Šipan
It was not often that Ana studied herself in the mirror on the back of the bathroom door, but tonight was an exception.
Her hair may be a little damp from her shower, but at least she looked as though she’d made an effort in a short denim skirt and turquoise top with a subtle sequin design.
She laughed to herself. Not that she needed to show off her legs to Ra?.
He’d seen her in a bikini any number of times.
Tonight, another piece of the jigsaw that was her future would be put into place.
One way or another. Ra? as a lover, or as a friend?
She knew which she wanted, not just because he was attractive, but because he was like her.
And his acceptance of who he was, and his honesty about the downsides, had shone a light on her own future in a way no one else – not even her dida – had.
But rather than blowing her family apart, telling her parents of her plans had made Ana feel closer to them than ever.
Having made her own, she felt better able to support Natali in the big decisions she had to make and that was another bonus.
She just had to cross her fingers and pray that the library’s strong finish to the summer was enough to convince Ivana not only to carry on with the project, but that she was the person to run it.
Lloyd and Natali were finishing their supper in the salon, and it was a joy to hear their animated conversation drift down the stairs. She checked the clock on her phone. Time she was going. She ran up the steps and stopped in front of the table.
“You look stunning,” Natali said, her face full of admiration.
Lloyd winked. “You’ll do.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ll have to.”
After ruffling Obi’s ears, she headed across the deck then jumped onto the quay, her bag swinging from her shoulder. Would she be back tonight? Most likely, but just in case, her toothbrush and a packet of condoms were nestled next to her phone and purse.
Already the sun had dipped below the islands, the intense heat of the day fading into a comfortably soft and warm dusk.
The bar on the edge of the square was buzzing, and children still played on the beach, running in and out of the water and splashing each other amid gleeful cries.
Another two weeks of high season to go. Another eight days of the library.
Ra? was perched on the wall outside the peka restaurant she’d passed on her way to the winery.
Seeing that he was wearing a white linen shirt over chinos, she was glad she’d dressed up a bit too.
For a moment he looked uncertain whether to kiss her cheek or shake her hand, so she made the decision for him and leant in, brushing her lips over his skin and inhaling his earthy aftershave.
The waiter led them to a table in the far corner of the restaurant, which was already filling up with locals and tourists alike.
“The peka smells amazing,” she told Ra?. “They were cooking it the first time I walked past and I’ve wanted to try it ever since.”
“Their wines are excellent too,” he replied, grinning.
“Then I assume we’re drinking something local.”
“Very local, given you can practically see my winery from here.”
She settled opposite him. “Do you only ever drink your own?”
“Oh no, I taste as widely as I possibly can. In fact, in November I’m heading to Lyon for a massive wine fair and to visit a few growers in the south of France.
In some ways their climate’s not dissimilar to ours and I might be able to pick up a few new varietals.
” He stopped. “But I don’t want to bore you. ”
“Why would it be boring? It’s your passion.”
“The fact is, Ana, it’s a very long time since I’ve taken anyone out to dinner, and I’m a little worried I only have one topic of conversation.”
She smiled at him. “Then why not ask me about my day?”
“Sranje! I didn’t realise I was that rusty. Where are my manners?”
“It’s fine. And my day was fine too, actually. We were on Lopud and that’s always a busy one for Lloyd and the library. And busy is good.”
The waiter returned, and Ra? suggested that Ana choose their peka and he would choose the wine.
It was no choice at all, given there was octopus on the menu, and before long a round, flat metal dish was in front of them, filled to the brim with potatoes, tomatoes, herbs and deliciously soft tentacles.
“Wow,” said Ana. “This is one of the best I’ve had.”
“The food or the wine?”
“You’re not going to rest, are you? Of course I mean the wine.”
“I’m so one-dimensional.” He laughed, but his eyes didn’t meet hers.
“You’re really not. But now we’re eating, let’s cut to the chase. Tell me why you’re not dating at the moment.”
“It’s because of Manda. I think I said …
I’m carrying a fair bit of guilt about the break-up, and underneath it all, I’m pretty sure Jelka is too.
Whatever our differences, it wasn’t Manda’s fault and we want to have as much of a family life as we can for her, which means not introducing extra people into the equation.
Jelka went out with someone for a while last summer and it made Manda very insecure, so we agreed that for the next couple of years at least, we wouldn’t.
Besides which, we spend Christmas together, go on holidays together…
It wouldn’t be fair on a new partner. Someone like you definitely deserves better. ”
That did sound like a pretty emphatic no, but looking across the table at Ra?, Ana reckoned it was worth probing a little further.
She admired the way he knew what he wanted; it was both reassuring and seriously attractive.
If he didn’t want her, that would be another matter entirely.
But she had a sneaking suspicion that he did.
“You can’t possibly talk about what I deserve, because you don’t know what I want. And, equally important, what I don’t.”
He put down his fork. “Then tell me.”
“I will. But first we need to agree that whatever happens we’ll be totally honest with each other about our wants, needs and no-go areas. Not just tonight, but in the future, whether we move forwards as friends, or as … something else.”
“Sure. I mean, why wouldn’t we be?”
“Because sometimes people make things complicated by second-guessing the other person and doing or saying what they think they want. I know, because it’s a big fault of mine, one of many I’m working hard to get better at.
I’m more likely to backslide on this than you, so the promise is as much for me as anything. ”
“You mean you have faults? Now I’m really intrigued.”
But for her, it wasn’t the moment for joking.
“You have your vines, I have my boat. My work can take me all over Dalmatia and that’s just how I like it.
I crave that freedom. I don’t ever want to settle down to family life in the traditional way.
And yes, I am sure about it. I had a narrow escape this summer and I won’t even be considering it again.
So if dating means chugging along with a view to marriage or similar, then no, I don’t date either.
” She took a mouthful of peka. “This octopus is spectacular. How ever do they get it this soft?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Oh, so you want to hear more?”
“Sranje, Ana, you know I do. You sit there looking so bloody gorgeous, and I know you have legs up to your armpits under this table, then you tell me half a story that has me absolutely hooked.”
Ana burst out laughing. “I knew that day on the beach when you told me your vines were the reason you were put on this earth that I’d found a kindred spirit.
I’m happy to be second on your list, third, to your daughter, because that’s about where you’d be on mine.
I don’t want you to put demands on me, and I won’t put any on you.
We may not even see too much of each other because of our priorities.
But I think any time we do spend together could be really good. ”
“It could … I know it could.” He was looking straight at her, but his eyes were troubled. “Tell me, Ana, do you have a man in every port?”
“No! That isn’t me at all, and if you want to play the field and have me around too, then we should just stay friends.”
“Well that’s a relief. I don’t have the energy, or the desire, for those sorts of games. It’s just … oh, I don’t know, it’s hard to see how it might actually work.”
She hadn’t quite imagined this much resistance. Had she read him wrong? But having come this far she wasn’t giving up now. She gripped her fork harder, but kept her tone light. “In what way?”
“I don’t just find you attractive, Ana, I really like you as a person.
You’re right about being kindred spirits – we have a proper connection.
The way you feel about the sea … it’s exactly what I feel about my little patch of land, and I’ve never met anyone…
I felt so bad when I blurted out about dinner that morning, but I didn’t want to let you go without … I don’t know.” He shrugged.
She relaxed just a little. “And now here we are.”
“Yes.” But his eyes were still filled with doubt.
“Keep talking, Ra?, keep talking,” she encouraged him.
“OK, but what if we start, and our relationship develops differently for each of us. What if, perhaps, one of us wants more, or less, than the other. What if, maybe, even, one of us falls in love?”
“But you never know how it will pan out when you start anything, do you? There’s always that risk.
I know you’ve been hurt by how your marriage ended, and you’ve told me about the baggage you carry because of it, so if you’re not ready to try again just yet then I’ll honestly respect that and shut up and enjoy the rest of my peka. ”
“But … I don’t want to let you pass me by.”
“Look on the bright side, Ra?. If it all falls apart, you still have your land and your daughter, and I still have Dida Krila.”
He laughed. “There is that. Ana, I must be completely mad, prevaricating like this. An intelligent, sassy, beautiful woman is offering me the kind of relationship I didn’t even know I wanted, yet will suit me down to the ground, and all I’m doing is questioning it.
What I should be doing is grabbing it with both hands. ”
“If you need time to think it through, that’s fine.”
He stood slowly, arranging his cutlery on his plate and wiping his hands on a paper serviette.
Oh god, he’d taken that literally. A jolt of horror shot through her – she’d felt like she was almost there and instead she’d totally messed this up.
He was going to walk away right now. But instead he leant across the table and kissed her full on the lips.
Firmly, confidently, in a way that ran rills of heat deep into her belly.
When he finally pulled away, she all but slumped back into her seat. “So you don’t need time?” she said, trying to stop her voice from sounding as weak as she felt.
“Only to finish the wine.” Still standing, he drained his glass. “Shame to waste it.”
She stood and did the same. The peka was only half-eaten, but she didn’t care. His sudden impatience matched her own, the idea he’d probably keep surprising her taking a delicious hold. Much as she found she wanted to surprise him.
Ana’s whole body felt like it was on fire as they left the restaurant, Ra?’s arm casually draped over her shoulder.
Without even asking, he turned right towards the winery, walking in silence along the path until he reached a gate leading into the olive grove.
He stopped, putting both hands on her shoulders.
“You’re sure? It isn’t me rushing you now?”
She brushed her lips against his. “No. Not at all.” Stepping back a fraction, she reached into her handbag. “Look, I even brought my toothbrush.”
“Oh, you presumptuous—!” He pulled her to him, laughing softly, kissing her again before holding the gate open and following her through.