith asked, pointing to a standalone cabin on the other side of the barn. It was in direct view of the larger main house, but set off enough for privacy. It, too, had fabulous views of the mountain range.
“That used to be the ranch manager’s place, back when employees lived on the ranch. We used to have a bunkhouse, but it burned down in a summer storm.”
“Does anyone live there?” Meredith gave it a second look.
“Nope. Been empty for years. Jace talked about moving out to it at one time, but then Wes got sick, and well…here we are.” A sadness pulled at Marjory’s face, deepening the downward lines around her mouth. She looked tired. Though she might come across as put together, the telltale circles under her eyes and the occasional sighing of fatigue gave her away.
Meredith placed a hand over Marjory’s arm. “Please let me help.”
Marjory patted her cheek. “You’re a dear. Your parents must be so proud of you.”
It was so nice to be spoken to kindly and touched with gentle hands. Though it made her yearn for her mother all that much more.
“My mother died when I was sixteen. I’d like to think she’d be proud of me now.”
“Now?” Marjory looked at her quizzically.
“I see now that I spent a lot of time in denial. In grief maybe. Now, here, I’m starting to leave that behind, and I think that’s what she would have wanted.”
“And your father?”
Meredith shrugged. “Maybe he’s still stuck there. I don’t know. But we don’t speak anymore.”
Marjory flung an arm around Meredith’s shoulder and side-hugged her. “You have us now. You’re a Shepard, and we Shepard’s love fiercely and loyally, laugh as much as we can, and fight just as often, too.”
“Sounds marvelous.” And it did.
At the back door Marjory stopped and stared at a dry patch of land, some unruly bushes, and frowned. Sprigs of grass were shooting up in patches, it’s haphazard care out of place on the well-maintained ranch.
“What did that used to be?” It was too close to the house to be the burned-out bunkhouse.
“My garden. Every year I planted fruits and vegetables. It was something for me. Something I enjoyed.” She shook her head sadly. “This year there has been no time.”
Meredith inspected the area, imagining it in rows of glorious produce, picturing herself helping. She needed a way to fill the day. Cooking and egg gathering weren’t going to be enough. Unsure if she was about to do the right thing but willing to try Meredith made an offer. “Can I give it a go? I know absolutely nothing, but if you tell me what to do, I think I might be able to manage it.”
Marjory beamed. “Do you really think so? If you can get them in the ground this week, we have a good shot of getting some goodies. I’ll be able to help when we move back.”
“I can’t make any promises. I know not the color of my thumbs.” For good measure, she wagged them.
Marjory laughed. “It’s better than nothing.”
They spent the afternoon in the kitchen, Meredith taking copious notes on both cooking and the garden. When Marjory left before the sun set, Meredith was overwhelmed in an exciting and invigorating way. She had something to do, and it was all of her own making. No one was forcing her and, yeah, she was helping others, like she did with the charities, only this time she would see the impact. This time it was strictly because she wanted to help.
First order of business? The manager’s cabin. She made her way to the small log cabin to check it out. A quick inspection showed that a little hard work and elbow grease was all it needed to be comfortable and habitable. It was in remarkably good shape. She had an idea and couldn’t wait to tell Jace when he got home.