Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
CAL
S abrina limped around the room to the stairs, wincing, using the furniture and walls to support her.
“Sabrina, I know you’re mad, but let’s talk.”
Heck, I was mad at myself for never digging into the why. I had assumed my father was making the ultimatum to try to control me. Sure, I knew Dalton wouldn’t think the daughter of a professional gambler would be worthy of his son, which was ironic because Dalton didn’t think I was worth much, either, but I’d never once thought my father’s demands had anything to do with Sabrina or her father.
Travis. He must have known who my father was all along, yet he’d never said anything or showed any hint of animosity. I followed Sabrina, quickly catching up with her on the stairs. What were the odds that Rachael and Dalton’s children would meet and fall in love? So low it would have been a fool’s bet.
“Reenie, let me tell you about that day and explain it.” I put out a hand to help her, and she slapped it away.
“Oh, now you want to tell me about that day—not when I was crying and begging you. Noooo, not then.” She leaned forward, grabbed a fistful of my shirt, and pulled me close. “I want to hurt you so bad right now it’s not even funny. I want you to hurt like I did that day.” She pushed me away.
“You don’t think it hurt me to break up? I was doing it to protect you.”
She snorted and hobbled up another step.
“I went to Vegas with every intention of marrying you,” I said.
My mother gasped. She and my sister were watching from below, curious looks on their faces. Neither of them knew the story.
“And you left with every intention of never seeing me again, without any explanation.”
“Because it was the best way to protect you and your dad.”
She swung around to glare at me and put a finger in my face. Her eyes were spitting fire. Her mouth opened to say something, but the words never followed. This was the most pissed I’d ever seen her, but more than that, she had the same betrayed look in her eyes that she’d had when I left. She wagged her finger once, then curled it into a fist. I knew she would use it. And Sabrina had a mean right hook.
Yeah, I had betrayed her and our promises, and saying it had been to protect her and her father now sounded weak. But in the moment, it had felt very real. Devastating.
“I know you need space. Just don’t leave. Take some time, and then let’s talk.”
She shook her head. “Why do we need to talk? Why can’t you just make the decisions for me and tell me what you think should happen? Who cares how I feel or what I think? That seems to be your MO.”
“Where are you going to go tonight?”
“I will go wherever Cricket takes me. As soon as I get to my room and phone, I’m calling her to come get me.” She glared at me.
She rocked to the side to rest her weight on the bannister as she took another step. If I let her go, there might not be a hope of rekindling what we’d just started.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I said, exasperated, and moved in front of her. “Fine. You want to go? Go. But you will hear me out first.” I bent forward and grabbed her around the waist.
“What are you doing?” she screeched.
I flipped her over my shoulder, fireman style, pivoted on the stairs, and headed toward her room. “I can’t watch you hobble up these stairs anymore. You’re being ridiculous. I now see what I did was wrong. I get it, but we are going to talk about it. Ow! Why did you pinch me?” She’d gotten me on the back of my arm.
“For calling me ridiculous. You are the ridiculous one.”
I felt her fingers on my triceps again, going for another pinch, so I slapped her on the ass. “Stop that!”
She gasped. “You stop that, you giant goon.”
She wiggled like she’d rather fall to the floor than be carried another step by me, and I smacked her bottom again. When I made it to her room, I tossed her onto the bed like a sack of potatoes. Sabrina bounced, her hair flying into her face.
When she settled, she blew out her hair, moving what she could with her hands. “I hate you.”
I stood before her bed, hands on my hips. “I know; you have every right to. But?—”
“There’s no but. You don’t get a but.”
“Okay, fine. I did what I thought was best in the moment with the facts I had in front of me. It wasn’t an easy decision by any means. And this”—I pointed to what lay outside her bedroom door—“is the first time I have ever heard of a connection between our parents. I just thought Dalton’s actions were a way to control me. I told him then that if he made me pick, then I would pick you every time, and he said I really didn’t have a choice. And where you were concerned, he was right. Leaving you was the only way to protect you from him. That’s why I didn’t want you involved in any of this nonsense either. You have always been a target of his. Now I know he’s been gunning for your dad, and you, for forever.”
“He can’t touch my dad,” she said angrily.
“Oh yeah? Look at what he did to you the other day when that article about your dad came out. You were devastated. You went right into defense mode and were on the attack. Now you have an IRS investigation. You have to hire a lawyer to help with the estate accusations. And what about the adoption?”
She flinched.
“He wants to take everything you love away from you—your hopes, dreams, and memories. He will wear you down and ground you into pavement if he gets half the chance. What are you going to do then?”
She stared at me with shiny, narrow eyes. Maybe I was finally getting through to her.
“You said you had no choice, but we always have choices.”
“Yes, I could have talked to you and Travis. And you would have been by my side for sure. And then I would have had to watch Dalton destroy your family. How do we”—I pointed at both of us—“survive that? How do you not resent me? How does it not destroy us? You know it would have.”
“It’s not destroying us now.”
“We’re different people now. And your dad isn’t here. I stood in that hotel room, watching him tear my world apart, and I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill my own father, and I was horrified by that because the worst thing I could ever do is become a reflection of him. Then he told me what I was going to do next, and I had to walk away.” Best thing I ever did was not go to Harvard but to the University of Texas instead. My father refused to pay for school, and I was fine with that. I didn’t want to be in debt to him. Becoming self-sufficient gave me the option of walking away from my family, so I did.
“I saw no other way to protect you than what I did. There was no way in hell I’d give that man anything he wanted. So I walked away from it all. And make no mistake: I will burn my company to the ground before I go work for him. Before I give up Mom and Brynna, this ranch, or a chance with you.”
Her lower lip trembled. “My dad loved you. He never understood why you stopped being a part of our lives.”
I brushed a hand down my face and wondered if I should tell her the rest. Would she find peace in the heartbreak? But I couldn’t keep any more secrets.
“Yes, he did. He knew.” I met her gaze and watched her work out my words.
She shook her head again. “No. How?”
“That time you came to Seattle to see Dr. Rasmussen. I saw him there.” Now she would know it all.
“I didn’t see you.” She pulled her legs up under her on the bed, looking confused.
“You were in the waiting room. I talked to Travis in the patient room. Dr. Rasmussen had been a client of mine. He had been more than happy to agree to my request.”
Her mouth went slack, and I could see her working out the timeline.
“You are why we got in to see Rasmussen, aren’t you? We were told the wait list was years.” She clutched her hands in her lap and stared at me, her eyes large.
“Jace told me about Travis’s diagnosis. I mentioned it to Nigel—Dr. Rasmussen. He said he would see Travis. So I reached out to your dad and told him to take the appointment and I would explain everything. I asked him not to mention it to you.” Getting Travis in to see one of the world’s best oncologists was the least I could have done.
“Why?” Her one word was broken and chipped.
“Because your dad was dying from cancer. Because you were already dealing with too much. All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy. How confusing would it have been to have me pop back in to try to help? I’d never wanted to hurt you the way I did, and if I had a chance to help, I was going to take it. So I did.”
“This doesn’t make any sense.” Sabrina put her hands over her face and refused to look at me.
“I have letters from your dad. I have them here if you want to see them.”
Her hands fell to her lap. “Seriously?”
I nodded.
“Okay,” she whispered.
I went to the door.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“To get the letters.”
She waved me back over. “I’m going with you.”
My lips twitched with a repressed grin. “You think I am going to my room to hastily craft some letters from your dad because this is all a ruse?”
“I don’t know what to think anymore. That’s why I am going with you.” She continued to wave me over. “Pick me up. We’ll move faster if you do the walking.”
I did it without argument and, once in jmy room, placed her on the edge of my bed. Then I went to my closet and came back with a small accordion-style envelope. Inside were three handwritten notes from her father. I handed it to her.
She gently removed the letters and started to read. By the second one, she was quietly sobbing. I was ripped in two, watching her. I dropped to my knees in front of her, my hands beside her on the bed.
“Reenie.” I used a thumb to brush away her tears.
“After he died, I was so alone. Even with Jace and Meredith and Nick and all my other friends, I was alone. I wanted you. I needed you, but I…” She shook her head and looked away.
“I’m sorry, baby. I am so sorry. I wanted to be there.”
“But my dad asked you not to.” She held the letter up. “He was on your side.”
Placing both hands on her face, I swiped away the heavy flow of tears. “No, he was on your side. He knew my dad was an awful person. He didn’t want you to have to bury him and fight my dad at the same time.” I leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “My family has made a mess of your life. I have made a mess of it too. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and safe. Watching you hurt, like you are right now, kills me, Reenie, and knowing I was the reason is excruciating.”
I kissed her temple as her hands came to rest on my shoulders. She dropped her head to my chest, leaned into me, and cried.
“Everyone’s making decisions for me except me. No one thought to give me a choice. Am I so fragile that I need to be this protected?” She pushed away, my shirt fisted in her hands as she gently shook me. “Did both of you not trust me?”
I stood, eased her fist from my shirt, then went onto the bed next to her, and pulled her into my lap, wrapping her in the tightest hug I had. “It wasn’t about trust. It was about love. You had already lost so much with your mom and grandparents and now your dad. Why would I add more to that if I could avoid it. We never wanted to see you hurting like you are now. This is what I wanted to avoid. And I thought, and your dad thought so too, that what we did was going to avoid all this. In the moment, it really felt like the right thing. Now I see what we did was wrong. I’m so sorry, baby. But when given shitty choices, picking the one that does the least amount of damage is the best I could do.”
As I held her, she unraveled. And she unraveled me. I wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and delivered small kisses to the top of her head, hoping it was some comfort. Though too many years too late, I tried to give her the hug she’d needed after she buried her dad. I held her for the hurt I’d given her, for the loneliness she’d felt, and for every day over the last ten years I’d ached to hold her one last time, though I’d known there was no such thing as one last time. I would always want more.