Chapter Twenty-One
Tanner couldn’t help feeling a little guilty when he awoke on Saturday morning. The sun was already shining through the windows. He was shocked to see that the clock on the nightstand said it was ten after eight already. He curled his arm around Everly’s waist and drew her closer.
“Mm?” She blinked her eyes open and gave him a sleepy smile. “Morning. Oh!” She sat up in a hurry. “It’s light already! What time is it?”
“Ten past eight. Should I go and check on Ashton?”
“It’s okay. I’ll go. He’ll be awake by now.” She was already out of bed and pulling on her jeans. Tanner hurried to do the same.
“Sorry.”
“It’s hardly your fault that I slept in, is it?”
He smirked. “I kind of like to think that it is. Are you telling me that I didn’t wear you out?”
She laughed and pushed at his arm. “Okay, you may be right. But I didn’t exactly tell you no, did I?”
He chuckled as he fastened his shirt. “No. In fact, I seem to remember, sometime around two-thirty this morning, you were most emphatic with your yeses .”
She rolled her eyes. “What can I say? You’re kind of hard to disagree with.”
“Glad to hear it. Are you ready?” He was impressed that she dressed just as quickly as he did.
“I am. I feel bad – I don’t like to think of him sitting in his room, not knowing whether to get up or not.”
When they reached Ashton’s room, the door stood open, and the bed was empty. Everly looked a little concerned, but Tanner wasn’t worried.
“I bet we’ll find him in the kitchen.”
He was right. They hurried downstairs, but Tanner caught her arm when he heard voices coming from the kitchen. Ashton and Ford were having a good chat by the sound of it.
Everly cocked her head to the side to listen and smiled.
“So, you’re like the boss of all the cowboys?”
“I am. I like the cowboying part, but there’s a lot more to managing a ranch than working with the cattle.”
“So, you’re like a cowboy and a businessman?”
“I guess you could say that.”
“What’s your job called, then?”
“I don’t usually think of it like that. See, I’ve never thought of this place as a business. Even though you’re right; that’s exactly what it is. But to me, this place is about my family. But if I had to give my job title, I think I’d say that I’m a cattleman.”
Tanner smiled when Everly caught his gaze. He didn’t usually think of things that way, either. But he liked the way that Ford explained it. Sure, Tanner thought of all his brothers as cowboys – and his sisters as cowgirls. But while that title described an attitude, a way of being, and a way of life as much as a job, it didn’t cover everything. He hadn’t considered it before, but he liked the name cattleman for Ford. He wasn’t a boy, in any respect, and for as long as Tanner could remember, Ford had been the one in charge of the herd.
“Does that make Tanner a horseman?”
Tanner listened more closely to see how Ford might explain it.
“It does, although that’s not a word we tend to use.”
“But he’s the boss man of the horses, right?”
Ford chuckled. “He is. And not just the horses, but that whole side of the business. I told you how amazing he is with horses, but it’s much more than that. He breeds them and trains them and he sells some – the ones he sells bring in a lot of money for the ranch.”
That made Tanner feel good; sometimes he felt as though the others saw his breeding program as an afterthought – as though it wasn’t as important as the cattle.
“Tanner’s awesome!”
“He is,” Ford agreed with Ashton.
It hit Tanner that he probably shouldn’t be eavesdropping on the conversation. He’d only stopped because he wanted Everly to hear her son chatting away happily. It didn’t seem right to listen in on whatever his brother had to say about him.
He inclined his head toward the kitchen, and Everly nodded. That warm, buzzing feeling filled his chest again when they entered the room. Ford and Ashton were sitting at the big table. They each had a plate of bacon and eggs in front of them, and there was a huge stack of pancakes on a plate in the middle of the table.
Ashton grinned when he saw them. “Good morning, sleepyheads!” he called.
Everly went to him and kissed the top of his head. “Good morning, kiddo. I’m sorry I slept in. I didn’t realize how tired I was.”
“Good morning, bud, how did you sleep?” Tanner asked.
Ashton grinned at him. “Great. I love my room. You should have gone straight to sleep like I did. Then you would have been up early like me.”
Tanner froze, hoping that Ashton hadn’t heard why he and Everly weren’t sleeping. “You’re right,” was all he could think to say. “Do you want coffee, Everly? Need a top up, Ford?”
They both nodded, and Tanner hurried over to the coffee pot.
He cringed at the sound of Ashton’s laughter following him, and when the kid said, “I know why you stayed up late,” Tanner gripped the handle of the coffee pot tightly as he turned around slowly.
Everly had lowered her gaze, Ford was smirking, and Ashton was grinning at him. “When I sleep over at Ava’s, or she comes to our house for a sleepover, we stay up way too late talking, too.” He turned to his mom. “So, next time you tell us that we have to go to sleep, I’m going to remind you that you do the same when you get the chance.”
Tanner huffed out a relieved laugh, and Ford chuckled.
“I made enough eggs and bacon for everyone,” said Ford. “Everything’s in the warming drawer.”
“Thanks.” Tanner was grateful to him for making breakfast, and even more so for him moving the conversation along.
“Want to take a seat?” he asked Everly. “I’ll bring you a plate.”
“Thanks.”
She took a seat next to Ashton and he leaned his head against her arm. “Look, Mom. My plate’s empty. I ate my eggs and bacon. Can I have pancakes now?”
“I told him we’d best ask you before we filled him with sugar to start the day,” said Ford.
“Thanks,” said Everly. “You’re a wise man. None of us need to deal with this guy on a sugar high – or with the crash that comes afterward.” She gave Ashton a wry smile. “You can have one, but go easy on the syrup, okay?”
“Thanks.”
As Tanner returned to the table with the coffees, and a top up for Ford, he felt as though something settled inside his chest. It was such a domestic scene. He liked it – he liked it a lot.
~ ~ ~
Everly leaned on the top bar of the fence with a huge smile on her face. She was watching Tanner give Ashton his first ever riding lesson. She couldn’t help thinking of it that way. It was just a riding lesson – but in her mind it felt significant. It was his first, and part of her mind kept rushing forward to a time when she would look back on this as the first ever .
She shuddered as a shiver ran down her spine. Watching his eager little face as he listened to Tanner and did his best to follow his instructions, she could easily imagine him ten years from now, even twenty years from now – a young man. A young cowboy. The black cowboy hat that Ford had bought for him suited him. It had only struck her when she watched them in the barn together earlier that his hat matched Tanner’s.
She felt like she shouldn’t be getting so carried away. If she wanted to think about it rationally, she and Tanner barely knew each other. They lived a thousand miles apart. And she needed to be careful that Ashton wouldn’t get hurt. At the same time, she didn’t want to think about it rationally. She wanted to allow herself to be swept along in what felt like magic – the magic that was developing, not only between Tanner and herself, but amongst the three of them.
She’d become aware over the last couple of days just how desperately Ashton wanted to be part of a family. If she were honest, she’d also become aware of the same yearning within herself. It’d be all too easy to get caught up in imagining a future here for them.
She blew out a sigh. If she could, she might just be crazy enough to throw caution to the wind and go all in. The trouble was, she didn’t see how it was possible. Maybe if that interview had gone differently. If she had a job up here, even if it were over in Bozeman, then maybe. But she had to be realistic – even if she didn’t want to be. Her job was in Napa. Ashton’s school was in Napa.
“Hey, honey.” A rich, deep voice coming from right beside her startled her out of her musings.
She turned to find an older, stockier version of Tanner smiling at her. She smiled back, it’d be impossible not to.
“I’m Cash. You must be Everly. It’s good to meet you.”
She held out her hand to shake with him. “It’s lovely to meet you, too. And thank you – thank you so much for letting Tanner use your plane this weekend.”
The lines around his eyes crinkled when he smiled. His eyes were green, but a much lighter shade than Tanner’s. He must be around the same age as her dad, but that didn’t make him any less attractive.
“You’re more than welcome,” he said as they shook hands. “I hope you’re a hugger?”
The moment she nodded, he wrapped her in a hug. It was such a good feeling. He felt so solid and reassuring.
He chuckled, and she jumped back when Tanner called. “Watch it, Cash! That’s my lady you’ve got your arms around.”
Cash kept one arm around her shoulders and turned to grin at Tanner. “For now, maybe; I might need to steal her away…”
“Hey!” Everly was shocked to see Ashton turn the pony he was riding and trot over to them, with a big scowl on his face. “Leave my mom alone! We’re with Tanner!”
Cash let go of her and held both his hands up in the air. “Sorry Ashton! You’re Ashton, right?”
He nodded but continued to scowl at Cash.
Tanner jogged over to join them, and caught hold of the pony’s reins as he looked up at Ashton. “It’s okay, bud. This is my big brother, Cash. He’s only joking around. He wouldn’t try to steal your mom away from me.”
Ashton looked down at him before glancing over at Cash again. Everly could only watch. She wanted to reassure her son, but she felt like this was something that the three of them needed to straighten out between them.
Cash smiled at him. “He’s right. I was teasing Tanner because I know how he feels about your mom. He wouldn’t let me try to take her anywhere.”
Everly was relieved when he smiled at her and added, “And besides, it’s not as though any of us get to decide for her. Your mom’s the one who gets to say what she wants.”
Ashton met his gaze and held it. “You’re right. She does.” He looked at Everly. “And you want to be with Tanner, just like I do, right, Mom?”
As she looked around at the three faces watching her expectantly, it suddenly struck her as funny. “I do. And all three of you need to remember that I’m just another person. It’s not like I’m some prize that you get to fight over and win. No one’s against anyone else here – we’re all friends together.”
She hoped that would put an end to it, but Ashton didn’t look convinced. “We’re more than friends,” he said.
“That’s right,” said Cash. “We’re all family around here.”
Everly didn’t know what to say, so she kept quiet. Tanner and Ashton exchanged smiles and nodded at each other. She had to hope that her son wasn’t getting too attached to something – to Tanner, and to an idea of family – that might not last.
“Want to finish up our lesson?” Tanner asked.
“Yeah, watch this, Mom.” Ashton turned to Cash. “Are you a cowboy or a cattleman?”
Cash chuckled. “You been talking to Ford, huh?”
Ashton nodded.
“Well, he’s the cattleman. Me? I’m cowboy to the core.”
Ashton seemed satisfied with that answer. Everly was going to have to ask Tanner later why Cash’s words made him smirk the way he did.
“I’m going to be a cowboy,” Ashton told Cash before turning the pony and riding away.
Once he and Tanner were out of earshot, Cash turned to her. “Sorry about that, honey. I didn’t mean to upset him.”
“You couldn’t have known. His reaction surprised me.”
Cash studied her for a long moment. She let out a short laugh. “Go on, whatever it is, you might as well say it.”
Instead of laughing with her, he nodded slowly. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I need to say it. Seems to me that the two of them,” he jerked his head toward where Ashton and Tanner were now laughing together, “are all in. But I can’t get a read on you.”
She frowned.
“Like I said – not trying to be an asshole. I’m looking out for my brother and your son. If Tanner isn’t going to be the one for you, you should figure that out as fast as you can and tell them both. Otherwise, you’re going to have two brokenhearted cowboys on your hands, one big one, one small one.”
Everly’s heart pounded in her chest as she stared at him.
Cash shrugged. “Only you know how you feel, honey. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t string either of them along. If it’s not there, it’s not there. That’s just how life goes. You can’t change it – but you do need to be honest about it.”
She glanced over at Tanner and Ashton again. Cash had no idea how she felt. Seeing her son with Tanner made her heart fill up and overflow.
“It’s not that,” she said eventually. When she turned back to face him, Cash cocked an eyebrow.
“You want to know what I was thinking before you came along?”
He nodded.
“It sure as hell wasn’t that Tanner’s not the one for me. More like he’s so right for me that it’s scary. But… I have to be careful; you know? It’s like you said, Ashton’s heart’s on the line here, too. If you think about it logically, I’d be crazy to get too caught up in this. We barely know each other. It’s all happening so fast. There are so many practical details that…”
Cash smiled. “But you’re not a practical person – not at heart. I get it, you have to be that way for your son’s sake. You have to protect him, put him first. But what if this is as right as it feels?”
She blew out a sigh. “Even then. What…? How? I live in Napa. Ashton has school. It’s not as though we could just up and move here, or Tanner could come down there.”
Cash leaned his head to the side and studied her critically.
“What?” she asked when she couldn’t take the suspense any longer.
“What were your plans when you had the job interview?”
She didn’t even question how he knew about that. “Obviously, I thought that we’d move here. But I was being too optimistic about that.”
“How so?”
She made a face. “My dad lives around here. I was hoping that he might be able to help with Ashton if we moved here. But that didn’t work out.”
“It still could.”
She gave that some thought. She’d exchanged a few texts with her dad since she went home. He seemed genuinely sorry that he hadn’t shown up to meet her at Chico. He claimed to have a genuine reason why. It’d be easy to believe him, if he hadn’t refused to share the reason. He’d apologized for coming between her and Tanner the way he had, too. But …
“It’s complicated.”
“I don’t think it’s as complicated as you believe. Zeke’s a good guy. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that he’s still sober. And he won’t tell you why he didn’t show when he was supposed to meet you because he doesn’t want to worry you.”
Everly felt like she was scrambling to catch up. “You know him well, then?”
Cash smiled. “Yeah, honey, I do. We served together. For what it’s worth, I can relate to how you feel. He let me down a time or two, but I still love him and refuse to give up on him.”
Everly had to blink away the tears that pricked behind her eyes. “You honestly believe that he’s sober?”
“I’d stake my life on it. Do you plan to see him while you’re here?”
She chewed on her bottom lip. “I hadn’t thought about it. It’s not like we even planned to be here ourselves.” She glanced over at Ashton; he was listening intently as Tanner explained something to him. “I know Ashton would love to, but…”
Cash nodded. “I guess you just need to decide how brave you want to be, don’t you?”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Seems to me that there’s a whole new life on offer here for you, if you’re brave enough to take it.”
She huffed out a frustrated sigh. “If it were just a matter of being brave, that’d be easy. What scares me is messing up – getting it wrong. Not even for myself, but for Ashton. If I take a chance with Tanner, I run the risk of breaking my son’s heart. Same thing with my dad.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I just have one question for you.”
“What’s that?”
“Would you rather teach the little guy to live a small, safe life, or to risk getting hurt by reaching for the stars?”
She made a face at him. “I don’t think anyone ever aspired to living a small, safe life, did they?”
Cash chuckled. “Maybe not aspired, no. But when you look around, how many people are doing exactly that because they refused to take the risk of getting hurt?”
Everly smiled at him. “Thanks, Cash.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders again. “It’s my pleasure. That’s what big brothers are for.”