Korčula
Lloyd lifted the last of the boxes onto the banquette and gazed around.
So that was that. Ten whole weeks, and now he’d packed up the island library for the very last time.
It seemed an age since he’d collected the stock from the tiny shop in Dubrovnik old town – there was certainly no new-book smell now.
In fact, some of the more popular titles – German clean romances with pastel covers and the English young adult fantasies Natali loved so much – were looking a little dog-eared.
It had all come good in the end. Yes, they still had some ground to make up on Mljet, but given he’d be teaching there over the winter it was definitely something he could work on.
He could still hardly believe he’d be going back into a classroom, working with children of all ages.
All right, it was only half a job, but it was a definite start, and he still had some savings that would prop him up until the other half came along, as Kristina assured him it would.
In his cabin he found himself prevaricating in front of the narrow wardrobe.
Just a clean polo, or the blue and white shirt he’d bought with Jenny at Marble Arch?
He wanted to wear it, yet to do so for another woman felt wrong.
And even if tonight was a celebration for the crew, if he was honest with himself, he would be wearing it for Mirjana. And that in itself felt mighty strange.
He sat on his bed and picked up Jenny’s photo from the shelf.
“So what do you really think?” he asked her.
“And how … how do I do this?” Oh, he was being ridiculous.
This wasn’t even a date. It just so happened Kristina had invited them to Konoba Pecaros.
The place that had been the beginning of his Croatian life all those years ago, now marked an end.
Except it wasn’t; not quite. It was a comma, or maybe a semi-colon, but not a full stop. This time he was coming back.
He searched Jenny’s features, the face so dear to him over the years, and still, in so many ways, the one he most wanted to see.
But he couldn’t, and he’d had to accept that quite some time ago.
It was just that now he was more at peace with it, more at peace with himself.
He remembered his darling Jenny telling him, quite close to the end, that he was too young not to live, not to love again; that more than anything she couldn’t bear the thought of him being lonely for the rest of his life.
He looked at the shirt again, and then at her picture.
“OK,” he said. “Baby steps. But I’m going to try.”
He kissed her nose, as he did every night, and set it back in its place.
* * *
The sun was low over the far side of the island as they set off along the quay towards Konoba Pecaros, the gentle chink and tinkle of the masts of twenty or so yachts accompanying them.
Natali wrapped her arm around Lloyd’s waist. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
He looked down at her fondly. “I’m coming back in a fortnight.”
“I know, I know, but it won’t be the same. I don’t think anything’s ever going to be the same as this summer.”
“You can say that again,” said Ana with some feeling.
“You sound as though you’re glad it’s over.” Lloyd was only half joking.
“Well of course, in some ways I am. It’s been tough. Really tough. For you more than anyone, Lloyd. But of course, I forget, you’re practising for your sainthood.” She rolled her eyes.
“Not at all. It wasn’t Mirjana’s fault. Let’s face it, Ana, if you found out one of your friends was employing someone you knew to be dishonest, wouldn’t you tell them? So they were at least on their guard?”
“I suppose so. I guess I’m just a bit grouchy because we’ve come to the end of the road. It’s been just the best working with you guys.” She smiled at Natali. “At least you, me and Obi get to stay together a bit longer.”
“And hopefully next summer we’ll be doing it all again,” said Lloyd.
“The jury’s still out on that one.” Ana grimaced. “I can’t see Ivana making a quick decision either. She’ll play me like a cat with a mouse. Get a kick from the power.”
Already they’d reached the headland, where a yellow taxi boat was collecting its passengers to take them into Kor?ula town for the evening.
The tourist season was about to change gear, as children all over Europe went back to school.
Now the visitors would be the youngest of families, the retired, and empty-nesters like him.
Lloyd was going to have a holiday too. He’d decided to drive from London back to Ston, and Ruth was taking time off to come with him.
They’d had such fun on their nightly calls, planning and tweaking their route: Bruges, the prettiest part of the Rhine valley, then the Black Forest and down through Austria to Zagreb, Croatia’s capital, with the final night in Split.
It was going to be wonderful spending all that time with his daughter.
His heart ached to see her and despite all the goodbyes, he could not wait to get on that plane on Sunday.
Konoba Pecaros came into view just along the quay, the fairy lights on the terrace beginning to twinkle as the sea turned a deeper shade of blue and the last rays of the sun reflected orange-pink on the parched hillsides of the Pelje?ac opposite.
“Never in a million years did I think we’d be coming here,” said Ana, “or that Kristina would be buying. What a difference three weeks makes.”
“I expect she feels guilty about not believing Lloyd,” said Natali.
“Maybe. But she doesn’t have to. Hopefully it’s just a thank you for the way we kept the library going in the face of it all – even though in the end it was a close-run thing,” Lloyd replied. “Anyway, we’re here now and I, for one, am looking forward to a seafood pizza.”
They climbed the steps and Mirjana bustled forwards from the bar to welcome them. “Kristina’s on the terrace and I’ve put out some Grk wine. You have to go local on your last night.”
Lloyd grinned at Mirjana. “Thanks so much. Are you able to join us?”
She shook her head. “Not now. It’s much too busy. But it should quieten down later.” She touched his arm. “I’d like the chance to say goodbye.”
“I am coming back, you know.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“Mirjana…”
“I’m joking! This time I have your phone number, remember? There’s no escape.”
He followed the others to the table, and once they had ordered their pizzas, Kristina asked Ana about her plans for the winter.
“Natali and I can keep going with chartering and day-boat hire until the middle of October, which is when she expects to start her new job anyway.”
“And what’s that?” asked Kristina.
Natali smiled shyly. “I’m going to be a live-in carer for a lady I know. She had a stroke and although she’s doing quite well she’ll never be able to manage alone.”
“And Natali’s going to study too, aren’t you?” Lloyd added.
“Yes. I didn’t get good grades at school so I’m going to do one of the new adult programmes online. I’d like to qualify properly as a mechanic if I can.”
“Natali’s amazing with boats,” said Ana. “She can fix anything more or less instantly. It’s quite a gift.”
“Well, good luck to you, and if you need any help you only have to ask. I know almost every teacher on this island, and the high school in Blato runs a course in mechanics.”
“Thank you, that’s really kind. I do have Lloyd to help me, but perhaps engines are not his thing.”
“They’re certainly not!” Lloyd laughed.
“And how about the rest of your winter, Ana?”
“Some of it will be spent sorting out the mess my father always makes of his paperwork, but what’s really exciting is I have the chance to tender for a water-quality survey in Malostonski Bay, so I’d be out on the boat a couple of days a week.
” She frowned. “The thing is, I need a reference from this project and I’m not at all sure what Ivana might say. ”
“She’ll be fine,” said Kristina. “Anyway, I’ll make sure she is, as long as this new work won’t stop you running the library next summer.”
Lloyd sat back in his seat. “You really think it might happen?”
“Well my recommendation is that it does, and having spoken to your new boss on Mljet, his will be too. They never even consulted him on where to put it, you know? Idiots.”
“And the smaller islands have done very well, on the whole,” Lloyd mused.
“Then everything will be fine,” said Kristina firmly. “Look, here are our pizzas.”
A young waiter brought Ana’s and Natali’s, Mirjana following behind with the others. She placed Lloyd’s in front of him with a flourish.
“Your favourite.”
Ana stared at it. “But you ordered seafood.”
Lloyd looked up at Mirjana and grinned. “I don’t think you’ll find this one on the menu.”
“My chef nearly mutinied when I asked him to cook the panceta. He said frying the egg was bad enough.”
Lloyd’s eyes were unusually moist as he spoke. “Thank you. Thank you for remembering.”
“Right. I’m busy. Enjoy your meals everyone.”
As Mirjana walked away, Ana nudged him. “So what’s this all about?”
“The day her father asked me to work for him, he cooked me bacon and eggs for breakfast, except, of course, the panceta was raw and I was afraid to eat it. In England, back then we thought we had to cook pork until it was hard and dry for it to be safe.”
Kristina beamed at him. “I never had Mirjana down as much of a joker.”
“Oh, I don’t know. When she was younger…
” Before. Before everything had happened to change her, but Lloyd knew for sure that something of the girl he’d fallen in love with was still there somewhere.
But he wasn’t looking for the past. He wanted to get to know the woman Mirjana was now; every layer that life and experience had added and shaped.
“Well I think it’s romantic, her remembering,” said Natali.
Lloyd shrugged. “I know who’s winning in the adoring gaze stakes right now,” he said, looking down. “No, Obi, you know the rules. You get the last bit off my plate and nothing before.” He tousled the soft fur between the dog’s ears. “But I’ll make sure it’s meaty, OK?”
* * *
Leaving the konoba’s staff clearing the last few tables, Lloyd and Mirjana strolled along the quayside in the direction of Bilin ?al Beach. A fishing boat chugged from the harbour to begin the night’s work, and in the distance, through the islands, the lights of Orebi? shimmered.
By silent mutual consent they sat on the bench closest to where they’d first kissed, the gentle movement of the water licking the rocks below.
“I will come back, you know,” Lloyd said.
“I know.” She paused. “Well, of course I know really, but my stupid head just keeps playing forward all the things that might stop you this time.”
“The most likely of which is my car breaking down as it’s barely been used all summer. But Ruth’s just had it serviced so it should be fine. It’ll have to be. I start work again on September 20th, and that’s already a couple of weeks later than they asked me to.”
“You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” By the tone of Mirjana’s voice, the question wasn’t entirely rhetorical.
“Yes. It won’t be easy living away from Ruth, but she needs her own life. She’s put far too much on hold for me since Jenny died, and since I’ve been away she’s been going out with her friends, dating even. Like women in their twenties are supposed to.”
“Krasna’s younger and she’s getting married next year.”
“Then she’s lucky she’s found the right man.”
“Before Milo died too. It helps her to think her father liked him.”
Lloyd sighed. “It makes me sad that Jenny will never know how Ruth’s life pans out. More than sad really.”
Mirjana’s hand crept across the bench and took his. “When you come back, you must talk to me more about her, and I will tell you properly about Milo. It feels important, although I couldn’t say why.”
“Maybe … maybe because … and I could be getting ahead of myself here, but if we, you know, decide we might try again, we need to recognise what’s gone before. Jenny and Milo will always be part of us, always walk alongside us.”
She didn’t reply, didn’t look at him, just gazed out over the dark, shimmering water.
God, he was such a fool. He’d already told himself it wasn’t that long since she’d lost Milo.
What was he thinking? He knew he’d stuff this up.
The silence stretched, but then he realised Mirjana’s hand was still in his, and it gave him the courage to speak.
“It’s too soon for you, isn’t it?” he said. “I should never have mentioned—”
“Of course you should. It’s what we’ve both been thinking. I saw it in your eyes the day we went to the old barracks, and I was scared. Really scared. Because I felt it too. That old pull. It hadn’t gone away.”
“So?”
She squeezed his hand. “You need to come back first.”
“And I will.”
They sat for a while longer in silence, the deep velvet blues of the Mediterranean night surrounding them, neither of them willing to break the moment.
Eventually Lloyd said, “If I need to come back, then first I’ll have to go.”
Mirjana nodded and they stood as one, still holding hands as they strolled back towards the village, the full moon guiding their way.