Ston #2
Sranje! She needed to get over herself. It was nobody’s fault but her own that she hadn’t explained to Pajo she’d misunderstood the party was today, and that she already had plans. She was the fool, all right, so she needed to quit being miserable and make the best of it.
Back on the island’s narrow pebble beach, she wrapped her sarong around her, then joined two other girlfriends from her schooldays in setting out salads, bread and pastries on the plastic table which had been carried from the boat.
They topped up each other’s wine freely as they worked, chatting all the time, mostly praising their children and moaning about their husbands.
“What it is to be single!” Ana laughed.
“So you’re not back with Pajo? We did wonder, seeing you together.”
“No. He just thought I might like to come along.”
“Do you think you’ll ever settle down?” Renata asked.
Tanja snorted. “Not if she’s got any sense. You’ve grown, somehow, Ana, since you got that boat of yours. Not trying to run around keeping everyone else happy anymore. God, I envy you your freedom.”
Renata rolled her eyes. “What’s Spiro done now?”
“You mean apart from coming home razvalio last night and waking the kids?”
“You should be used to that by now, my friend. At least it’s only on Fridays.”
“But every Friday? What if I wanted to go out?”
Renata shrugged. “Then go on a Thursday.”
Tanja put her hands on her hips. “Whose side are you on? Show some solidarity, woman. It’s horrible! He gets all loud and clumsy … not to mention randy, and totally incapable of following through. Then the bedroom stinks of beery farts in the morning.”
Ana shuddered. “That does sound disgusting.”
Tanja folded her arms. “Stay single.”
“No, but honestly,” said Renata, “I don’t know how I would have got through my mum dying without Luka.
He’s my absolute rock. To know someone loves me as unconditionally as she did …
it’s made all the difference. Knowing he’s there, whatever happens.
And yes, of course we row. Of course he can be a pain in the arse, but I guess I can as well. ”
“All right, Mrs Loved Up.” But Tanja was laughing and sloshing more wine into their glasses. “Spiro owes me. My turn to get pissed and he can look after the kids.”
So amongst married women, the jury was split.
How on earth was she expected to make any sense of it?
And even supposing your marriage was good, like Renata’s, you were still tied to the other person, had to consider their wishes.
And children multiplied that tenfold. Ana watched them now, playing on the beach, half a dozen of them running in and out of the water, and two little girls on the edge of the scrub collecting pine cones.
Their serious searching, interspersed with giggling and whispering, was certainly cute and she found herself smiling.
But that was all. Nothing she might regard as a tug of maternal feeling.
Then why did she think she might want kids?
Oh, there were reasons, of course there were: the look in her mother’s eyes when she held her friends’ grandchildren, for one; and that fear of her biological clock ticking away; and of leaving it too late.
Or was her reluctance more to do with feeling completely inadequate when it came to shouldering parental responsibility?
Seeing a family as a tie, and not the joy it should be.
She didn’t have much experience of responsibility, full stop.
Her jobs throughout her twenties had been interesting and varied, but she’d never stayed long enough in any of them to get a promotion or forge a career.
It hadn’t mattered. Not until the great wake-up call almost five years ago, when Dida was dying and she’d had to make the biggest decision of all.
The biggest until now. And much as she wouldn’t change buying Dida Krila for the world, she did have to acknowledge that in practical terms it hadn’t been her finest hour.
She hadn’t thought it through, not really, and now she was teetering on the brink financially, reliant on a project that wasn’t going too well.
She couldn’t make the same mistake over the husband and children thing, that was for sure.
The implications would be even more disastrous.
At least with Dida Krila she had a get-out.
If she joined the family business, she may lose her freedom, but she’d keep her boat.
She glanced over to where Pajo was chatting to Janko.
He saw her and waved, his face lighting up.
If she did decide she wanted a family, then he was definitely her best shot.
And if his behaviour was anything to go by, he was keen on the idea.
And she liked him – she did. When she wasn’t being so narky with everybody.
They’d always been good mates. She knew his faults.
Maybe he could be a bit overbearing and arrogant, but only when he was showing off.
There were worse faults in a man, that was for sure.
Same family background, same friends. No unpleasant surprises.
She slapped down the little voice telling her there’d be no surprises at all.
With a bit of effort on both sides, she and Pajo could make it work, she knew they could.
As a means to an end, at least. In many ways it made perfect sense, so until she’d made up her mind one way or the other, she’d better stop being such a sourpuss and be sociable. Enjoy the rest of the day.
Picking up her wine glass, she wandered over to join him.