Chapter Ten
H e asked Cami to lunch the next day with Eloise and Luke and they found a small window to take Eloise ice-skating on Miracle Lake, which only revealed how long it had been since Gus had been ice-skating. Still, Eloise had laughed and laughed, and watching her and Luke—who had played ice hockey as a kid—playing together was a joy. Luke held her arm the first few times around, then somehow, she ended up with Gus, while Eloise skated circles around them both.
“I thought you said she didn’t know how to skate,” Cami said, watching Ella with envy.
“I had no idea,” he admitted. “Her babysitter’s apparently been bringing her here now and then when I’m working late in the afternoons. I guess there’s a lot I need to catch up on.”
Cami sighed. “It’s a truth universally acknowledged that children will find a way to make their parents feel inadequate. That goes for teachers, too, by the way.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“I am.” She grinned. “But we grown-ups better have each other’s backs or, frankly, we’re doomed.”
“If you put it that way,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her toward him on the ice. She collided with him, and he held her firmly against him. For a long moment, he looked like he might kiss her again. But as Eloise and Luke spun by, he pushed off, tugging her along with him. Eventually, she found her balance and they spent the next hour gliding along the rink together alongside his brother and daughter, talking about Lolly and Christmas and the puppy he was soon to pick up for Eloise that he would keep at Doc Anders’s house until Christmas Eve. Cami wished she could see Eloise’s face when he gave it to her.
Aside from thinking about all the things she’d never get to do with Gus and Eloise after they left, it was a dreamy afternoon when she had a million other things she needed to do. She didn’t care. She wanted to be in the moment with him and with Eloise. Especially when Eloise grabbed her hand and stole her away from Gus for a skate around the small lake.
Miracle Lake had gotten its name a long, long time ago for being responsible for the miracle of a child saved from drowning. But for her, today, this lake had ushered up its own little miracle after years of her imagining she’d never meet someone like Gus who could just hold her like she really mattered. Someone whose heart just clicked with hers. Someone she could fall in love with. She wanted to remember today, without regret, but not just because she was having more fun than she’d had in a long time, but because she could sense an ending coming.
*
It was late afternoon on Thursday when Cami found Sarah standing in the kitchen with every cabinet open as Cami rushed to get out the door for the pageant that evening. She was holding Lolly, who was wide awake and seemed happy to be held. Cami dipped her nose against the baby’s little head and sniffed. There had to be something pheromonal about that baby smell, that instantly made her feel calm and happy. Someone should bottle that fragrance.
Bent over, searching the pantry cupboard, Sarah was muttering to herself and jumped when Cami said, “If it’s Liam you’re looking for, Mom, you should probably try his house.”
“Very funny. I am not looking for your brother.”
Taking in the open cupboards, Cami poured herself some afternoon coffee from the carafe into a to-go stainless mug. “I heard the muttering and I assumed…” She swayed with Lolly on her left hip.
“Ha-ha. No, I’m looking for the loaf of bread I picked up yesterday at the store. I put it right here on the counter and now it’s gone.”
Cami made a face, stirring milk into her coffee. “Well, then—Liam. You know he’s a bottomless pit. Always has been.”
“I already asked him. And Shay. They both said it wasn’t them. It wasn’t you was it, Lolly?” she asked, reaching to take her out of Cami’s arms.
Lolly blew a bubble in reply.
“I didn’t think so. Did you have a good nap? Look at that little face… so beautiful.”
Cami was falling in more love with her with each passing day. “Isn’t she? I think she just might be perfect.”
Sarah kissed her. “Yes, you are. You are just perfect! Now if only I could find that bread. And also, the block of cheddar cheese that vanished two days ago.”
“I hate to ask anyone to risk looking under teenaged boy’s bed, but the cheese sounds suspiciously like Ryan.”
Sarah shook her head. “He’s denied it, too.”
“I guess that just leaves me, sleep-eating, I suppose,” Cami said, grabbing a tangerine from the counter bowl before changing her mind and tossing it back. “Kidding. It wouldn’t be me. I’d go straight for the Haagen Dazs.”
“I don’t think a whole loaf of bread just up and walks away on its own. Do you?”
She sighed. “Stranger things have happened at the Hard Eight.”
“Well. That’s true. I give up. I’ll just have to take this little ball of happiness to the store with me to get another loaf.” She chucked Lolly under her chin. “But first, a bottle.”
“Thanks, Mom. She’ll do five ounces, but make sure you bring another bottle to the pageant when you come. In case she gets hungry. You are bringing her, right?”
“Of course! We’re all coming. Wouldn’t miss it. Is… Gus coming?”
She nodded. “I saw him briefly yesterday when he picked up Ella at rehearsal. He’s been swamped with work, but promised he was coming tonight. Ella’s very excited to be an angel.”
“Hmm,” Sarah murmured. “Maybe she’s not the only reason Gus is coming.”
She hadn’t even told anyone about the kiss at the door the other night or even their rendezvous at Miracle Lake, which was just as well. Why add more ammunition to the well-founded arguments against getting involved with someone who was on his way out of town? Her family could be relentless.
But at the same time, that kiss and that afternoon together had only made her want him more. Made her think about him constantly since then. But today, she was forcing herself to let it all go and to focus on the present. The pageant. She had better things to do besides obsessing.
Cami kissed her mom and skillfully changed the subject. “And tell Ryan he has to turn his cell phone off during the pageant. No texting his friends.”
“Go. Don’t worry about anything now. Just focus on getting those kids on their marks. I’ll take care of the Hardesty faction.”
“Love you!”
“Love you right back!”
*
In between calls to local ranches, Gus stopped at the bus station at the edge of town as he’d promised Cami he would. There were few enough means of getting out of Marietta without a car, but the bus was one. Even that had been threatened with closure next year as all bus stations around the country struggled to stay afloat. It was a long shot to imagine anyone would remember Tara, even if she had come here but at least they could illuminate the possibility.
There were only a few people sitting in the plastic chaired waiting area and one man behind the counter. Gus approached him. He was an older gentleman, with white hair and beard, and a friendly, familiar smile. The nametag on his grey uniform read N ICK C UMMINS .
“Nick, right?” he said by way of breaking the ice.
Nick smiled. “That’s me. How can I help you, sir?” he asked, pulling a bus schedule lying beside him to be ready for Gus’s question.
“I’m not here for a ticket,” Gus said. “I had a couple of questions, if you wouldn’t mind.”
Nick glanced around at the nearly empty terminal. “That’s what I’m here for. What can I help you with?”
“I was wondering if by any chance you could—I’m looking for someone. A young woman, around eighteen, nineteen. She would have come here pretty recently. Maybe she bought a ticket from you? Her name’s Tara. Tara Howard. She’s pretty, blonde with some pink in her hair? Maybe pink-tipped ends?”
Nick nodded. “That wasn’t the name she gave, but I remember her alright.”
“So, she came in for a ticket?”
“She did.”
Gus’s stomach dropped a little, waiting as Nick pulled up a screen on his computer and scrolled backward until he found what he was looking for.
Turning the screen, he showed Gus. “Here it is. She said her name was… Mary Smith.”
Gus shouldn’t have felt disappointed by this news, but he was. “Not very original.”
“You’d be surprised how often that name pops up. So, Mister—”
“Doctor. Claymore. Gus Claymore.”
“Dr. Claymore. You a relative? Friend?”
“Not exactly. Just concerned for her. And I’m not alone. There’s a bunch of people worried for her.”
“As well they might be.”
“Why do you say that?”
“My job here isn’t to meddle, you see. But she came in looking real upset. Like she’d been crying. Wanted to go anywhere her money—which wasn’t much—wherever it would take her. Not even enough, as a matter of fact, to get her much past Billings. Teenagers…” Nick shook his head. “They’ve got so much lining up against them. I felt for her.”
“So, she did take a bus?”
“Well, I gave her a free seat to Boise. It was a canceled ticket that couldn’t be refunded. I was doing her a favor. Looked like she needed it.”
Gus sighed and rubbed his forehead. So that was that. She’d left town, left the baby and her life here behind. This would put a whole new spin on—
“I gave it to her,” Nick said. “Sent her over there to wait for it, but in the end, she didn’t take it.”
Gus blinked. “She didn’t take—”
“That bus. It left without her. I saw her sitting there after it left, still crying. On my break I went out to find her, but by then she’d disappeared.”
Shock rifled through him. So… no bus. No car. No friends to help her. What if she hadn’t left town at all? What if… what if she was still here? Somewhere.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more. Or her,” Nick said.
“No. You helped. Thank you.”
Nick smiled and winked at him.
That was when it hit Gus. “Wait. We’ve met before, haven’t we? Were you… playing Santa over at the Graff?”
The old man chuckled. “I wondered if you’d remember me. I believe I met your little girl. Ella, wasn’t it?”
How the heck had he remembered her name? “Yeah. It’s Eloise. Ella for short.”
“Ah, yes. The doubter.”
“I don’t lie to her,” Gus said, a little defensively.
Nick folded his big hands. “Understood.”
“Right. Well, nice to see you. Again.” He started to leave but turned back and walked close to the counter Nick was behind. “By the way… she whispered something to you that day about what she wanted? At least I think that’s what she told you. Was it?”
“Oh, yes. I seem to recall she did.”
“She wouldn’t tell me what she told you. I think it was a test or… something like that. For you, obviously. So, it would be useful to know if I’ve gotten it right. I mean I think I did. I got her a puppy. She’s been wanting one for a long time. Was that what she asked you for?”
Nick’s expression softened and he winked at Gus again. “If it’s a test, then perhaps we should see if I pass it?”
“Look, we both know your Santa thing is a cos-play side gig. That’s great, but I’m just trying to make sure she has a good Christmas morning. Okay? So, please, just tell me what she asked for.”
“Gus—can I call you Gus? Children ask me for lots of things, but it’s my opinion that parents always know best what their children need most.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sakes! Ex- cuse me!” said an elderly woman who’d appeared behind him, shoving past Gus with her elbow. “I need to buy a ticket if you don’t mind. Take all day…” she grumbled. “There are other people here who need to catch a bus, you know!”
Nick’s smile was every bit as welcoming to this migraine of a woman as he was to him. “Yes, ma’am. How can I help you?”
“It’s about time. I thought he’d never stop yapping.”
Nick just smiled at Gus who, buffaloed by the old woman’s interruption, held up his hands and backed up. “I apologize,” he said. “I didn’t see anyone waiting.”
“’Course you didn’t,” she said. “So tied up in your own troubles. Young folks these days. Can’t see past their own two shoes.”
Gus just shook his head. He wasn’t about to argue with her, and Nick seemed to have moved on without answering his question. Frustrated by the whole thing, Gus walked out of the terminal and out into the cold afternoon contemplating not only what Nick had said, but what he’d left unsaid.
Parents always know best what their children need most.
Need. Not want.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, thinking of Lissa. If she were here right now, she’d know exactly what Ella needed most. But he felt lost, as he did most of the time, focusing on what was right in front of him and not the bigger picture. Because the bigger picture had actually felt like an anvil pressing down on him. It was how he had gotten through his grief over losing Lissa, one breath at a time. One day. One job.
Her last visit had felt so real and yet so final. Maybe that meant it was time to move forward, see more than his own two feet. It was… remotely possible that the crabby old woman had a point. See, instead, the road before him and not focus on the broken road behind him that had brought him here.
He thought of Cami’s sparkle, her laugh, her kiss and how long it had been since he’d even opened himself up to someone like her. And it occurred to him, like an out loud voice saying it, that he could fall for her. He had fallen for her.
He might be in love with her.
Just thinking that caught him off guard.
But what kind of risk would that be for his daughter? What if she got attached to Cami and it didn’t work out? What if he—
Damn the voice in his head!
Here he was, judging Tara—practically a child herself—for leaving her baby with Cami and a loving family because her life was falling apart, when he himself was about to walk away from the possibility of love because of what? Fear? When he had so much more going for him than Tara had ever had. And when did his life ever promise him anything? There were no guarantees. There were only options. Take this road and not that. Go here, or don’t. Allow your heart to risk being broken again or keep it safe on high ground.
Maybe he’d always done that. Maybe even with Lissa.
Maybe with everyone except Ella.
*
Herding cats must be easier than directing a play full of six-year-olds.
But aside from the shenanigans going on backstage as they released all their pent-up energy, they all mostly knew their roles and as the church filled with families and relatives here to watch the pageant late that afternoon. Cami peeked around the corner to see her family there in the front. All of them… minus Ryan.
She frowned, scanning the room for him, assuming he must be sitting with friends. Heaven forbid he’d be forced to sit with family! But Will and Izzy were there. Liam. Shay and Cooper. And Ray Lane was sitting beside Sarah who was holding little Lolly, all dressed for Christmas, who looked like she was sleeping. Cami’s arms actually ached, watching her.
To the right, she spotted Gus and Luke, who caught sight of her at the same time. Gus smiled and gave her a small wave. She finger-waved back. Their eyes locked for a few more seconds than strictly necessary.
God, he looked good. Really good. Good enough to—
Focus!
Cami backed away from the corner of the stage and leaned against the wall. There really was something wrong with her. She couldn’t seem to control her wayward thoughts when he was nearby. It was probably just a crush. Was that even a thing for a nearly thirty-year-old woman?
A few minutes ago, he’d texted her to tell her he’d learned some info on Tara and to wish her luck. She started to text him back with a little heart emoji. Then she deleted it. Then she sent it.
Then she questioned her entire existence.
“Ready to go?” asked someone behind her. Her co-director, Trina Parker, was grinning at her. Dressed in a period gown—made expertly from a bedsheet—she was standing hands on her hips, watching Cami. “Or do you need a little more ogle time?”
“Okay, I was not ogling. And yes, I’m ready. Are you? How about Reverend Milner?”
“He’s ready. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that our kids don’t devolve into chaos. Let’s do this,” Trina said.
The lights went down, and the audience quieted. And the reverend started the service with a brief story about the origin of Christmas. As he spoke the Canaday family, who had generously trailered in the special effects for the pageant—a small donkey, two sheep for the shepherds, and an alpaca standing in for the wise men’s camel—readied them backstage. Trina was helping wrangle the animals along with Mrs. Canaday, who substitute-taught at the Sunday school here.
The church was soon echoing with hymns and full of holiday spirit as the children took their places. As the Christmas story unfolded and the reverend intertwined the story with hymns, little Joseph and Mary, wandered out across the chancel stage holding the miniature donkey. And the angels—Ella waved at her from the stage as she adjusted her wings—climbed up the little platform to stand near the sparkly paper stars hanging there.
Everything was going fine until…
“And the angels on high—” the reverend was saying, “who had come unto Mary…”
“Oh-oh. Oh no!” Trina whispered to Cami, pointing in the direction of Harrison Deitmore, their third wise man and inveterate troublemaker, who was standing up in the right-hand ambo across from the reverend’s pulpit, directing the singing of “O Come All Ye Faithful,” with a wave of his arms.
Cami dropped the shepherd’s hooks she was holding and raced behind the organ to get to him. By then, however, the audience was laughing, and Harrison was eating up the attention, so his invisible baton-waving got grander.
Cami whisper-shouted at the boy. “Harrison! Come down here. Right now!”
He ignored her, predictably, encouraged by the laughing in the audience. Behind her, the angels were dutifully playing their parts from the platform, sprinkling sparkles over the manger. And the alpaca wandered onto the stage without her wise man. Trina had abandoned her post to help get Harrison out of the ambo.
Meanwhile, the mini donkey began to bray with the music and Mary—little Leticia Miller—stood in the center of the chancel stage, holding the wrapped in swaddling clothes baby doll, looking like she wanted to cry.
“Harrison!” Trina shouted, finally marching up the three steps to tug him back down.
“Oh, my gosh!” Cami gulped air, whispering to Trina as they took Harrison toward his entrance point. “What. Is. Happening?”
“The parents are loving it. Don’t freak out.”
“No! Harrison, you listen now. You go right now and get that alpaca and then walk over to the baby Jesus with your frankincense. Go straight there, you hear me? The other boys will join you.”
And then the reverend—the sweet reverend—came to her rescue. “And the wise men traveled great distances with many travails to reach Jerusalem.” Insert big laugh here from the audience. “Encountering hostile environments and long, uphill journeys to reach their goal. But they finally arrived just after Mary gave birth.”
“Spotlight!” Cami pointed at the high school boy running the lights, who was understandably distracted by the shenanigans on stage. He flipped on the heavenly spotlight on the manger where a doll stood in for the real thing.
Suddenly the stage was filled with all of the children as the North Star began swinging wildly over the angels. The reverend directed another hymn, “Angels We Have Heard on High” to be sung.
It was at that moment, Cami risked a look out at the audience. At her family, who were laughing and singing along with everyone else; at Gus and Luke, whose gazes were trained on the little angels on the platform. And finally, she spotted Ryan, standing at the back of the sanctuary with his arm around—
A girl—a young woman—with hair that was long, and blonde, and tipped with pink.