Chapter 19
19
I f Willow was suspicious of Jace and Meredith, she never showed it. Meredith liked that about her and appreciated being treated like everyone else. Meredith found Willow's joie de vivre admirable––in the mornings––but by late afternoons, the abundance of energy would wear on Meredith and a headache threatened to push through. Not getting a full-night’s rest didn't help either.
Yet, Meredith couldn't complain. Something lovely was happening in those dark hours where she and Jace would lie next to each other with a rolled blanket between them. They were talking. Every night the conversation would start out about the progress of the construction in the cabin but always lead to the livestock, the expectations of the ranch for the season, and often times they laughed about the bear messing with the herd, joking how the animal seemed to know the ranch’s schedule and always seemed a day ahead of them when striking the herd. It was through these quiet shared moments that Meredith knew––regardless of the outcome––she'd done the right thing leaving home. Her life had purpose, and living each day with that knowledge filled her cup.
Until about midafternoon when Willow's yammering depleted her energy. By that point, Meredith would escape to the garden or the barn to find a chore and quiet haven.
At the top of the second week, the construction crew was a day from finishing the cabin, the kitchen was clean from breakfast, Jace and Tuck were out in the field, and looking forward to alone time, Meredith took her freshly topped-off coffee out into the garden to water and weed and get lost in the activity.
She stopped short when she saw Willow had infiltrated the garden, elbows deep in pruning and weeding.
“Oh,” Meredith said, searching for something more articulate to say. She’d yet to be alone with Jace’s sister and feared a round of twenty questions was inevitable. Willow would see right through their story. Shoot, maybe everyone else already did, too, and were just being nice, but Meredith knew Willow wouldn’t be the type to politely ignore the obvious. She was frank, outspoken, comfortable in her skin, a well-loved young woman who liked to call peoples’ bluffs.
“Sorry, I like to keep busy,” Willow said with a smile before returning her attention to the plants.
“Yes, me, too. I thought you were studying or something.”
Willow snorted. “That’s my whole life. Books and more books. Notes and lectures. Don't get me wrong, I like school, and I try to keep it positive for my family, but I’ll be glad when it’s over. It's nice to do things like this.” She swept her hand over the dirt around her.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it then.” Meredith turned on her heel.
“Or you could stay and help. We could get to know one another better.”
Which was precisely what Meredith was afraid of—the probing and high probability that Willow would see through her, find her lacking, and tell her family Meredith didn’t belong. It was silly, Meredith knew that on some basic level, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. It was easy to feel like an imposter in a group of people when you felt like one inside your own body.
“You can take that side.” Willow pointed to the end rows. “I haven’t done that yet.”
Meredith set her cup on the table, took in a deep nerve-steadying breath, and joined Willow in the garden.
They worked in silence for a bit, Meredith wondering what the best course of action would be—keep her distracted with idle chatter, something she wasn’t very good at, or let it play out. She went with the latter.
“You and my brother are cute together,” Willow said.
And so it begins.
“Thanks.”
“It’s nice to see him happy.”
The statement reminded Meredith of the list she’d seen on her first night at the ranch. Be happy. Meredith looked at Willow and found she had her full attention.
“I hope he’s happy. I know I am.” Meredith hadn’t really given it much thought but realized her words were true. She loved living on the ranch, using her hands, and being part of something bigger that was good. The air suited her, the work was rewarding, and the family…well, a person couldn’t be more thankful for a bunch of people who’d been strangers a few weeks back.
Willow smiled wide and sat back on her heels. “I’m not going to grill you about how you met or anything. Mom said Sabrina and you are friends, and I can do the math. Not that I’ve ever been told what Sabrina does for a living, but I figured it out. Anyway.” She waved her hand dismissively and shook her head, her smile even bigger. “Outside this family, Sabrina knows Jace better than anyone. If she paired the two of you together then, for me, that’s as good as God sending a cupid down and shooting you both in the butts with a connected arrow.”
Meredith blinked. What did one say to that? She had no idea, so she smiled instead. “You have an amazing family.”
Willow’s smile wavered; she blinked rapidly and nodded her head. “They are great.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” The headaches that she’d thought she lost until recently poked at her edges, trying to break through.
“It’s not that.” She shook her head again. “It’s seeing Pops. It’s hard. Don’t tell mom, but I didn't sign up for summer A session.” She shrugged and looked away, wiping the corner of her eye. “I wanted to be home. I’m afraid I’m going to miss something. Everyone wants to keep on going like everything is all right, but it’s not all right. I can’t sit in class knowing my dad….”
Large tears rolled down her face, falling into the dirt.
Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat. “Did Jace tell you my mother passed away when I was sixteen?”
Willow shook her head. “He just said you didn’t have family.”
A small, bitter laugh escaped Meredith. “It’s kinda true. My father is still alive, but he’s…well, anyway. One day my mom was there, and the next she wasn’t. I’d give anything for more time. I’d give anything to sit with her and just enjoy the space she’s in.” Meredith let go of the tears she’d been holding back and, magically, the headache evaporated.
Willow nodded. “Yes, that’s all I want.”
“I get it. You let me know how I can help.” She reached across the space with her palm up. Willow placed her hand in Meredith’s, and they squeezed.
“Look at us, crying in the garden,” Willow said, gripping tightly.
Meredith laughed. “No one has to know.” Mercy, she felt like a heel for being so petty and resenting of Willow before .
A low rumble echoed through the garden and vibrated the earth. Puzzled, Meredith looked up at the clear blue sky.
“It’s the herd. They’re coming in. Doesn’t sound like all of them, though. Come on, let’s go watch.” Willow jumped up, wiped her eyes, and then dusted the dirt from her pants. Meredith followed suit. Out by the barn was a large corral-like, pie-shaped contraption.
Meredith pointed. “What's that?”
“It’s a sweep tub. It helps keep the cows from getting anxious. When that happens, all kinda things can go wrong. ”
Meredith nodded like she understood, but made a note to ask Jace later.
“Jace is probably bringing in this batch to check their tags.” Willow pulled on her ear. Meredith saw some of the cows had a yellow clip in their ear.
“I’ll go open the gate.” Willow started forward, but Meredith grabbed her arm.
“Can I do it?”
“Sure, just open it and get out of the way.”
Meredith nodded then jogged out to the apparatus. The herd was close, coming in wide, their pace steady, and Meredith laughed. She now understood the term “louder than a herd of buffalo.” The sound was deafening. Unlatching the gate was easy enough, but her critical mistake was standing still and shoving it open instead of guiding it to rest against the metal sweeping tub. Her initial thought had been to avoid going toward the herd which she would have done had she taken the gate all the way open. Only now they seemed to be coming from everywhere, and thrusting the gate left Meredith exposed and in the direct line of the herd. Had she guided the gate open, she’d be by the sweep tub and could sit on the fence.
She faced the incoming cows and thought about all those videos she’d seen of people running from the bulls in Pamplona .
She turned on her heel and bolted, picking the path to run with the least amount of animals.
Willow was yelling something and pointing, but when Meredith looked in that direction, all she could see were cows. When one passed her, she braced herself to be trampled, surprised when nothing came.
Meredith ran faster, her legs burning from the exertion. If she died, at least it was at a time when she was happy. The ground shook with the pounding of stampeding cows, their hooves kicking up dirt.
Frightened, she unleashed the scream building inside her. Why hadn’t those stupid cows gone into the tub? Her gaze darted around as she looked for a solution, and she realized the herd was coming in from both sides of the prairie, Tuck driving another bunch in from the direction in which she was running.
Cows were everywhere!
Like that childhood game she was the Monkey in the Middle, and wished someone would throw her a lifeline. Out of options and heaving from exhaustion, she continued scanning for options. Something, anything, like a building or fence that she could use as cover. A whistle broke through the chaotic sound, and she jerked her attention in the direction from which it came.
Jace was on a horse barreling up from behind, leaning in the saddle toward her, arm extended as if to scoop her up. She pivoted on a dime, changing her direction toward him, and hoped they could pull it off.
Only in the movies.
Thankfully, she knew about horses, and when he was close enough she reached for the back of the saddle with one hand while linking arms with him with the other. She leapt into the air when they connected and used the saddle to help pull herself around. Once seated, she wrapped both arms around his waist and buried her head into the center of his back, trying to cease her shaking and calm her frantically beating heart.
Though the pounding of the hooves continued to echo in her head, she knew they were away from the corral because the sound had faded. She lifted her head and saw the big house in front of them. Jace brought his horse to a quick halt, jumped off, and pulled her down seconds later. Her knees wobbled, and she grasped his shoulders to steady herself.
“Are you okay?” He patted her body up and down.
“Yeah, but it was a little uncertain there for a moment.” She tried to laugh, but it came out shaky.
Jace stared at her, his face rigid with…anger?
Yeah, she was going with anger. The small muscle in his cheek pulsed in and out at a rapid pace. He pressed his lips together then puffed out one word. “Christ.” He drew in another breath.
Silver lining? She was getting to know his moods. She’d called this one correctly right out of the gate.
“I’m sorry I messed up opening the thingy.” She tested her legs for steadiness and let go of his shoulders. His hands were on her waist, his thumbs digging into her hips.
“What the fuck were you doing?” When the words exploded from him, Meredith cringed. She dare not look to see where Willow was.
“Don’t yell at me.” She kept her voice low.
“You could have been killed. I’ll yell if I want. It’s the only thing keeping me from shaking you to death.” For emphasis he shook her at her hips.
“I made a mistake when I opened the corral. Live and learn.” She didn’t want to fight with him. What she really wanted to do was go inside and cry in the shower. She felt cold to her core, fear having driven the heat from her. Any minute now she was going to turn into a sobbing mess of a girl .
Please don’t let it be in front of everyone.
“You almost didn’t live and learn. Jesus, Meredith, you should stay inside or in the garden. Let us handle the cattle.”
A sudden ignition of anger burst through her, removing any need for heat. Using her forearms, she broke his grip from her hips. “Oh, so that’s my role. I’ll just stay inside and clean the house and venture outside to collect fruits and vegetables. Are you sure that’s safe? I might get stung by a bee or a thorn in my thumb.” She pushed at his chest, moving him away. “Your sister can work outside with the cows, but not me. I’m too stupid.” She punched his chest for good measure then stormed up the stairs.
“I never said you were stupid. Just maybe dangerous because you lack knowledge and, for the record, Willow grew up on this ranch. You didn’t.”
She stood at the door and faced him. “So it’s too late for me to learn anything? Is that what you’re saying? I’m a dangerous dumb-dumb. A moron?” She flung the door open and stormed inside to flee up the stairs.
She heard Jace pound up the outside steps then stomp across the porch, but she didn’t care. She could make noise, too, and she began to stomp up the last handful of stairs toward her room, mumbling about mouth breathers and knuckle draggers.
“Meredith,” Jace yelled and slammed the door.
She didn’t bother to respond, continuing to stomp down the hall all while trying not to cry or apologize. She knew she should, but she felt so useless around the ranch, and now she’d disrupted the work because of her idiotic actions. He wouldn't need to point that out—she felt like every single synonym to dummy a person could list.
He thudded up the stairs behind her and, with a squeal, she bolted for their room, trying to get behind a closed door before he reached her. But he had speed, and she had Jell-O legs, and by the time she got into their room and turned for the door, he was already in the space blocking it.
She pointed a finger in his face and had every intention of telling him to get lost. Instead she said, “Don’t you yell at me, Jace Shepard. I am one second from falling apart here, and I don’t need you to make me feel any worse.”
Instantly, his face softened. “You scared me to death. At first I didn’t see you. I was watching the calves, and then I saw Willow pointing and jumping around like a crazy person. That’s when I saw you running, and I froze. For one second, one second when you could have been caught under hoof, I froze and, after that, I kept thinking that I might have killed you. That one second when I did nothing might have been the one you needed.”
Meredith reached out, her hand coming to rest on his chest. “I’m sorry.”
He covered her hand with his.
“But how awesome was that rescue?” She needed to lighten the mood, or else she was going to say something he might not be ready to hear. Something she’d realized when she’d been running from the cattle, believing a painful death was pending. To think she had only this short time with Jace, and so much was left unsaid or…untried.
Her mind went to a wicked place. Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear how she felt about him either. If she confessed her blooming love, and he did a Han Solo on her, it would wreck her, and there’d be no arranged marriage to get her out of this one.
He smiled, linking his fingers through hers. “Intense trust exercise. That’s how we vet people on the ranch.”
Meredith laughed and stepped closer. Jace reached out with his other arm and snagged her around the waist, tugging her toward him. He kicked the door closed with his booted foot.
“Meredith,” his voice was low. “I may seem calm now, but inside I’m not. To know you’re all right, I need to feel you. I want to hear those sounds of pleasure you make when I kiss you, the ones deep in your throat. That needs to replace the sound of your scream.” He stepped up to her, his front pressed to hers, their hands between them. “I want to push you against the bed, strip your jeans to your ankles, and take you roughly from behind. I need this. I need you.” He tugged her even closer, his fingers squeezing hers.
She met his gaze. “What’s stopping you?” Then using every ounce of courage she could muster, she stretched up on her toes, let her body rest fully against his, and kissed him.