Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
JO
Regina is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.
This is my unbiased opinion. Her perfect short, bouncy jet-black curls are a delightful blend of my own and Ryan’s features.
Regina’s monolid eyes, inherited from her father, beautifully showcase her Asian ancestry.
Her tanned complexion adds to her captivating charm, making her the perfect combination of both of us.
Born at five pounds, nine ounces, she was a long baby, stretching an impressive twenty-one point three inches.
Her delicate fingers and toes are irresistible.
Despite being only a few days old, Regina had a serene demeanor.
Her cries were soft and not very loud, as she seemed to prefer gurgling and babbling happily, showcasing her sweet nature.
Dimples, just like mine, lit up her face, and although my mom insisted it was too early for smiles, I couldn’t help but believe she was already showing us her joyful spirit.
Her wardrobe was filled with outfits, and I took great joy in dressing my sweet baby girl in each charming ensemble. Once one outfit was complete, my thoughts already drift to the next. Perhaps the adorable yellow onesie would be her next look.
“Hello?” Amara snapped her fingers, trying to regain my attention.
“Yeah, sorry, what did you say?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d married Ryan?” I sighed, knowing she had been waiting for the perfect moment to get me alone to ask. Earlier, she and Chase had stopped by, but she held back while the guys were around. Now, with our husbands gone and Regina fed and asleep, she seized her opportunity.
Why couldn’t she be like my parents and let me off the hook? My mom hugged me. “I know you had your reasons for not sharing the news with us. I just want my baby girl to be happy.”
“Our wedding was something just for us.” I shrugged. “We didn’t need to share it with everyone.” I avoided looking at Amara as I spoke, keeping my gaze fixed on Regina’s covered foot as she lay in the bassinet.
“I see.”
God, her tone was dripping with a patronizing edge that made my skin crawl. I looked at her then. The patient expression she wore annoyed the living crap out of me.
“I’m pretty sure you don’t see, Amara.”
“You’re right. I get not being able to tell anyone else, but this is me.
” She pressed her hand to her chest, her voice trembling slightly as she fought to keep her composure.
Then her eyes softened, filled with a mix of sympathy and frustration as she turned to me.
“Why can’t you just admit that Ryan wanted to keep this all a secret? ”
“Because…” I drew out the word. “…he didn’t. I’m the one who wanted to keep things under wraps. Why would he want to keep it a secret? It was his idea to get married, not mine.”
“Wait, I don’t understand. We are best friends. Why are you keeping things from me?”
I wasn’t in the mood for her guilt trip. “For the same reason you kept whatever was going on between Chase and you a secret. Some things are just between the couple.”
“That wasn’t the same.”
I cocked an eyebrow at her but remained silent.
“But we are family, closer than any sisters.”
“It doesn’t mean you know everything about me, Amara,” I snapped.
Amara’s hurt expression deeply affected me, leaving me torn.
I valued our bond and didn’t want any secrets between us, but I was still navigating my own emotions.
Between adjusting to life with a newborn and Ryan’s unwavering support, my feelings were in flux.
He wasn’t just a co-parent—he felt like a friend, a lover, and maybe something more.
The thought of explaining this to my cousin was overwhelming, especially since I hadn’t fully made sense of it myself.
It was a moment of clarity but also of uncertainty.
“I get what you’re saying. I’m not trying to pry. Fuck that. Yes, I am. Everyone is entitled to secrets, but trust me, sometimes it’s good to turn to the people closest to you in matters of the heart. You always keep that stuff so close to your vest and never share, but this is big.”
“I didn’t want our wedding to turn into the big show yours was.” I’d stick to that explanation; it was partly the truth.
“I get that, but there seems to be more. While I don’t know all your secrets, I think I know you well enough to know that.”
“Marriage means different things to different people.” Hell, I wasn't sure it meant the same thing to Ryan and me, but I would give a united front. “I didn’t want our family, including you, pressuring him about our reasons for getting married. It is between him and me. He isn’t some teenage boy that got me in the family way, but that is the way everyone acted when they found out I was pregnant.
We needed privacy to navigate what was the best way to move forward. ”
As if she hadn't heard a word I said, she asked, “Do you love Ryan?”
“Our focus is making sure Regina has the best life.”
“You knew that doesn’t answer my question.”
I know it didn’t. It was purposeful on my part.
Thankfully, the front door opened. Ryan and Chase returned.
They had left right before I needed to feed Regina.
Ryan didn’t like us out of sight but understood I needed to feed her.
While he was fixated on watching me breastfeed, he felt uneasy with another man in the house while I did.
Ryan’s discomfort stemmed from his protective nature, not a lack of trust. He respected my need to care for Regina but preferred privacy during such moments.
His unease only highlighted his commitment to our family, even if it sometimes clashed with practical realities.
Ryan glanced at Regina, but when his eyes met mine, he was at my side in an instant, leaning down to ask in a hushed tone, “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, of course.”
What was I to make of how quickly he picked up on my discomfort?
After our guests finally left and Regina was down for at least a few hours, Ryan’s strong, warm hands cradled my feet, his fingers kneading away the tension with firm yet gentle strokes.
The soft hum of the room faded into the background, replaced by the soothing rhythm of his touch.
Then he lobbed a grenade, disrupting our moment of peace.
“So, what were you and Amara discussing that got you so upset?” he asked. His tone carried a mix of concern and curiosity, as if he could sense the weight of the conversation lingering in the air.
“She wanted to know why I hadn’t told her we were married.” I fiddled with a wayward thread on the blanket in my lap.
Before I told him why, I first wanted to know how Ryan knew I was upset. “How did you know something was up?”
“It was in your eyes.” He shrugged, as if his ability to read me wasn’t a big deal.
Ryan didn’t elaborate, which was okay by me; I wasn’t sure I wanted to know anymore.
“I noticed you didn’t deny that she upset you, so what did she say?”
“Amara was upset with me because I hadn’t told her we got married.”
“And?” he pressed.
His perception made me uncomfortable. “Before I set her straight, I think she thought it was your idea to keep everything a secret.”
A rueful chuckle escaped his lips.
I didn’t want him to think I had allowed that assumption to stand. I rushed to add, “Don’t worry, I set her straight.”
“Did you? And how did you do that?”
“Well, of course I told her it was my idea to keep everything under wraps.”
His hands paused massaging my feet for a moment before he continued.
“Good. Now that it’s all out in the open, we can wear our wedding rings.”
I wasn’t expecting him to say that.
“Umm,” I stammered. I didn’t know what to say. The thing was, I didn’t know why I was hesitant to wear a wedding band, but I was. “I don’t think we have to.”
Ryan shook his head. “I disagree. It’s time we wore our rings. We are married; everyone knows, so there isn’t any reason we shouldn’t be wearing them. Unless you have a reason we shouldn’t.”
No, I didn’t have a reason, but I knew he was waiting for an answer. “We aren’t ‘that’ type of married couple.”
The pressure on my feet intensified as his tone turned suspicious, his words laced with a sharp edge that made my heart race. “What kind is that?”
“You know…” I searched for a word to convey my feelings. The one I settled on wasn’t ideal but would do. “…real.”
He quirked an eyebrow, doing an uncanny imitation of The Rock. “We aren’t real?”
Before I could answer, he added, “Tell me what about us isn’t real.”
“We got married because it was practical and what was best for the baby.” I ended my statement with a nod, unsure if I was trying to convince him or myself.
Ryan gave me an indulgent look. “Maybe it started off that way, but our marriage has been more than just about Regina and has been for a while now.”
“Ryan…” I opened my mouth, ready to deny what he claimed, but he didn’t let me finish.
“Let’s not start lying to each other, especially not when things are going so well.”
Being around Ryan felt natural. We laughed, talked, and the chemistry was undeniable. Our time together before the baby came was special, but having him around full time felt different.
I tried to chalk it up to being deprived for so many years and the pregnancy hormones.
Part of me knew there was more to it, but I couldn’t bring myself to face the truth.
The ring symbolized a commitment I wasn’t ready to fully embrace and wearing it would force me to confront the emotions I’d been avoiding.
“Come on, Sunshine, tell me what you are afraid of?”
Damn, would he always be privy to my thoughts?
“Afraid of? That I might confuse our feelings for each other with something that isn’t real.”
“Since ‘real’ is the word of the day, my feelings for you are real. As much as I love our little girl, our marriage isn’t just about Regina. I care about you, even before I knew the baby existed.”
Oh!