Moored off Korčula
Used as Natali was to the sea, she’d found it more than a little unsettling when Ana, who was so unflappable, had insisted they leave Mljet early due to reports of storms to the south.
But now, tucked into the relative shelter of the islands just outside Kor?ula’s harbour, and with Dida Krila doing no more than riding a little over-enthusiastically on her anchor, she wondered what the fuss had been about. She’d certainly seen worse.
Yes, the sky was dark in the direction they’d come from.
Yes, the breeze was whistling through the rigging, but Ana had pulled down the thick plastic curtains at the end of the salon to keep the weather out, so they were cosy finishing their supper, and Natali was quite content to listen to the conversation.
At least Ana had stopped trying to encourage her to join in.
Maybe she finally understood that she couldn’t.
Refusing a second glass of wine, Natali stood to clear the plates.
A squall of rain pattered against the windows.
If it was going to tip down, she needed to encourage Obi onto her little fake grass mat on the deck to do what she needed to do before they both got soaking wet, or worse, before Obi refused to go out at all. She hated the rain.
It took some cajoling and clicking of fingers to get Obi outside, even with no more than a few drops in the air. The moment Obi’s drooping tail had cleared the plastic sheets, Ana velcroed them firmly together.
“Sometimes you make me so ashamed,” Natali told the dog.
“Now get over there and have a pee before it really starts.” And start it would; the black clouds hovering over the mainland had grown so huge they had sucked the last of the day out of the sky, with only distant flashes of lightning piercing the gloom.
It was little wonder Obi was reluctant to leave the shelter of the fly deck, and after a few more minutes of fruitless persuasion, Natali picked her up and dumped her on the mat.
Putting her hands on her hips she glared down at her. “Isprazniti!” But her command was drowned out by a roar of thunder overhead. As she looked up, lightning split the sky, momentarily blinding her.
She rubbed her eyes furiously, but when she opened them the little green mat was empty. She spun around, but there was no Obi waiting by the closed flaps to be let back in, no Obi huddling in the footwell of the helm station. Where was she?
The Velcro ripped open, the plastic sheet flapping wildly as Lloyd flew out and raced past her to dive into the sea. Then Ana was next to her, screaming to look over the side because the swell was too large for Lloyd to spot Obi from the water.
Natali froze. No, no, this couldn’t be happening. Ana dragged her closer to the rail, the rough movement bringing her to her senses, and she threw herself towards the helm station at the stern while Ana took the bow, scouring the dark peaks and troughs for any sign of her dog.
Oh god, she’d drown! She’d drown! If only Natali could swim better, she’d jump in herself to look for Obi.
But what if she got into trouble too? Then Lloyd would surely come to her aid, and Obi…
Instead, she leant further over Dida Krila’s thick, wire guard-rails, almost overbalancing in her desperation, spray foaming upwards to meet her, stinging her eyes and making it so much harder to see.
“There! There, Lloyd, there!” Ana screamed. Natali raced to join her as she pointed frantically to where Lloyd’s head was only just keeping above the swell. “About three metres beyond you. She’s paddling! You can reach her!”
Lloyd’s arms curled through the water, the foam from his kicking legs flashing white in the lightning.
He was battling, battling, but closing the gap to where Obi was appearing then disappearing between the waves, at what seemed like the pace of a snail.
Oh god, Obi was tiny … so tiny. The wet fur clinging to her head had shrunk it to nothing.
She didn’t know how to swim. She’d drown.
Obi was going to drown. The thick wire cut into Natali’s fingers.
Thunder roared again, right over their heads, and Obi dropped further into the swell. And then, by some miracle, Lloyd was next to her, pulling her to his chest, then flipping onto his back before sculling one armed towards Dida Krila.
Ana shouted to Natali over the storm. “I’ll drop the ladder, you fetch towels. Loads – for both of them.”
When she returned on deck, Lloyd was at the bottom of the steps, handing Obi up to Ana, who took the struggling dog rather unceremoniously by the scruff of her neck.
“Don’t ever, ever, do that again,” she told her, but rather than anger, Natali saw tears in Ana’s eyes.
It was all that was needed to tip Natali over the edge into uncontrollable sobbing herself.
Oh, this was no good, no good at all. But she couldn’t help it.
Just couldn’t help it. Obi was her world …
her whole world… Her shoulders still heaving, she held out a towel and Ana took it, wrapping the folds around the dog, who was blinking furiously.
Then Lloyd was on deck too, breathing heavily and starting to shiver.
Lloyd, who had, without even a thought, jumped into the sea to save Obi. Natali pushed past Ana and hugged him.
He hugged her back ferociously. “It’s all right, little one, Obi’s going to be fine.”
“Thank you, oh thank you,” she hiccupped, as they remained locked together under the awning, Lloyd’s wet clothes soaking into her own.
Then she felt, rather than saw, Lloyd’s arm reach out and pull Ana and Obi into the embrace, and Natali sobbed all the more because these people were truly amazing and she’d go to the ends of the earth if they asked her to.
She clung to them both as tightly as she could.
She didn’t think she’d ever been hugged like this, and it was exactly what she needed right now.
It was only when Obi began to whimper that they pulled away.
“Now we’re all bloody wet.” Ana laughed shakily.
“I hope you don’t think I acted inappropriately,” said Lloyd, stepping back and putting a little distance between them, the guarded expression on his face making Natali sadder than sad. Why on earth would he be thinking that?
“Not as far as I’m concerned,” she said firmly.
“Nor me,” added Ana, “I think we all needed a hug after that.”
Lloyd nodded. “Good, good… It’s just … middle-aged men shouldn’t invade young women’s personal space like that, but under the circumstances … and, damn it, I bloody well miss a good hug.”
“You can hug me whenever you want,” said Natali. Right at this moment she’d do absolutely anything to make him happy. It was a brilliant bonus that she’d enjoyed the hug so much as well.
“Yeah, yeah, me too…” But Ana was staring at the floor.
“Look, I’m sorry I’m not, you know, as enthusiastic as you two are about this, but I’ve had issues in the past…
Not that I’m saying you’d cause any, Lloyd – you’re the last person, I know that…
” She stumbled to a halt. Cool, calm, grown-up Ana was suddenly as vulnerable as Natali herself could be.
“I think,” said Lloyd, “we all need to get dry, and have a hot drink. Maybe then we can talk some more.”
Ana nodded. “I think we probably need to. All of us.” Her eyes met Natali’s, and somehow she held her gaze for a moment and nodded.
Much as talking was still scary, something between them felt different.
Despite his selfless courage, in the moments after the hug Lloyd had sounded pretty uncertain.
He and Ana may be awesomely clever, but now Natali realised they had frailties just as real – and just as hard to articulate – as her own.
“I don’t know why I never thought of it before, Obi,” she said, as she towelled her down in their cabin.
“Maybe because I’m not used to being around clever people, or because I’m not clever myself.
” She sat on the edge of her bed, cradling the dog to her and marvelling at the revelation.
Did everyone find it hard to say things that mattered to them? Ana certainly seemed to have done.
“I mean, Obi, it’s not quite the same, because I struggle to say anything very much, but do you know what?
I’m going to try. To Lloyd at least, and to Ana if I can, although she’s a bit scarier…
” But was she? Was she really? All right, she could be a bit sharp at times, but she was the boss – that was her job – but underneath, she’d shown them she was a person too.
By the time they gathered around the salon table half an hour or so later, Natali’s adrenalin-induced confidence was draining away.
The storm had passed over, leaving a freshness on the breeze that whistled through the windows, which Ana had opened a little to clear the fug.
It wasn’t exactly cold, but even though Lloyd was bundled up in a jumper he still shivered every now and then.
“Are you all right?” Ana asked him.
He wrapped his hands further around his steaming mug of tea. “Sure. I think in part it’s the shock coming out. Everything happened so quickly. But as long as Obi’s OK, then all good.”
Natali fondled Obi’s ears, and the dog looked up adoringly from her lap. “She’s going to h-hate water all the more because of it, but I don’t think that’s too bad a thing.”
“It certainly isn’t,” said Ana. Silence covered the table, the closeness they had felt just a short time before slipping slowly away.
Natali could not let that happen. Lloyd had seemed to need it and she got that – he must be missing his wife terribly, after all.
But how … what could she say, to make it better?
It was Ana who spoke, sounding very uncertain. “Natali, can I ask you something? It’s quite personal, but I need an honest answer.”
“Of course.” She didn’t mean it, but Natali knew she had to do what Ana wanted, however tough it might be. Anything to pull the three of them together again. It felt so important.
Ana took a deep breath. “You don’t join in very much when we talk in the evenings, and I’m wondering why.”
“Because I don’t have anything to say. You’re both … you’re so clever, so educated, and me … I’m nobody.”
“Never say that!” Ana blazed. “Of course you’re somebody. You’re the best damn crew member I’ve ever worked with, for a start.”
Natali’s mouth hung open. “But I’m so stupid…”
Lloyd reached out and patted her arm. “You’ve never struck me as stupid, not once. My guess is someone’s been telling you that you are.”
“At school … my stammer … I was teased … but it didn’t matter because I wasn’t very good at anything anyway.”
“Academic achievement isn’t the be-all and end-all,” Lloyd said.
“But you’re a teacher!”
“Which is why I get it. Not everyone’s suited to sitting in a classroom and passing exams; some of my brightest pupils went on to excel at practical things instead. Like you, Natali. The problem is, the system seems geared to make you ashamed of your skills, rather than proud.”
“Lloyd’s right,” added Ana. “You need to believe in yourself. And I’m sorry if I’ve been less than patient with you at times.
I was worried you were unhappy, and I’m new to being in charge – it’s a learning curve for me and I have to admit it’s been pretty stressful.
Even though I’ve skippered charter boats, there was always someone back in the office telling me what to do and how to do it. Now I’m on my own.”
“This is the happiest I’ve ever been in a job, and I’m so sorry if you thought otherwise,” said Natali.
“If I’m quiet it doesn’t mean I’m sad. I really wanted to explain that on the very first day but I couldn’t find the words.
I can never find the bloody words. And when I do, I just stammer all over them. ”
“Do you realise,” said Ana, “that you haven’t stammered once this evening? I mean, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’m glad Obi fell into the water, but at least you’re talking. I mean … we’re talking.”
“I’m glad we hugged too,” said Natali, her voice sounding small. “I liked it.”
Lloyd sighed. “I did as well. Jenny, Ruth and I were a very tactile family and I miss it.” He looked down. “I miss being able to talk about Jenny too. I should have said, when I told you I’d lost her… I’ve always spoken about her freely. It’s … comforting, I suppose.”
“I think I speak for Natali as well when I say you can hug us any time you want. And talk about Jenny. Of course we’d love to know more about her. I knew something wasn’t quite right with you either, Lloyd, and that explains it,” said Ana. “God, I’m so useless at this.”
“No, you’re not,” Lloyd replied. “You’re just feeling your way.
We’re all feeling our way. But it will be better now we’ve been honest. We can kind of help each other along.
You said you were on your own, Ana, but really you’re not.
We’re in this together.” He stretched his hands across the table and took Natali’s in his left, and Ana’s in his right.
And Natali knew, absolutely knew, that the thing to do was join up the circle.
As Obi settled further into her lap, she squeezed Ana’s fingers and vowed to herself that she’d do everything she possibly could to make this closeness last all summer long.
After all, if she couldn’t exactly find the words to tell the others how grateful she was to them, there must be plenty of ways to show them.