Chapter 18 Kai
Kai
It was me. I was wrong.
I was the king, for Fate’s sake! I should be able to control my emotions…
I tensed, despite Hannah being in my arms. I’d burned through the lorn leaf I’d taken mere hours ago. How was that even possible?
It had to be because of her.
Now, here I was, full of emotions that weren’t numbed and a raging dick with a mind of its own. My decisions would be compromised until I could take more of the vital herb.
Guilt weighed on me. I tried to think about blood, guts, and strategy, but I couldn’t focus because I was enjoying holding her.
And that was the problem. My kingdom had just been attacked.
I needed to be planning, anticipating threats, and forming solutions.
Innocents died when their leaders became emotional, even if it was for a good reason.
And I was holding one of the best reasons ever.
With the heat of her skin against mine, the softness of her curves pressed to my chest, and her scent threading through the smoke, I couldn’t focus on anything but her. My dick hardened to the point I feared it might explode.
I gritted my teeth and shifted my hips back to put distance between the evidence of my arousal and her body. The last thing I wanted her to do was wake up with it poking her bruised stomach.
She murmured something unintelligible and pressed closer. Her fingers curled against my ribs as if she were anchoring herself to me, and a low groan escaped my throat before I could stop it.
This was torture. Exquisite, maddening torture. And all I wanted to do was break, but she deserved better than that after everything she’d endured.
I was a king, damn it! A war king. A leader whose people looked up to him. And she was undoing me just by lying here.
I forced myself to remember the bruises I'd seen, the raw skin, all the damage done to her in such a short time. Rage flared, hot and welcome, burning away some of the lust.
Those soldiers who had struck her—I would find them. I would make them suffer in ways that would make the Night Court's darkest dungeons seem merciful. Assuming they had survived the avalanche, of course. Yes, good. I could focus on that.
But even that fury couldn't suppress the bond's demands. It sang through my blood, a constant thrum that grew louder with every breath she took against my skin. My mate. She was my mate, and she was naked in my arms, and I was supposed to be protecting her, not fighting the urge to—
No. Absolutely not.
I was not some rutting beast. I was the king. I had control. Discipline! I would not dishonor her or myself.
Once I was certain she was deeply asleep, I eased myself from the bed, dressed, and walked back to the supplies.
I removed one of the enchanted flares, notched three lines into its side to indicate our location, and stepped outside in my bare feet to help cool my blood and stop thinking with my dick.
The enchantment kept the worst of the storm at bay, but the ground was still cold as frozen iron.
The storm still raged, snow driving sideways in sheets that obscured everything beyond a few feet.
The flare would work regardless of the storm, and I didn’t want Ashren risking himself and our forces searching for us in this weather.
Gavriel should have gotten back in time and warned the other force not to follow me directly to the avalanche, but Ashren would send out rescue parties to search for us soon after, taking into account the risk.
At least the threat of a full-on battle was no longer present.
I activated the flare and hurled it skyward, watching as it burst into brilliant silver light that shot toward the castle. Only certain individuals would be able to see it, and the mark of our location would be revealed only to them.
From the looks of this storm, we had at least another several hours before travel would be safe.
I stayed in the cold until my problem receded. It felt like eternity, but finally, I was able to return, stomping my snowy feet on the packed earthen floor. The caribou huffed as if it somehow understood what I was doing and found me pathetic. I couldn’t disagree. I was pathetic.
I couldn't stand there, staring at Hannah like some lovesick fool, so I turned my focus to the back of the house where a hearth held iron hooks and a blackened pot.
Above it, shelves were stacked with salt and wrapped bundles.
The supplies called to me, and I answered, pulling down wrapped bundles of dried meat, hard biscuits, a small pot of preserved berries, and a sealed container of seed cakes soaked in honey.
I worked without conscious thought, unwrapping, arranging, preparing portions despite my own belly screaming in protest. When Hannah woke, she would need food.
This was the best I could offer, and that grated on me.
Mead and liquor would offer more bite and flavor, but it was probably best if she didn't have alcohol until she was fully recovered.
The fire crackled and popped, sending shadows dancing across the walls. I added another log, then a second, building the heat high. The caribou watched me with dark, knowing eyes as I moved past it to check the trough was full.
I came back to the food and set a plate aside for Hannah, covering it with a cloth. My stomach knotted tight with tension and something I refused to name.
The caribou's tack needed attention, so I worked on the leather straps, checking for damage, oiling the worn spots, adjusting buckles that didn't need adjusting. My fingers moved with mechanical precision while my mind circled back to Hannah with maddening regularity.
She shifted beneath the furs, and I froze. But she only sighed and settled again, her features slack with exhaustion.
Snow hissed against the wards outside. My city had been damaged, my people wounded, time was running out, the Night King would return…and still my thoughts circled back to Hannah like a moth to flame, burning each time they drew too close.
I paced the length of the cabin with my hands clasped behind my back to keep them from reaching for her.
The furs rose and fell with her breathing in a rhythm I found myself matching without meaning to.
Every few minutes, I stopped to check that her color remained improved and that the medicine was doing its work.
Each time I drew close, her scent wrapped around me like a snare.
This was pure, undiluted madness.
I had faced down armies and held my kingdom together through betrayal and war and the slow erosion of everything I'd once believed in. I had killed my own uncle with my bare hands and lived with the weight of that necessity every day since.
And yet, this strange, stubborn, infuriating woman from a world I didn't understand had reduced me to pacing like a caged animal in a way point.
I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes until stars burst behind them. The warm bond pulsed as a constant reminder that she was there, that she was mine, that I had nearly lost her, and that we had yet to solidify all that the bond demanded.
The caribou snorted, and I dropped my hands and glared at it. I didn’t need a beast’s commentary on this matter.
"Ugh..." Hannah’s voice came out raspy from sleep and cold damage.
I spun to face the bed. The furs shifted, and she lifted her head with her tangled hair wild against the dark pelts. Her eyes blinked open, unfocused at first, and then she took in the unfamiliar surroundings. “I was…” She pushed herself up on one elbow, wincing.
I was at her side before I'd decided to move. My hand hovered near her shoulder without quite touching. "You're safe. We're in the way point. Do you remember what happened?”
Her gaze found mine, and something in her expression softened.
“Thank you.” The firelight caught the amber flecks in her eyes, turning them to molten gold.
She was still pale, marked with cuts and windburn on her cheeks, but the waxy quality had left her skin, and her lips had regained their kissable pink color.
At least, the splits had fully healed. The bruises on her torso were the ones that worried me most because of their depth.
I startled, and my throat tightened. "You—" I shook my head, struggling to process her kind response. “You did not deserve to die in the cold. And you helped me protect my people. Even if you did refuse to return to the castle as you were ordered.”
She wrinkled her nose and looked up with half-lidded eyes. “Then you should have thanked me there and not barked at me like you owned me, King Grouchy Pants.” She stretched and yawned. The faint bruises on her forearms were still visible, but the darker ones on her shoulders had lessened.
My chest tightened, and my heart skipped a beat. Though I was scowling at her, she beamed that wry little smile of hers at me, pulling her lips up ever so slightly to the left in a way that cut straight through my heart. This woman was dangerous. She didn’t even know how much power she had over me.
The urge to tell her she was my mate rose within me again.
She had no idea what we were to each other.
Perhaps that was for the best. She had fallen into a new world where nothing was familiar to her, and now she was trapped with me.
Explaining mate bonds and all they involved would be a difficult business under these less-than-ideal circumstances.
Throwing her in an icy holding cell in my dungeon had not been the best of ways to make our introduction.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t bargain with her though.
I grunted and strode to the shelf. The cloth-covered plate sat waiting, and I carried it and a waterskin to her bedside, keeping my expression stern despite the warmth that threatened to crack through my facade.
"Here." I thrust the plate at her, pulling the cloth away to reveal the dried meat, hard biscuits, and preserved berries.
"It isn't much. The way points aren't stocked for fine dining, and I.
.." I cleared my throat, irritated at my own hesitation.
"I apologize that it isn't better. But you need to eat.
Your body requires fuel to finish healing.
Eat all of it, or you will see how grouchy I can be. "
She blinked at the offering, then at me.
Something unreadable flickered across her features, and she cocked an eyebrow.
“What? You’d throw me out into the cold after you rescued me?
Seems like a waste.” She pulled herself into a sitting position, keeping the furs tucked around her chest with one arm while she took the plate with the other.
Her movements were still stiff, careful, but steadier than before.
The medicine had done its work well. “Fortunately for you, I don’t like being hungry.
I love food, and I’m not picky. I don’t want to die either, so you won’t get a peep outta me. ”
A peep? What was that? I wanted to ask, but I was afraid of where the conversation would go. She used such odd sayings.
Still, I relaxed. For once, she wasn’t going to fight me on something.
She lifted a piece of dried meat between her fingertips and studied me. “Did you already eat?”
“You care?” My brows rose.
“Well, I don’t know my way out of here, and I don’t have the right stuff to survive.” She scowled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “So, I kinda need you alive. It’s rather unfortunate.”
I’d never struggled so hard to keep the corners of my mouth from lifting. “Ah, well, don’t worry. I could skip a few meals and be fine.”
“You aren’t answering my question.” She lifted her chin.
“And don’t lie to me. I can tell if someone’s lying.
” She tilted her head and popped the dried meat into her mouth.
The spark had returned to her hazel eyes, and they danced, even though I knew she had to be uncomfortable.
Muscle soreness wouldn’t vanish that swiftly, and the worst of the bruises would take at least two more days to heal.
“I would not disgrace myself with a lie, and I have tended to all my needs that could be satisfied.” I raised an eyebrow back at her, mirroring her expression.
She studied me, chewing the dried meat slowly. "That's not an answer."
“It’s the answer you’re getting.” I picked up the flask of whiskey and took a shot.
Not as good as lorn leaf by a long shot, but I needed something to quiet this storm inside me and chill the heat raging through my veins.
I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand.
“And we need to talk. You cannot try to escape again while we are out here. We are in the middle of the wilderness, and even if you took the caribou, you would have no chance of getting to safety before you froze to death or were torn apart by predators.” I paused, then lessened the gruffness in my voice.
“Though you would certainly make matters difficult for them, and I have no doubt that you would prove resourceful. You have done so at every turn thus far. You have a warrior’s spirit. ”
She stared at me, her brow still creased. With a dip of her head, she lifted the waterskin as if in a toast. “Go on.”
I took another drink of the whiskey, focusing on the burn and trying not to imagine what thoughts might be sliding through her mind or what it would be like to hold her again and test our spirits against one another as mates did.
True mates challenged one another to be better, smarter, and fiercer.
And she did all of that as easily as breathing.
“I have no desire to harm you. We started on the wrong foot, and your arrival was a…great surprise to me. But I don’t wish for it to remain this way.
So…I think it is time we made a bargain, Hannah of Tennessee. ”