Chapter 30
30
S abrina stared at him like she wanted to do to him what they did to the turkey at thanksgiving—break his neck.
She’d come a few days after Pop's funeral, having been out of the country, and until now he’d done a good job of avoiding her, knowing if she got him alone she’d chew his ass.
He’d been right. His urge to sit on the fence and mope had gotten the best of him and, risking the chance, he’d come out to watch the sunrise and lick his wounds. Sabrina had found him moments later.
“I can’t believe you let her go.” She held up one finger. “I’m going to ask this next question even though I’m confident I already know the answer. Before you told her to leave, did you by chance tell her how you felt?” She stepped close and looked at him, shoving his hat up and away from his face.
“Ah, well…”
“I’ll take that as a no. I’m going to also guess that part of why you didn’t was because you wanted to test her. To see if she’d come back on her own. Am I wrong?”
Jace sighed and rubbed his hand along the wound on his side. It ached something fierce. The pain actually radiated from the center of his chest and moved outward and left him breathless all the long damn day.
“You’re a moron. A big gigantic stupid ass imbecile.” She crossed her arms, her foot tapping madly, causing the grass to swish slightly.
He nodded. “Yeah, I reckoned you’d see it that way.” Frankly, he saw it that way, too. Every night he thought of at least a handful of different, better ways he could have handled that last day with Meredith.
“How do you see it, Jace? Another relationship that didn’t work? You expected her to go so you made sure she did?”
“Well, Rina, it was a little like playing house, to be honest.” He’d been telling himself that for the four days she’d been gone. Even though her clothes were in the closet, her dog-eared Farmer’s Almanac on the bedside table, her toothbrush in the holder. Knowing she was alive and okay was what kept him from destroying the house with his grief. Because what if she did come back? Having her stuff ready for her would say that she was welcome. Or so he hoped.
Rina stepped close and slapped him upside the head. “If you weren’t wounded, I’d punch you in the gut for that stupid remark.”
“Come on, tell me it wasn’t.” Please. He needed to know she hadn’t been buying time with him and his family.
Sabrina blinked at him, owlish. “Oh, sure. Okay. How about I find you another bride, and you can start over? Maybe a blonde this time? Here, I might have some pictures.” She fumbled her phone out of her pocket.
Jace couldn’t even imagine another woman. Each fantasy in his head starred Meredith.
“Shit, Rina. What should I have done?” He pounded his fist into the wood rail he was sitting on.
“Let me tell you what Meredith heard, and then you can tell me what you think you should do. Because you’ve already done the damage. Whether you fix it or not is up to you.”
Jace nodded and waited.
“You never told her that this was her home.”
“Yeah, but then she would’ve stayed from guilt or comfort or whatever.”
“Are you really that stupid? You have to stop expecting women to leave you, Jace, just because three women who weren’t right for you to begin with did.”
Begrudgingly, Jace admitted he’d fucked up. He left them too open-ended, allowing too much room for interpretation. She didn't know how he felt any more than he knew how she felt. Sure, he had told her with his hands and body, but that just made the feelings all the more confusing. Basically, he'd deserted her. Jace repeatedly tapped his hand against the post, struggling with the emotions that came with acknowledging he was indeed an imbecile and he alone was responsible for pushing her out the door. She’d be a fool to want a horse’s ass like him. She was right. He didn’t deserve her. Though he desperately wanted her.
“What are you going to do?” Sabrina came to rest against the post, her voice softer and, dare he hope, offering help?
“I dunno.” Honesty was the way to go forward with this. That, at least, he knew.
“I suppose you should ask yourself—do you want to wait to see if she comes back, or do you want to go after her and find out how she feels? Which works better for you?”
Jace hopped off the fence, his side screaming with the sudden movement. “Where do I find her?” He was ready to go now. Without a doubt. He’d rather her turn him away and know for sure than always wonder what could have been.
“Funny you should ask that. I happen to know where she’ll be tonight.” Sabrina started walking to the house, but he quickly outpaced her.
One flight and six hours later, he was dressed in his best suit, the one he’d worn when he married Meredith, and stood outside an art gallery in Dallas. Sabrina slapped him on the back and wished him luck, then disappeared into the building, leaving him to figure the rest out on his own. Inside, a low buzz of chatter filled the space, and an attendant handed him a program. A quick glance at the paper told him he was at a silent auction for a veteran's home. Jace spotted a bar in the center of the room and figured there was a good place to start. He was out of his element and needed to get his bearings before he spoke with Meredith. He had one shot and wanted it to be perfect.
The ambience was cold, the glass structure of the building and angled lines partly to blame for the unfriendliness and insincerity of the place. The people only exemplified it. The men were in tuxedos, the women in whatever sexy gown they could pull off and sporting jewels that glistened brighter than the chandeliers.