Chapter Sixteen
Everly leaned in the bathroom doorway, watching Ashton brush his teeth. When he was finished, he came to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Can I read for a little while before I turn my light off?”
She ruffled his hair. “Ten minutes.”
“Half an hour?”
“Fifteen minutes, at the most.”
He grinned. “Thanks, Mom.”
She followed him to his room, and once he was in bed, she perched on the edge of it.
“Did you have fun in Montana?”
“I did.”
“But we’re not moving there?”
“No. Like I told you, I didn’t get the job.”
“That sucks.”
“Ashton.”
He shrugged. “It’s not a bad bad word. And it’s true.”
“I thought you wanted to stay here.”
“I wanted to go to Montana. I just didn’t want to leave Grandma and Uncle Joe – it would have made them sad. But now, they’re not here anymore.”
She ran her hand over his head. “What would you think about us going to Hawaii to be closer to them?”
He wrinkled his nose. “I dunno.”
“No?”
“It’s hot there, right? I like snow and mountains better than being hot at the beach. And I looked at loads of pictures of Montana – it looks awesome.”
“It is beautiful.”
“Did you get to ride a horse? Did you see any cowboys?”
Everly had to smile. “I didn’t get to ride a horse, but I saw some. And I met some cowboys. You know my friend, Corinne, who used to live here? She’s married to a cowboy. And the place where I stayed – at the lodge – that’s on her husband’s family ranch. I met some of their friends, too. They own another ranch – and they have lots of horses and cattle.”
As she spoke, she was picturing MacFarland Ranch in her mind. Of course, she couldn’t picture the place without picturing Tanner. Her heart beat a little faster, and she snuck a look at her watch. It was five after nine already.
“Do you think maybe you could take me there one day?”
The question took her by surprise. Before she left, Ashton hadn’t seemed all that interested.
“Maybe. How come you want to go now?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to go before, but I didn’t want to upset Grandma and Uncle Joe.”
She caught his gaze, but he dropped his chin. “Why did you think it would upset them?”
“Because that’s where my grandpa lives now.”
Everly nodded. “He does.”
“So, will you take me to see him one day?”
She sighed. “Maybe one day. I’d like for you to get to know him, but he might need to settle in first.”
“Are you worried that he’ll let me down?”
She sat back. “What makes you think that?”
“That’s what Grandma said.”
“She did?” Everly asked in surprise. Her mom was usually as careful as she was with what she said about her dad.
Ashton gave her a guilty little smile. “She didn’t know I was listening.”
Everly rolled her eyes at him. “Your grandpa…” She didn’t know how to explain it.
“It’s okay, Mom. I’m not a little kid anymore. He used to be an alcoholic. But he’s better now, right?”
Everly just stared at him. She didn’t even know where to begin.
Ashton reached for his book. “We’re eating up my reading time. You can tell me more about him tomorrow.”
“I’ll answer any questions you have right now if you want me to.”
“Nah. I want to read before you make me turn my light off.”
She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Okay, kid. Read while you can. Which book are you reading?”
Her heart leapt into her mouth when he held the book up to show her the cover – it was two cowboys silhouetted against a snowy mountain.
“Not spaceships and astronauts anymore?” she asked.
“No. Cowboys are cooler.”
“Right. I’ll be back to turn your light off.”
“Okay.”
Everly ran back down the stairs. It was ten after nine now. Tanner had said that he’d text before he called, and there was no way that she would have rushed saying goodnight to Ashton.
She picked her phone up off the kitchen counter and smiled when she saw his message.
Tanner: Ready when you are. Take your time. I’ll be here.
A rush of warmth filled her chest. That, I’ll be here, part made her heart happy. The thing was, she believed him. It might seem like just a little detail to anyone else, but to her it meant the world.
Everly: Give me ten minutes? Ashton’s reading and I need to say goodnight and turn his light off before I call you.
Tanner: Take all the time you need. Ten minutes or an hour; I’ll be here waiting.
Her hand came up to cover her heart. He was making it hard for her to convince herself that this phone call should be about leaving things on a good note – and saying goodbye.
Everly: I won’t be long.
She’d already left Ashton’s clothes out ready for morning. While she was waiting to go up and turn his light off, she went through the fridge to see what she needed to stock up on. She’d decided that they might as well stay here at her mom and Joe’s place for the week. As much as she enjoyed her independence, their house was more comfortable than her townhouse and besides, she hadn’t remembered in time to call about changing the school bus. It’d be stopping here in the morning to pick Ashton up.
She tried to focus on making a shopping list, but her mind kept jumping ahead to how her phone call with Tanner might go. After ten minutes, she set the pen down having only written, milk and bananas .
She crept up the stairs. As much as Ashton liked to read at bedtime, he was the kind of kid who needed his sleep. She wasn’t surprised to find him already fast asleep. The sight of him clutching his book – with the cowboys on the cover – to his chest did funny things to her insides. Tanner had come right out and said that he wasn’t ready to be a father, but…
But nothing. She tiptoed into the bedroom, and gently kissed her son’s head before turning off the lamp on his nightstand.
“Goodnight, sweetheart. Love you,” she whispered.
Her heart filled up and overflowed when he muttered, “Love you, Mom,” as he rolled over onto his side.
When she went back downstairs, she closed the living room door behind her. The last thing she wanted to do was wake him up. She certainly didn’t want to have to explain who she was talking to.
She sat down on the sofa, phone in hand. Her mouth went dry when she pulled up Tanner’s number. All she needed to do was tell him she understood why he’d reacted the way he had and to apologize for not having told him about Ashton from the beginning.
She swallowed. It sounded so simple, but … She jumped up and went to get her earbuds. Her hands were too shaky to hold the phone to her ear, and with Ashton in bed, she didn’t want to put Tanner on speaker. When she sat back down with her earbuds in her ears, she had no excuses left. So, she chickened out and sent him a text instead.
Everly: All done.
Tanner: Can I call now?
She let out a short laugh.
Everly: Yes please.
She let it ring twice before she swiped to answer.
“Hi.”
A lump formed in her throat when she heard his already familiar voice say, “Hey, darlin’. I … Listen, Everly. I’m sorry. Thanks for letting me call you.”
“Aww, Tanner. It’s not your fault, is it? I should’ve told you from the beginning.”
“No, I understand why you didn’t. You’re a mom. You have to be careful. I get it.”
“Thanks. But while that was true in the beginning, you were… I thought…” She squeezed her eyes shut, wondering how to explain it.
“Can I say it?”
“Sure.”
“I might be wrong, and I know it all happened so fast, but I thought you saw me as more than just some guy you met in a bar.”
“Oh, Tanner! You were so much more than that.”
“I was ?”
“Yes. We connected, there was something special there.”
“I thought so, too. But what I meant was … Is it a case of I was more than that, or can I still be more than that?”
“I … What do you mean?”
“I think you know what I mean, Ev. I don’t want this to be over.”
She had to swallow around the lump in her throat.
“I understand if I blew it. You can tell me. But…”
“You didn’t blow it, Tanner. If anyone did that, it was me.”
“No. I guess when it comes down to it, it was just circumstances. If we’d had a little bit more time, you would have told me when you were ready. I would’ve been surprised, but I need you to know that it wouldn’t have put me off.”
“No?”
“No. I know it’s easy to say now that I already know, but…”
“But you were honest when my dad asked you… You said that you’re not ready to be a father. And dammit, I hate how that sounds. I’m not asking you to be – I wouldn’t ask you to be. We still barely know each other. But if this… whatever this is between us… There’s no point in even thinking about any of it if… Ashton’s my whole world, Tanner. Even if you’ve discovered that you’re at the point in life where you want to have a family, you can go out and meet a girl and start a family of your own. Ashton and I are already our own little family unit. We’re a package deal.”
“I get that. I’d like to meet him. I don’t want to go out and meet a girl. I already met you. And you and Ashton being a package deal isn’t a problem for me.”
“But Tanner, only yesterday, you said that you’re not ready to be a father.” She was reminding herself of that fact as much as she was reminding him. She’d love to believe him, love to think that maybe he’d turn out to be the kind of father figure she wanted for her son. But that was crazy thinking, and she needed to remember that.
“I’m not denying it. It was true, when your dad laid it on me like that, I didn’t think I was ready. Because I’d never considered needing to be ready yet. Not until now. Until you. I didn’t think I was ready for a real relationship – but I figured that out in a hurry. And since you left, I haven’t thought about much of anything else. Obviously, I can’t promise you I’ll be great at it. I’ll have to learn, but the thing is… I want to learn, if you’ll let me.”
She covered her eyes with her hand. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Tanner. You’re an amazing guy. But I have to think about Ashton. About what’s best for him. And apart from anything else, you seem to be forgetting that we live a thousand miles apart.”
“I know. It’s crazy. But that’s not going to stop me. The only thing that’ll stop me is if you tell me that you don’t want me. If you say that you don’t want me in your life, or in Ashton’s life, I’ll leave you alone.”
She stared at the phone. “I don’t know, Tanner.”
“That’s a start.”
“It is?”
He let out a short laugh. “It is. I was dreading an outright no . Since you don’t know, can we at least keep talking while you decide?”
She smiled as she felt the tension leave her body. “Yeah. I’d like that. I really don’t know if this can go anywhere, but I’m not ready to say goodbye to you.”
“Then don’t. We can keep talking on the phone like this whenever you have the time. We can text. If you like, I’ll come down there and see you – meet Ashton…”
“Slow down. I need to take this one step at a time.”
“Right. I just need you to know that meeting him and coming to visit you are steps that I’m willing to take – that I want to take.”
“Okay.”
He sighed. “Am I going too fast? Coming on too strong?”
She smiled. “Kind of, but…”
“But what?”
He sounded so worried that she had to be honest with him. “It’s okay, I didn’t mean anything bad by it. What I didn’t know if I should say is that you going too fast and coming on strong isn’t scaring me off. What I’m worried about is getting too caught up in it. You already know how I feel about you, Tanner. That’s not the issue.”
“I get it. Ashton comes first. We can slow things down. Take our time. But you need to know that I’d like to meet him as soon as you think the time’s right.”
“Thanks.”
He chuckled. “No, thank you . Thanks for giving me another chance.”
“I wish you’d stop saying that. If you think about it, you didn’t do a damn thing wrong. I did . I should have told you sooner. And really, my dad was the one who brought things to a head. If he hadn’t shown up the way he did, I would have told you.”
Her heart sank. She was so caught up in this that she’d somehow forgotten – even before her dad had shown up, she’d gone to the ranch to say goodbye to him because she had to come home.
“Mind if I ask you something?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“Would you really have told me about Ashton? I went up to Remington Ranch after you left. They said you’d checked out in the morning. Were you planning on going home anyway?”
She blew out a sigh. “Yes, I was. My mom needed to go to Hawaii, and I needed to get back here for Ashton.”
He was quiet for a long few moments.
“And yes, I’m not going to hide anything else from you – I’ve learned my lesson about that – when I came to see you, I was coming to say goodbye.”
“I figured as much. Listen, Everly, don’t let me talk you into something that you don’t want. Just because I…”
“But that’s the thing – I do want to see where things can go between us. It’s just that I’m a practical soul at heart, and I have Ashton to think about. I didn’t think it was going to be easy to say goodbye to you, I just thought that it was for the best all around.”
“Do you still think that?”
“No. It might seem like the sensible thing to do but I don’t want to.”
“Okay then. I don’t want you to say goodbye. I want to see what we can do to move this thing forward. I… Fuck it! At the risk of making you think that I’m a crazy man, I’m going to tell you. I’m already falling for you, Everly. In some ways, we barely know each other – as we’ve already proven. But I feel like I know who you are in your heart, and who you are is right for me. I get that you’ll need to figure out if I’m right for you, and if I can be right for Ashton.”
She sniffed and swiped her thumbs under her eyes to catch the tears that were falling.
“Shit! Are you crying? I didn’t make you cry, did I?”
She chuckled. “It’s okay, they’re not sad tears. I just… What you said? It means the world.”
“I don’t know which bit you mean, but I didn’t say any of it for effect. It’s all true.”
“It’s alright. I know.”
“Good. So, what’s he like?”
She laughed. “Ashton? That was an abrupt change of subject.”
“Yeah. I figure we’ve waded through enough deep stuff for tonight. I want to know all about the little guy. What’s he like?”
“He’s a wonderful little person. I mean, I’m biased, of course, but he really is. He’s not a rough and tumble kind of boy. He’s on the quieter side – although, he has his moments. He likes to read. He’s kind of small for his age and he looks a bit skinny – although I have no idea why. I’ve never known a kid who can put away as much food as he does.”
She held her breath when Tanner laughed. If he made a joke about her precious son, this might all be over before it started. Ashton had been bullied by bigger kids in the past who called him things like weak, and puny. She bristled, prepared to defend him against whatever Tanner might say.
“And I was worried that we wouldn’t have anything in common. I used to get called the runt at school. I was lucky that I had Ford and Wade around. I was the shortest, skinniest kid in my class when I was small. And that’s not a good thing when you go to school with big, brawny farm kids.”
She had to laugh. “You’re joking, right? You’re just saying that to make me feel better, aren’t you?”
He laughed with her. “When are you finally going to stop thinking that I’m feeding you lines, darlin’? I’m dead serious – you can ask any of my family.”
“Aww. I can’t imagine that. But wait, you said that you were the captain of the football team.”
“Yeah, I had a major growth spurt in my sophomore year. I caught up to everyone else and grew taller than some of my old tormentors. But I was only the quarterback; I was never going to make it as a lineman or anything.”
“ Only the quarterback, he says.”
“You know what I mean. But this isn’t supposed to be about me – it’s supposed to be about Ashton. If kids give him any trouble, you can tell him that you know someone who was just like him and grew big enough to get his revenge in the end.”
She laughed. “I’m not sure I want to bring revenge into this – I don’t think that’s a great path for him to go down. But I bet you have some good stories.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, but I won’t share them with him until he’s older.”
His words brought her back down to earth with a bump. Were they really talking about Tanner still being around when Ashton was older?
“Sorry, darlin’. I’m not trying to get ahead of myself. I just like the idea of being able to help him out – I can relate. But go on, tell me more about him. What’s he into?”
“If you’d asked me last week, I would have said astronauts and space travel. But he chose a different book to read tonight.”
“What’s his latest thing, then?”
She smiled. “If you can believe it, cowboys.”
She could hear the smile in Tanner’s voice when he spoke again. “How about that? You know, if he wants to talk to a real cowboy instead of just reading books…”
She had to laugh. “Okay. I know. And maybe…”
“I’m not trying to be pushy, Ev, honest. But it could be a reason for you to introduce us, if you want to.”
She nodded slowly. She understood what he meant, but right now she was still catching up with the fact that this wasn’t goodbye.
“Too much?” he asked.
“No, just too soon.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I love that you’re trying. But …” She covered her mouth with her hand when a big yawn came out of nowhere.
“Yeah. You’re tired. I should let you go. You’ve had a long day.”
“I have.” Now that she’d started yawning, she couldn’t seem to stop.
“Can I call you again tomorrow night?”
“Okay.”
“Just let me know when the little guy’s in bed, and I’ll give you a ring.” He chuckled. “Unless you want to earn some cool-mom points with him by telling him he can talk to your cowboy friend on the phone.”
“Maybe.”
“Seriously. If you want to do that just text me anytime, and I’ll get somewhere quiet where I can talk to him.”
“Thanks, Tanner.”
His voice was lower when he spoke again. “It’d be my pleasure.” When she yawned again, he laughed. “Okay, I can take the hint. Goodnight, darlin’. And thanks, Everly. Thanks for giving us another chance.”
“Goodnight, Tanner. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”